warrick Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Hi all, My wife and I have 4 year old twins as well as an 8 year old. All boys. When the twins were younger, I didnt see what all the fuss was about with twins. Sure, they were a bit more work, but it was so much more fun. I often joked that I would be bored having just one child at a time, after having twins. Our house was always so busy with bubbly energy that only children have. (Sadly we lose that energy as we grow up.). Things have now changed since they learned to walk and talk. I used to take the 3 of them out regularly on my own to public places like shopping centres, museums, etc. and always had a blast. Now I dread taking them out on my own as they run off in different directions, and I spend all my energy running around keeping track of them. Now I have no fun and come home exausted. Have others found this with twins (or more)??
norajane Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I don't have kids and can't really help, so I'm bumping your thread in case there are some savvy parents out there. Maybe you can make it a game with your 8 year old, if he can help you keep an eye on the kids, he gets extra video game time at home? That way he gets to feel important and that you trust him to look out for the 'babies' while he's the 'big boy'. AND, it keeps him by your side too, since his 'job' is to look out for one of the little ones. I dunno - it works for my cousin who has 3 girls that are one right after another in age, and a son who is a few years older.
Author warrick Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 Great tip norajane, and thats exactly what I have started doing. I reward my 8 year old with extra stuff as well as praises for helping me with the two 4 year olds. He really gets a kick out of the extra recognition and is always keen to help. I have just started delegating odd jobs to him as well. I will ask the 3 boys to tidy the lounge perhaps, and ask my 8 year old to be in charge. He is always down on himself for not being the fastest or the strongest with a lot of things, so I explained to him that it is the people that can lead others, that have the talent to manage others that always get the furtherest. The most successful people do not always know the most or are the most talented. They are the people with the drive and the people skills to sell their dream and motivate the masses to get the job done. My boy seems to get really excited about this and takes a lot of pride from the extra responsibility and it does wonders for his confidence, and hopefully his future.
RecordProducer Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 I have twins (I don't have any other children though) and there is only one method that works: a change of mindset. Try not to get stressed and turn everything in your favor. In other words, manipulate the kids. According to Dr. Spock, the ultimate goal of raising kids is to make them do what you want because they appreciate you and want to please you for the healthy reasons. Blackmails, punishments, and other disciplinary methods just don't work. Children are like animals or retarded adults so it's very difficult for us - normal, overstressed grown ups - to understand them. But if you try to approach them with kindness, they are more receptive than any adults. Believe it or not, my two spoiled brats can be more compassionate and understanding than my husband. You create the basis by showing them how much you love and appreciate them and then you ask them nicely to do what you want, with a tone that they cannot refuse. Kids are weird, but they are the most understanding creatures if you can get under their skin and if you create a close relationship with them. Don't give them time-outs or even rewards. reward them with praises and kisses. Kids crave LOVE and PRAISE. Use that to your advantage. Not only that they will become emotionally healthy, kind, and happy human beings, but they will also obey. Another important thing is to keep your negative emotions under control. Fake it 'till you make it. Remind yourself that kids ARE the happiness in life because they love you unconditionally and they depend on you emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Be gentle to these sensitive human babies and watch their love coming back to you doubled. Consciously choose to enjoy their quirks and stupidity instead of get stressed about it. You only live once. And when you have kids, you live for them.
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