Pain Like I've Never Felt...Really Struggling

[J_K_H]

I went through a breakup with my girlfriend of over a year about two months ago. I loved her to death and pined over her the entire time apart much to my friends chagrin. I finally went no contact with her and was beginning to heal, then she called saying that she wanted to meet up. After going out she told me that she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I was on cloud nine and couldn’t have been any happier while ignoring my friend’s warnings. I woke up yesterday morning to take her flowers and lunch and walk in to find her in bed with another guy.

 

So, for those of you hoping for a second chance; be careful. I was finally starting to do better while going no contact, but have now hit rock bottom. I have never felt the pain that is in my heart right now and unfortunately have two busy days at my job so I can’t take off. I’ll never understand why people will play on others emotions.

[funkybassplayer]

Its a horrible thing, but at least you found out and in time.

[J_K_H]

You're right. That's the one thing I have kept telling myself. For now though I couldn't sleep, can't eat, just feel worthless. I'm taking a week off work after my meeting tomorrow so I can go out of town and try to clear my head. Tomorrow afternoon can't get here quick enough.

[funkybassplayer]

ask your self why its made you feel worthless? try not to let her act de value yourself as a person. You will feel all this pain, its been 6 months 4 me, ans i have been a little slipping, but thats fine, as its a land mark. It does get better, and try to detach yourself, from her act. Ie its not cos of you she went with some1 else, but its her and what she thinks of herself.

[ncpd25]

JKH,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Of course, I've been on LS due to my ex doing a 180 and breaking up with me. I can't understand, for the life of me, what posesses individuals to say something ie: I'm in love with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and then a split second later, change their mind.

 

I think my ex is just really confused, has no confidence and is basically a lost soul, not knowing what to do with herself and how to act/react.

 

Do you think this could be the case with your ex? Has she been dealing with a lot of difficult decisions, circumstances in her life? Could she be unhappy with herself??

 

You realize this has nothing to do with you and she simply isn't thinking rationally or coherently.

 

As unfotunate as the circumstances are, you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off, move on and don't look back. If she can do something like that, she certainly isn't worth being spit on, if she was on fire.

 

Did she try to speak with you or call you after you caught her??

 

Listen, stay strong and keep posting if things get to crazy to deal with.

 

I wish you the best my friend.

[J_K_H]

You are absolutely right. I guess I should insert foolish in place of worthless. I have always been one to bend over backwards to make her happy and invested so much of my time into doing so and this is how I am rewarded.

 

She called from a number I didn't recognize last night tricking me into picking up. She continued to apologize saying it was the worst mistake of her life, but I told her to save her breath and I didn't care to talk to her ever again and I would write off the stuff that I had at her house because it wasn't worth enough to me to have to see or talk with her again.

 

I have been told from others that she has issues with insecurity and just in general isn't very happy with herself. She is 31 and still bartending while she has stated she would like to work a professional job, her desire to continue living the partying lifestyle has kept her from doing so.

 

I really do appreciate the kind words because I'm really in bad shape today.

[Ali4134]

Good job. It's great you're not using excuses to see her at all. Don't give in, you deserve so much better.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I cannot believe how cold & awful some people can be.

 

Try not to feel to much pain, but perhaps relief instead that your mind has been made up for you and you no longer have to deal with this anymore (easier said than done I know).

 

Look after yourself, distract yourself rather than sitting in thinking too much (this was key for me getting over things).

 

Awww hun I feel for you but things will be easier in time, someone out there is deserving of someone like you and you will find them once your ready too.

 

And perhaps one final thought - you have hit rock bottom, so now the only way is up from there .

 

Take care

 

I hope that all made sense.

 

x

 

x

[funkybassplayer]

did she do anything like this before? was she inscure and needy? did she always take but not give?

[J_K_H]

I have never known of her to have done anything like this before, but it certainly has me wondering and taking notice of some things that definitely hint that she has which disgusts me even more. I guess I was too naïve and allowed myself to keep my head in the sand because I really loved her. I had been told by my friends, and even some of her friends, that I treat her like a queen while she tends to treat me like dirt. Everything we did had to be on her terms. I guess I just allowed myself to focus on the good times together because those truly were fantastic.

 

That was a good point about being at rock bottom. If nothing else, having it happen this way has ended any desire of ever wanting to be with her again so that should definitely help in moving on.

 

I’ve always been told that my two faults are having too big of a heart and being too trustworthy. It’s pathetic that those qualities can be thought of as faults, but in this case it’s painfully obvious why they are.

[Ali4134]

I have those faults too. I always remain truthful and give my all when it comes to anyone that I really care about. Unfortunately, I always get taken advantage of.

[funkybassplayer]

me too! but look up co dependance, you like me could fit into this. it comes from an issue of low self worth? look it up and see. we get attracted to needy, and selfish women, b/c doing great stuff and twisting our self into a pretzel is a way for us to feel good? does this make sense? not excusing her at all, but sometimes we look for these women, b/c we can lavish love onto them, and feel good about ourselve. This is an issue that i worked on myself for 6 months now, and boy, when i date, i can see strait away the needyness in people, and that was what i looked over in the past, and ended up in very demanding and unhappy relationships. (well last one was)

[J_K_H]

I guess I fit somewhere in the co-dependency category, but one thing for sure is that I never tried to control her life. She could tell I was disappointed and/or hurt by her decisions at time, but I never once told her what to do. Everyone always told me that there is a give and take in every relationship and I was in one where I was the only one giving.

 

I’m upset with myself for longing to be with someone that doesn’t truly care about me even when everyone tried to tell me I needed just to move on. Writing all of this actually has been somewhat therapeutic because it’s forced me to face that I really did treat her well and got little in return. Saturday night we were going to meet when I got off work and she called and said that we would hang out Sunday and that she was out with her girlfriends. Not once did I question her, just told her to have fun. It’s going to be hard to try and build trust again though in future relationships which is unfortunate.

 

Like you said, I'm definitely going to have to start trying to determine if somebody is needy and selfish, because I can't put myself through this again. Friday night being told she believe that we are something very special together and she can't wait to start a family with me to walking in on her in bed with another guy Sunday morning. Too much to handle.