Author complicatedlife Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 I checked out OldEurope's posts - very interesting concepts, in which many of them, I applied in my situation....he was not available, I put my foot down, he left, and then after he left, we began a relationship. In retrospect, I should have waited until at least divorce papers were filed before I began dating him - I thought the fact that he got his own place and made it a legal separation, that it made it okay...what IS a separation, anyway? After what I have been through, it's nothing, really. And now I am starting to get angry about the whole thing. I don't know why....
Mino Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Hi, Kinda of in the same position. Deciding to do Nc, or keep supporting. My mm decided after so many failures to go into counceling. I have really given up, I dont know if this is a tatic to show me he is trying or he really is trying. I am tired. But what do you do, 3 years is a long time. And all they do is drag their feet. I work with mine, so NC is hard, ignoring him is even harder. How do you make them s*** or get of the pot? Nc is even harder on us. I do understand though, if we make it easy for them, they will continue to drag their feet, cause it is still easier to do nothing, then to make the move.
frannie Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I checked out OldEurope's posts - very interesting concepts, in which many of them, I applied in my situation....he was not available, I put my foot down, he left, and then after he left, we began a relationship. In retrospect, I should have waited until at least divorce papers were filed before I began dating him - I thought the fact that he got his own place and made it a legal separation, that it made it okay...what IS a separation, anyway? After what I have been through, it's nothing, really. And now I am starting to get angry about the whole thing. I don't know why.... Yeah, hindsight is a wonderful thing He will keep replying until you make it clear that you actually want NC, after that, if he's going to be respectful of your choices in this he should leave you alone, while he gets on with what he needs to do. I would just keep emails fairly brief and to the point, don't give him more to delve into and debate with you. Just state how you feel, and what you want and need from him (to leave for good, or to leave you alone, or whatever it is). You know, Old Europe had some good ways of expressing things... being supportive and loving, but making your own needs clear. You can't be fairer than that... and he can't expect you to wait for him or support him, not if its hurting you.
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