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First day of NC add your daily thoughts and lets beat the NC disease together

mikesinclair

By mikesinclair
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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minerva63 Member

minerva63

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it's my pavolian response again. this is about the time we used to talk everyday and it kills me not to have that. need my fix. ugh.

NotAgain Member

NotAgain

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To keep it short - me and my ex are back together but going to take it slow :). I'm anxious about this as I am codependant and have jealousy issues, but hey. He thinks we rushed things, and we both need to work on certain things..most cummunication. Neither of us react to problems in the right way. So, yeah. I may not see him until Thursday night :( But at least that will give him time to miss me some more, and will bemore special when we see each other. I need to back off a bit I guess, and kinda let him work more to get my attention. I don't even mean that in a way where I am pllaying games, but in a positive way...he'll feel like he isn't being suffocated and it may make things more fun rather than rushing into things.

 

NC and LC (depending on the situation) can only do good :) Trust me.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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I am happy for you NotAgain. I hope things continue to look up for you. This is a great start. Keep us up to date.

 

minerva63, I understand needing your fix. It isn't east trying to find something to do during the time you would normally talk with them or be with them. I am sorry things are hard for you.

NotAgain Member

NotAgain

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Amy - only just saw your post. Thanks, hun :). Just updated ya, lol. Yeah, we're taking it slow. I am anxious about this all and still hurt, but there you go. He said he still has strong feelings for me, but I was pushing them away by being...well, too needy and nagging I guess :confused:. He said there is still love there, it wouldn't just go like that but that it was fading.....that ****ing hurt. But at least he was honest, and I was honest with him and said I dislike him at the moment, and think he acted like an Ahole. He said that's fair enough of me to say. Basicaly we were very honest, which we needed to be. Yeah, still not fully content and anxious about this "breathing space" but there you go.He promised he wasn't just saying it because he felf bad, and promised that wasn't code for 2I want to end it but breathing space sounds better" I guess all I can do is try to trust, let go, and let him have what he needs. obviously he has things he needs to change too, and I told him I can't be perfect. It's still quite a shock to the system that he wasn't as happy with me as I thought he was :( that hurts still. But honesty is the best policy, we can only work up from there. I guess it's kinda LC now.....*twiddle fingers*!

 

Oh, and something about NC. If you know your ex really isn't interested in a second chance (and you know it deep down) NC really is good for you. How do I know? Well, tonight when I saw the ex..almost every ounce of bitterness and anger faded, and all I felt was love and hurt. Everytime he looked at me and he smiled....omg...my heart melted. That will happen with an ex at first. As far as I was concerned he wanted me there to tell me it was over. And I still felt that love. It goes to show if you see them too soon after a break-up it will really set you back. All my plans fell out the window and I was smiling, we held hands and kissed(which felt so good...), he waked me home. I was planning on not tolet that happen straight off!

 

Love and lust is a bitch. It will get you every time. So if your ex is really over you and is no good, don't fall in that trap. I'm jusy lucky it turned out positive...it would have made me so much worse if not.

 

Be strong everyone! There is hope either way.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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NotAgain, I am glad you both were honest with each other. I think honesty goes a long way, even if it hurts. If he never told you it wouldn't change anything and you would be dealing with the same situation you were dealing with before you broke up. At least now you have something to work towards. I am also a needy nagging person so I understand that and I am trying to work on it. I really hope things work out for you. I am happy for you that you get a second chance at your relationship. Keep us up to date and let us know how things go. Good luck

 

Amy

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mikesinclair Member

mikesinclair

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The quote I posted kind of does make you second guess no contact but if you want some that I have that I read everyday that actually makes me feel better instead of questioning what I do let me know and I will post them.

