First day of NC add your daily thoughts and lets beat the NC disease together

[mikesinclair]

well done people for NC, i broke down in tears last night, and today i woke up thinking about her,

The hardest thing about being the dumpee is being made to feel it was all my fault.

I am now going throught the stages of imagining her in bed with other guys, laughing at me. it makes my stomach turn.

but i love her still, and i REALLY want to call her ( even tho i deleted her number )

so i guess ill have to wait for her to get in touch, if she does.

Im so glad ( well not glad ) that others are going through this too.

well, got another day to go through, thinking, thinking, thinking....

Hugs to u all

[amythan]

I really want to txt him today. I am feeling very sad but what is the point ? If i contact him he is probably going to reply but it will make me feel worst. It will give stupid hope on something which is not here anymore. If he does not, i will feel needy and pathetic. And even though i really want to do it because i miss him and i miss our messages ..

I stayed in contact for a while, we were exchanging emails all day long, but it was not good for me. So nc was my idea and sometimes i regret, sometimes i think this was better than nothing so .. am I pushing him away ? Yes, but it was his decision to leave me and it is also his decision to do not be back .. You should not think it is your fault, you are dealing with your pain the best you can, do not be sorry.

[pinktiger]

turn off the phone and computer. go to gym, go to shopping, do something to forget our exs!!!

[mikesinclair]

amythan, thnx for your words, im finding it tough as we were living together in another country and now we are both back home ( in different countries ) and she gives me the impression that she is confused.

Now can i ask you this, and anyone else, especially women,

are spark died out, and this was partly my fault, due to stress, money problems, the heat where we were, i didnt feel remotely attractive, in the space of 3 months u could coun the times we had sex on one hand... so part of the reason she left was cos she felt rejected and she said that my reasons shouldnt matter... it should always be there no matter, and i guess she is right..

Now i know those stats are bad, but it had nothing to do with my attraction for her, it was the way i was feeling, no game if you like.

when i did speak to her, she was sayin how much she would love to say yes and come back but she couldnt imagine us having sex when she thought.. im totally gutted cos i took alll of that for granted, plus my love for her, and i understand that plays a big part in the relationship.. but is that really a good excuse to run away.

she says that she feels as tho she would have to mould me, ie having more sex.. ( she doesnt believe the reasons on the stress ) and how to treat women.

that really hurts you know.

I dont know what to do, last time we spoke we got on, and i said come to london and live, she again says she needs to think about it...

she came out of a year long relationship 1 month before she came to me, so that makes me think she still isnt over her ex ( the sh*t my brain is going thru, its not right )

basically, they are the reasons why i blame myself and i am finding it hard to let go

 

oh and check this out,

she says the 3 days we didnt speak, made it easier for her to make the decision that it was over, when we were talking, she said it makes it harder and gets confused on what she wants..

so that really messes my head up with the NC rule, but im sticking to it.

Sorry about the rant, at my parents at the moment in the middle of knowhere with no one to speak to part from my fellow NC's on LS

please all help and ask for more info on this

 

Do i write that final email ? i wish i didnt delete her numbers... damm

im sure she wants me to prove my love for her, do i chase, F8ck it's hard.

[amythan]

I do not have the answers you are looking for. All the time I am also guessing what he is thinking and why he left me. Perhaps she is confused and perhaps you faced a difficult situation which made her wonder about her feelings .. Perhaps she went too fast into a new relationship and she needs a step back .. I can not read her mind and you either. During a relationship there are ups and downs and we do not turn away just because during three months things are though.

 

I am also wonder about nc. From my point of view you are right, nc also helps them to go. I am sure my ex is feeling less guilty now and he is finding easier to deal with this. But, if we stay in contact I am holding on, bacuse we have fun, we share things and i now he cares but .. is this make him come back ? We did it for two months and he is not still with me. And in every sentence he said i wanted to see a 'sign'. He is also confused and his messages were confusing me too.

