bubbabrusky Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 my wife and i are in the mist of a separation. i met her when i was 19 years old and fell head over for her; she too for me. it was deep and intence. we had some VERY hard times throughout our relationship and had a beutiful girl together two years later. two years after our daughter was born, we married. a day that we made promises to eachother. promises i did not keep. my addictions persisted and the lies about them were perpetuated. last year our second beutiful daughter was born. she has been telling me for some time now that the end was near and i have not listened to her. not every day was horrible. but there, in the back of both of our heads, was our problems. and the broken promises. and the jealousy. and the "possesiveness" (i guess which goes hand in hand with the jealousy). all the bad seems to stick out more than the good. more than the smiles and the laughs. and the i love yous. they loom over our relationship like a storm cloud that isn't going away. i have been weary of professional help in the past, and that is a great regret. tomorrow i start my first thearapy session. too late i fear. she wants a legal separation, which will allow us to divorse in 365 days from the day that paper is signed. she reassures that she will always be there as my friend, but can not be with me as my wife because of all the hurt i have caused and she has had to endure. i do not know how i will live without her as my wife. she was my first love. when i met her i thought how lucky i was to not have to suffer like so many to endlessly search for love. she has not told me that she loves me for a long time. i fear i can not remember and will never remember the last time she said it to me. proof of how much i take her and her love for granted. i yearn for her love again. my heart aches thinking of how low i have sunk to take her for granted for so many years. how could i have let her cry so much? how could i have driven my love away? (not so much how, but why?) i woke last night from a dream where i held her dead body in my arms, sobbing. begging for her to wake up. the whole dream was in dark blues, purples and reds. she was not there. she has been seeking solace with a friend. i wept for hours thinking how greatful i was that it was just a dream and at least i would be able to speak to her again. i know all of this is my fault and she has given me so many chances to reconcile. i don't know how to continue having these sorts of dreams. my heart is breaking like i broke hers. karma? but i love her so much. what is wrong with me? how can someone hurt the one they love? i am tired of people telling me that maybe i really don't love her. i have searched that possibility and it is not true. after that point, it may have been too late for me to win back her trust. her love. her companionship. since then i have tried. and secretly she let down her guard, but i have done stupid things in the midst only deepening her resentment for ever staying with me. and now. i face the hardest time in my life to date: separation, and possible divorce. i have laid a path of destruction in my wake. is there anything i can do to mend her wounds? is there a possibility deep down inside her that she may still love me? how do i show her that i love her, without seeming like i am being possesive and jealous and the only reason i am saying that is to keep her around? that i am just saying those words without meaning it? how do i cope with myself? all the feelings of regret and remorse? of being the one that killed a TRUE love? it was so strong back in those days. like the world did not exist without us. in my world, it can not.
Gunny376 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 What jealousy and possessivness is? Is about your own securties to compete in the face of any competition ~ no matter how slight. Its about your own insecurties and self-doubts that you project onto others. More than likely? There's too much water over the damn and under the bridge ~ and once its gone? Its gone. Do you have a chance of every reconciling with her and the two of you getting back together? Well its like Steven told Hellen ~ "There's just no way of telling!" But the fact remians ~ when all was said and done? From the outset? There was more said than done! "Forever and ever" begins with day one, and comes one day at a time! I've read your other thread (Please, please just stay on one thread ~ some of these threads run pages upon pages, and go on for months!) It seems to me that for years and years your wife has been telling you: "You're standing on a train track, and there's a run-a-way freight coming! Get your Happy azz off the track!" She waved red flags, set off flares, rang bells and whistles, hooted, hollered, and shouted! And now that she's going ~ she's gone! You want to change, you want to do something about your addictions, your anger, your temper, etc. I can tell you from experience my friend? No amount of pleading, begging, talking to will change her mind now! And, don't go reaching for the bottle, the pills, the drugs, nor gun ~ I promise you! You won't find any of the answers to the questions ~ nor solutions to your life's problems, questons, and troubles there! As Lady Jane says ~ "Its the end of your marriage ~ not the end of your life!" The "Storms Of Life" will roll over you, and that at times seem to come one after another. You've made some mistakes! We all do! At the age you and she got married ~ what did you know about marriage? The don't teach a damn thing about getting and being married in middle school, high school, college, church! And most of our parents aren't shinning examples either of how to be successfully married. And when it comes to marriage, combat, and gunfights? OJT (On The Job training) is a terrible way to learn! Yet? That is how most of us learn. Regardless from which walk of life you come from ~ and I'm willing to bet that you're a working man ~ and have multiple degrees from the "school of hard knocks" Will you and her get back together? Can you and she get back together? Hard to say? But, I've known a couple that have been married and divorced four times! I've known couples that got married ~ got divorce ~ gotten back together via shacking up and are happy as clams in warm water. I know a couple that was divorced for ten years ~ and re-married! But for now? You need to work on getting your head and azz wired back together. Until you've dealt with your "issues" you and she have zero chance of getting back together! One of the definitions of insanity? Is contiously trying to do the same thing the same way ~ over, and over and over again ~ all the while expecting different results! Therefore ~ right off the top ~ you need to s**t-can the attitude, to include the sympathy play! In this world? In this life? Someone that's looking for sympathy? The only place their going to find it? Is in the dictionary between the words s**t and sylphillis! Then you need to work on the jealousy and possessiveness! And the only way to do that? Is to just let it roll over your back like water off a duck! Just accept it! Its your own personal insecurties and self-doubts that drive this! Your doubts and inseruties with and about women. Your doubts and insecurties about finding a "replacement" for the STBXW. Your doubts and insecurties about and with women ~ and that my friend speaks volumes about your confidence and self worth. As does your "addictions" And while I'm on the subject of your "addictions" you'd best lay off the "teen-age" porn. You don't know where this stuff is coming from? Russia, Eastern Euorpe ~ but it really doesn't matter! The local DA raids your house and finds it own your HD? Your going to be doing the jail house rock! Fantasy seldom matches up to reality! Don't think MsBubba isn't thinking about all this and then some! She's got two daughters to raise and to keep from growing up without morals, values, ethics ~ how is she going to do that when your pursing porn sights and feeding your addictions? Me? I'm not too much on couseling and theapy! "Mr. Reality" has worn my Happy~azz out too many times with his Lovielle Slugger! But keep in mind? You might have to shop around until you find the right one with the right mind set to help you address your issues! For now? Work on yourself, and overcoming your addictions and insecurties. Address whatever it is that drives you. Me? The puzzle didn't come together until my Dad passed. And a whole different reality and perspective of who and what I am, etc that drove me when the "truth" about my family history was reveled to me by my Mother. A "truth" that was kept from me for over forty something years! I say that because ~ there maybe a lot of things about yourself and your life that you just don't know? News you've could have used! BTW! There's a key on your keyboard called "ENTER" Break your sentences up ~ makes it easier to read! Type like you think, but just put some spaces in there! Guns
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