Woggle Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 You are sooo right about guys doing this because its the basic easy way out.. i mean guys have it so made.. they dont have to settle down or have babies and anytime of there age.. they have no timeline for anything.. They make no commitments, pretend that you are the only one they care about and want.. and then when there is a bump in the road like all relationships have they run as far away to the next victom because they dont have to try with anyone..there is always going to be another girl they can meet.. Which makes a nice girl like me really sad.. to me these guys look like a bunch of jerks.. and very immiture.. Men don't have it made because we do have feelings and as soon as a man loves a woman she stops loving him. To me being a player is self protection for a man.
Trialbyfire Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 jamie, when you feel this way, take a break from dating and relax. You've got a lot of time to find someone so taking a few months off with the mindset that it's all about you, can't possibly hurt. Recharge.
oppath Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I agree with TBF. Find 3 passions, and tell yourself "no dating for 2-3 months." Focus on those 3 passions. Make them social and make them coed, preferably, but focus on learning new things and having fun. The dating part will come along with it later.
Jack Africa Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I really appreciate your advice..thank you.. and i will try to continue not to give up.. and trust there is still a wonderful guy right for me out there somewhere.. Hey Jamie, I am a guy in your age group ( maybe 5 years older) I am divorced and I would not consider myself a playa - but I enjoy meeting and dating women. The problem is that I live in Australia. Pen Pals ? I have a suggestion however, Create a post back here with your "Shopping list " of characteristics that you are looking for in a man. List everything that is a "must have". Perhaps I can shed some light on the "reason" that your quest has not yielded the results that you are looking for. There are a lot of good guys out there who are looking for good women .We have trouble finding them too,,,,
IrishCarBomb Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 while ..tried a different way to date and that didn't work out either.. 5 out of 5 were yes again players.. Why do you think you attract so many players? What is your definition of a player?
oppath Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Why do you think you attract so many players? What is your definition of a player? That's a good question. Is he a player because he doesn't call every other night once you've kissed? It would be helpful if you were to describe some of your experiences.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Really? You don't have to get too specific if you don't want but what part of the Northwest are you from? And where are your friends hanging out looking for a decent girl? Cause there's one right here! Well, I have a couple of different groups I hang out with. One group tends to like bars and clubs. Those guys are more like the ones you dont seem to want! I have another group of friends that are great guys, but they dont get out a ton, and are pretty nerdy. If I were a girl those guys would be the best choice overall. But, I'm not sure where you would meet them. I know them through the university. I would suggest Myspace and Facebook. Also, I'm just starting up with a mountain climbing group. Seems to be lots of single guys there too. So, my suggestion is to find an activity you really enjoy and join a group for it. When you do meet a guy then you instantly have something in common!
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Any advice would be great.. I feel like i am stuck on pause and there is no light ahead for hope for love again:( There is no hope. Everything is temporary, especially love in our society. Just to let you know, I am a guy and I very very similar to how you are feeling. I also know many quality men who can't find a relationship minded partner. All of the girls I have been out with lately have their head so far up their own a**. When every sentence starts with "I this.." and "I that...", I just say goodnight and goodbye.
DateAnalyzer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 So i am wondering is there other girls out there having a problem finding a quality guy to consider dating long term? I have 8 single friends including myself that are in our early 30s. We are all attractive and independent girls just trying to find guys are age that are grounded and want to be in a normal commited relationship and they are all acting like they are in high school wanting to be players .. nobody my age wants to grow up and nobody wants anything serious.. its a crazy dating world right now.. I hate being single i really enjoy being in a mature relationship and its getting so hard finding anything close.. i am 34 i want to start finding someone to settle down with in a few years and start a family.. i feel like there is no hope.. Any advice would be great.. I feel like i am stuck on pause and there is no light ahead for hope for love again:( welcome to the "i'm in my 30's and lonely club"
DateAnalyzer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Meaning, rather than blaming men for your lack of success, perhaps the more productive thing to do would be to examine your dating criteria, and/or methods of meeting new men, for flaws. I agree, that's what I'm doing now. Trying to figure out what I can change to become a better person
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I agree, that's what I'm doing now. Trying to figure out what I can change to become a better person I did this once and I came to realize that I was a pretty good person. Not everything is within your control. You can keep changing yourself to fit others all of your life. Are you a chameleon or a unique person with your own thoughts and desires? Nothing wrong with a little soul searching, but I think people often unfairly blame themselves when rejected. I've been rejected a lot! I have had girls chose drugs over me, etc. Tell, me should I go soul searching??
Author jamie2002 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I have read all of your advice and input and i guess the best thing for me to do is just concentrate back on myself for a few months.. recharge my battery and stay centered.. Jack Africa said i should make a shopping list of my criteria.. well.. here goes I want someone who is caring,loyal,who will be willing to compromise, who will go with me through the battles that life brings, someone that will be my best friend, who i can trust with anything, who i can have fun with,laugh with, who is smart, funny, doesnt always have to be romantic but sometimes will surprise me just because they want to .. someone who is balanced and not all about themselves..I would like someone that i am attracted to and he doesnt have to be hot but something extra quirky and cute about him because this is the person i will wake up to each morning and attraction and chemestry i think is a big part.. I dont need someone who is rich but someone who has a good job and can take care of himself. I want a guy that will be a good father and husband someday and who will be good to me.. So those would be my must haves for a match..
lino Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 jamie, when you feel this way, take a break from dating and relax. You've got a lot of time to find someone so taking a few months off with the mindset that it's all about you, can't possibly hurt. Recharge. Well said. I want a serious relationship too but right now I'm not really interested, I just want summer to hurry up & come! Aside from a FWB thing I had happening until almost 3 weeks ago I haven't properly dated since I was dumped in june. While my view isn't as extreme as Woggles is, I do agree that nice, decent guys stop being so when they feel unappreciated for long enough. I've definitely stopped being like that. I'm not at all a player though.