 

Send your final email if you think YOU need to do it but do not expent she will be jumping to be back with you. I did and I am still crying. I sent the nicest email I never sent and during two weeks he contcted me every day saying I thought of u, i am not ignoring ur email, I want u to hear from my own mouth what i have to say and blah,blah ... And I was convinced he will be back !! And no, he cares, he is confused but we are done. Well, he feels so guilty than he just said i can not say it is over forever because it will be a lie ... What is that ?? Anyway, not more wondering. It was one week ago and i am still crying and checking my email every second ..

I am sure i am pushing him away but i am tired to fool myself and it is just his call.

[funkybassplayer]

maybe just think of n/c as a temporary thing, untill your emotions settle, and maybe then if you feel like reconnecting try to, maybe you may miss that persons friendship, and not the relstionship. Its very very sad that 2 people who once shared so much just do not talk anymore. 4 me its been six months six the break up, and i miss them all very much, but i am also moving forward, and i would love nothing better than to talk to the family i loved so much, but i really feel i can do it out of friendship, and not need ofr a relationship. I guess its xmas and the boys b/d coming up so will send a card, and gift, if i have no reply, i know i did it cos i want to, and not b/c i want a reponce. I guess i feel life is short, and altough moving forward, and meeting new, i do feel sad that the family i shared is no longer in my life, but i hopoe shes well. I have sent card and email in the 6 months, and i have had the daughter email and say she missis me, that was nice, and maybe 1 day the mother will say hi as well.

[Blurple]

Today is Day 2 since I FINALLY started NC. Was on LC for about 2 months (she still had things over the house). We took a lot of time to both clear our heads and what not BUT she kept it in the back of her head that I would still be there. Its been a lot easier this time around to go full NC because Ive said everything I could to her.

 

Now that its final and no more connections for us, this is the only option left for me to heal. Plus, she is now faced with the poosibility that she wont talk to me again.

 

I think we all get to a point where we are just emotionally drained from the up and downs of a breakup. I know I am and I look forward to using this NC as a challenge and something to focus on.

 

I am glad you finally get to start nc after she got all of her stuff out of your apt. I wonder how DH27 and travis are doing with their NC.. Seems like everyone started it at the same time

[NotAgain]

Uggghh, I'm struggling right now quite badly. Really want to text him. I replied to his text he sent me last night, about 2 hours ago...like 18 hours after he text me, lol. I wasn't sure wether to answer him or not. I just replied with "yeah, i already knew. Jade." He's not replied Granted there's not much to say to that...but that's why I put it, so it wouldn't look like I was waiting on a reply from him. But well, of course I am really . I'm just glad I made it simple and didn't put anything stupid..that way he hasn't really "got one up" eventhough he hasn't replied, 'cause I amde it pretty hard for him to find a reply to it. But I'm still mad and sad he didn't say SOMETHING. I guess maybe he doesn't know what to say, or is waiting a while because I took so long. I think he's playing games, and it sucks because I don't want to but have to if not I'll get walked over and treated like ****. I don't even get why he dumped me in the first place I guess I'm doing limited contact rather than no contact. I'm gonna try not to contact him unless he does me first, and when I do I'll keep it simple. I know I could see him in the pub any night, and we have mutual friends, so NC is a bit hard to do. But it's still as hard not to contactfirst . LMAO, thank God for this place so I can just type and type aload of bollocks!

[NotAgain]

Are you in the US? Clocks dont go back til next weekend in the US...

 

Nope, I'm British

 

That would have been even more confusing if he had text that when they weren't even going back, lol.

[Amy22]

NotAgain, I think they way you texted him back was perfect. You didn't do it immediatly which would have made him think and you just told him what you thought and didn't put anything in the text like you were looking for more. I agree that it would be hard to reply to the text but I think it is good. You want him to think you don't care if he responds right? I am also responding to my ex when he contacts me which has only been once in a week but I need to learn not to do it within a minute of his text and get all excited. This is hard I pick up my phone to call him all the time. I have thought about accidently text him instead of my friend to see if he would respond. You know how sometimes to your phone will get hit in your purse and call someone? Well I have thought about pretending that happened just to see if he would answer. This is sick and not normal but so far I have not done it but trust me I want to call or text so bad I sit and think about ways I can do it.

