bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Where can I meet people to potentially date. I go out loads to bars, restaurants, gym, work networking meetings, work appointments, the odd party, starting fencing and dance classes this week - however I never normally meet anyone or get chatted up. I am approachable so thats not the problem, there is more of a thing in the UK that people do not tend to mingle with others always. But I'd like to go on some more dates, just curious.
spookie Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 In my experience it seems like the vibe you give off is very important. While I was in a relationship, even though I went out and such, no one ever approached me. The truth is, I was completely closed off to the possibility of getting close to anyone, because I was so in love with my bf and so faithful to sharing every part of myself with only him. I guess people picked up on that. Since I've been single, I've been getting asked out a lot, almost everywhere I go, and I am positive it's a difference in "vibe". I am not desperate to find anything but I am open to meeting new people and I think it's gotta be showing. I go to bars/ parties/ get together/ the gym, smile at the interesting-looking people as though they're my friends, and make sure they have an opportunity to come talk to me when I'm not surrounded by 3 of my loudest friends. My strategy seems to be working. It sounds like you're putting yourself out there in terms of places where you can meet people. If I were you I would evaluate on how you're projecting yourself, if you really DO seem approachable (but not desperate).
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I think that's probably the most likely possibility as Spookie says. You might try seeing if say your fencing partners would like to go out for drinks afterwards, assuming you might be interested in one. I do that all of the time with people I share sports with, usually just as a friendly thing but also to see if there might be some chemistry. The other night at a party I just simply decided to ask a woman basically if she was seeing anyone. Call me forward. Ha. So we are going out this week.
spookie Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I think that's probably the most likely possibility as Spookie says. You might try seeing if say your fencing partners would like to go out for drinks afterwards, assuming you might be interested in one. I do that all of the time with people I share sports with, usually just as a friendly thing but also to see if there might be some chemistry. The other night at a party I just simply decided to ask a woman basically if she was seeing anyone. Call me forward. Ha. So we are going out this week. Or even assuming you are NOT interested. If you want to expand the number and variety of men you can potentially meet, the easiest first step is to expand your circle of friends. Befriend someone different and you may meet a lot of unexpected types of people (including men with potential) through them.
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Yes, also a good idea. I have married female friends that I climb with. One actually offered to serve as in intelligence agent. I get good insider information from her about her single friends. Very discreet, mind you.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Or even assuming you are NOT interested. If you want to expand the number and variety of men you can potentially meet, the easiest first step is to expand your circle of friends. Befriend someone different and you may meet a lot of unexpected types of people (including men with potential) through them. Yes, also a good idea. I have married female friends that I climb with. One actually offered to serve as in intelligence agent. I get good insider information from her about her single friends. Very discreet, mind you. When I split with the ex I actually actively went online looking for female friends, although have a few wanted one or two nearer to where I live. I made a really good one, we are now good friends and go out normally once a week or once a fortnight to club, bar, dinner also went are meeting up with some of her friends i haven't met yet in a swanky bar on Friday and next Sat she has invited me to a party. So yes you are indeed right about that. She is also very wise and helps me out alot about men etc too. I also have a charity/business networking night at the end of Nov so again will be meeting alot of people. To give you an idea of what a month looks like for me Tonight - swimming then for relflexology Tues - date from internet Wednesdays - new street dancing class Thursdays - starting Fencing lessons Fri - Swanky bar in London for drinks as above Following Sat - Party Wed 28th Nov - charity/business networking as above Fri 30th Nov - meeting friends from old work place for drinks Dec 1st - going away to London with best friend for night Dec 7th - work teams Xmas bash Dec 14th - to Dublin for works Xmas party So plenty of things I get upto
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I have the best luck meeting someone to date at parties. I would definitely ask some questions of men you find attractive there that indicate your interest. You can claim to just be curious, of course. Say, "hmmmm" and walk away. Then slyly return and continue the conversation. I think you are going about it just fine, really. Perhaps you were just needing a little encouragement? I suspect you will do well.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Yes your probably right, it just seems so much easier to meet new men on dating websites than through meeting in public, just maybe way society is these days in the UK. Or maybe its just me, the former I hope not the latter!!
