More Personals Stories

[uniqueone]

Ok, I was mixing in "personals" stories on my other thread where they didn't belong, so I thought I'd start one specifically for it....especially since I just got off of the phone with one of them.....a new one.

 

This guy seemed decent...career military guy close to retirement. (for folks who don't know military, retirement is in one's 40's). He mentions in an email how he's ready to find someone to spend the next 40-50 years with. (I probably should have seen this as a red flag).

 

So I just now talked to him on the phone. He says he's heading down to Louisiana for a three day weekend (they get LOTS of those weekends in the govt.) He mentions this beautiful lakefront property he has there. I had to restrain myself from making a joke....("Uh....isn't it ALL lakefront property down there NOW?" )

 

Btw, this is the second govt. employee I've talked to recently and I'm wondering if I should bother with them at all. I used to deal with govt. employees regularly and I've seen how little work that they do and how well they get compensated and it's infuriating.

 

He was going on and on about his retirement, his great benefits, etc... and then asked me: "So when do you want to retire?" I said "Uh....I don't know..."

He said: "You don't think of retirement???"

 

Ok....this is where my ire with govt. emp's kicked in.....

 

I said Yes... I AM concerned with retirement....but for the rest of us, it's not like it is with govt. employees.....we don't have the same options. It's not when I'd LIKE to retire....it's when I'll be ABLE to retire.

 

I was getting a little pissed off because I know how govt employees do not know what the real world is like whatsoever. They think that everyone gets to do whatever they please---just like they do. Believe me, I worked around it for many, many years.

 

Then I couldn't get him off the phone. I tried to wrap it up but he kept asking more questions....

 

He asked:

 

"So, do you like to travel, because when I retire, I'd want someone travel with......... (that's friggin 3 years from now!)

 

"So, do you want to have kids?" (Er.....look buddy...my profile says I'm almost 45 years old...do the math.....)

 

Then he asks if I'm dating anyone. I said no. He said good and said that he's not either and that he thinks that's important not to date others when you're dating someone (Uh...we haven't even met yet!)

 

Then he asks if I'm free next Friday. (ok, we've emailed once and talked for 15 mins. and you're making plans for a week from now.....and yikes! I want to get out of this!)

 

He wouldn't shut up so I told him I had to call my mom before it got too late. (then I looked at the clock and it wasn't even 8 pm yet......oops, that didn't sound like a legitimate excuse, did it? somehow I don't think that will stop him.)

 

I'm thinking this is another one of those types that will have us ready to be married by next Friday.........

[Star Gazer]

I'm at a loss for words for you, U. You are so unreasonably picky and analytical. Dating is supposed to be somewhat fun, but you're making yourself (and probably the guys you talk to) miserable!

 

Now you're writing off all government employees? (Career military men have worked VERY hard to get where they are by the time they retire, BTW...your comments broad, overarching comments in this regard are unwarranted.)

 

God forbid this guy - after presumably sharing emails with you and then talking to you on the phone - suggests you meet for a date! How crazy is that!?!?! I mean, online dating isn't actually for DATING!!!

 

And how dare this guy ask whether or not he's gonna have a lot of competition if you two do start dating! And to top it off, I can't BELIEVE he had the gall to ask if you have similar interests (traveling), financial goals (thinking about retirement at your age), and whether something as important as wanting children is a dealbreaker!!!! HOW DARE HE?!?!

[uniqueone]

This guy I work with does the personals just like I do. I know he likes me and always has. The last time he started hinting around (about 2 months ago) I mentioned how these guys on the personals who are out of my age range keep contacting me and how I'm only interested in guys in my age range. (he's out of that age range)

 

I figured that this would give him the message that this is why I wasn't showing interest in him. It seemed to have worked.

 

Then he met several women online....one recently that he liked. He's gone out with her 3x. So yesterday I told him how I FINALLY decided to go out on a date but how I had reservations. He asked why and I told him.

 

Then he emails me today and says: "We should end all these first date fiasco's we go on and just start dating each other....lol"

 

I'm at my desk going "Holy *****"

 

I emailed back "So how are you and the new one?"

He says he's lost interest in her.

