BenefitOfTheDoubt Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 While you claim you try not to let it show, even if that's true (unlikely... your bf probably senses your tnesion when antyhing he does is "off") all the ovanalyzation is stopping you from fully enjoying the relationship. And becuase it places such high expectations on him, yu're preventing him from freely falling in love with you, too. So you're potentially helping some self-fulfilling prophecies along. Amen, sister! Shadowplay, like some others here, I've been following your threads, and spookie's right that your boyfriend is likely sensing a level of tension from you anytime he does anything that's less than your interpretation of perfect. Posted by Shadowplay: He then said that he feels guilty about getting drunk for some reason even if nothing "solacious" happened. He feels guilty "for some reason" because he knows you're upset. He knows he didn't actually do anything wrong, but he feel guilty because he knows you're upset. The upside is that he cares enough about you to feel guilty even when he doesn't think he did anything wrong. (Guys aren't always super tuned-in to the impacts of their actions, so it's good that he realizes he might have hurt you even though he didn't mean to.) The downside is that if you don't cut this stuff out -- if you don't stop finding something wrong with everything he does, including his way of telling you that he loves you -- he's going eventually to figure out that it's you that's got the problem, not him -- that it's you who is finding fault in the things that he does, as opposed to him doing faulty things without realizing it. You need to do more than keep your freak outs to yourself -- you need to actually stop freaking out. My boyfriend's not one to drink himself to oblivion either, but the nights he does I'm actually kind of happy for him, because it means he was having a really good time with his friends. You need to find a way to get yourself to the place where you're happy for the nice times he has when you're not there, rather than being jealous of them and obsessing about whether he had a good time because he was with another woman. (Believe it or not, some guys actually like the girls they're with, and they're not going to hook up with someone else just because you're not there.) Unfortunately, I don't know how one gets to this place, but it's great that you're taking some active steps toward righting something that you recognize might be a little off with you. A psychologist is a *very* personal doctor. You wouldn't go to any old gynecologist, and you shouldn't go to any old psychologist either. If the one you're seeing isn't working for you, don't be hesitant about trying someone else! Good luck to you!
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