First day of NC add your daily thoughts and lets beat the NC disease together

[mikesinclair]

oooooohhhhhhgggrrrrhhhh, having a bad surge to call her and say hi, and the usual i miss u ect.., but no im putting it on here instead... cor, that was a close one. Not ready yet to be friends, but i can see it coming soon.. soon..

I wonder how's shes doing tho.. ?

[bigheartkindsoul]

oooooohhhhhhgggrrrrhhhh, having a bad surge to call her and say hi, and the usual i miss u ect.., but no im putting it on here instead... cor, that was a close one. Not ready yet to be friends, but i can see it coming soon.. soon..

I wonder how's shes doing tho.. ?

 

Hey there stop wondering, trust me the more you do NC, the more you get your life on track, the more you have to occupy your mind and your self, these thoughts and urges to call will get less and less and less. Yeah sure I get the odd one, never once though have I broken NC.

 

And answer me this, howcome in most cases the dumpee who yearns to get back into contact with the ex and not the dumper......never got my head round that :p

 

Dumpers are heartless and most times gutless so and so's (wanted to swear but didn't want a warning!!! )

[Amy22]

This has been a rough weekend. My ex and I were talking again. But he still kept telling me he would call at such and such a time and never call. I got tired of looking like the foul last night after I left a party earlier so I could be available for his call and he texted 4 1/2 later to say he got tied up. I can't do it anymore and I told him we have to go back to no contact. And that this time I mean it for him not to contact me. He texted me that I will always love you . Don't ever forget that!!!!!!!!! Ever! How can he love me and lie to me all the time? If we both love each other why can't we make this work? I keep reading that text message over and over and crying. I want to take back what I said but I know how awful it feels to sit by the phone and watch the phone and the clock wondering what is so imortant that again he didn't keep his promises. I feel so sick inside. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

[amythan]

Amy, i am really sorry to hear this. Do not be so hard with yourself, this is difficult and you are doing your best. I do not really think you are fooling yourself but i understand what you mean. i went through everything you said. Exactly the same, went out to a party to phone him, wainting at home staring the phone and my email .. This kind of txt are very cruel, i got them too, in my case i think it was just his guilty concience .. Two people can love eachother and not be able to make to work a relationship. But last time i spoke with my ex he gave all the possible excuses: distance, age difference .. but when i said this are just excuses if you love you will do whatever to be with me, he answered it is not white or black, i love you but not enough to go ahead with this. And you know what, it was exactly what i needed. Now i know this is not worth it. Perhaps it is not the same with your ex but wondering just keep you on the string and prevents you to move on. Keep with nc, you are doing a good job and you seem a great person who deserves more than this.

[minerva63]

You've been so supportive of so many people on this thread. It's awful to hear how you're being treated.

 

You've probably heard this before but your worth isn't determined by how others treat you. That has been my mantra for the last month as I've struggled with this.

 

Start over with NC. You can do this. If I can, anybody can.

[chall24503]

Two months here and well I feel the same today as the first day... stay busy and be around family and friends. It will get better.

[hopeforlove243]

I broke NC last Thursday, I found out he was still sick and didn't go work yesterday, so we exchanged couple phone calls. He called me before I left work to join my friends for dinner, I told him that, he just said 'have a good time, just want to call say hi'. So, I called him today, just want to see if he is getting better, I left a msg around noon, and called him again half hour ago, no answer. Now all I think is that he is with his new female friend now, and that just upset me so much, I couldn't stop crying. Breaking NC is not good especially when you still love the other person I am sooooooooo sad now.

[Amy22]

Thanks amythan and minerva63, I really appreciate your advice. I am going to give it my best to stay to no contact. Day one is down. I do believe that he is going to think I am not serious and try to contact me. Do you think I should just ignore his request or just tell him again that I would appreciate him not to contact me until he has actually made changes in his life not just promise me he is trying. I am pretty certain that I will get a text during the week that just says hi or hi how are you doing. People who are doing no contact should just ignore them correct? This is so hard. Before when he initiated contact I always spoke with him. But nothing changed and that wasn't working. He is trying to get help so if he is ready to make a commitment and I want to be available. This is so confusing to know what to do and when especially when you want someone back. I hope my questions made sense.

 

chall, Thanks for the encouragement that things will get better. Two months is along time. Good Job.

 

hopeforlove, It is hard when they don't answer, probably harded then not calling at all because then you wonder what they are doing. I have also been crying a lot. It is so hard. It is hard to understand why we must go through this pain. Why life can't be happier. I look at all the people on here that are hurting and it just doesn't seem right and fair. I guess all we can do is hope for better days. A day when we won't cry and feel sad. A day when we will be happy. Keep your head up.

[hopeforlove243]

Hi Amy, thanks for your message, today definitely is a bad day for me. I actually went out to meet a guy (potential travel partner), and while I was sitting there having coffee with this guy, all I could think about is my ex, all the trips we took together, if we were still together, we would be traveling to somewhere for Christmas, now, I am here alone, trying to meet other people, restart my life again. It hits me so hard... I just hope all these crying can stop someday, and I can be really happy again.

