Sean0775 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone else who uses online personals has a policy for writing off people who don't post a picture. I try to avoid being shallow in things like dating, but I'm honest enough with myself to know I'm not going to date the creature from the black lagoon no matter how nice their personality may be. Now I can deal with an older picture as long as it's still a very good resemblance. I can respect that not everyone is a picture person since I'm not, but those "This is me plus a new hair color, cut, and 100lbs" pictures don't cut it. Thoughts? Flames?
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Yeah I do, I tell you for why, I don't think most men would even look at a womens profile if it didn't have a picture so why would we? We are like to know whom we are potentially dating, I think also it shows seriousness to a women and taking safety in mind, if they have a few pics we at least can be 90% sure they pics of the person we might date. Hope that makes sense thats why I don't or rarely converse with anyone without a pic.
Lizzie60 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone else who uses online personals has a policy for writing off people who don't post a picture. I try to avoid being shallow in things like dating, but I'm honest enough with myself to know I'm not going to date the creature from the black lagoon no matter how nice their personality may be. Now I can deal with an older picture as long as it's still a very good resemblance. I can respect that not everyone is a picture person since I'm not, but those "This is me plus a new hair color, cut, and 100lbs" pictures don't cut it. Thoughts? Flames? I don't even bother to read the profile if there is no picture... I have to be attracted first...then I read the profile... Plus to be honest, most of those profile are 'templates' so it's like 'tick the proper boxes'... not too personal. If the guy has poor grammar it's a turn off. I am extremely picky.
Timberlane Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 No picture? No, I wouldn't reply. My attractive friend posts CL personals all of the time without pictures, but I would never respond to them. In addition, I would not respond to an add with bad pictures, face shots alone, blurry cell phone pics, or endless pics of vacation sites and none of them. I posted over 15 pictures of myself in good lighting, full frame, and a good close up. The reason for doing this is to ensure you have some sort of potential physical attraction on the first date. If you post photos that hide your bad qualities, well, they are going to haunt you on that date, no? So you lay your cards on the table. Demonstrating what kind of person you are takes much longer and time is the only way to tell with that. Also, when you meet someone at random for the first time, you generally see all of them don't you? Why hobble online dating to make it less than that?
Krytie TV Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 It's even tougher for men with no picture, because there are typically less women on the prowl and therefore more men for them to choose from. Pictureless ads generally go unread.
JosieMcCoy Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 If I did that I wouldn't show my pic!!! Then all they would see is my good looks and not pay attention to my spirit!!! Cheers!
Jane T Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 One of my friends is signed up for those sites and has yet to get any interest. She has pictures up, and what i think is a pretty normal discription. From what you're all saying. is she not getting responses because she's a creature from the black lagoon? She says its because the 50+ matches are all from too far away. Except for the ten in our city, I mean. I mean, I don't think she's attractive but then again I'm a female.
serial muse Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Yeah...as a woman, generally I don't get interested in someone without a pic. It's not the "most important" thing, to me - it just gives you a framework. I mean, the truth is, people often don't look that much like their pics anyway, and you can't really know how representative the picture is of how they look now. So I don't think a picture is everything, and I don't get too picky about whether it's closeup or whether there are enough images to give me a full rendering in 3-D. But I still think it's very important to have some image of yourself up there. A picture gives you something to work with. And, well, bottom line - I never contacted a guy who didn't have a pic up, and I only responded once to a pictureless guy who emailed me first. As someone said, there are a lot of people on there, and "no picture" is an easy first-order elimination criterion.
Tony T Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone else who uses online personals has a policy for writing off people who don't post a picture. I try to avoid being shallow in things like dating, but I'm honest enough with myself to know I'm not going to date the creature from the black lagoon no matter how nice their personality may be. Now I can deal with an older picture as long as it's still a very good resemblance. I can respect that not everyone is a picture person since I'm not, but those "This is me plus a new hair color, cut, and 100lbs" pictures don't cut it. Thoughts? Flames? If you like what they have to say about themselves, ask them to email a picture to you. It seems you don't much believe the pictures either as you dsy people can post a picture of themselves in a better state. So what's the big deal? I think it's much better to conduct courting in person including meeting people in real life. But if you must meet people over your computer, cut them some slack. There are many people who value their privacy and don't want the entire world to see their picture on a dating site. If you don't respect that, you aren't the one for them...just like they aren't for you.
Timberlane Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 If you have a correspondence with someone of the opposite sex based on mutual interests in a forum and then ask to see pictures later to venture into the area of possibly dating, that is entirely different. Your main interest was the conversation at first. But a dating site should be a lot more straightforward. I do know women that use dating sites to make friends as well as to look for romantic relationships. I became friends with someone that way. But still, we both knew very well what the other looked like. This made finding her a the "Starbucks on Main Street" easier. *Never tell someone to meet you at a Starbucks on a busy street. Odds are there will be more than one.
love4ever Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 My thoughts on it was this is freakin' 2007 if someone doesn't have a digital camera they probably know someone who does. So there is no excuse to me for anybody to NOT have a picture. My feeling is that if someone doesn't put one up they're kinda lazy anyway. Sorry it may seem selfish but if i don't see at least a glimmer of appeal....its pretty much pointless. When I was dating online I wasn't looking for friends, i had enough of them.
