blindao2 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 My wife and I have been married for over 5 years now and we have a wonder 4 year old daughter. Im in the military so we move quite often and since we have moved last it seems that everything has been going bad. when we got here she started going to the bars and stuff with some newly met friends while I basically stayed home and babysat our child, at first it didnt really bother me because i knew she needed to get out and make some friends, so it was cool with me, then it became an every weekend thing where she would do it every fri-sat. she would stay out till 3-5 in the morning then sleep all day so we couldnt do anything as a family, really tough on me... i confronted her about it and she backed off a little. During that time that she was at the bars i definitely pulled away from her emotionally because i didnt like who she had become... So she started hanging out with some other friends and going over to their houses and stuff, not a big deal, we were having our weekends back and i was getting much happier. well recently i found pics online of her kissing one of her so called "friends". I told her that was completely unacceptable and there is no way I should have to deal with that... Since then she has shut down from me completely, she wont wear her wedding ring and she wont touch me and it is really hard for her to look at me, she says the marriage counseling isnt working for her... and i have found online that she has numerous times tried to contact this "friend", she says that she wants to "try" to make the marriage work but wont give me any sort of commitment on her part... I love this woman with all my heart and it hurts me so bad that she could do this to me, she has even written this guy a whole bunch of love letters saying that he is the only one for her, she says that she honestly doesnt feel way for him, she says she was just caught up in the moment... she has told me numerous times that she thinks im controlling cause i told her i didnt want her to go to the bar anymore, personally i think its a pretty reasonable request... I dont know what to do, I love her and would do anything for her but i honestly dont know how much farther i can go without something from her telling me that she is into it... its like im living with a rock. I guess im writting this for some encouragement as well as just to get it off my chest. thanks for listening:(
lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Being M to someone in the military is a hard task....There will be times when she will feel like she is living her life for you, everything revolves around you, you get stationed someone, she picks up and moves, you have to go on tour, she has to stay home watch the children and live by her self, with no one around that she knows....It sounds to me like she was angry with you and now she is confused as to what her next step should be, she is debating if she should try to make herself happy, or stay with you being unhappy but, in love. Try to tell her that you know the life style that you two live is rough, and you do love her so much for scarificing so much for your career, try to get her to say what you two can do as a family to ease the pain she feels from all of this, and then tell her what you need. She needs to go out once in a while (with you watching the kids) that makes her feel like you do care if she has fun, tell her you do not mind, but it is becoming too much, tell her once ever two weeks or so (or what ever you feel is right) but you will not stand for flirting in any sense.....I don't know why MC wouldn't help with this one, it seems like situation that can be worked through.
Author blindao2 Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 I know, ive done all that, honestly friends dont bother and her going out is fine with me, i feel she just needs to share her time and her friends are always seeming to be winning... honestly everything right now seems to suck, kinda feels like im the only one willing to make sacrifices for this to work, i feel like im begging her to love me and i know it shouldnt be that way.
lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Women have a funny way of holding there anger in until it's too late, ask her if it is too late...the answer will hurt be don't beg tell her, listen if you do want this to work, I need you to do A,B,C
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