lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I was doing so well (one month and one day) but today, I wrote him an e-mail, not bad I guess...He text me the day after I broke it off with him (when I told him if he contacted me in anyway I would tell his wife) well he text -Truce?- I never sent anything back until today....CRAP!! all it said was 3 lines I don't know if you've been worried about it, but don't stress I will not tell your wife. Though I do not agree with your actions it is none of my business anymore. I wish you well, little stress, and happiness But I so left the door open for him to contact me and if he does, I will hate myself.....If he doesn't I will hate myself...CRAP! Is there a recall button?
JosieMcCoy Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Wow! What you wrote is kinda confusing!!! I hope you find some peace! Cheers!
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 But by doing this, was it closure? What about your husband...Aren't you two trying to work it out?
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 My H and I tried to work it out, but my H decided he can never trust me again and made me leave after 3 days of trying (I wasn't even back home)... I think that is part of the reason I broke down. Closure? not sure; in a way maybe but I thought me telling him to go away and never come back was closure....I shouldn't have cared if he was worried I would tell the wife, but I was I know he has a lot of things on his mind and I didn't want that idea dragging him down too...not that he cares anything about me, so why should I care either...
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Do you want your marriage to work? Are you willing to do everything that he needs you to do if he takes you back again? Remember, his life was turned upside down and I'm sure his emotions are all over the map right now. The problem is, you decided so quickly to get ahold of the exMM...Need to ask, how serious are you about working on your marriage? Sorry, I'm also abit confused as to the other threads revenge...Is this the same MM you were talking about on those threads and the one you're meaning now? If so, didn't you say he was a big jerk?? Just trying to understand your reasonings of contacting him, unless you want to be the OW in his life again?
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 I want my M to work, if my H can be happy again, if not I will let him go, and I will do anything for his happiness even if that means I need to leave, the last time H and I were together, He was upset becuase I didn't kiss him like I wanted to (his words) the time before that we had a great day, when we got back to our house he became depressed, he said he was afraid I would hurt him and that I need to leave, so I did...the time before that he was depressed, and the time before that...I told him last time that all I bringing him right now is sadness, and I do not want him to be sad, and I left, he hasn't called in 4 days, he went on vacation...I know I have to give my H time, but it is going on 5 months now, and he still has not even said if he is willing to try or not he comes over to the apartment once every few days, cries on my shoulder tells me he loves me and wants to work on it, next day I will call or stop by and he hates me again.. No I don't want to be MM's OW ever again, I shouldn't have e-mailed...like I said in another thread I don't miss him, I miss myself before this all started, I was having a couple of bad days and I needed someone to just "be nice" I don't know why I thought I would get it from MM, I was really really depressed, can't talk to friends about it, can't talk to family, can't talk to H Yes MM was/is a jerk...l should hate him right now, but I forgot for a minute,,,,He was part of my life for a long time and I miss talking to him 3-4 times a day, I don't miss him being a jerk, but he gave really good advice, he knew me in away that my H never did...not "sexual" but me, and the way I thought about things...I needed someone to talk to 1
Meaplus3 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I was doing so well (one month and one day) but today, I wrote him an e-mail, not bad I guess...He text me the day after I broke it off with him (when I told him if he contacted me in anyway I would tell his wife) well he text -Truce?- I never sent anything back until today....CRAP!! all it said was 3 lines I don't know if you've been worried about it, but don't stress I will not tell your wife. Though I do not agree with your actions it is none of my business anymore. I wish you well, little stress, and happiness But I so left the door open for him to contact me and if he does, I will hate myself.....If he doesn't I will hate myself...CRAP! Is there a recall button? Lost, I would not look at this as a failure on your part, a simple human weakness to have contact with a person in your life that has made a big inpact on you! Matter's of the heart are tough and it takes time to deal with it all. Yes you did open the door here. If mm does not contact you it will hurt. However if it was meant to be it will if not ( and time will tell) you need to let it go! Hug's! AP:)
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I want my M to work, if my H can be happy again, if not I will let him go, and I will do anything for his happiness even if that means I need to leave, the last time H and I were together, He was upset becuase I didn't kiss him like I wanted to (his words) the time before that we had a great day, when we got back to our house he became depressed, he said he was afraid I would hurt him and that I need to leave, so I did...the time before that he was depressed, and the time before that...I told him last time that all I bringing him right now is sadness, and I do not want him to be sad, and I left, he hasn't called in 4 days, he went on vacation...I know I have to give my H time, but it is going on 5 months now, and he still has not even said if he is willing to try or not he comes over to the apartment once every few days, cries on my shoulder tells me he loves me and wants to work on it, next day I will call or stop by and he hates me again.. Then take the bull by the horn and ask him what he wants from you. Tell him you'll do everything he asks you to do - But, if he isn't willing to give you that chance, you can't stick around and ride the rollercoaster daily either. You both should do individual counselling, as well as marriage counselling together. No I don't want to be MM's OW ever again, I shouldn't have e-mailed...like I said in another thread I don't miss him, I miss myself before this all started, I was having a couple of bad days and I needed someone to just "be nice" I don't know why I thought I would get it from MM, I was really really depressed, can't talk to friends about it, can't talk to family, can't talk to H See, the sad thing is, your husband doesn't want to be hurt by you, yet when alone, you called the MM...I mean this nicely and I'm sorry this isn't meant to sound harsh, but calling the MM isn't going to solve the problems in your marriage, infact, it could only make it worse. I mean, what if the MM calls your husband and says "your wife called me!" Trust is so important right now, so don't do anything that will make your husband mistrust you more. Come here then post, don't call MM anymore. It's over and it's best to slam that door shut, lock it and throw away the key. Relying on him to make you feel better isn't the answer, even if it feels good at that moment. It isn't worth it. Yes MM was/is a jerk...l should hate him right now, but I forgot for a minute,,,,He was part of my life for a long time and I miss talking to him 3-4 times a day, I don't miss him being a jerk, but he gave really good advice, he knew me in away that my H never did...not "sexual" but me, and the way I thought about things...I needed someone to talk to Again, then seek some counselling. And post here. Get out your thoughts and fears, just don't call him again... What the MM can provide for you isn't going to help you at all when it comes to fixing your marriage and trying to regain your husband's trust and faith. I'm sure your H wants the MM far away from you as possible.
