Retained attorney child support - MM doesnt know yet!

[pjean]

I did it! It took everything I had emotionally to go thru with it, but its done. I signed the retainer and gave my attorney all the information, including my MM work address which is were he will be served. I am not telling my MM anything about it. I am behaving as if all is well with us. Well, not exactly, he tried to tell me he had a girl escorting him to a black tie event and she was a state beauty pagent winner, another woman not his wife. He only did it to make me jealous. Well, all he did was piss me off.

 

I told him I was leaving him. I hope he has fun with Miss whatever state and that if his wife had any sense she would leave him as well. He doesnt know I have retained an attorney. But, I am a little afraid how he will react when he gets served. Any thoughts? This is a powerful man and money is the only control he had in our relationship. I cant imagine how he is going to react when that control is taken away from him.

 

I hired a marqee law firm, they are not going to play around. Our child has rights. I told him last night that his name is going on the birth certificate and our son will carry his rightful last name. Whatever fallout he must deal with regarding his wife is his problem. I am not the one who married her or made a committment to her...I didnt cheat on her. So it is on him. Our son will not suffer because his father screwed up.

 

In the state I live in the father can be responsible for my attorneys fees and will have to pay tempory child support based on his income until such time an agreement is met. I will not go into the specifics of what the attorney said the tempory order will be, as I dont want to reveal too much information.

 

I just wanted some advice on what to do from here. He is still calling me and wanting me to drive out and meet him Monday at a hotel. He has no idea he is going to be served, but I told him I was leaving him. He is begging me to reconsider and to please just hear him out and let him talk to me. What do you think?

 

Oh, and by the way, my attorney said he is dreaming if he thinks his wife isnt going to find out he has a child with me. I wonder how his wife is going to react to that one!

[Tony T]

Let's hope he gets served at home with his wife right there next to him...haha!

 

He's not going to be happy. As a matter of fact, it is in these kinds of situations that physical harm comes to people. If this guy has ever shown even the slightest tendency to be vengeful or violent, you need to let your attorney know so the proper court orders can be obtained.

 

Are you saying that the two of you never, ever discussed the matter of who was going to pay for this child? That is so very odd. Are you saying that he never, ever promised to pay towards raising this child? If he didn't even bring up the subject, he deserves everything he gets.

 

Now, once his wife finds out about this she will file for divorce and take him for as much as she can get. By the time the two of you get finished with him it's likely he will be living on the streets. Give a lot of thought to how you can pull this off so everything is in your best interests.

 

As I think about it, I think your attorney would be best to sit him down and negotiate something with him. As I said, once his wife finds out then both of you will be competing for his assets and I don't know who the court will favor. If he's got enough money to go around, that's great. But his wife has known him a lot longer and has been damaged. I just don't know how the courts will look at this but at least your child should have some priority here.

 

This could get very nasty and complicated for all of you. It's really too bad he had to take that beauty queen to the black tie dinner. Let's just hope she doesn't turn up preggers too.

 

Good luck!

[pjean]

Let's hope he gets served at home with his wife right there next to him...haha!

 

He's not going to be happy. As a matter of fact, it is in these kinds of situations that physical harm comes to people. If this guy has ever shown even the slightest tendency to be vengeful or violent, you need to let your attorney know so the proper court orders can be obtained.

 

Are you saying that the two of you never, ever discussed the matter of who was going to pay for this child? That is so very odd. Are you saying that he never, ever promised to pay towards raising this child? If he didn't even bring up the subject, he deserves everything he gets.

 

Now, once his wife finds out about this she will file for divorce and take him for as much as she can get. By the time the two of you get finished with him it's likely he will be living on the streets. Give a lot of thought to how you can pull this off so everything is in your best interests.

 

As I think about it, I think your attorney would be best to sit him down and negotiate something with him. As I said, once his wife finds out then both of you will be competing for his assets and I don't know who the court will favor. If he's got enough money to go around, that's great. But his wife has known him a lot longer and has been damaged. I just don't know how the courts will look at this but at least your child should have some priority here.

 

This could get very nasty and complicated for all of you. It's really too bad he had to take that beauty queen to the black tie dinner. Let's just hope she doesn't turn up preggers too.

 

Good luck!

 

because of his wealth atty said its only logical and in his best interest to settle. he bought us a home to live in but keeps it in one of his corporations names. he gives me money to pay bills, but never a set amount and never enough to cover everything. if he gets nasty atty will get order for him to pay for 24hour body gaurd service. i guess we will see.