IrishCarBomb Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I want someone who is caring,loyal,who will be willing to compromise, who will go with me through the battles that life brings, someone that will be my best friend, who i can trust with anything, who i can have fun with,laugh with, who is smart, funny, doesnt always have to be romantic but sometimes will surprise me just because they want to .. someone who is balanced and not all about themselves..I would like someone that i am attracted to and he doesnt have to be hot but something extra quirky and cute about him because this is the person i will wake up to each morning and attraction and chemestry i think is a big part.. I dont need someone who is rich but someone who has a good job and can take care of himself. I want a guy that will be a good father and husband someday and who will be good to me.. So those would be my must haves for a match.. Look... knowing what you want is just a minor part of the process. You know where you want to go, but that doesn't mean anything if you don't have a clue how to get there. You have said that you have gone out with so many players in the past. The only constant in all of those dates has been you. There is something about you that either attracts these types and convinces yourself to date them, or you think that every guy is a player and are actually scared of meeting someone. There is a chance that you could just have had bad luck... but looking at the situation I'd say it's unlikely.
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 The only constant in all of those dates has been you. Yes, always blame yourself when the masses have proven to be retards! Makes perfect sense......?
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 While my view isn't as extreme as Woggles is, I do agree that nice, decent guys stop being so when they feel unappreciated for long enough. Woggle is one of the most intelligent people here. Apparently he's not liked much here, but those smarter than the majority of society are usually outcast. Sorry Woggle!!
tanbark813 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yes, always blame yourself when the masses have proven to be retards! Makes perfect sense......? It's more a matter of figuring out why there's a pattern rather than a random sampling (unless you're assuming everyone is a retard).
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 It's more a matter of figuring out why there's a pattern rather than a random sampling (unless you're assuming everyone is a retard). Hey, there are a lot of retards out there. I am not saying don't explore the possibility that it is a result of pattern of behavior exhibited by you. However, more often than not, there's nothing that you are doing wrong. You want a pattern? We live in a must have it NOW then throw it away society. There's your pattern. Doesn't necessarily reflect on oneself.
tanbark813 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah, self-reflection never did anyone any good. What was I thinking?
IrishCarBomb Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I am not saying don't explore the possibility that it is a result of pattern of behavior exhibited by you. However, more often than not, there's nothing that you are doing wrong. Who said anything about wrong? It's not necessarily wrong, but it's not the outcome she wants. (which does lead to another issue... but I won't talk about it here..) If every single guy she's dated is a player, there's something in her strategy that attracts players. (or she thinks every guy is a player...) I agree that people shouldn't be so quick to criticize themselves, but in this case she has to change something about her dating methods or she's just going to keep dating players.
Author jamie2002 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I am not sure what i am doing wrong.. and what pattern i guess you seem to think i have.. i date all kinds of different types of guys not one standard type.. So you think i am the problem..and i am attracting these guys..geese now i feel really great.. so how am i supposed to attract a guy that isnt out for just a fun time?? what am i doing wrong? arggg .. I get asked out a lot.. so how do i weed out the players.. it seems any guy that is good looking and confident my age are all the same.. i am telling you 8 of my girlfriends are going through the exact same..
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 but in this case she has to change something about her dating methods or she's just going to keep dating players. Maybe there is nothing wrong her. Maybe there's just a lot of selfish people out there.... Now there's a new concept.
Author jamie2002 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I am not saying all i have ever dated in my life are players.. i have had long term relationships with some great guys that just didnt work out but for a few years at least with everyone of them.. I am saying the last two years of my dating life i have run into this problem with the guys my age..
MR2Aaron Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Where are you meeting these men? I like to think I'm in the sort of category you'd be looking for (except I'm ten years younger), and I visit the bar and club scene less than once a year, which is certainly the most obvious place to meet people. I agree with the others when I say that you should change your technique if you keep meeting players. Pick something that interests you and join a group that does it (granted, it should probably be something men would be interested in doing, or you'll just meet lots of women). For instance, look into a type of auto racing event called an "Autocross." This is like nerf auto racing - it's hellaciously fun, cheap, and just about the safest form of racing there is once you have someone show you the rules (which most of the clubs that do it will happily do, especially at the periodic newbie introduction events). If you can't meet successful single guys who have something better to do than drink and be players at an autocross, you're doing something seriously seriously wrong.
Author jamie2002 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Autocross." hmmm that sounds interesting i will look that up.. Where do i go to meet guys..well i dont go to meet them anywhere.. i go out and live my life and not really ever am i looking for men when i do..they seem to find me or ask me out while i am living my own life doing my own thing.. rare times i will give a guy my number in a bar that is the obvious place to meet the wrong type of men i want.. but i go to sports events, wine tastings, camping, hiking, plays, maybe i need to hang out at some sports bars where guys seem to be.. but i am not a big fan of tv sports but i love live games.. I think what i am doing wrong is dating guys that are just not mature enough for anything serious.. i need to date older i guess someone that has got the bar scene , game playing, skirt chasing out of there system.. so maybe i will try to date guys that are older than me.. i date guys that are between 30 and 33..
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