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Problem with my boyfriend

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Hi Everyone,


I've been dating this guy for about four months now. Prior to that I was engaged and living with someone. So when I met my current boyfriend it was important to both of us to take things slow - I didn't want him to be a rebound, nor did he care to be one.


We started off taking things very slowly. However, we have mutual friends who told me that he had expressed to them that he felt very strongly towards me and could see a future for us. As the relationship progressed a bit more, he started asking questions about my ex and I reassured him constantly that I was in no way interested in going back to him (I'm really not - it wasn't a very good relationship to begin with).


He has a great job that he loves and he works a lot. He's trying to save money to buy a house and things like that, which I respect tremendously. He is also one of those genuinely nice guys that helps everyone out. The problem is becoming that he's either 1.) always at work or 2.) too tired from helping everyone that at the end of the day there's nothing left for me.


He gives me mixed signals - telling me he'd like a drawer in my bureau to keep some things for when he stays over, then telling me that he's not going to see me for this entire month (no, I'm not kidding) because he's going to be busy with work. We talked about these things a few weeks ago - the fact that I never see him and all of that - and he said it was hard for him (he'd been single for over a year before he met me) but that he would try to change. It seemed to work for a bit, but now it's back to how it was before.


My entire problem with him is that I'm starting to fall in love with him and he seems scared or not interested or bored or whatever his problem may be. I've tried talking to him about his lack of communication skills and spent lots of time reassuring him about my feelings for him, but it doesn't seem to work. I'm confused between what he tells our friends as to how he feels about me and what he does when he's with me (acts pretty cold). I'm considering breaking up with him because I can't stand his behavior, and everyone I know thinks I should, but there's a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that says that he's such a great guy and I'd be crazy to break up with him.


I'd like advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation or can maybe make sense out of my babbling enough to tell me what to do. Thank you!!

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If he is such a great guy, then why would he continue to treat you this way even after you expressed that you weren't happy with his behavior? I think you need to have another talk with him and give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you aren't happy with the way things are going and that if you don't see improvement, then you're outta there. Also, let him know that you care deeply for him, which is why you are expressing your feelings to him and trying to improve your relationship.


That is basically the most you can do. It is up to HIM to make the change. Either he's in it or he's not. If he doesn't improve for good, then I would break all ties before your heart becomes more intertwined with his and the break up is more painful in the long run. Best wishes!



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