EYECANDY000 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Was listening to the radio and this woman called in and stated that she was currently dating someone but she is holding off with sex until the dating part is over and they are in a relationship. The radio host told her that shes wasting her time and that she needs to have sex with him to secure the deal! Also, she said that he can say that they are in a relatiionship, and have sex with her and then dump her the next day. The caller stated that she will not have sex with someone who she is just dating, sex means a lot to her and shes not willing to test the waters with different people. What do you guys think? Some people who called in have some interesting comments
Blurple Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I believe a good relationship is built on trust. Trust is the foundation and when sex is mixed in you encounter jealousy and lust. When you have sex early in the relationship people are always paranoid that they are being cheated on. The trust isnt there. When you have a strong foundation you can rest anything on it. I would have to say I agree with the caller
Enema Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 How do you define the crossover between "just dating" and "in a relationship" ? I wouldn't want to start a relationship with someone I hadn't had sex with.
brothermartin Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I dont think people that are seriously dating should jump into bed, it may ruin the chance of having a real relationship. However, I can understand that two people that may be considering going beyond dating with each other should have sex just to be sure of compatebility. Lets face it, who wants to be in a relationship with someone that they dont like having sex with? And who wants to take the chance of committing to someone before knowing what their like in bed?
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I'm with the guys on this one. I think once you like the person well enough you should sleep with them to make sure they are relationship material.
fray718 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 My guy friend and I had this same debate. I said that my body is sacred to me (ok maybe sacred is a bit too strong of a word haha) and that I won't feel comfortable with having sex with someone that I'm just in the 'process of getting to know'. I'm only going to have sex with someone who is special to me and I feel I already trust and care about, at which point I think means we should already be in a relationship already. My guy friend told me that's horse*** (haha) and that for him sex makes him connect with the person more and that without sex it just becomes more of a friendship than a relationship to him. And this other guy friend said that once he has sex with a girl then he feels he has the need to be exlusive with her because the line between 'just fun and games' and 'maybe we should start getting serious' is crossed. But one thing I realized is that with guys, they say them being dumped either before or after they've had sex with a girl makes no difference. Whereas for me and a few other girls I know, once we've had sex with a guy, we become ALOT more attached. Biologically (and this is scientifiically proven too), that sex effects females chemically (we emit some sort of chemical which i forget what its called) moreso than males. But overall, for me it's not a strategy of how to get the guy anymore, but really, I just wouldnt feel comfortable with having sex with someone I've only met 3 times. I don't even know them yet!
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I agree that it is a big drag when someone dumps you or stops calling after you have had great sex. But honestly, would you have NOT wanted to have the great sex just because you got dumped? I think not.
fray718 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I agree that it is a big drag when someone dumps you or stops calling after you have had great sex. But honestly, would you have NOT wanted to have the great sex just because you got dumped? I think not. You see it the way all my guy friends do! But that's what I was trying to point out....guys don't understand the girls' point of view and vice versa. To answer your question, no I'd rather not have had sex with them, but then again men and women are wired differently.
brothermartin Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Their is a difference between women and men though. Women want to get to know a man before they go as far as having sex with him, if its just the usual stuff like what he dose, where he lives, married? Divorced? Children? But men dont really have to know as much about a woman to know they want to have sex with her. This is what makes me laugh when some women say they dont understand men. We're just not that complex.
Chingy Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Why even bother to bring this up. It is quite simple; do what you feel is right for you. What other people say is their business. This is after all a personal choice, very personal.
White Flower Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Blurple--you are younger I take it? I'm not sure what you mean when you say that having sex early in a relationship, people fear they are being cheated on. I don't see a relation or point. Eyecandy--I was much like the caller when I was younger; very innocent and very religious. Now that I am older and know my body very, very well, there is no way I wouldn't sleep with someone before entering into a relationship or marriage. The passion must prove to exist before putting in so much time, effort, emotion, and commitment. Life is short so don't ruin it by giving up passion. Chingy--great point. We cannot decide for anyone whether to have sex or not in the beginning of an R; yet, it is nice knowing that viewpoints can change over the course of our lives. I used to preach abstenance in my teens and twenties. Now? To each his own.
White Flower Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Blurple--you are younger I take it? I'm not sure what you mean when you say that having sex early in a relationship, people fear they are being cheated on. I don't see a relation or point. Eyecandy--I was much like the caller when I was younger; very innocent and very religious. Now that I am older and know my body very, very well, there is no way I wouldn't sleep with someone before entering into a relationship or marriage. The passion must prove to exist before putting in so much time, effort, emotion, and commitment. Life is short so don't ruin it by giving up passion. Chingy--great point. We cannot decide for anyone whether to have sex or not in the beginning of an R; yet, it is nice knowing that viewpoints can change over the course of our lives. I used to preach abstenance in my teens and twenties. Now? To each his own.
MexicanBillBacker Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Was listening to the radio and this woman called in and stated that she was currently dating someone but she is holding off with sex until the dating part is over and they are in a relationship. The radio host told her that shes wasting her time and that she needs to have sex with him to secure the deal! Also, she said that he can say that they are in a relatiionship, and have sex with her and then dump her the next day. The caller stated that she will not have sex with someone who she is just dating, sex means a lot to her and shes not willing to test the waters with different people. What do you guys think? Some people who called in have some interesting comments While sex is pretty good...Its much much better to have a meaningful relationship. I'm not that religious but if I was dating my dream girl and she said she believes no sex till marriage I'd be totally ok with that. There's much more to a relationship than sex and I've seen sex **** up a relationship more often that not. But if your dream girl is all for having sex then go for it...No pressure though
Cad Rake Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Funny, I find sex is much much better when I hardly know the other person. Intimacy kills it for me. Who wants to screw somebody you know really well? That's like banging a family member or something. Ew. So for me, if a girl doesn't put out by the 3rd date I dump her. For some reason my brain does not develop feelings of attachment for a woman until I've slept with her. After we've screwed, then I develop feelings for her. But that's just me.
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Funny, I find sex is much much better when I hardly know the other person. Intimacy kills it for me. Who wants to screw somebody you know really well? That's like banging a family member or something. Ew. So for me, if a girl doesn't put out by the 3rd date I dump her. For some reason my brain does not develop feelings of attachment for a woman until I've slept with her. After we've screwed, then I develop feelings for her. But that's just me. Lovely. I am sure that after sometime passes that you will in fact want more from a relationship and your views will become more mature and open minded.
Briggs55 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 So for me, if a girl doesn't put out by the 3rd date I dump her. For some reason my brain does not develop feelings of attachment for a woman until I've slept with her. After we've screwed, then I develop feelings for her. But that's just me. Very intelligent man here, I agree with him.
Cad Rake Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Lovely. I am sure that after sometime passes that you will in fact want more from a relationship and your views will become more mature and open minded. Perhaps when I'm as old as you, my dear. Currently I'm only in my early 30s.
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