Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 I wish I hadn't contacted her now, believe me. Bloody fool I am. At least if I can be an example though I feel so uncared about today - she really doesn't give a crap, or if she does she is hiding it. This just isn't the person I knew - she has changed so much. Yeah Spind this is her first relationship.
Scorpio13c Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Hi Matty, Stay & be strong brother, you'll eventually pull through! Scorp
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks man, ups and downs ... ups and downs... And yeah Spindy, since I contacted her this has all gone to crapsticks (like my language). Damn I wish I didn't love her sometimes... Someone should comment on my blog so I know my poetic misery is at least reaching someone
Scorpio13c Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks man, ups and downs ... ups and downs... And yeah Spindy, since I contacted her this has all gone to crapsticks (like my language). Damn I wish I didn't love her sometimes... Someone should comment on my blog so I know my poetic misery is at least reaching someone Matty, i'd like you to rephrase your first line & actually type it out O.K.? I want you to re-type everything in the first line only, but replace the words "Downs" with "Ups" Do it for me, just for "****z & Giggles" ! Scorp
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks man, ups and ups ... ups and ups ... I'm gigglin'
Scorpio13c Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks man, ups and ups ... ups and ups ... I'm gigglin' Good stuff man! It's actually a proven technique to help re-program your negative thinking. Anytime you feel low about this Cr_p we're going through, just remember, we have a choice to feel sad or O.k. Type or say something positive to yourself. Simple stuff like that actually adds up in our subconscious mind, for the better. Take care Matty, i know you'll persevere! Scorp
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 What I have done is said all of the things that I've always been trying to tell you, but without worrying about how upset you'd get due to my honesty. I've devalued the time in the relationship? Maybe you were looking at things through rosy-tinted glass, but for ME, things had been BAD pretty much the whole relationship, and I'm not pussy-footing around it anymore. It's not about putting you down or being cruel. It's about me facing reality instead of pretending my life is a fairy tale. I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry. To be honest, it was over for me before I ended it. I don't know how long. I still loved you, but that was about it. It was hanging from a thread for a while. That's why I've gotten over you this quickly. I just had to read all that. Heart ouchy ... any thoughts? I'm really hurting again. Does anyone have MSN? :lmao:
Scorpio13c Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Matty, Brother! Now you're just tortuing yourself! why? I feel for you Man! but why are you continuing to hurt yourself? Stop re-reading her stuff! She plainly said it, "I don't love you anymore" Let me ask you this: If a friend of yours said to you: "Matty, you're a Di_k & a real As__ole, stay the Fu_K away from me!" Would you still feel llike talking to them???????? Scorp
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Hey bro, This isn't re-reading I just got this now. I still love her but I'm walking away Gonna need another therapist at this rate I'm sort of in numb-land at the moment. I'm sure it will hit tomorrow. Thanks Scorp
hopeforlove243 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Matty, i am sorry that you had to read that email. Take it as the closure, walk away. I had some friends came over for dinner, and we played games after that, I am surprised that I didn't think about my ex the whole night while being with my friends. I know it might be hard for you to hang out with friends, cause most of time I just want to be alone, at home, crying, but you might want to try it, it might get your mind of your ex for a little while. Be strong, we are here for you.
Spinderella Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Good stuff man! It's actually a proven technique to help re-program your negative thinking. Anytime you feel low about this Cr_p we're going through, just remember, we have a choice to feel sad or O.k. Type or say something positive to yourself. Simple stuff like that actually adds up in our subconscious mind, for the better. Take care Matty, i know you'll persevere! Scorp Scorp, You just reminded me of something I had been doing, but then this past few weeks I had forgotten about it. I was writing a journal, but instead of writing how I felt, I was writing the opposite of how I felt (unless it was good). It really helped me, in fact I came out of some very dark places very quickly.
Spinderella Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 What I have done is said all of the things that I've always been trying to tell you, but without worrying about how upset you'd get due to my honesty. I've devalued the time in the relationship? Maybe you were looking at things through rosy-tinted glass, but for ME, things had been BAD pretty much the whole relationship, and I'm not pussy-footing around it anymore. It's not about putting you down or being cruel. It's about me facing reality instead of pretending my life is a fairy tale. I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry. To be honest, it was over for me before I ended it. I don't know how long. I still loved you, but that was about it. It was hanging from a thread for a while. That's why I've gotten over you this quickly. I just had to read all that. Heart ouchy ... any thoughts? I'm really hurting again. Does anyone have MSN? :lmao: Matt, Hard as it is, you really needed to hear this, so that you could get on with your life. It is not meant to be, or it would be.
