Jack Africa Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I I want someone who is caring,loyal,who will be willing to compromise, who will go with me through the battles that life brings, someone that will be my best friend, who i can trust with anything, who i can have fun with,laugh with, who is smart, funny, doesnt always have to be romantic but sometimes will surprise me just because they want to .. someone who is balanced and not all about themselves..I would like someone that i am attracted to and he doesnt have to be hot but something extra quirky and cute about him because this is the person i will wake up to each morning and attraction and chemestry i think is a big part.. I dont need someone who is rich but someone who has a good job and can take care of himself. I want a guy that will be a good father and husband someday and who will be good to me.. So those would be my must haves for a match.. Hmm - this list is reasonable. Are you sure that YOU want these qualities or do you think that you SHOULD want all these things. Two years ago I heard a woman that I was dating say almost the exact same things that you are saying when . She had a laundry list too. It all sounded so reasonable and balanced.. One day she admitted that what she REALLY wanted was a tall, good looking guy with money..
Jack Africa Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I am not sure what i am doing wrong.. and what pattern i guess you seem to think i have.. i am attracting these guys..geese now i feel really great.. I have a strong suspicion that you are going on dates with a new guy and treating it like a job interview for him. (" Is he stable, secure , honest, family minded ... yada ") The point is this - a guy wiil pick up on this mindset and "lighten up" the date to avoid the "pressure" .. You say that guys just are all about FUN, but the first few dates should BE ABOUT FUN ONLY. IF you are unconsciously going out with guys to evaluate them or audition them , they will make sure that they fail the audition. Are I being TOO obscure here ?
Sean0775 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 hmm i guess the only thing i can try different is date older guys maybe that want what i want. Because the criteria that i am looking for is pretty normal for a girl my age i think.. A guy in his 30s i think should be ready to stop acting 10 and get that out of his system in his 20s but i think i am wrong.. I got it out of my system in my teens (I'm 24 now), but the bulk of women (girls) in my age group have not. Unfortunately, guys in their early/mid 20s with my mindset are such a rarity that we tend to get overlooked by default, and it really doesn't help that I'm completely done with the bar scene. I suppose the cynicism makes my mental age somewhere around 45.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Autocross." hmmm that sounds interesting i will look that up.. Where do i go to meet guys..well i dont go to meet them anywhere.. i go out and live my life and not really ever am i looking for men when i do..they seem to find me or ask me out while i am living my own life doing my own thing.. rare times i will give a guy my number in a bar that is the obvious place to meet the wrong type of men i want.. but i go to sports events, wine tastings, camping, hiking, plays, maybe i need to hang out at some sports bars where guys seem to be.. but i am not a big fan of tv sports but i love live games.. I think what i am doing wrong is dating guys that are just not mature enough for anything serious.. i need to date older i guess someone that has got the bar scene , game playing, skirt chasing out of there system.. so maybe i will try to date guys that are older than me.. i date guys that are between 30 and 33.. At this age, most "eligible" bachelors have spent years avoiding the relationship net or been burned badly, therefore, are relationship inaccessible. Is there a reason why you're targeting men who are younger than you?
oppath Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 At this age, most "eligible" bachelors have spent years avoiding the relationship net or been burned badly, therefore, are relationship inaccessible. Is there a reason why you're targeting men who are younger than you? You can say that about many age ranges. People get f*cked over from the time they are 20. I don't believe men in that age are any more inaccessible, but give me a few years and I will let you know
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 You can say that about many age ranges. People get f*cked over from the time they are 20. I don't believe men in that age are any more inaccessible, but give me a few years and I will let you know Haha...don't you turn into one of those bitter guys on LS, who blame entire genders.
oppath Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Haha...don't you turn into one of those bitter guys on LS, who blame entire genders. No way, I plan on finding a good woman and living happily ever after . My problem is that I blame MYSELF! If a relationship seemed to be going well, and the girl was a b*tch (like my ex), it must be MY FAULT. This is why being burned is dangerous for someone with my tempermant. Women as a whole...no way. I have many female friends. The bad experiences I have had, I know that 4/5 women consider them abhorrent and they'd never treat a guy that way. I've only been actively dating less than 4 years, and my naivity is the common denominator. Each experience has been better than the last (on the whole, not necessarily when it ends), and I am making better choices. I expect that trend to continue. If every girl you meet is a bitch, or every guy you meet is an ass, the problem is YOU, at least that you make bad choices consistently. Sometimes, you should take a BREAK for a few months. With women, that is usually when things happen. With guys, I disagree. I think men need to actively put themselves in new social situations where they could meet new people. not that women don't, but guys should never take a break from being around new and available woman. Maybe a break from dating, but never flirting.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 No way, I plan on finding a good woman and living happily ever after . My problem is that I blame MYSELF! If a relationship seemed to be going well, and the girl was a b*tch (like my ex), it must be MY FAULT. This is why being burned is dangerous for someone with my tempermant. Women as a whole...no way. I have many female friends. The bad experiences I have had, I know that 4/5 women consider them abhorrent and they'd never treat a guy that way. I've only been actively dating less than 4 years, and my naivity is the common denominator. Each experience has been better than the last (on the whole, not necessarily when it ends), and I am making better choices. I expect that trend to continue. If every girl you meet is a bitch, or every guy you meet is an ass, the problem is YOU, at least that you make bad choices consistently. Sometimes, you should take a BREAK for a few months. With women, that is usually when things happen. With guys, I disagree. I think men need to actively put themselves in new social situations where they could meet new people. not that women don't, but guys should never take a break from being around new and available woman. Maybe a break from dating, but never flirting. I don't think either men or women should take a break from flirting. As for dating, as long as it's not a rebound situation, it's all good. Where the break comes in handy, is to recharge and review. In order to understand why you feel burned out, you need to self-evaluate. You can't self-evaluate while in the midst of either a dating frenzy or attempting to connect with someone new. Endorphins aren't the most rational of hormones.
