forbidden fruit Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 So as you guys know I have been NC with xmm and only by own doing. he does not want NC, but I do not care how he feels. In fact he tried to get out of a reaction out of me yesterday and made some snide comment I ignored it and went inside. He did it again and I ignored it and did not think twice about it. I have been living my life and while he does pop in to my mind once in awhile I have made a constant decision to focus on my family. After all he was offering me nothing. Anyways I was in the backyard when I heard his voice and when I came in my house he was outside talking to my H. His kids were playing with my kids and he stayed at my house for almost two hours. I did not go outside to see him and I was furious with him. That takes alot of audacity to talk to my H like he is friend . I know he came over to get a reaction out of me he has done this so many times in the past. WTF-why can't he leave well enough alone. I know he is coming around because he wants to be friends with me, but I do not want to have anything to do with him. I am expecting him to corner me tomorrow, what do you guys think?
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 There's something very wrong here. Why is your husband even talking to him?? Acknowledging his presence? FF, I know you didn't tell everything to your husband about your A, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why your husband is clueless about the recent events! Did you tell your husband that you are in strict no contact with exMM? All it will take here is your husband to say to him, "Don't ever speak to me again, let alone MY wife. Do it again and maybe your wife will find out the truth too." If a threat like that came from your husband, I'll bet the exMM will back off and never even LOOK your way again. Talk to your husband about the exMM bothering you, let him help you here... Remember too, you can only control yourself, so what the exMM does is his problem. Let him approach you! Keep in mind too, silence has alot more power than words.
Meaplus3 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 So as you guys know I have been NC with xmm and only by own doing. he does not want NC, but I do not care how he feels. In fact he tried to get out of a reaction out of me yesterday and made some snide comment I ignored it and went inside. He did it again and I ignored it and did not think twice about it. I have been living my life and while he does pop in to my mind once in awhile I have made a constant decision to focus on my family. After all he was offering me nothing. Anyways I was in the backyard when I heard his voice and when I came in my house he was outside talking to my H. His kids were playing with my kids and he stayed at my house for almost two hours. I did not go outside to see him and I was furious with him. That takes alot of audacity to talk to my H like he is friend . I know he came over to get a reaction out of me he has done this so many times in the past. WTF-why can't he leave well enough alone. I know he is coming around because he wants to be friends with me, but I do not want to have anything to do with him. I am expecting him to corner me tomorrow, what do you guys think? Leave it alone FF Forget him. Please my friend:)! This mm has done job on and now your dong a job on yourself by worrying about how he see's you! AP:)
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I have been mad all day and I think it because xmm came and talked to my H for two hours. WTF is he thinking. Did he do it to get a reaction out of me. Well he did, but i will never let him know. He has got some big ba***. Why on earth would he want to hang out with my H. Why can't he move on and let it go. why is he still in my face. Remeber the wounds are not totally healed and it seems impossible for them too fully close with having his selfish ass over and in my face all the time. What if I went psycho when he was over here, why would he want to take the risk. I ended the A and does he actually think I can be friends with him. I hate hi more today than I did yesterday. any thoughts?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 FF, your husband still doesn't know the affair was sexual, does he? If he knew that, I don't think you would be having this problem. I seriously doubt your H would tolerate his presence, much less talk to him. I think your exMM gets some sick thrill talking to your H, pretending to be his friend in front of you the whole time thinking I f*cked your wife, and not only do you not know but she still wants me enough to lie to you about it... Some men are sadistic and territorial like that. Don't let him keep doing this to your H. He has been through quite enough.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I am not sure wat to do because I cannot tell my h about the sexual part and I refuse to break Nc with xmm. It was os weird to see him pretending my H was his buddy. I now am seeing there is something really wrong with xmm. I do not know many guys that could stand to have a conversation with the guy of the wife they just had sex with. Am I crazy or is he mental? If he is capable of this, then everything is else is not such a stretch for him. He must compartmentalize it as I am not sleeping with her now so it is okay.
whichwayisup Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 FF, what exactly does your husband know about the A? I mean, whatever it is you told him seems to be not enough to make him feel resentment and not want to speak to the exMM. And THAT is why the exMM feels free to speak to your husband because he knows you didn't tell all. Somehow you need to get to the point that what he does won't bug you. Turn him off completely. It's easier said than done, but it's something you MUST try to work on. Not care what he thinks or why as at the end of the day it really shouldn't matter (though I know for you it still does).
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 FF, what exactly does your husband know about the A? I mean, whatever it is you told him seems to be not enough to make him feel resentment and not want to speak to the exMM. And THAT is why the exMM feels free to speak to your husband because he knows you didn't tell all. Somehow you need to get to the point that what he does won't bug you. Turn him off completely. It's easier said than done, but it's something you MUST try to work on. Not care what he thinks or why as at the end of the day it really shouldn't matter (though I know for you it still does). How do i turn it off when i am still getting over the realtionship. Eveytime i pull up to my house I am stressed and on the defensive because I never know when xmm is going to show up and try to talk to me. He has a way of pushing all my buttons and the longer I stay away the easier it wil be to deal with him. I wrote him this great letter when we ended and I felt we both got closure. We both knew things are the way things are, however in the letter I stated we could not be friends and we could not go back. So why now is he going against that and disrespecting my wishes when they seem pretty easy. I know I shouldn't care, but why not leave well enough alone? Why stir up the pot when he wants to bring nothing to the table? He got what he wanted he got to screw the neighbor and not get caught. Shouldn't he be grateful? I know it is about me and what I do, but remeber I have been conditioned for the last two years to do what he wanted so it is difficult to think differently. He still has a slight hold and he knows it!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Probably in the most simple terms that I can think of... when you give a toddler a toy, and take it away the toddler will throw a tantrum. A toddler does not understand the concept of "you should be grateful that you were allowed to play with it for as long as you did". All the toddler knows is that his toy was taken away. He doesn't care why, and he will continue to whine, cry and throw tantrums until he gets it back or until he turns his attention to a new toy. Your MM is an emotional toddler. I'm glad you are standing your ground.
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 I have been great about Nc and it is sort of like managing a illness. Some days are fine and some days not so great. Now there are more good days then bad. However, I woke up this morning just feeling sa and pissed about the situation. Anyways as the kids and I were coming inside he walk past us with wife and kids. I go inside, but my kids said Hi. I was immediately sad and and angry. His whole bull about being miserable in his marriage was oe big lie. He acts like life continues as normal. Oh well there is nothing I can do, but I am just having one of those days. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself. Everytime i see W or him it is a constant reminder that he did not choose me and lied to me about everything. He told my kids it was okay if they wanted to come over and play. I said no because i am so tired of trying to act nice to the W. It is killing me. I think this is going to take along tie to heal and i know continued NC is the only way.
bish Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 So as you guys know I have been NC with xmm and only by own doing. he does not want NC, but I do not care how he feels. In fact he tried to get out of a reaction out of me yesterday and made some snide comment I ignored it and went inside. He did it again and I ignored it and did not think twice about it. I have been living my life and while he does pop in to my mind once in awhile I have made a constant decision to focus on my family. After all he was offering me nothing. Anyways I was in the backyard when I heard his voice and when I came in my house he was outside talking to my H. His kids were playing with my kids and he stayed at my house for almost two hours. I did not go outside to see him and I was furious with him. That takes alot of audacity to talk to my H like he is friend Uh...it takes alot of audacity to talk to your H like he is a friend? Hmmm...true...I'll give you that.
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