 

thnx Amy, i have also written a nice closed email sayin thnx for the time and understood it was wrong timing etc.. no reply as yet but i dont really expect one.

can you send quotes you read everyday plz... sure that will help me.

thank you

Bosiell Established Member

Bosiell

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Good job Bosiell for having the strength to hold on to it, even if it is for one more day. I am glad you had a better day today. We need those once in a while just to gain control and be strong. I wrote a letter like that to my ex before we broke up because I felt that I couldn't get him to listen on the phone. It didn't stop us from breaking up or change anything but it made me feel like I told him everything I could say. I said my part now the rest was up to him. Like I said the outcome was still the same but I feel better knowing that I told him how I felt. I hope you continue to have good days.

 

Hi Amy

Well I decided to tone the letter down a little and it is now sent. Like you have said I do not expect anything to change because of it but I felt I needed to say some things to her that only can be said properly by a well written letter. I largley feel better the most part now, but I cant help but sometimes get carried away with hope that she may read it and feel for me again, but I know I MUST NOT dwell on that, I did not send the letter for that reason. I now really have to move on from this, yeah good days and not so good days, must keep riding those waves.

 

Hope you are well?

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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mikesinclair, here are some of the quotes I read when I feel down.

 

"Just because something good ends doesn't mean something better won't begin."

 

"Life is to short for regrets."

 

"Love the people who treat you right, forget the ones who don't."

 

"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"

 

"Don't waste your time on a man/women who is not willing to waste their time on you."

 

"If your love does not work with that person, it just means that someone else loves you more."

 

"Why keep your life on hold, for hope?"

 

"Advice is only asked to be given when you know the true answer; you just don't want to believe it."

 

"I would rather do something and find out that it was the wrong thing, than never know if it was the right thing."

 

 

"He taught me how to be different. He taught me how to not care what people thought and then he taught me how to mend a broken heart."

 

I think that is good you sent her an email as long as it makes you feel better. You said you didn't expect anything in return, if you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.

 

Bosiell, I am glad you you didn't send the email right away, it allowed you to make the changes you wanted to make. I am glad you feel better and know that we all loose ourselves in that hope, I think it is impossible not to. I think the day you have stopped hoping is the day you will move on. I think most of us in this post have hope, even though we know we shouldn't. I don't really think that is something you can control till you are just done with everything, so don't be hard on yourself about that. Do you know how much respect you will gain by sending a well written letter. Be proud of yourself for having the control to wait, read it again and make changes.

 

I think so many people here sound like wonderful people and the other person should feel lucky to have us. Not that any of us are perfect or trying to pretend we are, but we deserve more. Keep telling yourself that. The waves will get smaller and smaller, I promise.

 

NotAgain, I wonder how you felt getting back with your ex if you don't mind sharing. How long were you two apart? I am wondering because my ex is keeping me here, maybe as a back up. But I think of our situation and I look at his picture and I feel like I am looking at a stranger. I wonder if I could ever get back with him and get over this weird distant feeling I have right now. I haven't seen him in almost 2 months. It just feels all weird. I just wondered if you could share if you felt the same. Did things seem weird and do you feel like you have to start over like the nervousness of a new relationshoip? I hope that makes sense. It is hard to explain how I feel towards him. Thanks Amy

heartoutside Established Member

heartoutside

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I was wondering how many of you are in NC but your ex (who is the dumper) continues to contact you? I won't go into details about my story (out of the blue it gets good on page 2 or 3), but last week my ex contacted me almost daily, sent me a text in the middle of party she and I were both at with her new bf and sent me a text today asking if i was still ignoring her. She even asked my buddie at the party the other night why I was acting like this (no reply'n to her texts', phone calls and emails) and he told her that maybe I just needed some space. I guess she doesn't understand that......

 

OH and she just sent me a text as I was writting this...I won't open it though. She knows when I open her texts (some phones let you know when the person opens their text).

 

And then another one......so 2 texts in about 20 mins, one about my how much she loved my costume and how proud she was of it. ANd then another one about how she really misses communicating with me or something. (I didn't open that one just saw the preview...)

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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My ex and I both text and call each other. I just start initiating by texting him the last few days. But neither of us are seeing other people. We broke up because things weren't working and the option is open to get back together if we can figure out how to make it work and both willing to make changes so it isn't really the same thing as what you are going through.