(Oh greeeeat!)

 

 

WAAAAAHHH!!!!!

 

I think I'm getting stomach ulcers.......

[uniqueone]

I'm at a loss for words for you, U. You are so unreasonably picky and analytical. Dating is supposed to be somewhat fun, but you're making yourself (and probably the guys you talk to) miserable!

 

Now you're writing off all government employees? (Career military men have worked VERY hard to get where they are by the time they retire, BTW...your comments broad, overarching comments in this regard are unwarranted.)

 

God forbid this guy - after presumably sharing emails with you and then talking to you on the phone - suggests you meet for a date! How crazy is that!?!?! I mean, online dating isn't actually for DATING!!!

 

And how dare this guy ask whether or not he's gonna have a lot of competition if you two do start dating! And to top it off, I can't BELIEVE he had the gall to ask if you have similar interests (traveling), financial goals (thinking about retirement at your age), and whether something as important as wanting children is a dealbreaker!!!! HOW DARE HE?!?!

 

 

SG, I've been around a lot longer than you and I have also worked with govt. employees and it ain't pretty...and that includes military. I have first hand experience.

 

And yes, I think that his questions were too much for a first conversation and I believe that when *I* posted questions that I asked a guy in a first conversations, the response was that it's supposed to be "light and flirty" on a first conversation. I think it was even you who posted that too. I'll go look for that thread link.

 

Also, SG, I don't want to argue. If you came here to argue, please pass this thread by.

[Star Gazer]

SG, I've been around a lot longer than you and I have also worked with govt. employees and it ain't pretty...and that includes military. I have first hand experience.

 

And yes, I think that his questions were too much for a first conversation and I believe that when *I* posted questions that I asked a guy in a first conversations, the response was that it's supposed to be "light and flirty" on a first conversation. I think it was even you who posted that too. I'll go look for that thread link.

 

Also, SG, I don't want to argue. If you came here to argue, please pass this thread by.

 

You can't instruct me not to post in your threads, certainly not if you're going to go misquoting my previous posts.

 

If you're telling me that my family members, as both members of the military (many life-long) and other government employees (which would include the men and women who protect us domestically - cops, firemen, etc., as well as government nurses, highway crews, etc.) are any less worthy of dating a civilian, you're out of your mind.

 

I said that YOUR EMAIL questions should be light and breezy, not like a freaking interrogation with bitter comments laced throughout. Asking questions about one's interests, whether they want kids at all (at your age, that's probably an important question to ask), and simple questions that reflect whether or not you have similar financial goals. Many of these questions are contained in profiles themselves, and are PERFECTLY REASONABLE.

[uniqueone]

You can't instruct me not to post in your threads, certainly not if you're going to go misquoting my previous posts.

 

If you're telling me that my family members, as both members of the military (many life-long) and other government employees (which would include the men and women who protect us domestically - cops, firemen, etc., as well as government nurses, highway crews, etc.) are any less worthy of dating a civilian, you're out of your mind.

 

I said that YOUR EMAIL questions should be light and breezy, not like a freaking interrogation with bitter comments laced throughout. Asking questions about one's interests, whether they want kids at all (at your age, that's probably an important question to ask), and simple questions that reflect whether or not you have similar financial goals. Many of these questions are contained in profiles themselves, and are PERFECTLY REASONABLE.

 

Ok SG, thanks for playing.....

 

You have your views on it and I have mine and you can post here all you want if it gives you a kick but I'm not going to participate.

[Star Gazer]

Ok SG, thanks for playing.....

 

You have your views on it and I have mine and you can post here all you want if it gives you a kick but I'm not going to participate.

 

 

You're the one who's miserable. I'm not. Many others here aren't either. I'd suggest you at least LISTEN to what we have to say. We might have some pretty good ideas about how to find happiness.

[Replicant]

SG, I've been around a lot longer than you and I have also worked with govt. employees and it ain't pretty...and that includes military. I have first hand experience.

 

And yes, I think that his questions were too much for a first conversation and I believe that when *I* posted questions that I asked a guy in a first conversations, the response was that it's supposed to be "light and flirty" on a first conversation. I think it was even you who posted that too. I'll go look for that thread link.

