Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I came across this girl three weeks ago that I was completely infatuated with. You know the moment? There have been two other people that have had that effect on me in my entire life. It goes beyond purely physical or intellectual attraction. It's entrancing. We hit it off instantly, and for reasons that really don't add to this post, dating at this moment is not an option. Not yet. So, we have been in contact through phone calls and emails. I think of this girl as a great relationship potential. All of the kinds of things I would want in a long term partner. So we are communicating and she comes out in an email saying something very suggetive and implying that she has a strong physical attraction to me... and it's definitely reciprocated. The problem: I saw this girl as partner material. The fact that she came out with an overt suggestive comment actually... disappointd me. Though I get completely lost when I look at her, I had her in another mental category. Not the sex category, but the sweet and loving category. I actually found myself disapointed at the comment because it cheapened schema that I had created of a true relationship with her. I actually find that I am not interested in just having sex with her. I would prefer so much more. These thoughts I have really confuse me. Maybe I read too much into the message, which I know as much as anyone is easy to do. I just wish that she wouldn't have done that. I'm making no decisions and am still going to pursue whatever this is, but I proceed skeptical of the outcome. Maybe this can be insightful for some women seeking a decent guy, maybe not. And yes, despite conclusions some of you may draw about me from my internet style, I am a decent guy. She was everything I had never known before, and the image was shattered with one suggestive sexual comment. I'm not sure I get it either.
birdie Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 hmmmm this is a tricky one. why does it bother you that she is a sexual being? did you grow up in a conservative family where you were taught that sex was dirty? or was it just that she made that comment in a cheesy way and that embarrassed you? I know you are not saying this but one thing that still annoys me a great deal in today's society is double standards. women have just as much right for desire and pleasure as men do. if a girl wants it from you, you should count yourself very lucky that she spelt it out to you. not really sure why you would want to separate feelings from sexuality, in an ideal situation they come entwined. sure it's good to wait sometimes but at the same time when desire is expressed, it should not threaten you.
fray718 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I think the implication here is that if someone is overtly sexual in the beginning, it may mean that they only see u as a sex fling n is not taking u seriously. But i think its possibly related to the fact that u two 'can not' date right now as u say. What's the reason? Who knows, it might explain it.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I think the implication here is that if someone is overtly sexual in the beginning, it may mean that they only see u as a sex fling n is not taking u seriously. That's the point, ultimately. Much like what many women strugle with all the time, it's disappointing when someone you see as more only sees you as a sexual thing. Not thta this is necesarily the case here, but it's too early to tell.
Poboy Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 i didn't understand your saying : All of the kinds of things I would want in a long term partner & then Not the sex category, but the sweet and loving category. you don't need to have sex right away if you are looking at it from a serious point of view and let her know , ball is in your court as i see it. you will see what her intentions are. if it happens in due time , ok but you wont known until you get there. I think you can give this woman a chance , maybe she has a personality & brains to back the beauty.
Jason74 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah, its not just you. I know I'd be disappointed if the girl I've been talking about did something like that. I mean I'd be happy in a way, but the net effect would be negative. Its a shame. I see a lot of younger girls especially thinking thats the first way to get a guy. Its just not.
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 The problem: I saw this girl as partner material. The fact that she came out with an overt suggestive comment actually... disappointed me. Though I get completely lost when I look at her, I had her in another mental category. Not the sex category, but the sweet and loving category. I actually found myself disappointed at the comment because it cheapened schema that I had created of a true relationship with her. --- Maybe this can be insightful for some women seeking a decent guy, maybe not. And yes, despite conclusions some of you may draw about me from my internet style, I am a decent guy. She was everything I had never known before, and the image was shattered with one suggestive sexual comment. I'm not sure I get it either. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Sh*t, I wish two of my girlfriends were on this board!! They have so many problems with men - they meet a seemingly great guy, but come out of the gate with sexual innuendo and comments, which (IMO) moves them into the FB position rather than the relationship-partner position. What appeared as though it was destined for bliss turns into nothing more than a cheap FWB situation. There's a time and a place for sexually suggestive comments and conversation. If a good girl wants to meet AND KEEP a good guy, I really believe it's in her best interests to hold off on that stuff for a bit.
jcster Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I've had guys do the same thing, and it definitely changed my opinion of them for the worse. I don't have any idea why...it must be a monkey thing, but it turned me off - even though I had been really interested in them.
tanbark813 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Sounds like you have a bit of a madonna/whore complex.
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I've had guys do the same thing, and it definitely changed my opinion of them for the worse. I don't have any idea why...it must be a monkey thing, but it turned me off - even though I had been really interested in them. Me too. Definitely works both ways.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Sounds like you have a bit of a madonna/whore complex. Could be... could be. The likelihood is incredibly high that I read way too much into it. However, I can't deny the disappointment I felt about it. I promise not to obsess about it any further though. We're meeting up with our dogs on weekend, and I think that meeting will tell me all that I need to know about the situation. Oh, and thanks for the validation Star. I was expecting some sort of bitch slap from you. Star hits me...
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Could be... could be. The likelihood is incredibly high that I read way too much into it. However, I can't deny the disappointment I felt about it. I promise not to obsess about it any further though. We're meeting up with our dogs on weekend, and I think that meeting will tell me all that I need to know about the situation. Oh, and thanks for the validation Star. I was expecting some sort of bitch slap from you. Star hits me... I don't think you have the madonna-whore complex. Not at all. After all, you were once enamored with ME...and I'm the perfect combo of both!