 

do you think he will call me when he gets served at work? my attys retainer is >$20K is that normal?

[pjean]

In my state the law goes on 3 main components: 1. fathers income 2. mothers income and 3. amount of time child spends with both parents. this is for calculation of monthly support.

 

however, there is another law that applies. it states that if one of the parents is an extraordinary earner then the child is entitled to live at the same station of life that that parents income would afford regardless if it indirectly benefits the custodial household.

 

So, that is why I hired a Powerful law firm to handle my case. My son is entitled to live a lifestyle that his fathers income can provide.

 

I could have gone to a reporter or his wife, but i have chose to keep things quiet. i would hope he would recognize that and see that i am just trying to do what is best for our child. I love him, even though he is married. I dont want to lose him, but i am sure this action i have taken will end the relationship. But, the relationship really has nowhere to go. He is married. I have no doubt in my mind that he will not leave his wife. Now, if she will leave him or not after she discovers his multiple affairs and our child together i dont know?

[KATANYA]

I would not be meeting him at a hotel or anywhere else knowing that you are serving him. You said you and he talked and he wants to 'talk things out'. If he is as powerful as you say, he could be setting you up..perhaps to look like you are pursuing him, trying to blackmail him, etc. I hope you have other proof of your A with him since he's been giving you money and paying bills etc. Make sure you have everything documented so he can't turn around and make you look to be the bad guy here.....although I'm sure he will try.

[pjean]

I would not be meeting him at a hotel or anywhere else knowing that you are serving him. You said you and he talked and he wants to 'talk things out'. If he is as powerful as you say, he could be setting you up..perhaps to look like you are pursuing him, trying to blackmail him, etc. (I know you are already pregnant but I'm sure he will make up a story about how you pursued him, it was a one time thing, blah blah blah....) I hope you have other proof of your A with him since he's been giving you money and paying bills etc. Make sure you have everything documented so he can't turn around and make you look to be the bad guy here.....although I'm sure he will try.

 

Our child is already born - but child is still under a year old. Hes never denied our child, as the baby looks just like him. I asked him to give me a paternity test and he wont. I have emails he has sent to me, clothes of his here at the house, including his toothbrush, hairbrush, deoderant, and colongne. I even have a picture he brought to me to put in the "who loves baby book" -

 

Hes very prominent. I dont think he is going to want his reputation/good name to suffer any type of embarrasement whatsoever. I think he is going to be most upset that he is losing control over me. He is always accusing me of other men hitting on me, etc. He says he doesnt want to share me ever. I think that is why he never gives me enough of a budget to pay all the bills. He wants me home and unable to go out and do anything. Money is all he can control. Well, the atty said he has to pay. I doesnt matter that weve been in a relationship for under two years. atty said we could have had just a one night stand and he would still have to pay for his child.

 

How do you think his wife of several decades is going to react to this? do you think she will try and contact me? if so, what do i say?

 

Should i tell MM he is going to be served?

[Enema]

I could have gone to a reporter or his wife, but i have chose to keep things quiet. i would hope he would recognize that and see that i am just trying to do what is best for our child.

 

It's more likely that he will see it as you being spiteful that you didn't get him for yourself.

 

He'll see it as you trying to hurt him as much as you can and steal as much of his money as you can on the way out.

 

That's how I see it anyway.

[pjean]

It's more likely that he will see it as you being spiteful that you didn't get him for yourself.

 

He'll see it as you trying to hurt him as much as you can and steal as much of his money as you can on the way out.

 

That's how I see it anyway.

 

If he doesnt choose to settle out of court then things are going to get public regardless. i have always believed he should just man up and tell his wife. but, i am sure in doing that he would have her keeping a watchful on his every move from this point forward. He has enough money regardless of the settlement/support he wont be anywhere near broke.

[Tony T]

because of his wealth atty said its only logical and in his best interest to settle. he bought us a home to live in but keeps it in one of his corporations names. he gives me money to pay bills, but never a set amount and never enough to cover everything. if he gets nasty atty will get order for him to pay for 24hour body gaurd service. i guess we will see.

 

do you think he will call me when he gets served at work? my attys retainer is >$20K is that normal?

