Stereogram Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 She works as a hostess at a restaurant I've been to on a couple occasions. A few weeks ago I walked into the restaurant and got a take-out menu from her and looked deeply into her eyes...and I kept staring at her occasionally while I was looking at the menu. They brought me into a separate small room to finally take my order and while I was in there with another waiter, she walked in for no reason and just sort of stood around and didn't say anything...and then she left. She didn't make eye contact with me. What did this mean? After she left, I asked one of the waiters who was in room with us if she was available. He looked kind surprised "um yeah I think so...go for it man". She seems pretty quiet and very shy...and based on her job at this restaurant, it will be hard to stop her from working and talk to her. Then, about a week ago I went back into the restaurant just to check if she's there and of course she's not. I end up talking to one of her co-workers and explain the situation...and since there is so many hostesses working there I had to descibe her. This girl sort of figured out who I was talking about and she said that I should leave my number for her. So I did. Well...I knew she wasn't going to call. So what should I do now? It's been a long time since I was actually attracted to girl and I'm just hopeful it all works for me...
BookCentipede Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Don't want to bum you out man, but you screwed this up bad. You totally came off as stalkerish, atleast in your post. Her coming into that room probably didn't mean anything, so don't read into little things like that. Don't take this the wrong way because everybody has to learn from their mistakes. Next time this happens, spark up casual, light-hearted conversation, and if she seems interested, get her number. But I wouldn't go back to this restaurant (unless you are extremely good looking and are very confident she will like you), because you know her coworkers told her about you. And don't ask other people about a girl you've never met, especially if you aren't good friends with the people you are asking.
Author Stereogram Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Well...I know I screwed up. It's an expensive restaurant so I won't be making many visits anyways. But if I do, I won't make eye contact with her....she probably doesn't really know who I am. I just wish there was a way I could remedy this situation...but this always seems to happen with girls I'm really into. I always attract girls who I never want to have a relationship with. I've been with 5 girls this past year that have really pushed me for some type of commitment...and I just don't want it. I finally meet a girl who I WANT...and I screw it up!
BookCentipede Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Don't stress about it man. Everybody hit bumps in the road of life. There are so many girls out there. If you really want to try and make something happen with this girl, I say go for it. You really have nothing to lose and don't have to see her again if you fail. But just don't talk to anyone else at her job about her. If you see her, go out of your way to talk to her, be funny, and non-threatening, and tell her in a joking manner you were the one that left your number for her. Don't be scared, but don't come across as needy. Just have fun when approaching girls you like.
Author Stereogram Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 I DID IT! I approached her tonight. I walked into the restaurant and sort of snuck by without her noticing me. I then went to the bar and ordered dinner and made brief conversation with the bartender who was super cute. Let me tell you, talking to a girl bartender and playfully flirting with her (even though you have no interest in her) is a great way to warm up before making that dreaded approach. So I finish eating dinner, and make my way to the lobby which is super busy. It sort of allowed me to hide amongst the crowd and them make my way over to her when she was all alone. After five minutes, she stood alone and I made my move. I said with a huge and warm smile "so what's the best way to approach you? I come here a lot for dinner and I feel weird just introducing myself and handing you my number and leaving." My eye contact was steady and non threatening...very smooth. She gave a nice smile back to me and she told me to come back on Monday around 4pm when it's not so busy. I never told my name or gave her my number. It was just a friendly quick conversation to get her interested and let her know I'm VERY interested. I got those vibes tonight like it's going to work. I played it right tonight...I'm so happy I didn't **** up. Wish me luck on Monday!
Heavenly55 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 How is making eye contact with someone you find attractive and them returning it in exchange stalkerish? Where are you supposed to stare at her ass? I see plenty of attractive men on my commute who I make eye contact with on a daily basis and they do the same. I highly doubt they're thinking oh no she's a stalker. Glad things worked out.
Author Stereogram Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 So we talked tonight. I walked in the restaurant looking the best I possibly could...showered, shaved, well dressed, teeth whitened, the right amount of cologne, hair perfect. She saw me and smiled. Let me tell you, she gets more beautiful everytime I see her. My knees start to weaken when I talk to her. Some of you may know what I'm talking about. Yep, I'm soooo screwed. We talked for a few minutes and she told me that she did have a boyfriend (one of her co-workers thought that she didn't and told me to pursue her). Oh well. She told me that she did want to call me but she's involved with someone and she didn't feel right doing that. But she did say "never say never". I then told her she was beautiful - right to her face - and said I'd still like to talk with her sometime...but that I will NOT take her phone number and call her. She will have to call me. I left things open and still didn't reveal too much about myself...just the right amount to make her want to find out more. Driving home tonight...I realized that I haven't liked a girl this much in a very long time. The physical attraction is off the charts...and her personality is really starting to win me over. Figures that I can't have her. Thought I'd update everyone here...and let everyone know that love still does make you miserable.