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Umm, the girl told you she is attracted to you. I don't see what is wrong with that. She is being confident and direct. Those usually are a turn on for me. The girl likes you, even if she has an "unromantic" way of saying it. Now if she didn't come out and say it, you'd be on here crying because you wouldn't know WTF was going on. Dude, don't blow it. The girl likes you, just go with it and give her a break! One foot in front of the other.... It's like if one little thing isn't perfect.. you're BAILIN'. Are you sure that you are not a woman??? Peace
Author Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 It's like if one little thing isn't perfect.. you're BAILIN'. Are you sure that you are not a woman??? I understand the gist of your message. I'm simply expressing the unique feeling (i.e., that kind of thing has never bothered me before, but from her it hit a nerve) of having that happen. It is truly confusing me why I feel this way. That said, I never said I'm not still infatuated with her and I never said that I was bailing on her. I am still seeing her this weekend and I have no doubt that when I'm with her, all of these thoughts will fly out the window and I'll be the same person that made her so attracted to me in the first place. Just because some people create negative self-fulfilling prophecies doesn't mean we all do. Some of us are able to sufficiently balance thought and action.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I don't think you have the madonna-whore complex. Not at all. After all, you were once enamored with ME...and I'm the perfect combo of both! What do you mean once? Baby, I'm still enamored with you. I just couldn't take any more rejection. I'm sensitive
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I am still seeing her this weekend and I have no doubt that when I'm with her, all of these thoughts will fly out the window and I'll be the same person that made her so attracted to me in the first place. Then why are you here?
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Just because some people create negative self-fulfilling prophecies doesn't mean we all do. Some of us are able to sufficiently balance thought and action. Some call it "negative self-fulfilling prophecies" and some call it reality. I say tomAto and you say tomOto...
Author Krytie TV Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Then why are you here? Why are any of us here? I wrote about something that I found to be unique and confusing. Should I run my posts by you first from now on?
norajane Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Thank you for validating why women hold off on sex with guys that they see as long term potential! A lot of guys on this board have said it's so dumb that women might have sex right away with guys they don't care about, but won't have sex with a guy they want a relationship with. But THIS is why sex too soon destroys things - it changes the guy's perspective on the kind of woman you are. You are not unique in this - this happens with a lot of guys. I don't know why, but with you, I think it makes you feel like you're not special to her in the same way she is/was special to you. And maybe you lost a little respect for her?
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Why are any of us here? I wrote about something that I found to be unique and confusing. Should I run my posts by you first from now on? You said that you had "no doubt" all of this will blow over. Well, there must be some doubt, else you would not be here.
tanbark813 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 But THIS is why sex too soon destroys things - it changes the guy's perspective on the kind of woman you are. Some guys.
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 What do you mean once? Baby, I'm still enamored with you. I just couldn't take any more rejection. I'm sensitive
oppath Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Sh*t, I wish two of my girlfriends were on this board!! They have so many problems with men - they meet a seemingly great guy, but come out of the gate with sexual innuendo and comments, which (IMO) moves them into the FB position rather than the relationship-partner position. What appeared as though it was destined for bliss turns into nothing more than a cheap FWB situation. There's a time and a place for sexually suggestive comments and conversation. If a good girl wants to meet AND KEEP a good guy, I really believe it's in her best interests to hold off on that stuff for a bit. Are any of those girls in San Diego? I'll show them the line to walk! I like to keep innuendo to a minimum until we start fooling around, but I like to keep it out of conversations during the date. This doesn't mean I don't flirt, but it actually turns me off when a girl says "you're really gorgeous, by the way." That comment isn't even sexually charged. Greater sexual conversations...let's just say that I want to find more things in common than that, and I'm more than willing to refrain from sex (as long as we can make out of course) for a while as long as we are developing intimacy in other ways. You can flirt and turn someone on without mentioning sex at all, and if you desire a LTR, it is best to flirt without sexual innuendos. Hell, look at shows like the Bachelor. Usually a sexual, flirtatious girl makes it past the first round or two, but watching, I never take them seriously (I've had ex gf's who I had to watch the show with so we'd have something to talk about, I swear).
Jack Africa Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 So we are communicating and she comes out in an email saying something very suggetive and implying that she has a strong physical attraction to me... Dude, listen to me - women do not understand men "in love". They undersatbd ONLY what OTHER women have told them (like their Mom) Women think that men only want "one thing" - I know that you may be insulted by that prospect (I am) BUT is what women believe. When a man is falling in love he wants a perfect creature who is somewhat like a real life china doll. She needs to have no flaws and no human failings. THis girls of yours is doing what women have been doing for thousands of years. She is offering you a sexual relationship (somewhat indirectly but strongly enough for you to get her message) . Why? BEcause she has been programmed to believe that sex is the way to a man's heart. SHe wants a relationship with you and she is trying to fast track it by drawing you in via the offer of sex. Same ole' , same 'ole game dude.
monkey00 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm going to have to agree with the OP a bit...although every girl is different. I've had an experience with a girl that was very into me sexually/physically from the first day, though she only saw us as FWB material and I saw her as partner material which didn't work out well. Needless to say, things like these should take time to marinate and roast...if someone is too into you from the start it could be an indication of a red flag. Building too high expectations early on only leads to easy disappointment down the road.
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