 

Attorneys always spend what you give them. In my mind, a $5,000 retainer would be plenty and, when he needed more, he would ask. Attorneys are greedy and like to get as much as they can. If he settles all this in one day you won't get a cent back.

 

Of course he's going to call you and it won't be pleasant. It seems he's been pretty good to you financially up until now. This will really piss him off to the point he'll want to fight it a bit. Your best bet would have been to have your attorney contact him to negotiate a settlement BEFORE you decided to file suit. Oh well.....

[pjean]

Attorneys always spend what you give them. In my mind, a $5,000 retainer would be plenty and, when he needed more, he would ask. Attorneys are greedy and like to get as much as they can. If he settles all this in one day you won't get a cent back.

 

Of course he's going to call you and it won't be pleasant. It seems he's been pretty good to you financially up until now. This will really piss him off to the point he'll want to fight it a bit. Your best bet would have been to have your attorney contact him to negotiate a settlement BEFORE you decided to file suit. Oh well.....

 

The attorney is going to send him a letter requesting voluntary payment of my retainer fees, if he declines then we will get a judge to order it. In addition, the letter will state attached is what we intend to file if he doesnt contact us to work out an aggrement before it goes that far. So, nothing is offically filed unless he wants to fight it and not cooperate. I want to give him the chance to make an offer.

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Whatever fallout he must deal with regarding his wife is his problem. I am not the one who married her or made a committment to her...I didnt cheat on her.

Come on, Pjean - own your sh*t. Your hands aren't clean at all. As long as you were an active participant in helping deceive his wife, then you ARE part of the problem. And you did help deceive her every single day because you played by HIS rules - the rules he designed to keep your affair a secret from her. So you're an active deceiver just as he was. I was like you, once. Everything was "me, me, me" and no one else mattered. With age comes wisdom and I've now discovered that our actions DO affect others and when we willfully engage in behavior we KNOW would directly impact others, then we are not 'innocent.'

 

It sounds to me as though you've already been given more by this MM than any other woman whose given birth to a MM's child. Most OW have to fight tooth and nail just for child support, they certainly don't get homes and allowances and everything else. Big deal if he isn't giving you 'enough' of an allowance - you're still way ahead of the game then most OW. I mean seriously, when is ENOUGH enough?

 

Perhaps it's time to get a full time job and actually contribute to your household income, rather than expecting this guy to provide every single penny you live on.

 

Oh, and by the way, my attorney said he is dreaming if he thinks his wife isnt going to find out he has a child with me. I wonder how his wife is going to react to that one!

You seem almost ghoulish in your desire to know how his wife is going to take it when she finds out. I get the distinct impression that you'd love to be a fly on the wall when she gets the news. Well, you know how you felt when Mr. Wonderful told YOU that some state beauty contest winner was escorting him to some black tie diinner? Well times that feeling by about a MILLION and you'll maybe start to be in the ballpark of how his wife is going to feel when she finds out about you and his illegitmate kid.

[child_of_isis]

You may have done yourself more harm than good. While child support is the law, paying your bills and providing a home for you, is not. That order will go to his own wife and children. Your child will not be the priority when dividing the assets. You will not even be involved when assets are divided if there is a divorce.

 

My advice is to learn to take care of yourself and this child as quickly as possible. When pissed, prominent men can do damage.

 

In all likelihood, his wife will not leave him when **** hits the fan. She may just prefer to keep the lifestyle that she is accustomed to living. Why give it up when it was her H that messed up?

 

Usually, the wife has put in a lot of work helping her husband get to where he is. Why lose that investment?

 

Also, wives of prominent men have a tendency to put on a good face for the public. So there is a good probability that the two will join forces against you. You will no longer be dealing with a prominent man...but a prominent couple. This prominent couple probably has deep ties to the community and even deeper connections.

 

The 20,000 for retainer fees should have been your first big tip off. This could get ugly. Prepare yourself to be perceived and portrayed as a goldigger who set out to trap a wealthy man by becoming pregnant.

 

Hopefully this will not be the case and he will settle. But prepare yourself anyway. You have a 50% chance of him settling. Another 50% chance of being destroyed. Not literally, but financially, emotionally, etc.

 

Once the W gets involved, who knows which way this will go.

