NotKelly Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 First of all: I want to say that I am not, have never been, and would never want to be involved with a MM. However this seems the right forum to ask this question: Has anyone else out there been pursued by a married man... or perhaps by more than one? Maybe you have been pursued by a guy who never tells you he's married? Maybe you have married guy friends who are flirting with you? Maybe this has happened more than once? I'm curious to hear from you. I am only posting this because I never heard the term "Married Man Magnet" until my sister jokingly used it recently and she said that there are some women who seem to attract the attention of married men who are bored with their wives, and she joked that maybe I was one of them because I have a couple of friends who are married (although they have not flirted with me). But now that she's said that, sometimes I wonder... why ARE they friendly with me?!
KATANYA Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 she joked that maybe I was one of them because I have a couple of friends who are married (although they have not flirted with me). But now that she's said that, sometimes I wonder... why ARE they friendly with me?! Maybe they are friendly with you because, according to you, they are your friends!!!!! You say they don't flirt with you, they are your friends and they are nice to you. I don't see that making you a magnet for 'married men" unless you hold to the believe that married men cannot be friends with single women unless they are pursuing her.....in which case I would rethink my view that these men are indeed friends at all. Is this just a fact finding mission or is your generalized question really looking for deeper answers as far a you and/or your friends are concerned? You say they don't flirt with you but are you attracted to them? Do you think you are a MMM? And, just for my clarification, what would the characteristics of a MMM be??????
Author NotKelly Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 Oh for God's sake. My last comment was facetious. I don't know what you mean by "fact-finding mission." My request was prompted by a joke my sister made; I'd never HEARD the term before and was wondering if other women called themselves that, or had been called that.
KATANYA Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Sorry.....let me clarify myself. I just wondered if you were actually just looking to find out if such a term existed or if you were somehow more involved in the whole MMM thing yourself and needed clarification for your own situation (without wanting to say that ---thus the fact finding question. Nothing wrong with fact finding! I do a great deal of research and find the term totally benign so please take no offense). First of all: I want to say that I am not, have never been, and would never want to be involved with a MM. However this seems the right forum to ask this question: Has anyone else out there been pursued by a married man... or perhaps by more than one? My response to that is....1)never say never because that's the comment that will come back and bite you in the a$$ and, 2) Most OW have obviously been pursued by MM......that's how we came to by the OW to begin with;) Maybe you have been pursued by a guy who never tells you he's married? Maybe you have married guy friends who are flirting with you? Maybe this has happened more than once? the reason for my first comments in my first post was that many of your questions use words like "has anyone else.." and "Maybe you have guy friends who are flirting with you..." and "Maybe this has happened more than once...." To me it sounded a little specific to your situation with your two married friends ----my apologies if I struck a nerve. MM cheat because there is something missing in their lives or because they are not happy with their own selves/lives....they do not look for a MMM, they look for women who are vunerable and easy targets or they look for women who can accept the very little amount of themselves (the MM) that they can give to the relationship. A very small number of MM actually do just meet their 'soulmate' too late and then must go through the pain of divorce in order to be with their OW...but this option is rare from what I have read.
Curmudgeon Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Most OW have obviously been pursued by MM......that's how we came to be the OW to begin with;) Guess that precludes any possibility that a woman may knowingly go after a married man, huh? By the way, married men can have woman friends without betraying anyone or anything. They're simply friends and nothing more. I've certainly done it and no flirting was ever involved.
Trialbyfire Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Has anyone else out there been pursued by a married man... or perhaps by more than one? As a baseline, no, I've never been an OW and will never be. Yes, I have been pursued by MM while I was single and while I was married. I was also pursued by single men as well, in both statuses. In the environment I used to work in, due to age category and financial status of men, most of the men were either married or in committed relationships. Maybe you have been pursued by a guy who never tells you he's married? Maybe you have married guy friends who are flirting with you? Maybe this has happened more than once? Since, in IRL, I don't date men I haven't gotten to know for awhile or have a way to verify their marital status, I've never been broadsided.
KATANYA Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Absolutely does not preclude women going after married men.......hence my commence 'most OW....' I'm sure it goes both ways, MM pursuing OW and OW pursuing MM. Bottom line is that it takes two willing partners and neither can force the other to be involved if they don't want to be (excepting the very unfortunate times when the OW is deceived into believing that the man she has fallen for is not already taken!)
