funkybassplayer Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Its been six months now since my break up, man how fast time flys, and a massive learning curve for me. I still miss haer and the kids, but have sent cards and stuff on b/days etc. I guess if she didnt want it she would soon say, but i feel its right, and good to send nice wishes to the people that i love. I guess one day she may come round to the idea of friends, and im in that space now where i can be. I remember the forst time i came on here, i was a mess, devistated that the woman and children i love bo longer wanted a relationship. I was devistaed that this family i woke up to, and looked after for nearly 2 years were gone, just like that without even a proper goodbye. I was devestated that within a week, she had met a new guy and it seems one so different to me, with monye, and smart cloths and a fast car. But the worst part, i could have n/c with the children and woman that i loved. I felt the deepest lows i felt in my life, and sometimes the pain was unbearable, i couldnt eat sleep or anything. But after about 3 months, i began to pick myself up, i wiped away the tears, i got fitter, enrolled in a councelling course and took phycology coching to try and understand why people do and act as they do. I began to chill, and be at peace with the storm of emotions that was in me. Againt the advice of this forum, i sent money to the kids, and it was the right thing to do, as when i sent it, i felt good. I began to move forward. Soon after that her new guy emails me to say i called him, of course i never, and then (about a month ago) i see her back on the dating site. I really began to see her pain, and her deep issues, you see i brought up the person in her that she hated, and she was not ready to deal with that, but was. But the breakup for me, made me look at myself, and the way i handles things. I learnt so much, and am not that peorson i was in the relationship, although i did do my very best, to look after them all. Now im dating, having fun, and looking forward to meeting that special lady, and all the things that that will bring, and also i can take in a new wealth of life skills that i have learnt. Ihave leant many things about my relationship, like i am great with kids, and what it feels to be a part of a family, and sometimes people shout and its cos of their deep pain, and they are protecting themselves, and about ex hubbys who are not, and i have learnt how strong i am mentally to have taken what i did in the relationship. of course i miss them, and i will keep connecting, ie b/day and xmas cards, and i hope one day we will all talk again, as friends, but i also know, im moving foward, i have grown as a person, im meeting new people, the kind i want in my life, and helping many other. I can see the pain in some people almost strait away, women who try to keep this secrect on dating sites. all these skills will help me find my next partner. it may take a little time, as i know what i want, but the wait will be worth it, but the funny thing is, that i have my ex to thank for the new me, and i have wrote to her and told her thank you, and that i did my best, and that she is an amazing and beutiful person, and i hope that one day we will speak again. I have no bitterness, hate or am not angry anymore, but i see and know the pain she must be in, and the shallow life she leads, b/c she is scared to share her deep feelings, but i know she nearly did with me. Maybe one day she will, and maybe i can be there for her again, but in myself, im moving forward, and am a stronger, wiser more tollerant person i was b4. Im not afraid to be with a woman who has children, and i know i can give so much. Every1 has to handle their break up in their own way, but what i do know is that you have to do what feels right to you, and you have to do it without a need for anything back, but just purly for love. People, and relationships become a part of us, you move on but never forget, and its how we handle the break-up that will make us who we are from that day. Some people go out and get rebounds, and put there pain =in a box, some choose to feel the pain and grow, as i did, but all you guys, it does get better, and if you move in the correct way, your break-up now can make your next relationship the one that you long for. Dont hold hate, buitterness, and longing, but hold the love you had for them, if you try to feel the hate, and let go of the love, you will become a bitter person, and you will take that with you whereever you go. Guys keep loving every1, we die at the end of the day, so any1 that is or has been special to you, keep them special, and move forward with love in your heart, not bitterness. Those of you who know me will know i write from the heart, and i know i will feel sad on days like xmas, but i will also connect back to that family, that i love, even if im with some1 new, cos its connecting and giving people love, in any form and in any relationship that will see us through, relaesing guilt, pain, and bitterness. But you have to get to this level to be able to do that in the way that you have no need of your own, and thats the bit that hurts, but their is no gain without pain folks!! ps sorry about the spelling i have to work on that 1!
ClearFocus Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Im at the 6 month mark as well.. it really helped reading your post. Thanks
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Good post Funky..Straight from the heart.. I do have a question for you to ponder... Do they or she return the favor of gifts or cards on B-days and such ? In other words.. Do they send you anything ? Does your ex send you anything ?
Author funkybassplayer Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Good post Funky..Straight from the heart.. I do have a question for you to ponder... Do they or she return the favor of gifts or cards on B-days and such ? In other words.. Do they send you anything ? Does your ex send you anything ? iv been thanked and said i was missed, but i do it to give and not receive. I knkow her well and she has had much pain and crap in her life, like so many of us, and if i can help her and the kids by being nice and marking important days to us, then to me thats enough. If she ever sayd shes happy, and shes moved on, then ill be happy. If she wants a friend then ill be there. Its hard to understand i guess, but by giving them love and stuff, it feels the right thing to do, rather than turn away from them all. I have not had a birthday in the meantime. If i did it to want something back, then i would never do it, but what i get back is far more than a card and thats a warm feeling that i have not abandond the kids, where every one else has, including there mum(to some degree) I hope this can make sense. Its not cos i want her back in a romantic way, but its more like i cant just walk away from people that were so important to me and who may need all the love they can get.
Author funkybassplayer Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 one little thing to add. Its been 6 month to almost the day that we split, only 26 weeks, nothing really i guess, but i have just realised that its a kind of land mark, and i do feel it as well. Its like a mini break up. Not too painful, but just a small rush off the good times and memories that i have with them. Its a mixture of sadness for what is gone, but happyness for what was! iv been out in the garden weeding the pond plants out, and thinking, another season over with, and a new one will start. Im asking myself do i even want to date at the moment, should i give myself a little more time? i have a couple of dates lined up, maybe ill cancel them, and continue to work on me for a little while longer, i dunno, but im not scared of being single anymore, in fact its ok! Maybe ill wait till xmas is over and a new year will start b4 i date again. Sure it will be hard to think that this time last year i was surrounded by a family that loved me, but then they wont have me eigher, well they will have my thoughts and love by way of cards, but not me. Maybe ill wait a little while longer to date again. Iv been having fun, but do i really want a relationship at the moment? i dunno, its a tough one. Maybe i may give the memories a little more time to diminish b4 i can give myself totally again, after all it was not just her, but a 3, 9 and 16 year old that i loved and who loved me. Its not that im not gonna meet people, but maybe i should lay off the dating sites for a bit, ad chill out a little more. iv proved i can still pull, kiss good looking women, made friends, Hmmm i think i might just do that, but also keeping an open mind to meeting that special lady weather that be in collage, on the street or at a dateing site. who knows.
Double D Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Congrats Funky! I hear what your saying. I just pasted the year mark the other day and ive noticed that ive been dreaming about the ex, which to be honest I have very rarely done, since we broke up, so all these memories keep re-surfacing. Absoulutely right it does it easier. Im at a better place now than a year ago, without a doubt but yeah I still miss what we had but not necessary her if that makes sense. 'Know thyself' is something I try to live buy and let every experince good and bad be a learning experience and allows you to grow and become a fuller person. I so understand about spreading love. I try to be nicer to people more. Simple things like if someone is looking nice, just letting them know with in turn hopefully that person pays someone else a compliment and so on. Something like the film Pay it forward. Well done Funky! and everyone else! We keep going!
Recommended Posts