 

Also, SG, I don't want to argue. If you came here to argue, please pass this thread by.

 

Using age as a leverage tool for superseding anyone in dating experience is useless. Who's to say your dating 'skillz' are up to current code? What i see is you plastering peoples honest replies right into open forum. Then ripping on them in a 'I'm better than thou tone'. Yet you are landing no results. Great way to pre-judge people.

[uniqueone]

You're the one who's miserable. I'm not. Many others here aren't either. I'd suggest you at least LISTEN to what we have to say. We might have some pretty good ideas about how to find happiness.

 

Actually I'm having a blast laughing at this! And I've got plenty of friends on here who know the real me and...well....I think they'd prove ya wrong.

[uniqueone]

Using age as a leverage tool for superseding anyone in dating experience is useless. Who's to say your dating 'skillz' are up to current code? What i see is you plastering peoples honest replies right into open forum. Then ripping on them in a 'I'm better than thou tone'. Yet you are landing no results. Great way to pre-judge people.

 

 

Sorry, but that "skillz" thing just made you lose credibility with me. But hey, try to lighten up, ok? You're taking this all just a lil bit too seriously......

[Replicant]

Sorry, but that "skillz" thing just made you lose credibility with me. But hey, try to lighten up, ok? You're taking this all just a lil bit too seriously......

 

 

Credibility lost, woah so that's what that feels like. Okay that passed.

 

Obviously you couldn't scratch the surface to see why i used it in that context. If anything you just lashed out on me over a single word. Does that mean i called you out on being older? nah hmmm maybe intolerant? I think your internet suitors are seriously using too many heart felt words on their behalf to describe themselves, when one imperfect word is by far enough to lose credibility.

[uniqueone]

Using age as a leverage tool for superseding anyone in dating experience is useless. Who's to say your dating 'skillz' are up to current code?

 

This brings up an interesting point...age. I definately think that are many smart, insightful younger people on here and I value their advice as much as I would any other.

 

I don't think someone older is smarter. I do, however, think that there is a certain wisdom that comes with age. Being wise is different from being smart. I would have laughed at this when I was younger..and a lot of you will probably laugh too. But when you get older you'll understand what I meant by it...because sometimes you can't understand it until you experience it.

 

Wisdom is derived from things someone has gone through in their life. You can see difference in the eyes of a 25 year old and the eyes of a 45 year old. That's wisdom. It's like a weathered tree that's seen decades of harsh winters as opposed to a fresh new tree. Each year brings new traumas and new life to the tree, creating new wrinkles, scars and blooms. The younger tree hasn't been through as many harsh winters and hasn't seen how that might affect them yet.

 

You know it's funny....but I hear people say that I'm pushing people off before giving them a chance.....but maybe....if you choose to look at it differently.....maybe it's that now I have a clearer picture of what I want ---and don't want----than I did when I was younger.

 

Food for thought.

[uniqueone]

Credibility lost, woah so that's what that feels like. Okay that passed.

 

Obviously you couldn't scratch the surface to see why i used it in that context. If anything you just lashed out on me over a single word. Does that mean i called you out on being older? nah hmmm maybe intolerant? I think your internet suitors are seriously using too many heart felt words on their behalf to describe themselves, when one imperfect word is by far enough to lose credibility.

 

 

........

[reelwoman]

I'm pretty new to this forum but this is the first thread I've read where people were getting so hostile...what's up with that? UO is asking for help and being honest about how she feels and what she wants; if what she wants is not the same as what you or I want, what's the point of blasting her and telling her she's wrong to feel or want what she does? I don't know if some of this is the age factor or what, because my sense is that most of y'all are still younguns yet, but honestly, it is true that once you get to, um, your ( sigh) mid-40s, you do tend to narrow things down a lot more than you did when you were younger. It's not really about intolerance; it's about knowing what your dealbreakers are and just respecting that that's what works or doesn't work for you. I did a brief online dating stint this summer after a breakup, and although I really just wanted a little confidence-building, I was ruling people out right and left that my friends were telling me to give a chance. Every time I went on a date with someone that I felt was a compromise it was a washout---and yes, I"m sure that was in some ways because I FELT that way going in, but if you know you feel that way, why bother? If UO has a thing about gov't employees, that's her thing. Yelling at her isn't going to change that, and why should it? I have a grammar thing myself---- I eliminated lots of attractive guys with lots of similar interests because their profiles sported what to me were egregious errors in grammar, spelling, or just good writing. Sorry, I'm sure there are lots of wonderful, kind, intelligent people who can't write well or don't understand that a sentence requires both a noun and a verb, but those nice, wonderful people aren't the right people for me. End of story. Lighten up, good l-shack dwellers.

