AriaIncognito Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 So as some of you know from other threads, I light heartedly broke NC this week via some text messages while at an airport, to my ex. We had a few back and forth, I didn't ask if he's seeing anyone or anything like that, just some banter about the week I spent out in his home area. With that in mind, I had my first dream in a LONG TIME with him in it this weekend. Coincidence? I think not. So this lead me to thinking, what does breaking NC lead to? For me so far it leads to: 1.) Dreams of the person 2.) reawareness of the persons existence 3.) some wondering as to how the person is doing without me What does it lead to for you?
NotAgain Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Stress with the waiting for reply, paranoia, more pain, confusion, even more over-analyzing, a feeling of being an idiot - dissapointment in myself. But a few positive emotions if they reply..that usually doesn't last long because they usually don'treply with what you wanted them to. Well like...never unless you're lucky.
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Stress with the waiting for reply, paranoia, more pain, confusion, even more over-analyzing, a feeling of being an idiot - dissapointment in myself. But a few positive emotions if they reply..that usually doesn't last long because they usually don'treply with what you wanted them to. Well like...never unless you're lucky. Yeah, it's never the reply you'd like to hear. Like "i'm miserable without you". Of course I did have some satisfaction when I learned that some things that went his way when we were together were no longer. And it's funny because when we were together we used to joke that it was because of me. And every time we broke up, he'd do badly again, and then when we got back, he'd do better. So, it seems I was a positive thing to his life, and this proves it! hehe
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Pain, pain and more pain. That's the short answer. Sucks when you still have to get divorced.
oppath Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I'm feeling tempted to contact my ex too, because her family had to evacuate the fires, but I know mostly, I want her to say she's sorry or validate I am not a bad person by responding. Ok, that's not true, I want her to validate that our relationship was real and that she didn't use me for sex and for her to admit how she treated me was wrong. The funny thing is, I'm on my way to see a different "ex" in a few minutes. I only wish that my last gf had just given me the space I asked for -- and not tried to be friends with benefits with me maybe 11 days after the out of the blue breakup, via email (fwb, breakup was in person, though she flirted for 6 hours before doing it, which confused the **** out of me) -- I think we could have been friends eventually. But I went berserker on her, completely reaming her out, and heard nothing to a couple apologies I sent her way. She'll never validate me the way I want, and I can't kid myself: contacting her at all would be to receive that validation, which is why it is pointless for me to do it. I won't get what I want.
wowIlose Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 To be honest, breaking NC gives you temporary release of pain. However, from my own experience , every time I have broken NC I have only made things worse and even though I am actually starting to move on I can't help but think that every time I break NC I prolong the mourning process.
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 It leads to: 1. An exchange of words 2. False hope 3. Temporary high 4. Sadness 4. Disappointment My ex has just now stopped replying to my texts/calls. We were in lose NC and now I have finally realized that I am staying in the pain as long as I am in contact with him. I have heard it over and over.. stop all contact. I have finally reached the point where it's time to cease and desist. He's being a total jerk and I am just inviting it. The take what I can get thing is pretty sad and as much as I still care about him, just because he is in contact in no way means he feels the same. Like wowIlose said, it prolongs the mourning... as well as the pain.
ncpd25 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 It's kind of funny, I've been in NC for the past 6 weeks or so. Have been doing a lot of thinking and driving myself crazy but never made an attempt to contact the ex. I'm begining to feel a little better and it's only now that I'm toying with the idea of sending an email. I haven't and I keep telling myself "Don't do it!!". Then the thoughts start creeping back in. As soon as I looked at this post, I told myself "It's a sign, Don't Do It!!!" There's a couple of things I learned about her and lies that she told me and I was thinking a letting her know what I found out about her. Then, I thought, Nope, not worth it.
Surfer Girl Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Close to 5 months since B/U 2.5 months NC... Hung out at a charity event for a short time... Another month NC.... He emailed.... I did not respond.... Another 4 e-mails.... Just wanting to talk... Not wanting to get back together... Finally caved and we both agreed... No strings attached... Maybe go out once in awhile... do whatever we want to do.... Next day see him at the beach spend the whole day together... Great Sex... spent the night... Wonderful weekend... No relationship talk... Now he is active back on dating site What did that do for me.... I don't regret the weekend... It really was passionate, and there was no doubt feelings were still there yet.... He must have been serious when he said no getting back together.... Renewed hope has diminished FWB- Perhaps we both used each other That weekend will never be forgotten I think for both of us All the crazy assumptions I had of him being with someone else wasn't true... Knowing we most likely won't be in contact again for some time... and if he does contact me... will I contact him.... ? Wondering when the next time I will see him or hear from him Not as painful now as the time is recent, but knowing as time goes on it most likely will still be painful to have N/C That I am not over him What is he thinking now? That no matter what, we do not have a loss for words... we are very much natural around each other I now am back to starting over again
carrotgirl Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Aria, I really love your human-ness. I love that we can disagree yet I am filled with awesome feelings reading your insights. You inspire me to have courage. Carrot
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 Hehehe yes I am definitely a human. :-) I'm glad this thread has served as some strength for others. I've been fine since the "incident" last week, and honestly haven't thought about further contact. Maybe I'm almost to the point where I can handle the idea of being friendly, but since I know I'm not to the point where I could hear about him with someone else, I'll continue this path. Once I can hear about him with someone else, I'll know I'm officially over him. What's been going on Carrot?
jerbear Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Nothing wrong with being human. I've gotten contact and contacted ex's old friends, etc... It bought back memories and changes the relationships no matter what. Not easy to just go back to square one. Just have to remain strong and just keep the contact brief. If they do not return the contact, don't pursue.
carrotgirl Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Aria, I'm beginning to trust myself again just a bit. I'm learning again and again the difference between what is said and what is. You can read the ups and downs and ups in order. Time will tell.
CaliGuy Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 So as some of you know from other threads, I light heartedly broke NC this week via some text messages while at an airport, to my ex. We had a few back and forth, I didn't ask if he's seeing anyone or anything like that, just some banter about the week I spent out in his home area. With that in mind, I had my first dream in a LONG TIME with him in it this weekend. Coincidence? I think not. So this lead me to thinking, what does breaking NC lead to? For me so far it leads to: 1.) Dreams of the person 2.) reawareness of the persons existence 3.) some wondering as to how the person is doing without me What does it lead to for you? Breaking NC simply leads to hopes of reigniting the relationship and thus stops any forward progress towards moving on. It's why everyone is so adamant about not breaking it at all cost.
MartianChronicles Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 each time i (the dumpee) go NC, my ex (the dumper) breaks it someway. even though i don't reply to his sms or email, i end up feeling bitter and disappointed. yes, i try to ignore him but it's not easy at all.
Author AriaIncognito Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 More.. ...leads to wondering why they return your emails in the AM at work instead of at night at home. Makes you wonder who they were potentially with. Makes you wonder why you weren't the one. SO much fun!
Surfer Girl Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I think the wondering makes it much harder to move on....
jerbear Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 More.. ...leads to wondering why they return your emails in the AM at work instead of at night at home. Makes you wonder who they were potentially with. Makes you wonder why you weren't the one. SO much fun! I feel your pain. Been there done that. But you know, it gives more fuel to the NC fire and just let it go.
jerbear Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 1.) Dreams of the person 2.) reawareness of the persons existence 3.) some wondering as to how the person is doing without me Don't forget sleepless nights. I remember those nights, those before dumping her and those after breaking NC after a few months. The ones before was harder than those after breaking NC.
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