[NotAgain]

NotAgain, I think they way you texted him back was perfect. You didn't do it immediatly which would have made him think and you just told him what you thought and didn't put anything in the text like you were looking for more. I agree that it would be hard to reply to the text but I think it is good. You want him to think you don't care if he responds right? I am also responding to my ex when he contacts me which has only been once in a week but I need to learn not to do it within a minute of his text and get all excited. This is hard I pick up my phone to call him all the time. I have thought about accidently text him instead of my friend to see if he would respond. You know how sometimes to your phone will get hit in your purse and call someone? Well I have thought about pretending that happened just to see if he would answer. This is sick and not normal but so far I have not done it but trust me I want to call or text so bad I sit and think about ways I can do it.

 

Thanks I hope so.

 

Yeah, I didn't put any questions or indicators that I wanted him to reply. Which I guess is maybe why he hasn't. But part of me still wishes I hadn't replied at all. But oh well, I have, and it could've been worse. He's such a stubborn git (he admitts it himself...) that I just don't know why he text and then didn't reply to my reply! Knowing him he wants to talk to me but is thinking "no, if she isn't giving me more to feed off neither will I" But then again, maybe not. He may really not give a damn. Either way I'm keeping my dignity by not bothering unless he bothers, and not pleading, etc.

 

Yeah, I was gonna go strictly NC, but I know it's not really easy to do so. We are going to see each other...it's only a matter of time really. And he was the one that text me after I hadn't text him all day kinda thing. So, I'm doing LC. Yeah, don't answer to your ex straight away - it will only make it seem like you're waiting by the phone waiting on him to call/text you. Which you probably are, but he can't know that . My brother is pretty wise, and he told me leave it 2 hours at least. Make him work for your attention and gain respect.

 

LOL, I've done the "oopps, sorry, I text the wrong person" thing before with a different guy It seemed like such a good idea of the time, but really trust me - it's not. You just look like a desperate fool and it's very unlikely you'll get the response that you want! He would probably ignore it, or just put something ****ty like "ok" but really he'll know why you said it. I think being honest and saying "I was thinking about you" is even better than pretening you accidently called, or sent a text to the wronf person, etc. That would make you look even more desperate! Sorry, I know that is not the answer you want. But it's the truth and will stop you from not needed hurt.

 

We can do it. I have a strong feeling my ex will regret his desicion one day, if not already. Because I didn't do enough wrong, and he were so happy. Wether that means he'll come back is a fdifferent story, because I'm dealing with a stubborn, sometimes childish man. I don't know your stroy, but if your ex contatcs you still obvuiously you're still in his thoughts

[Amy22]

Thanks for responding NotAgain. I am glad I am not the only one who thought about doing that. And you are right he probably would not respond and that would make me feel worse.

 

Since this thread is about NC. I wanted some opinions on this quote. I love reading quotes and feel like they usually give me insight to move on and be strong and then I read this one.

 

"Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go."

 

And as much as I know that at some point you have to give up, what if you still do want to try? Should you being doing NC if you still want to try. This one just confused me because of everything I have been telling myself. Does anyone think there is any truth to this quote? Just wanted to get other peoples opinion on it regarding what we are all trying to do, NC.

 

Thanks Amy

[mikesinclair]

"Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go."

 

 

Amy, I wish i knew the answer to tell you, i really do. the good thing in a way is to know that you where ever you are, is going throught the same as me and many others around the globe, and guess what, we are still breathing, eating, sleeping and in reality we are coping. Trust me, right now there is not one minute that i dont think about her, but then every minute i dont contact her, she is not contacting me, and as much as it hurts that tells me.... Move on, F8cking Move on... Anyway, a pointless post but just so u know, i and many others right here right now are feeling the same

 

as for quotes. tell me more, its ending day 3 now and im just wondering....

someone load the gun

[minerva63]

sounds like fun, i wanna join!

