lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 The last couple of days have been really bad, mentally… ]I just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to fix the mess I caused. When I broke it off with my MM, I wasn’t depressed; I didn’t really miss him. I could talk to my H reasonable about our next step, and I was fine with any decision he made, weather it be to work on it, or to go our separate ways….. My H decided he wanted to work on it, but every time we are together he ends up becoming very depressed, It doesn’t matter what we do, we can have a great day laugh and be happy, then he gets depressed because he is afraid I will hurt him again. I came over after class the other night (told him I could only stay for about a ½ hour,) he became depressed because I don’t spend enough time with him, the last time we were together he said I didn’t kiss him right and became depressed. I really want him to be happy and I know that his happiness involves me not being there, but when I tell him this, he becomes depressed and begs me to stay, (just so he can become more depressed, and tell me to go). I’m so worried about him, but It’s getting to the point that I don’t know how much more I can take every muscle in my body hurts, I can’t get up in the morning (I set three alarm clocks 15 min apart just so I can hear one) and I have still been late for work for the last 2 weeks everyday! ( in the 5 years before this I have never been late) I feel like I have lost everything in my life (well I did loose everything) My H lives in the house, and on the weekends goes to the cabin (living just like he use to) I live in an apartment, I have nothing, no furniture, I sleep on a blow up mattress, my H took all the bank cards so I have no access to money (my paycheck is still deposited in to our checking account) so he comes over on Fridays and gives me my “allowance” He says I don’t get my full check because I still have to pay ½ of the bills at the house since I caused all this….I know what I did to him was horrible and I deserve this and he doesn’t have to forgive me, I’m just really depressed because now I have nobody, no one knows I had an A so I can’t talk to anyone, I can’t go out to get my mind off things. One, because it causes fights with H and two I have so much homework, so I sit in my apartment by myself remembering my mistake, remembering everything I had, but gave it up for a man that didn’t care about me, never cared about me, only wanted to have a good time when the wife wasn’t around. Again I know that I deserve all of this, but if I have to live like this for the rest of my life…I don’t know if I can do it. My H is going on with his life, still going to the cabin, going out with his buddies, hunting, vacations. My MM went on with his life he and his wife are on vacation. And I sit here alone…..sorry I think I needed to let this all out and have a good cry…I guess I am just sad because everyone I thought loved me just left as soon as I messed up……..and I know most people will say I didn't love neither one if I was doing this, but I did love, I loved them both, it was wrong, but it's the truth 1
Spinderella Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 It sounds as though your guilt is allowing you to put up with some bad treatment. Not saying what you did was ok, as I'm sure you realise, but he is punishing you severely for it. With emotional guilt tripping and with isolating you from friends and with taking your money and letting you live with nothing.
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 You have to get IC counseling, for yourself. Your husband needs to get to IC counseling too, because if you don't, this will end up destroying both of you. You're gonna have to get a separate account, you know this. You have to take care of yourself the best you can. I'm not saying that you don't feel awful about what you did, but you can't live like this forever. What does your family know of what has transpired? His family? Perhaps it's time to let your side of the family know what you did. Yes, they'll be upset, and even angry at you, but, sooner or later you will have to tell them, you need support somehow, somewhere. Let your husband tell his own family about what happened. Both of you have to take the steps to move on. Neither of you should be out to get each others money, assets, or whatever. Lost, as far as your STBXH getting depressed when you're over there, you and I both know that he's probably having thoughts and images of you and OM together. It's probably best to stay away from him for now.
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Don't do anything stupid, there is help, and hope for you and your husband.
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Perhaps it's time to let your side of the family know what you did. Yes, they'll be upset, and even angry at you, but, sooner or later you will have to tell them, you need support somehow, somewhere. My family is really screwed up, I will not get any support there...I don't really talk to anyone from my family but my mom, and she has enough of her own problems, she really don't need me worrying her also...I'm the "good" one, it would kill her... I won't do anything stupid (except e-mail xmm, that was stupid) I know the feeling comes and goes, it just seems like it's getting worse and not better. When all this first started I would have bad days and before I went to bed I would say, tomorrow I'll feel better, now I go to bed at night and think, thank god this day is over, how many more do I have to live through? It's not right, I know that and I know I need to change this situation, I just can't figure out how
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 My family is really screwed up, I will not get any support there...I don't really talk to anyone from my family but my mom, and she has enough of her own problems, she really don't need me worrying her also...I'm the "good" one, it would kill her... I won't do anything stupid (except e-mail xmm, that was stupid) I know the feeling comes and goes, it just seems like it's getting worse and not better. When all this first started I would have bad days and before I went to bed I would say, tomorrow I'll feel better, now I go to bed at night and think, thank god this day is over, how many more do I have to live through? It's not right, I know that and I know I need to change this situation, I just can't figure out how Your mom will find out one way or the other, especially when the divorce goes through, you know she'll ask those hard questions, like, "what happened between you two honey?":confused: and "What did he do?":confused: You know it's coming! Like I said, you need to get into IC pronto!
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 but if I have to live like this for the rest of my life…I don’t know if I can do it. Sooner or later though you have to decide what you want too. And if he isn't going to forgive you, and all he is going to do is punish you, then divorce now. Yes, you made a stupid mistake that has cost you and made you lose alot, but don't stick around and be punished for the rest of your life for it! If this is still going on in 6 months or a year, oh man, talk to a lawyer, sell the house and move on, do the divorce thing.
Author lost4ever Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 I know I need to get the divorce papers, I have them here I just haven't filled them, I just think I will really push him over the edge if I don't take my time with him ...plus, remember we had a tornato hit our house 2 months ago, we can't sell it because they are still trying to fix everything and the neighborhood is a reck (and he can't afford it without my income)....I told him I don't want anything, I am willing to give him both houses we own and let him keep his 401K, all I asked is that he paid 1/2 of my student loans (which is our debt) but he can't afford both homes on his own, I told him to drain his 401k pay off the one home and 1/2 the debt, but then he gets upset, I try to explain to him that he still has a retirement account it would just now be in realestate instead of 401k, but he thinks I am just trying to screw him over. I just made a big mess!
Darth Vader Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I know he thinks you're trying to screw him over, and he has that right too. That's the hard part when someone is cheated on, they can't/won't trust anyone anymore.
Recommended Posts