 

Hes very prominent. I dont think he is going to want his reputation/good name to suffer any type of embarrasement whatsoever. I think he is going to be most upset that he is losing control over me. He is always accusing me of other men hitting on me, etc. He says he doesnt want to share me ever. I think that is why he never gives me enough of a budget to pay all the bills. He wants me home and unable to go out and do anything. Money is all he can control. Well, the atty said he has to pay. I doesnt matter that weve been in a relationship for under two years. atty said we could have had just a one night stand and he would still have to pay for his child.

 

[LucreziaBorgia]

Pjean, I am glad you stepped up for your child. The only concern I have is that he may, out of spite and revenge - try to sue for full custody so that not only are you cut out of his life, but he will take your child as well. Have you discussed this possibility with your lawyer? If you haven't, please do. I've seen more than one MM/BW end up with full custody of OW's child(ren).

[dbtmarley]

Has retainer fees gone up that much?!?!?!?! In 1994 I paid $3000 to do battle.... sheeez talk about inflation. If all the scenarios play out right, yes he may be responsible for your court and attorney fees. If you are still seeing them I have to ask the question, how much of this is out of spite? Keep in mind this is solely for your son's welfare and keep that as your agenda. You do need to stop seeing the bum. Why? Because he has showed you how much of a man he really is. Let the boy go play with his toys.

 

At this point I would break ALL contact with him and let the courts decide what is best. There is no telling what this man is capable of in a fit of anger or despair, which is what he will feel when served. Especially with the prospect of his wifey finding out... Have you ever heard of Ray Carruth?

[dbtmarley]

Pjean, I am glad you stepped up for your child. The only concern I have is that he may, out of spite and revenge - try to sue for full custody so that not only are you cut out of his life, but he will take your child as well. Have you discussed this possibility with your lawyer? If you haven't, please do. I've seen more than one MM/BW end up with full custody of OW's child(ren).

 

Yes I hope you realize what LB is saying and took that into consideration. I have seen the wife raise the OW's child in these situations.

[child_of_isis]

Re-read her post.

 

She didn't do it for the child...but for revenge. She did it because MM pissed her off by taking Miss Beauty Pageant wherever.

 

And it will be this child who will suffer the consequences. Because as of now, baby boy has a roof over his head and the bills are paid. Most likely that in itself is higher than the court ordered child support will be.

Pjean, I am glad you stepped up for your child. The only concern I have is that he may, out of spite and revenge - try to sue for full custody so that not only are you cut out of his life, but he will take your child as well. Have you discussed this possibility with your lawyer? If you haven't, please do. I've seen more than one MM/BW end up with full custody of OW's child(ren).

[child_of_isis]

The whole 20,000 thing has me freaked out. You said you "signed" the retainer. So, I am taking this to mean that the 20,000 that goes to the lawyer will come from any settlement the firm gets from MM?

 

If so, this means first and foremost the firm will have access to any and all monies before you. They will then relinquish what (if any) is left.

 

My problem is this....if the judge sees you as a goldigger, he may order you to pay your own fees. The father CAN be held responsible, but it is not the law. Which means the next several years of your child support could go to the firm, as they have first access.

 

Another thing concerning MM's income...his family's needs will be tallied in first. So say for instance, MM makes 200 grand a year. If he can prove that it takes 175 grand to support his family...then the court will only have 25 grand to work with. That is where your support will come from.

 

That is why the attorney interjected the word "temporary" in there.

 

In the state I live in the father can be responsible for my attorneys fees and will have to pay tempory child support based on his income until such time an agreement is met. I will not go into the specifics of what the attorney said the tempory order will be, as I dont want to reveal too much information.

 

[LucreziaBorgia]

I went back and read Pjean's posts, starting with the very first one.

 

All I can say is that I hope that this child will end up where he/she will be better off. What a depressing situation for a child to be born into.

[ladybug63]

You may have made a detrimental move. I hope you were in the process of ending the A. Because more than likely that is where you will be when the papers are served. Your reason for doing this was because he was with a beauty pagent queen that was not a good reason for that move. You have probably messed up this m entire life.Not to say yours have not been altered. He may not want to have anything to do with you or the child. Have you ever heard that saying "if it isn't broke why try to fix it?" I hope for your safety you be careful with this m because he will probably want to get revenge. My mm was taking care of me faithfully I don't think it would have mattered to me that he was going out with someone else why? because he was supporting ME.

But with all the goods I was getting from him I chose to end the A. Because I didn't want to continue hurting no one. I always told him before I hurt him I would let him go. And that is indeed what I did. You may not want to meet him after the papers are served just stay your distance. Just try to move on with your life and take good care of your child.