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 If you do what you've always done you'll always get what you always got. Nope have tried looking in different places or even not looking and attract the same guys. The old bait and switch, seem great so I give them a chance and in the end they are the same old player or who knows what you call them. So right now hanging with the girls and going to go have some Halloween fun! hee hee
Replicant Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Nope have tried looking in different places or even not looking and attract the same guys. The old bait and switch, seem great so I give them a chance and in the end they are the same old player or who knows what you call them. So right now hanging with the girls and going to go have some Halloween fun! hee hee Toronto is massive, and has plenty of good places to meet people. I think you are just looking in the wrong places. Maybe it's in the places you target, age groups, social circles, districts. who knows...maybe just a run of bad luck.. Expectations will come from such places/people. Say like hitting one club downtown, you get played then say oh, maybe the next one down will yield better results. wrong! I know you are new to the city, and obviously it's overwhelming in not knowing places. You just need to change things up more than you already are. While amusing reading about your craigslist fan club, i think you're going to draw more of Toronto's worst out that way
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 At this age, most "eligible" bachelors have spent years avoiding the relationship net or been burned badly, therefore, are relationship inaccessible. Haha...don't you turn into one of those bitter guys on LS, who blame entire genders. From the bitter woman who blames entire genders as shown above. And for the record, my closest group of guy friends are all either just hitting 30, or are early 30's. One got married earlier this year. Two more are getting married next year, one for whom I'm the best man. And one just moved in with his new gf. Once again, your generalizations are unfounded.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 From the bitter woman who blames entire genders as shown above. And for the record, my closest group of guy friends are all either just hitting 30, or are early 30's. One got married earlier this year. Two more are getting married next year, one for whom I'm the best man. And one just moved in with his new gf. Once again, your generalizations are unfounded. Haha...snap...Mr. Bitter.
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Nope have tried looking in different places or even not looking and attract the same guys. The old bait and switch, seem great so I give them a chance and in the end they are the same old player or who knows what you call them. Then go for different kinds of guys.
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Haha...snap...Mr. Bitter. Only one of us made a broad generalization about the inaccessibility of a subset of one gender. If Woggle said the same thing you did but about women, you'd have your panties in a bunch.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Only one of us made a broad generalization about the inaccessibility of a subset of one gender. If Woggle said the same thing you did but about women, you'd have your panties in a bunch. Apparently, you failed to notice this word embedded within my comments... most
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Have you been dating men in their thirties, too, Tan?
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Have you been dating men in their thirties, too, Tan? I thought it was a woman, I swear. At least he was gentle.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I thought it was a woman, I swear. At least he was gentle. Sounds like you need to steer clear of the B&D type women...
tanbark813 Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Sounds like you need to steer clear of the B&D type women... I don't mind a little pain with my poon.
uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Here's my guess.... First off, everything's been pushed off about a half a decade or so. This whole process used to happen in the early 20's but when more and more people started going to college, it delayed the "settling down" phase of life to around age 30. So by that age, college is over and careers are underway. The guys with careers (or at least their acts together) think....hmmm...this opens up a whole new arena to me. I have a lot more confidence and I have some clout now and I can attract a lot more women. I think I'll have fun with that. The women think....I've got my career (or act) in place and I'd sort of like to start thinking about having a family and kids, especially since I'm already in my thirties and by the time I find someone and have kids, I could be mid thirties by then! Hmmm...what if I want more than one kid? That's really starting to get up there in age for that....... (not too many 30 year old guys are thinking "Gee....I'm going to be the oldest father on the little league team if I don't get started with a family right away. It's just not on their mind.) So both the men and women go to clubs and get-togethers but with differrent agendas in mind. The guys are going to pick up some hot women and have a good time. The women are going there to find a partner. Then there are the guys who don't do the clubs....and maybe they haven't found the great career yet either. They're at home playing video games or becoming the next Bill Gates or they're at the library or out taking the dog for a walk. They might see a woman they like while they're out, but how are they going to approach her in those situations? What if she tells them off? What if she has a boyfriend? They don't have the cocky confidence that their counterpart--Mr. Junior executive---has. The might see one they like at work even, but who knows how she'll react if they show interest in her. She might even consider it harrassment. Then you have the women who get fed up with the clubs and stop going to them. Instead of looking for guys at the clubs, their radar for guys is up everytime they go out....to the store.....to work....to the gym.....everywhere....and they're giving off vibes that say: MARRY ME! And this produces the same effect in men as asking them to go to a store for feminine hygeine products. So you have the guys who are meeting the woman for good times because they finally have the opportunity to take advantage of it. You have the woman who keep meeting guys who only want a good time and are disappointed by it. You have the guys who don't see any real opportunities to meet women that they'd like to have relationships with. And you have the women who'd like to have relationships giving off desperate "marry me" signals. Is it any wonder it doesn't work?
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