Meaplus3 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I placed this here because I am lokiong for feedback from OW who have had an ea or pa. My question to you is how long did it take you from when the ea or pa really came to a hault with NC and such to recover from your affair and NOT feel a thing for the mm? Also how many of you had to see the mm everyday while trying to recover from the ea or pa? AP:)
Gwyneth Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I'm currently trying to end an affair with a mm that is both EA and PA. I too would like to know how the process works when you but no choice to see the person every day.
lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I did NC a month ago, I don't have to see him or talk to him (people at work talk about him, everyday there is a meeting I think 15% of it is about him) but I can say he passes through my mind once in awhile, and I really don't miss him, I just get sad that I gave so much up to be with someone that didn't care even a little about me....I miss my old self not him... (or thats at least what I will tell myself till I believe it)
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I did NC a month ago, I don't have to see him or talk to him (people at work talk about him, everyday there is a meeting I think 15% of it is about him) but I can say he passes through my mind once in awhile, and I really don't miss him, I just get sad that I gave so much up to be with someone that didn't care even a little about me....I miss my old self not him... (or thats at least what I will tell myself till I believe it) Gosh! I hear you with the miss your self part, because I lost so much of myself by giving in to an ea. AP:)
lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I was lost before the A, the A just brought out how lost I really was....now that we know our faults/weaknesses, we can fix them, right
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I was lost before the A, the A just brought out how lost I really was....now that we know our faults/weaknesses, we can fix them, right I was lost to before the ea and still am to a point, but It will all be ok, I am sure! AP:)
lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I think today has been the hardest day so far - doesn't help that my H thinks he hates me again and kicked me back out of the house last night - they say life doesn't give you anything more than you can take...well on the bright side, I won't loose my job anytime soon (because I couldn't take that right now) and like you, I think I will be ok
My_Other_I Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 OP, it depends on how much you're willing to work on yourself and how much you really want to end the A. When mine ended I was in panic. I had anxiety attacks, I cried all the time (and I am a tough cookie) and in general was experiencing things I didn't know one could feel. I desperately wanted to see and be with the MM. We relapsed few times and the A continued for several more months after the D-day. I remember the last time like it was yesterday. We had a meaningless sex and we both knew that that was it. It hurt was quite some time. It took a lot of reading and research to understand what happened. I don't know what kind of a person you are but for me it takes understanding to accept things. I was OK after about 6 months and completely over him after about a year and a half. We have not seen each other again nor do I care to see him or hear from him again. At times I still get the funny feeling in my stomach when something reminds me of him. After all it was the most passionate relationship I've had. It doesn't make me sad, mad or anything else. It just comes and goes. A has changed my life. I have matured a lot due to having to do a lot of work on my self-esteem (why else would I get involved in R like that?) and other parts of my life. I have realized what I really want for my self and started to believe that I do deserve what I want. I hope yours takes less time to recover from and I wish you much patience and laughs.
overandout Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I really think that if I had to see my xmm every day I would never have got closure and it would be difficult to move on. I recently bumped into him in the supermarket but he was obviously on his way out to the parking lot where his wife was waiting in the car, so I smiled sweetly and said HI but just walked past him. He looked pleased to see me. It seemed the best plan at the time but I cannot pretend that I didn't feel a twinge of what might have been. However it didn't make me wish that he would restart the affair so that is a result. I think that I have at last got my dignity and self respect back and won't trade that to share him on his terms. Before that I had last seen him in April (he never saw me) and then 4 months before that was when we were in contact. Time does heal, as long as you don't have reminders of him.
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