BookCentipede Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Congratulations on your successful appraoch man. It seems you played it perfectly, except you really should have gotten her number. It is a bummer that she has a boyfriend though. Now you have to wait and see if she's going to call you, but what is this crap about you talking about "love" dude? I hope you aren't saying you're in love after only talking to her this once. Anyways, like I said, you were successful on the approach, but now you have reached a definite dilemma because she probably won't call you if she's happy with her boyfriend. Man, you should have gotten HER number because from what I'm hearing, she seemed interested. Then, you could have called her a few days later to ask her to hang out so you could get to know her better. Really don't know how you're going to make any more progress if you didn't get her number because if she doesn't call what can you do? I mean it's not like you can go back to that restaurant and be like, "how come you haven't called?" I still got to give you your props though dude, good job.
BookCentipede Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 btw, you probably shouldn't have told her she was beautiful. She probably already knows this and you would still have that mystery about you. I mean it was already obvious that you liked her, but there is something about throwing youself out there like that that takes all the mystery away. Anways, what do I know? She might like that you said that and call you up tomorrow. Who knows? Good luck and let us know how this all plays out...
Author Stereogram Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Hey...I'm not in love! Just a big crush... She blushed and smiled when I told her that she was beautiful. But by bringing things to that level and not getting her number...I've set things up for her to make the next move and chase me. Not to mention, I left abrubtly last night on a good note. I gave her just enough to make her wonder and a contemplate things. I also showed her respect. I told her that I wasn't going to interfere with her current relationship because that isn't how I operate. But I told her flat out that I still wanted to talk to her....just on her own time. I think I played it well...but I'm prepared to never see her again.
Author Stereogram Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Wow...what a tough couple days it has been. I hate sitting at home...seeing my phone's LCD spark up with "2 new messages" and then finding it's not her...but you keep hoping because you are in that pathetic state. It's been hard not to instinctively go back to her restaurant and just start another conversation, because it's totally me to follow up with someone that has a little bit of interest in you. So yes...I may never talk to her again...and I shouldn't. But, dammit....she was the perfect physical specimen and totally sweet to boot.
The Loacker Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Never give a girl your phone number, because they won't call. Not unless, 1) you built up some HUGE initial interest in her, or 2) you called her to ask her out and either you get the machine or she said she'll call you back (and even then, they don't always return your calls). What you want to do is take her number and call her. Men are the ones who are supposed to initiate (it's a b**** being a guy sometimes lol), and women like to see a man who takes charge. Also, I agree with BookCentipede - don't tell her she's beautiful. She knows this. Men stare at her all day long.
Author Stereogram Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Well I just can't go back and ask her for her number...or should I? I doesn't seem like a good idea.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Wow, and I go to restaurants to eat....... go figure.... This brings doggie bag and take out to a whole different level....
Author Stereogram Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Hey, what can I say...I go after what I want...and I'm confident enough to approach any girl that's really catches my eye. Half the time I don't have the desired result but at least I'm not some spineless guy that sits in the corner all night and sulks.
amber1 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Wow, so guys can't even tell women that they are beautiful now? That's a shame.
Author Stereogram Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 I have to pat myself on the back for this one. I stuck a post-it note on my computer monitor for a couple weeks that said "don't go back there...you will look really pathetic". And yes...it worked. I totally forgot about her until I found that note on my desk today. Good to finally find my nuts.
Green Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 you'll find your nuts when you persue women a little more agresively. As previous posters have said never give your number out expecting a call, get the girls number and call them. When she said she had a bf who knows what that meant you should have flirted with her and given no reaction to the bf thing. Then you should have called her and tried to go out with her. You did act kind of stalkerish in your post... I mean nothings wrong with liking a girl you dont even know as much as you admired this one but you should avoid it... and there should have been a bunch of other girls to hit on by now... and you should have got her to hook you up with one of the other girls in the resteraunt might have made her jealouse and thats the kind of chasing you want to create... not the kind where they have ur number and ur waiting for some call that will never come
Author Stereogram Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 I'm just stating that I'm glad I didn't show up for an additional beating.
Green Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 yeah good idea! but you didn't get a beating, its like you said at least you tried something. Getting good with women takes practice, the more you ask out the better you'll get at it, just as the more dates you go on the more socialy savy you should become in the dating game. Dont feel bad because you get turned down by women
Recommended Posts