loripuff Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Hi! I need some advice. I have had a crush on a man who works in the same small building as me, different department. I had a crush on him from day 1, before I knew he was engaged to be married. Since that time we have been friendly, but in no way flirtatious. In the last week, he has come up to me and leaned over my shoulder while I was at the computer..very much in my personal space, he's staring at me, smiling at me from across the room, and when he comes up and talks to me he bumps his hip against me and is flirty cute. Now my crush has gone from a scale of 2 out of 10 to like 11 out of 10. Is this harmless behavior that I'm misreading or is this something more? What type of behaviors from men indicate something beyond just fun flirting? Another problem, he's still married and I dont' want to be a homewrecker....I'd actually like him less if he makes a move on me...means he's not the good guy I think he is. Do I say something to him....if so, what?
with_out_a_safteynet Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Small physical contact is an obvious way of flirting(cute bumping, personal space). Just do yourself a favor- JUST LET IT BE A CRUSH- be responsible and stay away; This is the last thing you need in your and his life. Its cliche' but there is plenty of fish in the sea. I have flirted numerous times with people at work and some are married but thats all it is to me- is a fun pass time while at work.
Author loripuff Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 I've been toying with the idea of lightheartedly telling him that he shouldn't be so flirtatious with me because I have a crush on him and he's unavailable. Although I like the attention and have the hots for him, I think I'd like to do something to end the flirting. As it goes on something bad is going to happen with him or I'm going to be miserable pining away for him.
crazy_grl Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Do you get out and meet other guys? If not, do. It's easier not to think about some unavailable guy flirting with you when you've got another one who's available to think about.
with_out_a_safteynet Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Come on lori, It seems that you know better than this, forget this guy and move on to other ppl
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Do yourself a favour and don't go there. If you wonder why, you might want to read up in the OW/OM forum. As for flirtation, it happens all the time in office situations. It's up to you how far you're willing to go, or in essence, how low you're willing to go...
BentSpine Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 What type of behaviors from men indicate something beyond just fun flirting? Your co-worker seems relaxed around you, smiling and bumping into you. Not exactly the signs of a person battling his conscience over the fact that he already has a partner but at the same time feels attracted to you. If your co-worker was attracted to and liked you while at the same time still caring about his current partner, he wouldn't smile. Because he would know that regardless of the outcome, there would be heartache for one of two persons he cared about: himself or his current partner.
nicki Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I agree with what everyone else has said. How about changing the way you think about this? Instead of being flattered by his attention, think of it as an insult. And it is. He's married. All he wants to do is f#ck you. That's not a compliment. You could walk into any bar and find a guy who would want to do that. Think of his poor wife. She must love him and here he is flirting with you. Some prize he is! He's an unfaithful loser. Don't be flattered. If you turn him down, he'll just go on to another woman. He doesn't think there is anything special about you, except for the thought that you might sleep with him. That's pretty lame. So, don't flirt back with him. Next time he bumps against your hip, move out of the way and say "Oh, excuse me." don't smile or anything. Next time he says something flirty, ignore him completely or say "I don't think your wife would appreciate you saying that." Anyway, start flirting with available men. Flirting with unavailable men and wanting attention or more with them is not romantic. It's dysfunctional. Think of it in that way. Now go flirt with the cute, young, and single office hottie.
BentSpine Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Don't feel bad about showing interest in a person whose already in a relationship. If they are happy in their relationship they won't respond to you showing interest.
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