ktkingster Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 okay, im not married yet but i am expecting to be asked by the end of this year. ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and he is the only one ive ever wanted (he originally broke my heart then came back and life could not have been sweeter). anyway, i know that we will soon be getting engaged, but lately ive noticed that just being around him makes me irritable. thank god we dont live together yet because i dont know how i would ever get away. he has become so needy and so pathetic when im not nice to him. he is nothing but good to me and just wants to hug me and touch me and call me and be with me 24/7. 2 years into this and he's acting more like a kid in love then when we first started dating!! which is nice and all, but its starting to really annoy me and makes me wonder if maybe he really just loves me more than i do him? i love him but lately ive found myself kind of forcing to be with him all the time instead of actually wanting to. i dont know. i dont know if this is normal, but it is really starting to freak me out because i know the ring is coming ... is this why most marriages fail?? Link to post Share on other sites
Doubt&Wonder Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 First I have to ask........... was the broken heart caused by a sexual affair with another? - if yes, trust me you will never totally get over the broken trust - can you handle that with him? Second...... most females that have been married for any length of time and now have children in the marriage will tell you that a lot of men are nothing more than another big kid. Third - ask him why he is needing you so much lately? - maybe he is fearful of losing you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktkingster Posted October 30, 2007 Author Share Posted October 30, 2007 no, there was no cheating involved in the broken heart .. he is 2 years younger than me and at the time it was just his indecision. and yeah, i can see the whole big kid thing. he wasn't like that at the beginning .. it's like we transition from their girlfriend/wife to their mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 he has become so needy and so pathetic when im not nice to him. he is nothing but good to me and just wants to hug me and touch me and call me and be with me 24/7. 2 years into this and he's acting more like a kid in love then when we first started dating!! These are clear signs that he feels insecure with your relationship. Why does he feel insecure? Why does that irritate you? Would you rather be with a more independant person that doesnt really need you? Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 If it is irritating to be around him and you are so glad that you do not live together AND you are dreading that he will pop the question, then you dear are not ready to get married to this man. You may never be ready for that. Your commitment to him is pretty low. he may sense that and is reacting by being clingy. this just bugs you even more, so you withdraw emotionally more so. The spiral is not good. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Very interesting thread/replies. I found that once my bf realized he loved me, he became more clingy and wanted to spend way too much time with me. This was not at all the case before he realized and expressed that he loved me. I LOVE our time together, and I love him, but I treasure my alone time too. I've been single and on my own for over 20 years, so transitioning to being together is a huge fear for me. For me it was just about setting boundaries. I do NOT want him to come with me to the barn. I visit my horse every day (at 4:30 am) and that is my alone time. Sometimes it's only an hour, when my day/week has been especially bad it can be many hours (this past Saturday was 6). Of course my bf comes with me upon occassion, and those times are lovely too - but he understands the boundaries, and that they are important to me. I encourage him to have the same type of boundaries - but he chooses not to. That's his choice, and should he change his mind I would be totaly fine with it. Not sure if this helped, but thouight I'd share. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktkingster Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 >>> "I found that once my bf realized he loved me, he became more clingy and wanted to spend way too much time with me. This was not at all the case before he realized and expressed that he loved me." <<< Yeah i think this might be some of it for my guy, too. At the beginning and long into it, it always seemed to be me that was clingy because i knew i loved him from the start .. but he was very indecisive until about 6 months ago, and ever since he is talking about marriage and ... ya know i cant really blame him. i am an extremely good girlfriend and i have turned his life around in the way he manages his finances and work. ive always wanted someone to need me that much, but maybe im realizing i dont trust myself enough to be needed so bad? i dont know. i could delve into my psyche forever about it, but ultimately i think that marriage will be good for us because we are ready for a family, and also, i think im just sick of the girlfriend/boyfriend lovey dovey jealousy stage. who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 i dont know. i could delve into my psyche forever about it, but ultimately i think that marriage will be good for us because we are ready for a family, and also, i think im just sick of the girlfriend/boyfriend lovey dovey jealousy stage. who knows. Well, you described the poor guy as needy and pathetic. If your having those kinds of thoughts I would strongly urge you to deal with them before you add them into your wedding vows! Link to post Share on other sites
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