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks WWIU, That is very good advice, I slipped, I don't want the MM back, so mad at myself
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 AP everytime you post anywhere it is like a great big hug..thank you!
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 AP is a ray of sunshine! I know it's not easy on you, just don't beat up on yourself. You made a mistake...Just put the MM email on block and do your best to just relax and have some fun, forget about things until your H comes back into Town. Then, talk to him...lay it all out for him, tell him your expectations, of him and of yourself - What you want, and make it clear to him that you DO love him, but if he isn't willing to give you a chance to prove yourself, then there's no point in continuing with the marriage...Most who give 2nd chances, are allowed to live with their spouse again and ride out the bad times together, as hard as that is, it's something HE is going to have to decide on his own...if he can handle it.
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 However, WWIU, if he's having thoughts or images of that sort, he may not be able to handle it. I said to lost in another posting, it would be wise not to go around her husband, or STBXH, until they have IC, or whatever.
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 This time I think H might have decided he was done, he didn't call me for 3 days and then today all I received was a text saying have a good weekend, I text back U 2, he didn't answer....I put my resume online today and I applied for a car loan and a house loan...I think I am leaving...I know it is running away from my problems, but oh well, I already hurt everyone, and I am already hurting so I don't see it making it any worse
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 This time I think H might have decided he was done, he didn't call me for 3 days and then today all I received was a text saying have a good weekend, I text back U 2, he didn't answer....I put my resume online today and I applied for a car loan and a house loan...I think I am leaving...I know it is running away from my problems, but oh well, I already hurt everyone, and I am already hurting so I don't see it making it any worse Like we said, get to IC before this get any worse! This is weighing you down, I'm really starting to see it now.
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Don't do ANYTHING until you talk to him. He'll be back in afew days so talk to him when he's back and just find out what he feels, what he's thinking and what he wants to do. If he wants out, then do the divorce quickly so you both can heal and move on without dragging out months of pain and heartache. Have some faith! I mean, if you love this man and want to stay married to him, then fight your ass off for him!! Even if he at the end throws in the towel, atleast you will know you fought your hardest to get him back. If you just make plans and walk away, you may regret that one day.. Crap, just reading my reply I totallly contradicted myself...But, I think you know what I mean, right?
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Don't do ANYTHING until you talk to him. He'll be back in afew days so talk to him when he's back and just find out what he feels, what he's thinking and what he wants to do. If he wants out, then do the divorce quickly so you both can heal and move on without dragging out months of pain and heartache. Have some faith! I mean, if you love this man and want to stay married to him, then fight your ass off for him!! Even if he at the end throws in the towel, atleast you will know you fought your hardest to get him back. If you just make plans and walk away, you may regret that one day.. Crap, just reading my reply I totallly contradicted myself...But, I think you know what I mean, right? Ok, to what she said!
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Have some faith! I mean, if you love this man and want to stay married to him, then fight your ass off for him!! Even if he at the end throws in the towel, atleast you will know you fought your hardest to get him back. If you just make plans and walk away, you may regret that one day.. Crap, just reading my reply I totallly contradicted myself...But, I think you know what I mean, right? I don't want to push him I can see the look of hate in his face...I really don't think he will ever forgive me, I don't know why he won't just say that. I don't mind if he changes his mind in a couple of months, but he will not even let me try for more than 5-6 hours to fight my ass off.
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Like we said, get to IC before this get any worse! This is weighing you down, I'm really starting to see it now. and I am in IC, he said I sound very logical in my thought process and was taking steps to move on, which is a good thing..(and then gave me a hug)
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Ahh k. Well, write him a long letter and put all your feelings down and let him read it. Say exactly what you've said here, that you feel he hates you by the look on his face. He needs to know what you are thinking and feeling too. If he wants things to even slightly work, he has to give you the chance (put that in there too) and not run away.
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 and I am in IC, he said I sound very logical in my thought process and was taking steps to move on, which is a good thing..(and then gave me a hug) Ok, that's good, and your husband? Is he getting any counseling of any kind? If he's not, this'll destroy him before too long, he should be told that......... By the way, I posted again in the Coping Thread of yours, again.
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I don't want to push him I can see the look of hate in his face...I really don't think he will ever forgive me, I don't know why he won't just say that. I don't mind if he changes his mind in a couple of months, but he will not even let me try for more than 5-6 hours to fight my ass off. That's the rollercoaster of emotions he's on, he's all over the place!
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Ok, that's good, and your husband? Is he getting any counseling of any kind? If he's not, this'll destroy him before too long, he should be told that......... By the way, I posted again in the Coping Thread of yours, again. No, he did the counseling (MC) thing before the A, and he thought it was crap, he almost punched the T for saying, that if my weight bothers me - don't eat (long story) anyways, when in MC, the T said that my H was fine but I need IC so now my H thinks he has no problems and he doesn't need to go, I even try to get him to go to the doctors for anti-depressants (I think he has lost 20#, he is sickley looking). He don't believe in mental problems he is the old fashion, It's your thoughts fix them yourself type, even with my issues during MC the T said I needed to get on some anti-depressants and my H refused to let me take them
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