jay6382 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Hey guys, new to the forum here. Anyway I suspect my girl is cheating on me. We've been together a little over 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter together. She just recently got a new job at a warehouse working 3rd shift (7pm - 530am). Last weekend a guy from her work invited us to a cookout he was having. So we got a babysitter and went. We were there for a couple of hours and we left. We picked our kid up from the sitter and she was still awake. She wanted to go back to the party and I didn't so I took her back and dropped her off. She called me at 4 in the morning to come pick her up. The next day the phone rings, its the guy who had the party. She told me to tell him she was asleep so I answered the phone and he hung up on me. A short time later I go to the store and she calls him back while I'm gone. Anyway she leaves for work an hour early telling me that she needed to go in and fill out some paper work. I wasn't buying it so I drive toward this guys house and she passes me with him in the passenger seat. So the jist of it is she lied to me to go pick him up and give him a ride to work. That night she wore some lingerie thong panties that we ordered from Victoria Secret to work that night. She got off of work that night at 5 minutes till 6 and doesn't get home until 7. Which it usually takes no more than 20 minutes to drive home. The next day I find one of my condoms that I keep in a dresser drawer in her purse. I asked her about it, and she told me it was for me when she got home from work that morning. So she took a condom from home to work, to come home with and use it? That makes absolutely no sense to me. Night before last she told me she got off of work at 6, but I find a ATM receipt from 5:30, and she didn't get home until almost 7 that night. Last night I drive to her work and get there about 10 minutes before her lunch break. She comes out to the car with this dude and they get in. Now it was raining, but it looked to me like he put his arm around her. I don't know whats going on here, but its shady to me. What do you guys think?
Ladyjane14 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Cheaters will lie until you rub the truth on their nose. What you've posted looks fairly damning to me, sorry to say. But... she'll continue to deny it until you've got proof. Now, you can keep following her, get photos, hack her email, get a detailed copy of her cell phone usage, etc., and unless you actually catch her in the act itself, she's still in a position to deny. The thing is... you haven't said that you two are married, so I'm assuming that you aren't. You can break up with her at any time. If she gives you guff about seeing your child, you can haul her ass into court. If you're not married, it's not like you need evidence to prove 'adultery' on her. Bottom line, you've ALREADY caught her lying. And although I'm usually VERY conservative in recommending that a suspicious partner make unfounded accusations... yours are NOT unfounded. She's lied to you about her whereabouts on multiple occasions and you have proof of it. I think if I were you... I'd bluff her. Sit her down, tell her you know she's been cheating, that you have evidence of it, and that the next lie out of her mouth will condemn whatever possible slim chance of reconciliation you might have otherwise had. Then, ask her generic questions, like "How long has this been going on?" and "Who all knows?". Most likely, she'll continue to deny. But tell her, "Fine, have it your way", then leave the room and start acting like you're making plans to dump her ass, who knows?.... she just might crack.
bish Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yup...she is cheating. Without a doubt. Dump her and get custody of your daughter.
Bryanp Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Hello, I don't think you need to have a piano fall on your head to see what she is doing. It seems pretty obvious she is cheating on you. The question is what are you going to do about it?
cj1988 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I agree, act like you have evidence and bluff her, if she is doing it and THINKS you have proof she will cave....watch her eyes and here hands. When they lie, it is noraml for them to look you right in the eye and SWEAR they are innocent. But, if she is normally calm she will be restless with the conversation and probably walk off, then you knwow she is a LIAR. They do not want to talk about what they are doing because they could slip or have to tell more lies.......it is a never ending life of a cheater......
heatherd1201 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I'm really sorry that you are going through this. I agree with everyone here that she is definitely cheating. When you approach her (either the way that others have said, telling her that you KNOW shes doing it and you have proof) she will probably get very defensive about. Saying that she cant believe you would accuse her and she cant believe you dont trust her and she will probably storm out of the room. Dont let her. I did something similar, but I DID actually have the proof (an email sent to me from the OW asking me why i still had it on my myspace that we were in a relationship. I told her it was because we were and we LIVED together. Then she sent me an email detailing exactly what had been going on....) What I did was I took a whole bunch of his things and put them in a trash bag. I went outside to smoke and I sat down the bag down next to me. When he came home he asked me what was in the bag and I told him it was all of his clothes. I told him he had 2 options. 1) he could tell me what was going on and I would give them all back to him so he could take them with him when he left...or 2) he could lie and deny everything and I would set the bag on fire........it worked. But believe me, I had every intention of actually setting the bag on fire if he DARED lie to me about it. And thanks to the email, i knew that i would KNOW if he was lying!