 

I read some of your previous post you linked and I think you need to take the advice people have been giving you, I agree with them. This girl is not treating you very good and you deserve better. I can promise you there are girls out there that are good. You should not allow her to treat you this way. I would be done. If she wanted to be with you she would and I don't mean that to be hateful I just think you have to let this girl go. Stop playing her games.

minerva63 Member

minerva63

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Day 6....my longest streak to date. yeah me.

Bosiell Established Member

Bosiell

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mikesinclair, here are some of the quotes I read when I feel down.

 

"Just because something good ends doesn't mean something better won't begin."

 

"Life is to short for regrets."

 

"Love the people who treat you right, forget the ones who don't."

 

"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"

 

"Don't waste your time on a man/women who is not willing to waste their time on you."

 

"If your love does not work with that person, it just means that someone else loves you more."

 

"Why keep your life on hold, for hope?"

 

"Advice is only asked to be given when you know the true answer; you just don't want to believe it."

 

"I would rather do something and find out that it was the wrong thing, than never know if it was the right thing."

 

 

"He taught me how to be different. He taught me how to not care what people thought and then he taught me how to mend a broken heart."

 

I think that is good you sent her an email as long as it makes you feel better. You said you didn't expect anything in return, if you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.

 

Bosiell, I am glad you you didn't send the email right away, it allowed you to make the changes you wanted to make. I am glad you feel better and know that we all loose ourselves in that hope, I think it is impossible not to. I think the day you have stopped hoping is the day you will move on. I think most of us in this post have hope, even though we know we shouldn't. I don't really think that is something you can control till you are just done with everything, so don't be hard on yourself about that. Do you know how much respect you will gain by sending a well written letter. Be proud of yourself for having the control to wait, read it again and make changes.

 

I think so many people here sound like wonderful people and the other person should feel lucky to have us. Not that any of us are perfect or trying to pretend we are, but we deserve more. Keep telling yourself that. The waves will get smaller and smaller, I promise.

 

NotAgain, I wonder how you felt getting back with your ex if you don't mind sharing. How long were you two apart? I am wondering because my ex is keeping me here, maybe as a back up. But I think of our situation and I look at his picture and I feel like I am looking at a stranger. I wonder if I could ever get back with him and get over this weird distant feeling I have right now. I haven't seen him in almost 2 months. It just feels all weird. I just wondered if you could share if you felt the same. Did things seem weird and do you feel like you have to start over like the nervousness of a new relationshoip? I hope that makes sense. It is hard to explain how I feel towards him. Thanks Amy

 

 

Amy, thanks for your reply concerning the letter I sent. Yes I still feel better for sending it, and yes there is a certain self respect I feel for the things I said to her., I really took my time with it, wanted the last contact to be just right, of course I do not know how she will or has reacted. If she has put it straight in the bin then so be it, obviously is not the person I thought she was and not worthy of my words or my heart. Or if she has felt my words and appreciated them then good, something that will stay with her for some time I hope. Either way, I did all I could, said all I could, and will take pride with me now.

 

Some really nice quotes there to by the way. :)

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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Bosiell, even if she doesn't respond I don't think she would have trashed it without reading it, even if just out of curiosity. I know I couldn't trash it without reading it. I would have to know what it said.

 

minerva63, Good Job going 6 days. How does it feel? How are you doing?

MattyTee Established Member

MattyTee

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I shyly stopped posting here when I broke it after a month! Doh!

 

Bos, it's a good thing to send I think and I agree with Amy that she'll read it. I have a letter ready to send and I think I will next week. Now comes the taking some steps away and leaving it with fate :)

wounded70 New Member

wounded70

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Hi, I am new here and I am going on 5 days NC....Extremely hard. :lmao:

Bosiell Established Member

Bosiell

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I shyly stopped posting here when I broke it after a month! Doh!