 

seriously though, i am struggling with this since before the break-up we talked several times everyday. it's like i have a pavlovian response to the ringing of my phone or when the little "new mail" icon pops up on my computer.

 

it's been especially hard because it's wasn't a typical break-up. its was an intense, swept me off my feet, sort of thing. that lasted for two months.

 

and then his wife called and i was stunned. no idea whatsoever.

 

so it ended when i was feeling FABULOUS about us.

 

the longest i've gone so far is three days. and then i fold. crap. my last time on the wagon started coincedentaly enough, 10/26. hopefully it will last. i'm with you guys.

[Bosiell]

Thanks for responding NotAgain. I am glad I am not the only one who thought about doing that. And you are right he probably would not respond and that would make me feel worse.

 

Since this thread is about NC. I wanted some opinions on this quote. I love reading quotes and feel like they usually give me insight to move on and be strong and then I read this one.

 

"Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go."

 

And as much as I know that at some point you have to give up, what if you still do want to try? Should you being doing NC if you still want to try. This one just confused me because of everything I have been telling myself. Does anyone think there is any truth to this quote? Just wanted to get other peoples opinion on it regarding what we are all trying to do, NC.

 

Thanks Amy

 

 

Its a good post and question Amy. NC in itself is not a rule to obeyed at all times, it has some flexibility of course depending on everyones particular situation. Personally I would not be happy with myself it I know I had not made some real effort in trying to resolve a relationship, even if I know for sure the other person had pretty much made their mind up, If I was content that the other person knew my feelings then that is that. NC which has been mentioned in other posts is a way of helping you through recovery as painless as possible, and not used as a hope that the other person will miss you because you have not tried to contact them.

 

Further to that, I wrote a very long letter today to my ex. Lots of things I felt I wanted/needed to say to her which I have not had chance to since the break. In no way do I feel she will change her mind or feelings because of it tho, it was to try and find some closure for myself. I am two minds whether to send it tho I must admit. I am concerned it will do more harm to me then good. It will at least break the NC I have been sticking to recently.

[Bosiell]

*hugs* Pink! Well done on keeping out of contact, I've been crying for about an hour now and I feel better, I might even be able to sleep now.

 

*hugs* Bos as well! It's not pathetic, we do what we can - it's good you are looking out for your self. I know how you feel. I broke down tonight because I didn't get any contact from her! It's been 4 sodding weeks and I don't break down every night! It's like a tide, it comes and goes!

 

Hope you folks feel better soon

 

 

Hey matt. Cheers mate. Yeah I changed my mobile today, it was harder than I thought it was going to be, sort of the final act. But I know its for the best. Yeah the tide of emotions, its damn crazy isnt it. Had a crud weekend in that respect.

 

Ah man you broke NC!! Yep you silly git. Ah well last thing you wanna do now is beat yourself up about it. Be strong fella

[NotAgain]

Its a good post and question Amy. NC in itself is not a rule to obeyed at all times, it has some flexibility of course depending on everyones particular situation. Personally I would not be happy with myself it I know I had not made some real effort in trying to resolve a relationship, even if I know for sure the other person had pretty much made their mind up, If I was content that the other person knew my feelings then that is that. NC which has been mentioned in other posts is a way of helping you through recovery as painless as possible, and not used as a hope that the other person will miss you because you have not tried to contact them.