[uniqueone]

I'm pretty new to this forum but this is the first thread I've read where people were getting so hostile...what's up with that? UO is asking for help and being honest about how she feels and what she wants; if what she wants is not the same as what you or I want, what's the point of blasting her and telling her she's wrong to feel or want what she does? I don't know if some of this is the age factor or what, because my sense is that most of y'all are still younguns yet, but honestly, it is true that once you get to, um, your ( sigh) mid-40s, you do tend to narrow things down a lot more than you did when you were younger. It's not really about intolerance; it's about knowing what your dealbreakers are and just respecting that that's what works or doesn't work for you. I did a brief online dating stint this summer after a breakup, and although I really just wanted a little confidence-building, I was ruling people out right and left that my friends were telling me to give a chance. Every time I went on a date with someone that I felt was a compromise it was a washout---and yes, I"m sure that was in some ways because I FELT that way going in, but if you know you feel that way, why bother? If UO has a thing about gov't employees, that's her thing. Yelling at her isn't going to change that, and why should it? I have a grammar thing myself---- I eliminated lots of attractive guys with lots of similar interests because their profiles sported what to me were egregious errors in grammar, spelling, or just good writing. Sorry, I'm sure there are lots of wonderful, kind, intelligent people who can't write well or don't understand that a sentence requires both a noun and a verb, but those nice, wonderful people aren't the right people for me. End of story. Lighten up, good l-shack dwellers.

 

 

OMG....thank you ReelWoman!!! Will you marry me? Just kidding...just kidding!

It's just so nice to hear someone who understands.

 

Oh and yes, when I was new to the personals/dating scene, I used to give them all a chance. I've found out though that my instincts are right and to listen to them.

 

Btw, I had some guys (my age) tell me recently that they've become a lot more selective than they first were when they started doing the personals.....or when they started dating again after divorce....so I know it's not just women who become that way.

 

And I've definately become pickier as I've gotten older.....whoa......I can't believe what I used to consider acceptable.......

 

Thanks again Reelwoman!

[MR2Aaron]

It does seem like you're being excessively picky - this guy talks about getting to retire and you rip him a new one because you seem to think that makes him lazy. He asks how you feel about getting to retire (Which, if I were to ask that question, would be my way of saying "If you could do whatever you wanted all day, what would you do?") and again, you take that to mean that he's bragging that he doesn't have to work very hard and condemn him for it. It's ok to have a set of criteria that are deal-breakers for you, but you seem to have a pretty haughty attitude about it.

 

The thing where he talked about not dating anyone else is valid, though. That's a little creepy to be talking about that before you even meet him.

[bigpooter]

I don't understand what the big deal is. If you have these reservations and are not interested- just end communication and move on to someone/something else? Obviously there are things that make you uncomfortable with this person-- thats the benefit of chatting on line- If you no longer want to communicate-- DON'T. Why are you wasting both of your time?

[uniqueone]

It does seem like you're being excessively picky - this guy talks about getting to retire and you rip him a new one because you seem to think that makes him lazy. He asks how you feel about getting to retire (Which, if I were to ask that question, would be my way of saying "If you could do whatever you wanted all day, what would you do?") and again, you take that to mean that he's bragging that he doesn't have to work very hard and condemn him for it. It's ok to have a set of criteria that are deal-breakers for you, but you seem to have a pretty haughty attitude about it.

 

It looks as though you've totally misunderstood what I was saying from what I can tell by your interpretation of it here.

