Precious K Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 It seems I just wont learn. It was 5 days that I stuck to NC with my ex. Suddenly my stupid self txt him... Always thinking in the back of my mind that he would realize what he has lost. We had a nice conversation, since my last "I love you, I miss you and I want you back" txt from him I wanted him to prove that he really means it. Wrong!! Today he said he didn't know what to do but he would do anything to show me. He got upset because he thinks he is the always the one to F up!! Well he does most of the time, it gets me mad that he wants to blame everything on me. I have been nice and he told me he doesn't want me to be with anyone else but him. He hates that he knows how one of my friends wants to be with me. True but the only guy I ever wanted was him. I've re read what I wrote and what he has done to me but I just don't get it in my heart that he isn't right for me. Why is it that my mind gets the painful and retarded things he has done and my heart always wants to forgive him??? I am back to being stuck and feeling helpless because I broke NC. I don't seem to understand why I do these things. Its like I'm deliberately trying to hurt myself!! I hate this. I asked him if he had someone knew he has been txtn he said" I'm not looking for anyone and I don't want anyone but YOU" ... He lied again, honestly he is just a jerk!! How can I let myself be treated like this??
Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Because us woman are emotionally retarded with certain men. I completely understand. I have been trying so hard not to talk to my guy and it is not easy. I have gone less than a day and I feel like if I want to keep it up I had better get a few drinks in me and hide my phone.
Author Precious K Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I just need to vent before I break down. I feel so dumb for txtn him over and over again. We talked about being friends and he wants to be fwb. There is no way in hell I would do it. I don't know why I broke NC it wasn't worth it. I feel completely hurt and over come with all these horrible emotions. If anyone reads this and wants to break NC its not worth it, just think about how you felt the first day -- crappy feelings-- and now. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. He said how much he wants me to be his "girl" again. That's a bunch of bs. I just wonder why he's just do damn heartless. Yeah I left him but it feels like he broke up with me. He finds a way to control me. He won't even tell me about being with someone new. He keeps on hiding it. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to hurt him really bad but at the same time I feel sorry for him. I just don't know what to think or say to him anymore. I've screwed up and I just want to fix me!!
lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 thanks, i needed to hear your post...more than i think you needed to let it out.....
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