pessimist or realist? Should you break up because of a hunch?(or a bunch of them)

[Fayi]

Is it right to stay with your fiance even though you know in your heart it won't last forever?

I mean, am I fooling him?

 

I love him deeply and we got a great chemistry but we're different in a lot of ways and I just can't see us two raise children and have a family, he wants me to be in charge of the house chores, for example, but I want both of us to be responsible for keeping things tidy. He would never want to change the baby's diaper, or do laundry, because it'll 'make him feel like a woman'. But I want my man to share everything with me.

And that's not something I want to compromise.

 

We are in a LDR right now, so we don't have these problems... yet, but we will have as soon as we move in together.

 

He is giving up a lot for me, moving to a foreign country, he doesn't speak the language, etc. And I don't want him to come here expecting me to be his house wife, because that will lead to huge arguments that will probably end with him moving back to his home and I don't want to put him or me through all that pain, but it's just my guess that it will turn out like this so I don't feel like I could break up over it. I don't want too. Maybe we'll live happily ever after, who knows?

 

I should add that he really wants a family, he's dead sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he says. I really invest in our realtionship too of course, but, well, he's focusing 100% on us but for me it's different because I also love my studies, and I can't say which one I love more because I need both him and my studies. He'd want us to have a baby tomorrow if it was possible but I want to have a career first, I said this to him but I'm not sure he understands, he knows we can't have kids now because we don't even have a home, we don't have the economy... for me, I'm just not ready.

 

I always think that maybe, hopefully, when he gets here, and he sees other men doing laundry, for example, he'll come around, grow up and realise that it's not so bad and everyone can do it(where he's from men don't usually work at home, so I figure when he moves here it will become more normal for him?)

Am I fooling myself?

 

I want to talk to him about my worries, and I've tried, but everytime I do it ends with a huge fight, then we forget it, or we dodge it, it goes sort of like this:

 

me: "we're a team"

him: "we're a team but I'm the captain of the team"

me: "no, I think we're just team mates, no one's the captain."

him: "yeah we're a team, I love you honey...(but I can almost hear him adding in his thoughts, '...but I'm the captain')

 

we keep misinterpreting eachother:

 

me: "We'll share everything right?"

him: "of course I'll help you with everything, except laundry... but I'll do dishes!"

me: "but if we share everything, we should share the house chores too"

him: "you know me, I'll always help you, but I can't be a woman"

 

 

Well, what I wonder is:

Is it cruel of me to try and make things work or should I break up with him because we're too different? I keep thinking: 'but we're fine right now, there's no reason for us to leave eachother right now, we should try', but I don't want to be short sighted either.

 

Is it selfish of me to keep him, I mean, I feel like I'm keeping him from meeting someone that wants what he wants..

but he also says that he loves me more than anything and that he would never want anyone else. I love him too.

 

Any advice would be greatly appriciated, because I feel like I'm loosing all prespective on this.

[Pyro]

You are correct. You are a team. You both will be working, so both of you are to share the household chores. That is BS for him to feel like he will be a woman if he does any of the chores. He is making excuses to be lazy.

 

If you are sure that the differences you mentioned will tear you apart from him, then there is no need to waste anymore time with him or his time. I know that its a tough thing to do, but you have to do what makes you the most happiest.