Sean0775 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Yes your probably right, it just seems so much easier to meet new men on dating websites than through meeting in public, just maybe way society is these days in the UK. Or maybe its just me, the former I hope not the latter!! Here in America (my little corner of America at least) it's none of the above. After around 2 months of being single, I still haven't had a date. Maybe I just suck at meeting women (which is probably true), but this is getting just a bit ridiculous. Working 50+ hours a week on 3rd shift doesn't help the matter much, and using my days off to go home to hang with the guys helps even less. I see it as a combination of my beating myself and the dating scene sucking.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Here in America (my little corner of America at least) it's none of the above. After around 2 months of being single, I still haven't had a date. Maybe I just suck at meeting women (which is probably true), but this is getting just a bit ridiculous. Working 50+ hours a week on 3rd shift doesn't help the matter much, and using my days off to go home to hang with the guys helps even less. I see it as a combination of my beating myself and the dating scene sucking. perhaps ( i dont know your situ) that 2months is too soon and you might be giving off the wrong vibes. I certainly was, if I didn't know better I could have had "all men are w@nkers and please all FO" written on my forehead. That said I am now past the break up and healed and am open to meeting men once again. Also I make sure i get out and about, so perhaps widening what you do and some new hobbies will help. Do you work more since the break up? I have read that guys tend to throw themselves into work when this happens so maybe if you can, slow down a bit on the work from and give yourself more free time.
plainoldjared Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 perhaps ( i dont know your situ) that 2months is too soon and you might be giving off the wrong vibes. I certainly was, if I didn't know better I could have had "all men are w@nkers and please all FO" written on my forehead. That said I am now past the break up and healed and am open to meeting men once again. Also I make sure i get out and about, so perhaps widening what you do and some new hobbies will help. Do you work more since the break up? I have read that guys tend to throw themselves into work when this happens so maybe if you can, slow down a bit on the work from and give yourself more free time. Its true, a month ago I ended a 14 month project working 7 days a week 14hrs a day, ever since I started having trouble with my gf (2wks ago) I started putting in more hours again. I was so burnt out I didnt think I could ever work like that again but surprise surprise we broke up and now I find myself wishing I still had that killer schedule. Im taking the time I need to give my head some rest though, emotionally and physically Im tired. Its only been since Friday that we finalized the breakup but today, Monday, I feel like a new man. I have more energy and I actually saw a girl I thought was pretty hot. This is huge, a week ago I didnt think I would be able to get over this anytime soon. Now Im thinking about going out dancing this weekend and although I havent asked anyone out in 3 yrs, and actually longer than that because my ex is the one that approached me.
latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Hi bigheartkindsoul - I think you are doing everything right and it will just take time. I've been single for a couple years now and I'm involved in so many activities and work that it makes my head spin and people say I'm crazy to do so much stuff. But it's a good way to meet people (as you've seen from my other thread I can't say I've met the most quality people Haha!) but at least I'm out and about and hardly ever home alone. Your picture is really cute too and I love London - was just there in September right before Fashion Week. Fantastic!
latefragment Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 just wanted to add: on ideas for where to meet people: i play music so i perform at shows sometimes, have met some guys there but they are very flaky, i work a 'real' job tho, i do a number of outdoor sports, which ranges from surfing (perhaps not entirely possible in england except for cornwall and some parts of ireland) and have met a few guys there (no one i've actually dated tho.... well, one guy, a long time ago, he was also a player type so that one lasted 3 weeks before he disappeared) to boxing (work with a trainer, I don't actually fight. lots of cute guys at the gym but i've not gone out with any, i just go there to train) to indoor rock climbing gyms. let's see, what else, i hike a lot on the trails near where i live. um... also have a business idea and i'm currently taking 3 demanding classes in addition to full time work. oh did i mention i have a motorcycle too? just for fun. again, that's been a dream i've had since i was a teenager, to learn how to ride. have not met guys through that, but again, that's NOT why I'm doing it!! i just love it! and if you're in london, perfect, i bet you get invited to tons of cool parties. so... yeah... your fencing and street dance classes sound REALLY cool! and it sounds like you're very invovled with work, which is great. it sounds like you really have your head on straight.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 and if you're in london, perfect, i bet you get invited to tons of cool parties. so... yeah... your fencing and street dance classes sound REALLY cool! and it sounds like you're very invovled with work, which is great. it sounds like you really have your head on straight. No, not many parties - on the outside of London btw. and thanks for the other stuff I have taken notes, and of what you say about too.