[minerva63]

Amy

I wouldn't answer his texts. He won't take your demands really seriously until you show a change in behavior. Promising to change, trying to change, and then actually changing are very different stages. He's still in the first one and has been for some time.

What's that saying? Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

 

It's hard, it gets worse before it gets better, but it will get better.

[mikesinclair]

i got a txt message the other night asking how i was and did i get a certain job and then to be asked about money that is owed to her, Well money that when we were together i agreed to pay some of what she had spent. ( she was the one that upped and left and went back to her country before i was paid etc )

I replyed to explain that not all the money had been paid to me but i would send as much as i can now and more when i get paid. I also explained that i sent an email two weeks ago ( last point of contact ) asking for her bank details, to which she said she didnt receive the email... hmmm ( didnt get sent back to me )

anyway so i didnt give anything away, i didnt tell her about the job, which i got, or what i was doing or anything.

she replyed at 8am yeterday morining, and i was still up from the night before ( welcome home party ) and she just said she is sorry to ask for the money and but she is finding it really hard at the moment and wont get paid till the end of the month etc

I repled, i know its hard for you and im sorry its like this at the moment, as soon as i get more money i will send it over, then i said the worst thing ever, i said and one more thing, i miss you.

 

what an idiot i am, no reply to that, but what an idiot, i was doing so good with the NC and then i said that.

half of me just wants to tell her to F8ck off, i wasnt the one that left and tough s*it about the money, you was the one that abandoned me in the first place.

Now it feels as tho i have chased her and the counter is set to zero

I cant beleive i said i missed her.. stupid.

sorry just venting as my mates are getting bored of me lol

 

the thing now is, why should i pay her back ? cos i love her ? cos i want her back, or think that if i do it will win her back?

The way she left me was pretty dark and she didnt show any remorse, what if i dont pay her, i mean its not a great deal of cash... (1k)

i still have the problem of shipping all of my stuff back to the UK, she only had one bag...

 

please input peeps

[MattyTee]

Hey Mike,

 

Well my input is: You should pay her back because it's the right thing to do. You don't want to walk away from this bitter or angry (even if sometimes you can't help feeling like that). I know that everyone says saying things like "I miss you" is a terrible idea but to be honest with you if that's how you feel there is nothing wrong with saying it. Screw the mind-games! You aren't making yourself a doormat by being honest (which I believe is a fairly good trait) or by saying you miss someone, you just come across as a human being.

 

Give yourself a break, maybe write an angry letter telling her to F off and then burn it or shred it. It will get those feelings out.

 

Good luck

[pinktiger]

Matty is right. There is nothing wrong to say nice things to people. However, it does make you feel like loser if there is no "i miss you too" back.

[mikesinclair]

. However, it does make you feel like loser if there is no "i miss you too" back.

 

tell me about it :mad:

[pinktiger]

been there, done that. you are not alone. our dumpees are the ones have difficulty to let our feelings go because we have been left without preparation. he dumped me on our anniversary. I don't think I will be able to forgive him for this for the rest of my life.

[MattyTee]

Matty is right. There is nothing wrong to say nice things to people. However, it does make you feel like loser if there is no "i miss you too" back.

 

Well Pink,

 

It's much better to be honest and caring with your feelings and the words you say if they are from the heart, without any need to hear anything back.

 

When you can say "I love you" to someone without needing to hear "I love you back" you have reached a place of peace and acceptance. That... is true love.

[MattyTee]

Just to be clear, it's not to say it's not hurtful if you don't hear it and I have been there. I just learnt that when I finally said I love you without needing anything back I felt happy and peaceful.

[Suny1]

10 days for me. I still feel like its all a dream.

[Amy22]

amythan and minerva63, thanks for your help. I am really going to try and stick to no contact this time. I am just afraid he is going to call and say he realizes he screwed up and that he really is going to try and I will be ignoring him. Hopefully he just won't contact and then I won't have to worry about why he is contacting me.

[Amy22]

mikesinclair, So the money you are paying her for is money of her own that she spent but you told her you would give her some money? So it isn't like she bought something for you or something you bought together? I would probably pay her as I could. I wouldn't rush to do it because she put herself in a position where she isn't getting paid till the end of the month. When you up and move you usually will go without a pay check for a little while. So she should have known that when she left. When I had extra money I would probably send it to her but I wouldn't send her money if it meant I was cutting myself short unless it was something she bought for me or money I borrowed. I mean when you agreed to help her pay for things if I am understanding correctly you did it because you were her boyfriend.

I agree with mattytee about saying you missed her. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. Look at what she is saying to you I am sure she doesn't feel great telling you how bad she needs the money after she up and left like that. I know I wouldn't want my ex to know I was having financial problems.

[pinktiger]

you can do it.

I am not as strong as the rest of your guys but I am happy for everyone who can make a progress on this forum. It encourage me to do the same.