 

That's the thing. I donnot believe that NC works for every situation. If you're wanting to totally forget the person than yeah - it eventually will work. But if you're using it to get your ex back I don't think it will. I thik in that case LC is best. If you think there's a chance, have a bit of contact with them just keep it cool. And try to only answer to them, wait for them to come first. That's what I'm tryna do. But of course I'm worried he won't - and there is always that chance for everyone . I think you just need to work out a "plan" that will work for you personally, everyone and every situation is different. I dunno, I'm confused anyway. Sometimes I'll think I don't ever want him back or give him the time of day, the next minute I'm struggling with not calling and beggin'...it's really mind ****ing. What he done was that of an *******, but we got on so well and blah blah...

[MattyTee]

Well, the reason I started NC is because I was going nuts trying to keep LC. It just wasn't working for me. I was sending off one email a week, keeping it light and friendly but when I didn't get a response I would read into it, when I did, I would analyse it. I needed to get away from it - take a break for my health and sanity, until such time as I could keep LC without going insane. I do still want to be with her. I don't want to go back to how things were, that wasn't working. I believe we have a future that could be together but I have to understand that there isn't anything I can do about that. In the end if she decides she wants to be with me - she'll let me know, whether I'm in LC or NC. If she doesn't and she wants to be with me ... well then she's silly and it's her loss

[mikesinclair]

I F*ckin did it, i broke NC, Twat i am.

Trying to play it cool, sayin I wanted to come anc visit and see how we would feel, I was told no, dont do it. I couldnt bare it if there was no spark. I asked so is there no chance of it working, and the reply was NO, not now. You need to get ur life sorted out, get your confidence back and ur Mojo

I miss you and i love talking to you, she says. U promised me that if we didnt work out we would stay in contact and as friends, you promised me..

i said that i cant see that happening, and its prob best we break communication.

i feel so stupid now.... im soooo mad at myself.

well at least i know its over and i gave it my best to let her know how i felt.

Her loss..

[NotAgain]

Hmm, my ex text me about 20 minutes ago. Saying, "I going to be in Kings (are local pub) later tonight if you want a drink and a chat" I just replied now saying, "I'm going to be in Kings anyway, I guess a chat won't hurt" I actually feel even worse now. I'm really scared about what he will say and how I will react. Maybe he's just gonna confrim it is over.............which will only cause unneeded hurt. But on the other hand, if I don't do this then I'll never know and I'll kick myself. It's what I've been waiting for too..but now it's here is nervewracking. I will have to make sure I hold myself togetehr and not cry NO MATTER WHAT! And if he does want me back, it won't be easy, we;'ll have to talk about a lot of things and take iot slow. I just know I can't get my hopes up about this, and will have to act hard and strong eventhough inside I feel vunerable as anything........

 

Yeah yeah, I know..I kinda broke NC. But he asked me, and ... blergh. If it all goes horribly wrong I'll get back onto it.

 

I'll report back later.

[Amy22]

Bosiell, thanks for your post. I thin you should hold on to the letter and if say next week you still feel you want to send it then do it. As long as you know it probably won't bring the other person back If it makes you feel better then I say do it. Others might disagree but it isn"t all about what makes the other person feel better it is about helping yourself feel better and if you think it will give you closure to say what you need to say then I would do it. I would just wait to make sure it is what I wanted to do. You deserve to do what is best for you.

 

NotAgain, I change my mind to. I was wishing he would contact me and then he does and I am like wait you treated me like crap why are you contacting me. It really is a roller coaster ride. It is hard. I feel for you in the position you are. I agree you need to go and hear what he has to say. Even though it maybe hard. And I don't agree with the no crying. If you gotta cry girl do it. Do what helps you and sometimes crying does. If he doesn't want you back what do you care if he sees you cry? I will be thinking of you and watching for your post. Just try to be strong and listen to what he has to say and say what you have to say. I do think that if he does want you back I would take it slow. Don't bring up all the things that need to change tonight. I would say well in order for this to work we have to change some things so he knows but I wouldn't spend an hour talking about what he needs to change. And when you do come to that conversation and you tell him the things you need to change ask him what he feels you can do to make things work better so he doesn't feel attacked. I really hope things go well for you and post when you get back I will be watching. Good Luck.

