loquaciousl Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 So, some background. I dated this guy (he's 34, I'm 29) for about five months. Right off the bat, we connected. We met online and hit it off right away when we met. Same sense of humor, same interests, etc. His background: Divorced. Terrible marriage where wife cheated the whole time. Moved from KS to CA after his divorce (over a year ago) to live with his parents. Has a son from a previous relationship. My background: Never married. Have had an assortment of bad relationships over the years, but with each one, learned a lot. My biggest hangup: fear of abandonment, and tendency for overemotionalness. About two months in we started arguing. Usually about petty things. His biggest hangup with me was my tendency to talk about "us". I know that gets old sometimes but I made a lot of strides while we were dating to change that. Also coinciding with our dating happened to be major issues with my family. Admittedly, this did take a toll on things because I was stressed a lot. We live 100 miles away from each other and saw each other every weekend, just about. I started noticing some things recently about our dynamic...he had become more distant as of late. He stopped doing the little things, ie, notes, expressing himself, etc. Another thing is that he smokes an awful lot of weed. I had an issue with this and told him so. Recently I talked to him about his living situation and he said he was "in no hurry" to move out of his parents. But these were both things I thought could be modified. So anyway, Thursday I come home from work where I get an email saying his feelings for me had really changed and that he didn't feel the sense of being in love with me anymore, and that he couldn't "feel I was his one". I knew we'd been having issues but I thought they were stressed based on our respective issues. I asked him how long he'd been feeling that way and he said for TWO MONTHS. When I asked him why he didn't say anything he said that he thought maybe we were going through a phase, but at that time he had "put his feelings on hold" for me. I range in between anger (because I think he was a p***y about how he broke up with me and didn't tell me sooner), sadness (because I think we had a lot of potential) and guilt because I think my emotional problems with my family weighed on him sometimes. I can't help but think that if he'd addressed the issue sooner we could have helped things. I am heartbroken but then part of me wonders if it could have worked since he stopped investing himself, basically. Also, it makes me wonder what I did wrong. However, I do have the wherewithal to know that I want to be with someone who really wants to be with me....not someone who tells me they love me and teaches ME to work on things, and then bails when the honeymoon is over. How do I move on? I want to be strong. Insights?
Pentula77 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 34, weed, living with parents ?? this one should be a no brainer...
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 34, weed, living with parents ?? this one should be a no brainer... Yeah hun I'd agree, better off outta there and finding someone lovely and stable to date. (sometimes easier said than done I know but they are out there) Chin up x
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 When you are a bit more demonstrative with your feelings than others, it's best to find someone like that who isn't bothered by it. Some call it being passionate, which sounds a lot better than "over emotional." Better to be passionate and care than to walk around like a frozen fish.
Author loquaciousl Posted October 30, 2007 Author Posted October 30, 2007 thanks for your responses! i feel a lot better already!! i would definitely consider myself to be a passionate person...i appreciate what you're sayin!
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Another thing to consider is his divorce. If he's smoking a lot of weed, maybe he hasn't worked through his grief, just numbed it. A year after a divorce is definitely not enough time for some people to be ready for a real, mature relationship. It could just be that things were moving too fast for him, and he had to pull away. But yeah, I would definitely say to cut your losses and move on. Regardless of his reasons, he's simply not ready to be in the type of relationship that you seem to want.
Nanachu Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 also, regardless of the fact that you guys live a bit far away, after 5 months, you deserve face-to-face talk for a break-up, no email or phone call! When people are in a good romance, evenone is nice. With bad times, people's true character shows up. I really do not like the way he broke up with you in addition to weed and living with parent.
Recommended Posts