[uniqueone]

I don't understand what the big deal is. If you have these reservations and are not interested- just end communication and move on to someone/something else? Obviously there are things that make you uncomfortable with this person-- thats the benefit of chatting on line- If you no longer want to communicate-- DON'T. Why are you wasting both of your time?

 

Huh??? How did I waste my time? I talked to him ONCE. I never said in my post that I'd talk to him again. I never said I felt obligated to talk to him again.

 

Where are you getting this from?

 

I think I know where you're getting it from......you're thinking that the fact that I mentioned it on here means that it's something that I need help solving. You're probably the type of individual who sees no sense in talking about things unless a solution is wanted. Right?

[lovelorcet]

I agree with SG... Sounds like the guy was a no BS, no games straight forward kind of man.

 

If you are not into that then that's cool.

[uniqueone]

I agree with SG... Sounds like the guy was a no BS, no games straight forward kind of man.

 

If you are not into that then that's cool.

 

 

I do think it's funny though....had *I* mentioned asking a man those very questions, or even asked him if he had plans next weekend, I have no doubt that people would have made criticisms about how you should never ask that stuff so soon, look that desperate and how everything should be light and flirty, etc.....

 

I wonder why the different standards for men. Hmmmm.....interesting......

[Krytie TV]

Your online dating stories might be better served in the Rants sections, as that's what they're becoming.

[peace_pipe]

I don't think you are ready to date. Step off of your high horse and quit being so judgmental AND hipocritical.

 

Until then, please don't subject anymore men to this nonsense.

[Star Gazer]

I think I know where you're getting it from......you're thinking that the fact that I mentioned it on here means that it's something that I need help solving. You're probably the type of individual who sees no sense in talking about things unless a solution is wanted. Right?

 

It's in the "Dating" section, where advice is generally requested. Krytie is right:

 

Your online dating stories might be better served in the Rants sections, as that's what they're becoming.

 

I do think it's funny though....had *I* mentioned asking a man those very questions, or even asked him if he had plans next weekend, I have no doubt that people would have made criticisms about how you should never ask that stuff so soon, look that desperate and how everything should be light and flirty, etc.....

 

I wonder why the different standards for men. Hmmmm.....interesting......

 

Again, you're totally misquoting and misinterpreting advice given you previously. This isn't about different standards for men, for crying out loud.

 

In your posts about YOUR email questions and conversations with men, I suggested you needed to be more lighthearted and not so serious in the FIRST CONTACT because the way you were coming across was quite bitter. All your jokes and comments about men and dating in those emails to men were certainly off-putting to many. In your emails to those men, you sounded like a whiny, bitter, angry woman who had had it up to here with dating period...which made us all wonder, "Then why are you trying?"

 

However, your bitter comments in your emails to men are quite different from someone who is potentially interested in dating you inquiring into the basic information one usually contains on his/her profile, such as one's interests, desire to have children someday, and financial goals/responsibility. Asking those questions is totally normal.

[uniqueone]

It's in the "Dating" section, where advice is generally requested. Krytie is right:

 

No one hardly reads the Rants section. Besides this section is called "Dating", not "Dating Advice" so I can post it here if I want.

 

In your posts about YOUR email questions and conversations with men, I suggested you needed to be more lighthearted and not so serious in the FIRST CONTACT because the way you were coming across was quite bitter. All your jokes and comments about men and dating in those emails to men were certainly off-putting to many. In your emails to those men, you sounded like a whiny, bitter, angry woman who had had it up to here with dating period...which made us all wonder, "Then why are you trying?"

 

It's funny you say that because the men all like it. I should show you all the emails that I get. You'd be surprised at how many of them don't like that sweet, sappy stuff. But then, there are people (such as you) who just don't "get" my type of humor and never will and think of it as too abrasive or bitter, whiny, etc.... There are plenty though who DO "get" it and I'm getting emails all the time from them. And you know what? They tell me how it's so nice to see someone who's not like all the rest.

 

However, your bitter comments in your emails to men are quite different from someone who is potentially interested in dating you inquiring into the basic information one usually contains on his/her profile, such as one's interests, desire to have children someday, and financial goals/responsibility. Asking those questions is totally normal.

 

Yeeeeah......okaaay........