 

mikesinclair, don't be to hard on yourself. I would bet most people here including me have broken no contact. It isn't easy and we are not perfect and it hurts like h*ll. Of course we are going to screw up sometimes. Maybe it will offer you some closure. Maybe now you can move on knowing what she feels. It does make you feel worse when you contact them and they shoot you down. That is one of the main reasons I have tried not contacting my ex unless he contacts me because to contact them and get rejection or nothing in return is worse then just not doing it. The problem is we always hope to get more. I feel for you and know how hard this is. Just know you are far from the only one who has broken no contact. The quote I posted kind of does make you second guess no contact but if you want some that I have that I read everyday that actually makes me feel better instead of questioning what I do let me know and I will post them.

[Amy22]

Forgot to mention in the post above that today my ex contacted me and asked how I was doing and I replied and then he said you know you could contact me to say hi sometime and I said yeah but you wanted your space and he said yes but it is still hard not hearing from you even if it is a hi. I told him I couldn't act like we were friends when I love him and it is to hard until he decides he wants to make a commitment and be in a relationship. Anyway my point is maybe they don't call and you don't call them, but I believe that most of them are still hurting and missing the contact, even if they don't seem like it. So use that when you want to contact them. Know that they are probably wondering what you are doing and why you haven't contacted them. They have no idea if you moved on or if you are sitting there crying. It makes them wonder and hurt even if they don't always show it.

[Bosiell]

Bosiell, thanks for your post. I thin you should hold on to the letter and if say next week you still feel you want to send it then do it. As long as you know it probably won't bring the other person back If it makes you feel better then I say do it. Others might disagree but it isn"t all about what makes the other person feel better it is about helping yourself feel better and if you think it will give you closure to say what you need to say then I would do it. I would just wait to make sure it is what I wanted to do. You deserve to do what is best for you.

 

Thanks Amy. Glad to hear your advice. I took the letter to work with the intention of posting it. But I decided like you have said to hold on to it for short while at least. just to see how I would feel in a few days. I had a better day today generally, so just going to see how it develops. It was a very deep and personal letter, I pretty much poured my heart into it, so I must be sure that it will indeed help or hinder my recovery before I let her read it. x

[Newtotheblogthing]

Today I had a mild freak out. I texted him yesterday, called even and never heard back which is unusual. He replied to a text late Sat. but now I think he has finally cut me off. I mean I want to think he lost his phone or something lame like that. I can't believe he's doing it but hell part of me doesn't blame him.

 

So, what else can I do but leave it alone and be sad about it... It's done. i am sure after some NC he'll contact to say hi but it's truly kililng me now that he won't even respond. It's a first for him.. he always sends something back.

 

I feel horrible. Time to begin NC. It's a little late in the day but I guess there's no perfect time.

 

I feel so ridiculous.

[Amy22]

Good job Bosiell for having the strength to hold on to it, even if it is for one more day. I am glad you had a better day today. We need those once in a while just to gain control and be strong. I wrote a letter like that to my ex before we broke up because I felt that I couldn't get him to listen on the phone. It didn't stop us from breaking up or change anything but it made me feel like I told him everything I could say. I said my part now the rest was up to him. Like I said the outcome was still the same but I feel better knowing that I told him how I felt. I hope you continue to have good days.

 

Newtotheblogthing, most of us have been there. I have said before I think it is worse to try and contact them and not have them respond then it is to just not contact them. It is like they are rejecting you. It is hard. I feel for you. But you said he always sends something back. I would do what he did to you and make him wait if I ever responded, depending on your situation. Sometimes I don't think the other person realizes how bad they hurt us by no response. Even a negative response I think is better then none. Post here a lot and hopefully that will help you get through this. Breaking up is not an easy thing. As you can see from this post I post a lot, it makes me feel better. For a second I try to help someone else instead of think about how sad I am and how I hate my situation. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.