Sean0775 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 perhaps ( i dont know your situ) that 2months is too soon and you might be giving off the wrong vibes. I certainly was, if I didn't know better I could have had "all men are w@nkers and please all FO" written on my forehead. In a nutshell, she gave me an ultimatum because I wasn't making enough time for "us". She also hated the fact that I wasn't "nice" enough to her daughter, "nice" being acting like a friend instead of a positive role model. In the end, it was the differences of opinion on raising children that killed things, but there were other factors too. Do you work more since the break up? I have read that guys tend to throw themselves into work when this happens so maybe if you can, slow down a bit on the work from and give yourself more free time. Before the breakup I was working 6 days a week, 60+ hours a week on 3rd shift (9pm-7am, I almost always stayed a half hour or so late). Post break up, I work 4 days a week, 50+ hours on 3rd shift (8pm-8am, usually staying late most days). This week I went in and worked on one of my days off, though I didn't do a full shift. Work is nice for taking your mind off of things like dating.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 I have to say I did throw myself more into my job, I am a field based Account Manager with targets so working harder actually has made my figures for this year to date go ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ but I do try and balance it with a good social life at the weekends and a couple of nights a week. Sean - in a bit more time you'll get a fair few dates and just take it steady like I am doing. Good luck. xx
Phateless Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Where can I meet people to potentially date. I go out loads to bars, restaurants, gym, work networking meetings, work appointments, the odd party, starting fencing and dance classes this week - however I never normally meet anyone or get chatted up. I am approachable so thats not the problem, there is more of a thing in the UK that people do not tend to mingle with others always. But I'd like to go on some more dates, just curious. You are most definitely on the right track! I would add in coffee shops with friends on nice days, more group activities (hikes, etc?) just anything that you enjoy that a quality person would probably do on a regular basis. As for bars, I go at least once or twice a week, get drunk and have a blast, but I am not optimistic about who I'm going to meet there. I often come home with two phone numbers in a night, neither of which I'll use. My point? It's fun to meet a lot of people and flirt, but I doubt the next love of my life will come from there. I really don't care where I meet her as long as she's what I want, but I'm doubtful that the bar will provide me with such a girl.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 You are most definitely on the right track! I would add in coffee shops with friends on nice days, more group activities (hikes, etc?) just anything that you enjoy that a quality person would probably do on a regular basis. As for bars, I go at least once or twice a week, get drunk and have a blast, but I am not optimistic about who I'm going to meet there. I often come home with two phone numbers in a night, neither of which I'll use. My point? It's fun to meet a lot of people and flirt, but I doubt the next love of my life will come from there. I really don't care where I meet her as long as she's what I want, but I'm doubtful that the bar will provide me with such a girl. Thank heaven!!! Someone else that thinks its fun to meet people and flirt!! I think flirting when single is harmless fun, something I tame when in a relationship as it is disrepectful. But flirting is good, you don't owe that person anything. Coffee with friends, tricky as alot of my friends live distances but I am happy to go into coffee shops, bars, restaurants alone occassionally. Group things, thats a great idea, I have joined meetup.com am just waiting to see something that grabs my eye. Xmas is such a good social time too, lots of parties and things going on socially so looking forward to some fun times.