Author NotKelly Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 Answering my own question... and I should have done this in the first place... I googled "Married Man Magnet" and came up with a few results, so it's a term that is out there and my sister didn't just make it up.
Curmudgeon Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 (excepting the very unfortunate times when the OW is deceived into believing that the man she has fallen for is not already taken!) And my guess is that it happens far more often than the converse.
KATANYA Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I also Googled the term and.....shock!......the LS forum we are on right now was #1. There are two other entries that are also chat rooms. All seem to say the same thing ---MM who are unfulfilled or lacking something in their lives will seek out other women to fill that void --often single women who they feel they may have a chance in making headway with. Solution given was that if you do not want to be a MMM then you have to create clear boundaries about what you accept as appropriate behavior from a MM and make sure they are clear on those boundaries so that a relationship has no chance of becoming more than a friendship and make sure the MM knows you will not be party to anything inappropriate.........well now that sounds easy enough!
frannie Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I don't think I've ever been 'pursued' by any man, married or unmarried. Either no one has ever been interested in me, I have no idea what the signs might be, or I just give off the (correct) impression that being pursued is something I'm not interested in. My opinion is that you can't be 'pursued' unless you do some pretendy-running-away. Anything that's not more or less encouraged in some way is not 'pursuit' but harrassment. JMHO.
xsianx Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 First of all: I want to say that I am not, have never been, and would never want to be involved with a MM. Yes, that is what I always said and I suppose, the majority of women in these forums who are an OW also said. Women don't suddenly wake up one morning and decide to be an OW. Sometimes it all starts out as an innocent friendship between two people, like it did in my situation.... and before you know it, you are in hook, line and sinker and without ever having any intention whatsover in getting involved. Feelings can be hard to control and are powerful....common sense goes through the door And yes, I have been pursued by MM in the past and told them all where to get off. I don't have the answer as to why I didn't do it last time around....guess I just fell for the jerks sweet talk, lies and bullcrap!
Lyssa Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Can't say that I am Married Man Magnet.. cause I have been pursued by both single and married men.
LikeNoOther Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 NotKelly, Just realized that you like being pursued by MM? You're regretting the 'never say never' bit?
Author NotKelly Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 No. I just realized I have an awful lot of friends who are married men.
KATANYA Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Sometimes MM who are not happy or who have problems with SO will seek advice and or guidance from women as opposed to other men who will be the first to claim not to 'get it' when it comes to figuring women out. Maybe your 'friends' just see you as someone who can be a good advisor to them. Maybe you are seen as "one of the guys'....that happens a lot when you are in a male dominated work place etc......Unfortunately, I think being around 'many' married men has its downfalls for you as well. Surely if you are 'close' to these men there is at least one or two who you feel connected with and who, if the situation were different, you would be interested in. It doesn't mean you will start an A with any of them but sometimes relationships begin when you least expect it with people you would least expect.... I'll say it again, never say never. I think Xsianx said it best: Quote: Originally Posted by NotKelly First of all: I want to say that I am not, have never been, and would never want to be involved with a MM. Yes, that is what I always said and I suppose, the majority of women in these forums who are an OW also said. Women don't suddenly wake up one morning and decide to be an OW. Sometimes it all starts out as an innocent friendship between two people, like it did in my situation.... and before you know it, you are in hook, line and sinker and without ever having any intention whatsover in getting involved. Feelings can be hard to control and are powerful....common sense goes through the door And yes, I have been pursued by MM in the past and told them all where to get off. I don't have the answer as to why I didn't do it last time around....guess I just fell for the jerks sweet talk, lies and bullcrap! I also really liked lyssa's answer: Can't say that I am Married Man Magnet.. cause I have been pursued by both single and married men. lol....I guess if any women on LS can say that they have ONLY been pursued by MM and no one else then these are the women we really need to hear from.
OWoman Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 she said that there are some women who seem to attract the attention of married men who are bored with their wives, and she joked that maybe I was one of them because I have a couple of friends who are married (although they have not flirted with me). I guess that makes my friend Jono a Married Woman Magnet, since he has many married woman friends (he works in a large library). Those MW don't flirt with him either - though he's plenty good looking - mostly they try to set him up with their granddaughters or nieces. I'd best warn him of his new status, in case he lands up on Oprah or something. And maybe warn his partner, too - though Pete's not an easily threatened kind of guy.
Lyssa Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I wouldn't worry too much about being a MMM or not. No big deal for me. It's when the men start telling me stuff I shouldn't know that I'd tell them off.
Recommended Posts