Author jay6382 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah when I confront her on anything she denies it all and reassures me that I don't have to worry about her cheating on me. She says I'm more than she can handle and doesn't need it from anybody else. Said her conscience wouldn't allow her to ever do that. Let me give you another example of shady activity thats been going on, about 2 or 3 weeks ago I was cleaning out our car and I find a coke straw in your center consoul. Yes a coke straw, for snorting cocaine, I know thats exactly what it was because I cut it open and tasted the residue that was left in it and my tongue went numb. I immediately stop what I'm doing and come and ask her what the hell it was and where it came from. She said she had no clue where it came from. Now myself and her are the only ones that drive the car, should be the only ones in it, so where did it come from? She actually got pissed off at me saying I was accusing of her of it and for not believing her when she told me she had no knowledge of it. I was highly angry with this finding, not just that I think she was doing cocaine, but I was driving around for god knows how long with that **** in my car and didnt even know it. Also she likes to turn things around on me, bringing up things I do like talking to one of my friends (a friend of the same sex that I have been friends with for about 12 years), that she has forbid me to have any contact with. I love this girl with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't think I could end it unless I knew 100% that she has actually cheated. Everything I have points to it, but I have no proof at all of her actually cheating. I guess I should keep investigating. It makes me sick to think that our relationship has come to this and I have to monitor her actions. I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel I have to do this. If things were so innocent why all the shady activity?
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 So if you need actual proof, ask a friend to follow her and take some pictures, or if you can afford it, hire a PI. From what you've said, it does sound like she's cheating...maybe they haven't had 'sex' yet, but it's leading up to that point. Either way, she is LYING to you and betraying you. Already any real trust you've had for her has been broken. Until she comes out of this affair-fog she's in, she's going to continue to lie and hide what she's doing because SHE feels she's doing nothing wrong! This isn't the woman you fell inlove with. She's doing things that a married woman shouldn't be doing and it's time for her to understand the consquences of her actions.
FireandIce Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 She's lying. There is more going on than she's admitting to and you know that. I know you want to think the best of her and there's a part in your head (or heart) that really, really hopes that you're wrong but IMO you're not. No one takes condoms to work just to come home and use it. GMAB. It sounds to me like you've been doing some good detective work so if you really want to catch them in the act then show up at her work an hour before she's supposed to get off and wait. I'm sure you'll get enough proof if she's doing what we all think she is.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Who the hell wears lacy thongs to a dirty warehouse job? Whenever I walk through the warehouse at work, the women working there always look like homeless people in their crummy clothes and workboots. What's the POINT in wearing sexy thongs in that type of atmosphere? It doesn't exactly complement a flannel shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. Blech. Another thing I've never done is take a condom with me to work so I could turn around, come home, and then have sex with my boyfriend. I also get out of work at 5:00 PM. I live about 15 minutes from work. It doesn't take me an hour or more to drive 8 miles. Gotta love those standard cheater lies she's feeding you - how you're already TOO much for her to handle, how her CONSCIENCE would NEVER allow her to cheat on you, and blah blah blah. Things are NOT innocent, as you ask. Not even remotely innocent. She's so transparent it's almost laughable.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Who the hell wears lacy thongs to a dirty warehouse job? What's the POINT in wearing sexy thongs in that type of atmosphere? I always where thongs and v-strings, doesn't matter where I go or what I'm doing...I don't work in a warehouse, but even if I did, I'd still wear the panties I feel most comfortable in...Some people just don't like wearing granny panties...
