baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 My bf of 2 years finished me 3 weeks ago.. i was crushed, well and truley, i thought everything was fine, but he told me he didnt love me anymore. he asked to go no contact - i did, he didnt. We managed a week, then he rang me , saying he missed me, but he needed more time. He did the same a couple of days later. Then a couple of days after that he told me he loved me and he wanted me back.. we spoke for hours i was so happy.. then the next day he rung me up, he said he was drunk the night before and didnt want to be with me after all... i was heartbroken all over again. Well... in the last week ive made contact with a friend i havnt seen since b4 i started seeing my ex, we get on well... and he's asked if i want to 'be with him' he says he understands my situation and he would be happy being best friends that kiss and cuddle, nothing more. I said yes.. and for the last couple of days that's what weve done.. i dont really want a relationship.. but i like the comfort i get from this. ive told him this and he is still willing to 'be with me' a feel a bit guilty.. i feel like a bit of a slag... do i deserve these feelings? am i doing the wrong thing? I heard that my ex was hospitalised last nite - he broke his thigh bone and needs an operation. All the worry it caused me made me think about him alot, and i still love him... but, he doesnt want to be with me... so ive got to move on right? any help would be aprrectiated... im very confused
nittygritty Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yes, you should move on. He doesn't know if he wants to be with you. Don't put up with that. He will use you as his back up and continue looking for someone better to come along. You deserve to find someone that returns the love you give them.
Author baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 but am i wrong for 'getting with' someone so soon? its only 3 weeks after our 2 year realtionship breakup.. i cant help feeling like a total slag. I was worried the new person im with is only with me caus he find me attractive, as he's told me this before, but he assures me he like my personality, and is happy without any intimacy until im comfortable. Should i trust him? after breaking up with my boyfriend i find myself having serious trust issues...
Ali4134 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Just give yourself time. It's not wrong to want to be close to someone to comfort you right now. You've been honest with him about not wanting anything serious. You're fine, just keep up NC with the ex and comfort yourself in whatever way makes you feel better. Just be safe and be comletely honest with what you want. And you arn't a slag at all. People cope in all different ways.
Author baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 A bit more info... my ex is called - pete the guy im with now - carl when me and pete first started meeting up 2 years ago pete kissed my friend sam, who at the time was seeing B.. everyone new exept me, and carl ended up hitting pete because of it. i found out, i forgave pete, but i never forgave carl, so for the whole 2 years me n pete wer together i never spoke to him. so part of me is worrying that carl only wants to 'be with me' as a way of getting one over on pete if you know what i mean (even tho im making sure pete doesnt find out about it) pete always hated carl and i feel as though im doing something wrong being with him now
Ali4134 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 It could be. Talk to him about it. Tell him you're still hurting and don't need extra drama. Then you've warned him and if he trys to pull something funny be done with him. But, thats only if you want to stay around this carl guy. I personally think you might want to get away from people that remind you too much of pete. Go meet new people and try to move on more.
Author baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 that the thing tho, i mean carl doesnt remind me off pete atall.. i jst feel akward being with him... it might be because i'd always been 'forbidden' from talking to him when i was with pete, or it could jst be caus ive been with the same person 2 year... its bound to feel wierd right?
Ali4134 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Oh yeah it feels very wierd. And be careful because false feelings are easy to happen when coming out of a long term relationship. You want so bad to have that comfort and connection that sometimes anyone will do. I myself just got out of a 5 year relationship and I started seeing a guy that I used to see before. He is everything I could ever want except he's damaged. He's 27, been divorced and doesn't trust women. So he tells me he loves me, but I don't think he even knows what he feels. The hard part for me is knowing how I feel. Do I love him because I love him, or do I love him because he comforts me and I need that right now.
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