 

Bos, it's a good thing to send I think and I agree with Amy that she'll read it. I have a letter ready to send and I think I will next week. Now comes the taking some steps away and leaving it with fate :)

 

 

Hey Matt

Yeah the letter has helped mainly, tho I must admit I am pretty down today, not sure its because of the letter and I have got my hopes up again, really not trying to think like that. Just one of those days I think, being a weekend and when I used to see her etc. Been knotted inside most of the day, hate that feeling so much. I cant really advise or not to send your letter, it is of course particular to your situation, if you feel like I did that I needed some FINAL contact and clear some things from your heart then yes do it. But as hard as it is, you have not think about it being a last plea, I am finding that a little hard tho to shake off tho. But yeah in the long run I will be glad of the letter. Yup seeing now what Mr Fate has in store ;)

Msblueyes Established Member

Msblueyes

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The first week he was calling me at least once a day but now it's been few & far between.

 

We're not really in NC...or maybe just not "seeing" each other face to face. He was the one who moved out (after seven years) and left a note on a napkin that he got his own place.

 

He's been working hard on a job out of town & hasn't had anytime for himself, which I am aware of....but I did talk to him briefly on Halloween but it sounded like he was at a party/bar so I didn't really say much, plus was out having drinks with friends.

 

I don't know if I should call him now, today, or let him call me.

 

He said we could get together & sit down & talk after this job was done.

 

I don't know what to do now. I miss him terribly....He's living with a friend (guy) and I'm all alone. I do have some wonderful girlfriends who I get together with but the nights are hard.

 

I'm not crying all the time anymore but just feel lonely.

StingphNJ New Member

StingphNJ

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I told my ex boyfriend after 3 years that he was not giving me any indication that he intends to have a future with me.

 

I have been nothing but supportive of him, we do not live together and he called me everyday, and used to come to my house @ night.

 

He would spend Saturday& Sunday mornings with me @ my house & we would talk mostly about other people or things, the topic of us was rarely ever discussed. I tried for the longest time to assume it was understood. But over the past few months he came to vist me less & less, and when I called him he would be @ a friends house @ a decent hour, and never came to my house before 11:30 pm. It was not just for a piece...most times we just hung out, but I care how it makes me feel. So finally almost 3 weeks ago I told him over the phone that I want a life partner, and he was not giving me an indication that this is what he wanted with me. I told him I wanted & need more than these 11:30 dates, the last time we were out was in the winter of early 2007. I reminded him that is was winter again. Of course he had no response, he said nothing other than @ the end of the convertation that he would think about what I said. I told him if he wanted to he would call me.

 

2 weeks passed & no call from him...I finally called him with the excuse that he had my house key & he had mine. He told me he didn't care about the key to throw it away. I lied to him & told him that I had a few guys ask me out, and had enough respect for him to call, and needed to know if we are over. He said you have to do what is best for you...I said you are giving me no other choice...I have to find some one else. So he pretty much told me that it is over. I hung up the phone...

 

I called him back immediatley & said I wanted my key back & he had to bring it to my house that night. He tried to say he was going to a friends house & would bring it to me later or on another day. I asked him if he wanted to F#@^ his friends wife & he stared to laugh, he asked why I was being like this, and I told him I am a jilted BIT**!!! (he said you wait unitl I tell Bogdan (his friend) what you said) I told him that while he was telling Bogdan about all of what I said he better not dare forget to tell him how you never come to my house & when you do all you do is talk about his wife & Lawrences wife and everbody elses wife. (he was silent)

 

I said you bring it now or I am going to show up his friends house telling them all he invited me & ask them all if they could believe it. So he quickly changed his mind. He came to my house with my key called me to tell me he was outside, I was shocked that he actually turned his engine off...I went outside took my key gave him his back and said I guess that's all there is to it, and marched back to my door, he started his truck and took off. I have not heard from him since...I did send an email, since he is from Romainia I had it translated to Romainian. It was a quote "Why are people so cold hearted?" "Do they not realize the affect there actions have on the people that once loved them". this was a week ago also, he still has not called me...should I accept that things are over between us or should I hold out hope that he may come back to me?