alwayshurt Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 What I have done is said all of the things that I've always been trying to tell you, but without worrying about how upset you'd get due to my honesty. I've devalued the time in the relationship? Maybe you were looking at things through rosy-tinted glass, but for ME, things had been BAD pretty much the whole relationship, and I'm not pussy-footing around it anymore. It's not about putting you down or being cruel. It's about me facing reality instead of pretending my life is a fairy tale. I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry. To be honest, it was over for me before I ended it. I don't know how long. I still loved you, but that was about it. It was hanging from a thread for a while. That's why I've gotten over you this quickly. I just had to read all that. Heart ouchy ... any thoughts? I'm really hurting again. Does anyone have MSN? :lmao: Hey Matt, I hope you woke up with a better and more positive outlook today. I am sorry for wat you're going through but you're not alone. Perhaps, you're more capable to express your feeling and write evry detail of how you feel inside. Good for you..at least you can take it out of your chest. But other people here and myself don't feel different than you. Now, what she wrote you is definetely a closure message. She has stated that you need to move on because she does not love you anymore. Don't take that as some sort of game she is playing with you. She is not. She told you the thruth. I can read the same words my ex told me one year ago. She was being so cruel in her messages. She was telling me how things were over and that she did not love me anymore and that there was no possibility for us to be together in the future. Instead of wishing her well and go NC, I started arguing with her...I was angry becuase I was thinking how she coult talk to me like that...how she could be so sure of certain thing after the love we had had. I kept on pushing her to re-consider, I was contacting her every day trying to make her think how much i was in love with her, at time being hard on her. Eventually she stopped responding and that really hurt because it was a LD relationship and had no way to go behind her door. I just had a final contact from her (a month later or so) just to tell me that she was sending me something of mine back before I found out from a friend of her she was moving to a different state to get married with some other guy she had just met, probably online. I was devastated, could no sleep, eat, or do anything else. I wrote her nasty emails (pls don't do it, it will fire back to you) accusing, threatening her. Nothing. She never return a word. It took me one year to forget about her. Today, I am here in LS broakenhearted again from another person (jeez not even the time to heal from the other and back in the pain!!) but I did get over my ex and looking back I can tell you it was a great lesson I learned. My only regret is the way I acted trying win her back because I realized later on (I should have known it) that we cannot manipulate the way others think or how they have to feel about us. I wish I had known tis site back then. I probably I would have acted differently and more as an adult. Who knows, I may have had another chance because I truly thought she was the one...and still do. Matt, I told you my story because, by reading posts in LS, it seems a pattern common to many relationship. We need to understand that once our partners say it is over we need to step back and let them be. Put yourself in her shoe for one minute and think how you would feel if somebody you don't love (anymore) is on top of you trying to convince you that you must love her. It would be so annoying that you would probably avoid any sort of contact and change your way when seeing her from distance. There is nothing we can do, and although you feel terrible becuase you think she is the irreplaceable one, trust me she is not. The only think irreplaceable in what it is happening to you today is the lesson(s) you are learning which, although you don't see it now, it is muscleing you for your future relationships. Make treasure of this, deal with your emotions and pain of today, fight and tell yourself it is not the end of the world. The tunnel eventually will end and you will see the sun again. Be strong.
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks guys. It's been a hard day for me today. It's the first time I've woken up without a shred of hope for anything in the future. As much as I want to shout out that I don't believe her, she has said it and I've walked away. I told her last night that I couldn't be her friend now because it was hurting too much. I said that our paths may cross again in the future. I thanked her for the time we had. I sent my best wishes for her future and said that should she ever need me I would be there. I am finally going to take some steps away for myself. If it is meant to be ... then it will be. If not, then at least I honoured our time together. It's time for me now but I'm going to take some time to let this all go. I feel weak today and I know in time that will change. I'm just hurting, but it's okay. I don't half miss her though Thank you again for all your kind words.
Scorpio13c Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Glad you seem to be doing alright today Matty! I think it's time now for you to move on to the Coping forum You'll be just fine man! Scorp
Surfer Girl Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 You knew what you had to do for your own self... I realize the conflict of this descion was not an easy one.... You did what was best for you....
Spinderella Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 If nothing else, at least this made your mind up for you.
Author MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Yeah, it did. I felt relief ... and that's a good sign. I do still love her but from now on I'm just going to hold that in my heart I'm going to be the good, honourable and loving chap that I am - but from afar I really wish her the best and I hope she finds some happiness. Thanks guys, again
your star Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Hang in there Matty, there are a lot of people going through the same heartache as you. I know how it feels to have someone walk away from you after so many years. My ex walked away from our almost 7 year relationship. The best thing you can do is let them go knowing you fought for something that meant a lot to you. I'm on the same rollercoaster as you. We'll hang on together
Author MattyTee Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Hey star, Your avatar made me laugh at least. It's good to know I still can It's a horrible thing you are right. I have reverted back to the blaming stage - I blame it all on me. She told me she doesn't love me any more and she was able to move on so quick because the relationship had ended before she broke up with me... Ouch! So this is my second day of walking away and I'm going to let myself cry. I promised myself I'd smile 10 times today. I've had one already so that's good! Ironically I never liked rollercoasters before my ex made me go on one with her. Oh the cruel irony I'll hang on in with you star!
your star Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I'm glad it brought a smile to you. I'm going to try the smiling 10x a day thing. Today I was driving home and I had a great view of the city and I sort of took a deep breath and realized there's soo much to be thankful for. I haven't thought anything like that for months..sometimes we lose sight of that amongst our pain. I was with my ex for 6 years 4 mths and it's soo confusing how they just seem to walk away from the breakup with no emotion. It seems like we are the ones moping around. Funny thing is they run and block out the emotion so they dont have to deal with it. Eventually it will catch up with them. And at that point we will be at a stronger point in our life. One day at a time...!
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