And the best of luck to you.

[child_of_isis]

another thing worrying me is the OP said that her child is entitled to live the same standards as his own family...I really don't believe that will be the case...but if it is....the catch here is that the mother's income is taken into consideration.

 

That is one whopping catch 22 if custody issues arise. Where does that leave the mother if she is not capable of providing her half? Financially unfit?????

 

Also, her not filling as soon as BB was born will be an issue. The issue will become that she doesn't have a problem using the child to keep MM in line.

 

All in all, I can't help but think the outcome will most likely be resting on W's shoulders and her personality. If she is really family oriented and protective of said family, those type can get right down vicious. The elite are allowed (and expected)to squabble amongst themselves, but if an outsider of a whole different socio-economic goes after one of their own, it becomes a whole different story.

 

 

One W in our small town totes around her OW's child like a prize. And she HAS to tell the whole story, even if you have heard it a million times. Her attitude is...she (OW) went after my family, so I went after hers.

 

I find this a bit morbid, but it does happen.

 

When one finds themselves in a hole...they probably should quit digging.

 

 

 

I went back and read Pjean's posts, starting with the very first one.

 

All I can say is that I hope that this child will end up where he/she will be better off. What a depressing situation for a child to be born into.

[MrsHellnoFire]

You may have done yourself more harm than good. While child support is the law, paying your bills and providing a home for you, is not. That order will go to his own wife and children. Your child will not be the priority when dividing the assets. You will not even be involved when assets are divided if there is a divorce.

 

 

Exactly. This MM is already providing for this woman above and beyond what is necessary or common. Watch out for an eviction notice and start looking for a job. And don't expect a decent and respectful relationship with him from here on out. What was your reason for suing him when he is doing this much for you and allowing you to sit on your azz? To get back at his wife?

 

 

It sounds like you're tired of being this dirty little secret (I gather that from your previous postings), but trying to destroy a man's marriage in order to have your relationship revealed seems like a sick and twisted way to go.

You said in the past that you wish your MM was proud to celebrate holidays with his new child. Of course he's not proud of the fact he had an affair and child with an OW and what did you expect when you planned on having this baby? Things would be hunky dory? You're already a greater intrusion on his life than what is necessary. I cannot believe you expected for him to give up his entire public image and respect, and marriage for this. He's rich, powerful, and has got a lot to lose.

I'd be fearful of someone like that. I'd suggest under no terms to make plans to meet up with him or anyone else he knows.

[nadiaj2727]

TonyT said:

 

"Attorneys always spend what you give them. In my mind, a $5,000 retainer would be plenty and, when he needed more, he would ask. Attorneys are greedy and like to get as much as they can. "

 

As an attorney myself I obviously disagree with this generalization. (I'm sure I could come up with some negative generalizations about TonyT's profession or any profession.) That being said, $20,000 sounds very high for a retainer. However, you repeatedly say that this a very powerful law firm and it sounds like your attorney knows what he or she is talking about and can get results. The more accurate generalization in the legal profession is that firms with reputations for great results charge much higher rates, and those who can afford to pay for their services acheive better results. Therefore $20k doesn't sound THAT outrageous if this really is a very powerful firm known for good results. It's a "you get what you pay for" kind of thing, and I think if you have the means, you should definitely pay the best attorney possible, because you will have a better guarantee of good results. (Not that there aren't great attorneys out there working for public aid, etc... but generally the more established, high acheiving attorneys charge more because they know people will pay more for the best results.

 

Good luck, I agree that your son has rights and that his father should help pay for his upbringing financially. However, I also think he has a right to an emotional relationship with his father as well, so I hope that you can do this as civilly and respectfully as possible so that this guy won't run away from you and your son for good. It sounds like he's done some things to hurt you in the past, but you will have to focus on your son's needs in the future and keep that in mind when dealing with this guy.

[whichwayisup]

Other alternative here, or outcome, could be the MM decides to give up ALL parental rights, which means he would be off the hook for paying out child support.

 

Hope for the best, expect the worst.

[Enema]

Well, this thread certainly didn't turn into the pat on the back the OP was expecting.

 

Someone should link it to Woggle, it will make his head explode.

[whichwayisup]

Someone should link it to Woggle, it will make his head explode.

 

Please don't! He doesn't need to come read this stuff right now..