BenefitOfTheDoubt Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 As someone said, there are a lot of people on there, and "no picture" is an easy first-order elimination criterion. This is what it boils down to for me. Well this, and I also wonder *why* they don't have a picture. Unattractive is the first thing that comes to mind, of course, but there's also the possibility that they have a very low self-esteem (which is something I don't want to deal with) or they're married and looking for some action on the side (which is something I *really* don't want to deal with). I don't know about everyone else, but I'm *way* more picky in online dating than I am in real life. If I genuinely hit it off with someone I meet through a friend or my running group or work, the physical stuff is largely secondary. But online where you're evaluating potential exclusively by people's pictures and what they have to say about themselves? The first hint of a red flag, and I'm on to the next profile. (Full disclosure: I live in one of the biggest cities in the country, where every combination of search factors returns 500+ matches within a 10-mile radius, so it's very easy to be very picky.)
shenandoah Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Hi, just a twopenneth on this... i've used personals before - and i've had better sucesses when i've not used a picture..... Why? well, not blowing my own trumpet or anything but i'm attractive and young. I'm also into quite esoteric things (the1930s, foreign cinema etc) in the past, if i've put a nice picture up- ive had loads of messages- but from people who just thought i was fit, then said " yeah i'm really interested in the ww2 as well..." only when i waste my time messaging did i find they weren't really. And i've done the same thing too- some fit guy has sports on his profile. God- i hate sports- but i message him because he's fit! Since i removed my photo, ive had less messages, but better messages because people have liked my profile and have had mutual interests.
troutie jr Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 No pic. No interest. I don't speak to people with bags over their heads, so chances are I won't be talking to a blank square.
afc2dj Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Interesting responses. Theoretically, women claim personality wins over looks, hence no photo shouldn't matter [that is, a mans profile without a pic], as they need to get to know your personality anyways and the only way to do this is to chat/have a date [if they don't don't want nothing with you off-bat then looks would be most important right, as you never bother to take the time to get to know the guys personality?] I am a man, and am not good-looking. I figured online would get around this problem, although I know we would have to meet IRL, it did test out the personalily/looks issue. I discovered that most women mark pictures [hence looks] non-negotiable on their profile, meaning I can't even contact them. I did manage to get a few dates despite this, interestingly most didn't beyond the first meeting. This forum has interesting responses from the women, in other similar forums women seem to run around saying, "no looks don't matter " bla bla, nice to see some honesty at last.
Author Sean0775 Posted November 3, 2007 Author Posted November 3, 2007 This forum has interesting responses from the women, in other similar forums women seem to run around saying, "no looks don't matter " bla bla, nice to see some honesty at last. Yeah, I always get a good laugh when men or women talk about how looks don't matter in the least. I wonder if any of them have ever seen that movie The Elephant Man?
Phateless Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I'm just curious if anyone else who uses online personals has a policy for writing off people who don't post a picture. I try to avoid being shallow in things like dating, but I'm honest enough with myself to know I'm not going to date the creature from the black lagoon no matter how nice their personality may be. Now I can deal with an older picture as long as it's still a very good resemblance. I can respect that not everyone is a picture person since I'm not, but those "This is me plus a new hair color, cut, and 100lbs" pictures don't cut it. Thoughts? Flames? Years ago I have met people without seeing their pic first... big mistake. I absolutely will not even talk to someone until I see the pic... If you're not attracted to them, there's no way it will ever work, so why waste the time? I haven't read the thread yet, btw, so sorry if my comment is redundant.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 From a female, looks do matter - they just are not the be all and end all, and someone who treats a girl right, has a great sense of humour, cracking personality will get better looking in my eyes when you see these traits, however there has to be some attraction there in the first place. I never just meet guys that I think phwar, I meet ones that I think he looks ok, he might be better in person and lets see what the rest of him and his personality is like. But no pic - no response. It is also a safety thing for girls, like I said you wanna know you are talking to someone who appears to be geniune and not gonna do something bad on your first meeting. Thats just how I see it anyway.