Cobra_X30 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I always where thongs and v-strings, doesn't matter where I go or what I'm doing...I don't work in a warehouse, but even if I did, I'd still wear the panties I feel most comfortable in...Some people just don't like wearing granny panties... Ever cheat on someone?
rockerdude Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 Dude you'd have to be blind not to see it. I won't even address this one for you....wake up!
xsianx Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Yeah when I confront her on anything she denies it all and reassures me that I don't have to worry about her cheating on me. She says I'm more than she can handle and doesn't need it from anybody else. Said her conscience wouldn't allow her .... Hmmm, my xH said something similar along those lines when I confronted him. Two weeks later, he left me for the woman he'd been having an affair with for three months!!! LOL! She aint exactly gonna admit shes cheating is she??
bish Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I always where thongs and v-strings, doesn't matter where I go or what I'm doing...I don't work in a warehouse, but even if I did, I'd still wear the panties I feel most comfortable in...Some people just don't like wearing granny panties... And some people don't like a string sticking up their ass...apparantly you do for whatever reason that is and I doubt its for comfort. Granny panties, thongs, and just plain old nice petite cotton underwear are 3 completely different things...the latter being a little more appropriate if you don't like the granny panties.
bish Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Ever cheat on someone? No, but she is an OW, or at least has been, if that gives you any insight as to the preference for wearing thongs no matter where she goes.
jj2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 I always where thongs and v-strings, doesn't matter where I go or what I'm doing...I don't work in a warehouse, but even if I did, I'd still wear the panties I feel most comfortable in...Some people just don't like wearing granny panties... Thongs for comfort?! I don't think so!! Comfort to me is not having something stuck up my a** all day!!
jj2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 No, but she is an OW, or at least has been, if that gives you any insight as to the preference for wearing thongs no matter where she goes. Get it right bish, she still is an OW and in her fantacyland she doesn't share her MM with anyone! To the OP: yes she is definately cheating on you. call her on it. It really sucks to be cheated on I am so sorry.
bish Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Get it right bish, she still is an OW and in her fantacyland she doesn't share her MM with anyone! Uh, I believe I did get it right. My bases are covered.
jj2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Uh, I believe I did get it right. My bases are covered. I was being sarcastic in case you couldn't tell.
Author jay6382 Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Well I got some more evidence. I have a spy program on my computer that captures keystrokes, screenshots and chat convos. The other day while I was gone she was IMing him making plans for them to have sex. Asking him if anything were to happen between them how many people would know. If he had a condom just in case. How many people at their work knew about them making out and such. I confronted her about the convo and she said it was just a joke. I dont know what to do with this girl, I love her very much. She will not be completely honest with me about the situation for anything. She said she promised to stop doing the things she was doing because she didnt want to lose me. But I dont believe she will. Any suggestions on how to get the complete honest truth out of a cheater?
LifesontheUp Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 She's lying just like most cheaters when they get found out. In most cases the truth will slowly start to trickle out. That said, you've already got the truth in the IM chats - she was making plans to have sex with him. What you do about it is the next step I reckon. Has she shown any remorse at all? or is she still adamant that this is just messing around and nothing for you to be concerned about? If its the latter then you have got problems cause she will carry on only she'll hide it better.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Any suggestions on how to get the complete honest truth out of a cheater? By forcing it out of them. They will lie for as long as they get away with it, and you continue to do nothing about it. What are the chances you could go see a lawyer about getting custody of your daughter? Your girlfriend doesn't sound like she is too fit to be a parent - I'm sure a lawyer would be all over the drug use thing. At the very least, you could get temporary custody, by pleading your case with a lawyer about your concern for her safety. Perhaps if your gf knows that she has one choice and only once choice: come clean and stop cheating OR lose you and your daughter she will be less inclined to lie and cheat since she knows that she can no longer get away with it.
bish Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I was being sarcastic in case you couldn't tell. LOL..ya...sort of...hell I don't know. Its so hard to tell sometimes. but be careful about the sarcasm...infractions are given for it...
bish Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Any suggestions on how to get the complete honest truth out of a cheater? Only suggestion I have is...quit trying to get the truth out of them. You have the evidence...its obvious she is a lying cheating sleeze.....so kick her to the curb. Find yourself a decent girl. this one is nothing of the sort.
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