Phateless Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Thank heaven!!! Someone else that thinks its fun to meet people and flirt!! I think flirting when single is harmless fun, something I tame when in a relationship as it is disrepectful. But flirting is good, you don't owe that person anything. Coffee with friends, tricky as alot of my friends live distances but I am happy to go into coffee shops, bars, restaurants alone occassionally. Group things, thats a great idea, I have joined meetup.com am just waiting to see something that grabs my eye. Xmas is such a good social time too, lots of parties and things going on socially so looking forward to some fun times. lol i totally agree, and i'm a tremendous flirt. i actually love meeting women at coffee shops... if i see a cute one i will try to say something if she looks approachable (not buried in work and wanting to be left alone). Funny, I'm going downtown with my roomie right now, we're cruising bookstores and stuff. Maybe I'll meet a cutie at a coffee shop right now, or at one of the bookstores? so what's meetup.com about? edit - btw, from that other thread, I think you should put up the pics that you "don't think you can get away with"
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 lol i totally agree, and i'm a tremendous flirt. i actually love meeting women at coffee shops... if i see a cute one i will try to say something if she looks approachable (not buried in work and wanting to be left alone). Funny, I'm going downtown with my roomie right now, we're cruising bookstores and stuff. Maybe I'll meet a cutie at a coffee shop right now, or at one of the bookstores? so what's meetup.com about? edit - btw, from that other thread, I think you should put up the pics that you "don't think you can get away with" ^^^^^god I think that would send some members over the top with there unkind words^^^^^ Lol I'll be happy knowing I look great and have a cracking personality and SOH. Meetup.com, its a site where people arrange group outings like cinema, drinks, dinner, show, card game, loads of things. Think its more USA thing but London does feature on there a bit, just a shame I am a wee way outside of the big smoke.
Phateless Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 ^^^^^god I think that would send some members over the top with there unkind words^^^^^ Lol I'll be happy knowing I look great and have a cracking personality and SOH. Meetup.com, its a site where people arrange group outings like cinema, drinks, dinner, show, card game, loads of things. Think its more USA thing but London does feature on there a bit, just a shame I am a wee way outside of the big smoke. Haha, they're just jealous then. If you got it, flaunt it! Hmm I'll have to check that out, since I live in the country with the president that says "nucular" oh, and what's SOH?
uniqueone Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Here's a different approach...... It seems that the less interest I show in people, the more they approach me. I'm usually focused on what I'm doing. In the past, I used to go out with the idea of meeting people and I wouldn't be approached. Now, I get approached all the time by mostly men, but women also. It's not that I'm acting oblivious to people. I AM oblivious to people. My focus is on what I'm doing and for some reason, that appeals to people. I guess because I look like I don't need anyone. The other day I was putting my stuff on in the parking lot at the trail, when a guy started talking to me. I realized it was a guy I used to work with and had gone out with for a short time. I probably wouldn't have noticed him had he not started talking to me. While we chatted, I continued to put my stuff on. I'm very friendly when someone approaches, yet I show no interest in them approaching me. Strangely this works...and I don't do it on purpose, it's just who I am. That's the key. You can't fake this for it to work. It has to be sincere....you have to be truly focused on what you're doing. Anyway my advise is, focus on the activities you do, not on meeting people. Here's an example. I like interesting art and decor. If I were going to an xmas party, I'd mingle a little, then chances are, I'd wander off to something that caught my eye on the wall and I'd be the one standing there (by myself) admiring it. 9 times out of 10, someone would approach me. But I didn't do that for someone to approach me. I did it because I really was interested in that thing on the wall. But then again, maybe this approach doesn't work for all personalities.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 Haha, they're just jealous then. If you got it, flaunt it! Hmm I'll have to check that out, since I live in the country with the president that says "nucular" oh, and what's SOH? Sense of humour or for future ref GSOH great sense of humour ;) And about pic well one day maybe but it will be a blink or you'll miss it so might need preplanning/pretiming!!! tee hee hee
Timberlane Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I just joined a bunch of Meetup groups that hike, climb, and ski. I climb more than the Meetup group does with my own friends, but it's nice to have a back up. There are a lot of nightlife groups and coffee house gathering people. Pretty nice.
Phateless Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Sense of humour or for future ref GSOH great sense of humour ;) And about pic well one day maybe but it will be a blink or you'll miss it so might need preplanning/pretiming!!! tee hee hee Aaaahhh, a sense of humor I definitely have. I'm always the one with a smart remark at the ready... sometimes I go too far... but I like pushing limits. A blink eh? I've never been one for timing, I'm more of a seat of my pants kinda guy. I trust you to find a way to catch me.
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