 

The relationship was not abusive, he just did not include me in anything...only once in a while, he just sits @ home all the time, I know there isn't anyone else...just lack of commitment on his end. Is there anything I can do to try to make this work or should I just move on since he told me it was OK to go out with other guys.

 

So confused....

finallyhappyme Established Member

finallyhappyme

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I am on day two. :o I have already re-organized my closet by color and season...cleaned up my entire apartment ( I even wiped down every single window blind :eek:) and learned how to cook lemon chicken. This sucks.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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MattyTee, I am glad to see you back. We all screw up.

 

Bosiell, I hate the roller coaster, one day your doing ok, the next is awful and then your are good. I hate waking up in the morning and wondering if this is going to be a good day or if I should just stay in bed. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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msblueyes, I don't know your whole story. I am only going off what you posted in this thread. If you want to give me the link to your story I will read it. But from what you posted he said you would talk when his job is done. How long is that? I would probably not contact him. I would let him contact me unless he has said he wants you to call him and talk to him still. I would give him the time to figure things out. And you said he left a note that he got an apartment. Did he break up with you by a note? That would really hurt me and is not really a nice way to do it. Not a nice way to say you got your own place.

 

Stingphnj, I think I would leave him alone. It sounds like the only communication you have had recently has been negative. That isn't going to make him want to come back. I would let him know in a nice way you need someone who includes you more in there life. Which it seems like you have told him and I would be done. He knows what he needs to do if he wants you back. I wouldn't call him, tell him about anything you are doing such as guys asking you out or forcing him to come over so you don't go to his friends house and say things. I think that will only push him farther and farther away. If he calls I would be nice and happy. That alone will tell him you are getting along without him and that you are happy without him. That will make a better impression then telling him you have the option to date other guys and it will leave a positive impression when you get off the phone. I think they way he was treating you was wrong, he should have included you in his life and done things with you. If you want him to change and you two to be together he can;t be upset and ticked at you after every conversation. Be strong and know you do deserve someone who includes you, especially after 3 years.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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finallyhappyme, that is awesome you got all of that done. When I am depressed I sit around and post in the internet which is why there are so many post from me. I let the house fall down around me, laundry pile up and I eat junk food. That you are doing those things are good, you should be proud of yourself. It does suck but it sounds like you are keeping busy which is a positive thing.

finallyhappyme Established Member

finallyhappyme

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finallyhappyme, that is awesome you got all of that done. When I am depressed I sit around and post in the internet which is why there are so many post from me. I let the house fall down around me, laundry pile up and I eat junk food. That you are doing those things are good, you should be proud of yourself. It does suck but it sounds like you are keeping busy which is a positive thing.

 

Oh I feel you on the junk food!!! I haven't stopped!!! At least it's Friday so I get to go out with the girlies and have some martinis. :);)

 

But if this will be anything like my first break up..it's great at first..then you get angry...then you get mad.. then you get really really bad. I'm scared of the times to come. :o

minerva63 Member

minerva63

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Amy22

you are unbelievably good about posting so much and asking how people are doing. thanks so much for the concern.

 

it's friday and i'm forcing myself to go out with friends to dinner. i would much rather stay in, but i'm hoping that if i keep doing it, eventually i will want to do it.

 

that and i won't be tempted to contact him for a few hours.

Amy22 Established Member

Amy22

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minerva63, posting helps me to. It stops me for a few minutes to think about other people and that they are going through the same thing, some people worse then me.

 

I understand the feeling of wanting to stay in and not go out with your friends and it sucks. They are the people who you are suppose to lean on when you are having a good time. The problem is they still can't take the pain and hurt away and sometimes I don't think they realize how hard it is to go out. It is good for you though. That is good I never really thought of it that way that if you do it eventually you will want to do it. I hope you have fun.

 

finallyhappyme, That is good you are going out and looking forward to it. I think the unknown is scary and that is probably why you are scared of what is to come. Hopefully it won't be that way. Hopefully if you focus on healing now and getting over the other person you will only get better.

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