Is an older woman with a young man really socially unacceptable, this day in age

[nicholasandhope]

[color=blue][/color]

I have gotten to know an 18 year old young man, recently and I am 31. I don't know that he will continue to see me right now, but we had sex the other night. He exemplified much maturity and depth in many of our conversations. He practices yoga and studies other eastern religions, such as I have. He does not believe in christianity, such as i do not. He can hold a pretty good conversation with me about politics, society and culture. I am a senior at cal state and am about to apply to law school and this 18 year old has a vocabulary, even i don't get sometimes. can someone, anyone give their opinion on if i am a pervert, freak, or if there maybe a common ground somewhere between an 18 year old young man and a 31 year old woman???

[Tony T]

I don't think love and caring has age boundaries. I see no problem with you sharing feelings and experiences with this man. And who cares what other people think...they don't live your life for you.

 

However, from a practical standpoint, there could be many problems ahead if you fall deeply for this guy. He may seem mature but he's still 18 and evolving as a human being. Sometimes, teens who are overintellectual are being so to compensate for deep hurt, pain and dysfunction in their lives (I'm not saying that this is his case, but it happens.)

 

When you are 40 and he's 27, it's likely he will not like this scenario for a variety of social and other reasons. For one, this will be about the time he may be ready to have children and the time you will be ready to forget it. You can't rely on agreements or feelings he has on a lot of matters right now because his mind will change dramatically over the next ten years.

 

All that being said, you're going to do what you want. It's a big gamble and I wish you luck. I always liked the song..."Love will find a way." I like to think that's true...although sometimes it finds it's way down the tubes.

[Carly]

Psychological profiles of mature women dating men who are barely into adulthood show these women to be controlling and hostile. He, on the other hand, is in need of a mother figure.

 

The problem for you later on is that your young lad will mature and (hopefully) develop some psychoanalytic insight into this unhealthy relationship.

 

But hey, he'll still have many years ahead of him to find a better partner. Will you?

 

Hope you are not hurt by this message. But if you are persuaded by Tony's argument ("Who cares what others think?"), then I guess you're OK with my reply, right?

[nicholasandhope]

just to address the issue, of being "controlling", almost all of my relationships have been with men older than me or right around my age, so i don't show the average, "controlling" pattern. i am also consistently addressing any and all issues and insecurities that i have through therapy and other spiritual means. i know that i have problems like any other human being and am in no way ashamed to admit to them, i am sure that i will learn what this attraction is about in my sweet time, that is good enough for me and hopefully he will act on his intuitiveness just the same, but to put a blanket judgement and or critical generalization on the situation as "sick" and "controlling" says more about the judge than it does about me or the young man, i personally don't think it will last long enough to come to any of what you claim, but i am willing to take a chance and possibly learn something about myself. also, if i did not care what anyone else thought, why would i have posted on this website? or asked for opinions?

[nicholasandhope]

i have many married friends who have major age differences and have been together for long periods of time, why is it that a man can be older than a woman but not the other way around???

[quankanne]

maybe the older man-younger woman thing being acceptable has some sort of biological-cultural roots? A woman is fertile for only a certain period in her life, with the chances of bearing health off-spring remaining until she's in her mid- to late-30s, whereas men often remain able to father a child when they are well into their years. Hence the idea that an older man can take a younger woman as his partner an no one thinks twice about it, and if he knocks her up, so much the better -- he's potent!

 

I've always thought it'd be cool to be 40 and a 40-year-old partner, preferably in the form of two virile 20-year-old men!

[Carly]

No one here made a judegement that you or the situation was sick and controlling. Only providing information from psychological profiles that you can try on for fit. Or not.

 

Judging from your defensiveness about this situtation, though, I would guess that you are not too comfortable with the romance between you and the young lad. In my opinion, this discomfort is a good thing. And I'm glad you care about what I think.

 

Have an insightful week-end.

[Tony T]

YOUR QUESTION SPECIFICALLY: "can someone, anyone give their opinion on if i am a pervert, freak, or if there maybe a common ground somewhere between an 18 year old young man and a 31 year old woman???"

 

I don't think you are a pervert or a freak for being fond of an 18 year old man, although research issued today states that people don't really "grow up" until they are 26.------->click here: http://www.msnbc.com/news/911377.asp?0cv=CB20 If he was 17, you would be guilty of felony statutory rape for having sex with him...wow, close call!!!

 

I think there may be common ground now because of the newness of the relationship and common needs which are being met at this time. You may be able to take it some distance. However, my personal feeling is that it will crash and burn sometime in the future like many others. If it's not the strain and stress of a consuming law school regimen that does it on your part, it may be the biological mandates for each of you at your respective ages when the two of you are older that will do it, as I stated in my post above. Friends, family and other social issues may come into play as well.

 

But I wish you great happiness with your guy for as long as possible. I wouldn't give up on it if you are really happy. Only half the marriages in the United States survive irregardless of age difference.

 

There are many interracial relationships that seem to go on for a bit, despite all the odds against them.

[SultryKisses]

Hi,

 

I've just read of few of the posting on this site and thought I would add my two cents in. I am a 45 year old white woman who is dating a 26 year old black man for the last 4 years . The relationship is going very well. I met Christopher when he was 22 and I was 41, that's a 19 year age difference. When he first approached me about going out, I though he was crazy. After much persuasion I decided to take him up on his offer. Honestly, I thought it would be just a sexual relationship and after a few dates I would move on. I kept telling all of my friend who were horrified. It wasn't long before I realized that I really liked this man and had alot more in common with him than anyone would imagine. I kept telling everyone who asked about the relationship that it was temporary. After 2 years of dating, my family and friends started saying things like "This is the longest temporary relationship I've ever seen". Now here we are 4 years later and I have to tell you, I am and have been extremely happy. I'm not a stupid woman, I realize he may want to marry and have children some day and more than likely I am training him for the woman he marries. I also know my man and he is NOT ready for marraige or children and may not be for several more years. I am content continue our relationship until that time comes. Am I worried that when the relationship ends I will not have a partner?? No. I will find a new man then. I have plenty of time to rock in the rocking chair in my 60's. I am not afraid that I will be all alone. I am a wonderful person with a great personality and have never had a problem meeting men. To all you ney sayers out there.....but out!!!! Let a mature independent woman be just that!!!