Phateless Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 From a female, looks do matter - they just are not the be all and end all, and someone who treats a girl right, has a great sense of humour, cracking personality will get better looking in my eyes when you see these traits, however there has to be some attraction there in the first place. I never just meet guys that I think phwar, I meet ones that I think he looks ok, he might be better in person and lets see what the rest of him and his personality is like. But no pic - no response. It is also a safety thing for girls, like I said you wanna know you are talking to someone who appears to be geniune and not gonna do something bad on your first meeting. Thats just how I see it anyway. It's just a blind date that you arrange yourself, nothing more. If your friend set you up on a blind date with someone unattractive, you'd be pissed at them wouldn't you? Same thing...
uniqueone Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I get "winks" or their equivalent from men without pictures, I think WTF? I mean, what's the point of them not sending me a message AND not showing a picture either. And they think I'm going to be interested? Based on WHAT? However, if they send a MESSAGE without a picture, and I like what their profile says, I'll ask for a picture. But I won't actually meet anyone without seeing a picture first. My free time's too valuable to me. Women aren't going to spend time fixing themselves up to go out when they don't even know if there will be any physical attraction. (note to guys: women put on makeup, fix their hair, etc...before going out....it's not that simple). Yes, looks DO matter to women. At least to THIS woman they do. Guys...would you want to kiss Rosey O'Donnell? Well, I wouldn't want to kiss Ron Jeremy [excuse me while I go puke] Why would you think women are any different in being physically attracted? Attraction includes personal attraction which is based upon the faces that we grew up with as well as classical attraction which is based upon symmetry. (even infants are more drawn to symmetry) Of course it's not only looks that matter in a person, but hopefully everyone already knows that.
shenandoah Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 yeah i agree- i go for "looks" mainly, but that doesn't mean i'm looking for brad pitt. i think hes not that nice! lol. When i say looks, yes i like dark haired guys, but also other things as well that pertains to "looks"- like the guy i like at the moment- theres something about his hair, his eyes are very soft, the way he talks, the way he moves, his demeanour, i like these tiny little bits of him, but- i've shown his picture to some friends and theyve said " he's not THAT good looking", but he is to me. the way somebody looks also says a lot about a person in little ways, my guy has quite long scruffy hair, is sometimes unshaven, wears scruffy clothes, but this understated part of him is reflected in his personality. For me a turn off is when guys spend ages on the way they look, like being a body builder or something- but hey its personal opinion! one of my girlfriends is the opposite to me- everybody likes something different. so don't assume that when people wants pics its because they want you to look like george clooney!
Heavenly55 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Years ago I have met people without seeing their pic first... big mistake. I absolutely will not even talk to someone until I see the pic... If you're not attracted to them, there's no way it will ever work, so why waste the time? I haven't read the thread yet, btw, so sorry if my comment is redundant. Even with a pic for the most part women in particular who look great in pictures look soso in real life and I know really pretty girls who do not photograph well at all. I mean with photoshop and all the frigin editing people do. I'm not big on pictures, never have been and I can take 20 pics and find 2 I like..yea I'm that vain. Plus, I get told I look hotter in person lol. But for guys, yup looks do matter to me. For me a deal breaker is height. I only met one guy off a site and of couse he lists himself as 5'8. When I met him, mind you I had flat ons he was prob a tad shorter than me and I'm around 5'5, and well I was just turned off by it. Sounds bad but I must be attracted to the person.
love4ever Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Interesting responses. Theoretically, women claim personality wins over looks, hence no photo shouldn't matter [that is, a mans profile without a pic], as they need to get to know your personality anyways and the only way to do this is to chat/have a date [if they don't don't want nothing with you off-bat then looks would be most important right, as you never bother to take the time to get to know the guys personality?] I am a man, and am not good-looking. I figured online would get around this problem, although I know we would have to meet IRL, it did test out the personalily/looks issue. I discovered that most women mark pictures [hence looks] non-negotiable on their profile, meaning I can't even contact them. I did manage to get a few dates despite this, interestingly most didn't beyond the first meeting. This forum has interesting responses from the women, in other similar forums women seem to run around saying, "no looks don't matter " bla bla, nice to see some honesty at last. Well even though when I did the online dating, I did feel that pics were absolutely necessary. Mainly because the one time I decided to trust some guy that didn't have a pic and I just went off what he said he looked like. When I met the guy he was like a very big 300lb man with a fat neck and whatnot. So no I don't trust someone without a pic, sorry. .....I did give a chance to guys I didn't feel an immediate attraction too though. Really i need the pic b/c it shows someone can be honest. But at the same time for me I tried not to immediately discount a person for their looks. I mean I didn't think my current bf was cute in high school but this time around I think he's too cute.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Even with a pic for the most part women in particular who look great in pictures look soso in real life and I know really pretty girls who do not photograph well at all. I mean with photoshop and all the frigin editing people do. I'm not big on pictures, never have been and I can take 20 pics and find 2 I like..yea I'm that vain. Plus, I get told I look hotter in person lol. But for guys, yup looks do matter to me. For me a deal breaker is height. I only met one guy off a site and of couse he lists himself as 5'8. When I met him, mind you I had flat ons he was prob a tad shorter than me and I'm around 5'5, and well I was just turned off by it. Sounds bad but I must be attracted to the person. But a pic gives a rough idea that the hair colour style, the eyes, face shape etc are too your liking. Like I said it just gives you an idea rather than meeting someone who resembles road kill in your eyes.
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