Is it possible to love someone and not be ready for a serious relationship?

[Heartbrokenprincess]

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. (He's 21 and I am 20). For a very long time, things were amazing between us. We became best friends, fell deeply in love, and even spoke about getting married and starting a family once we finished college.

 

Then after we transferred schools (not in a long distance relationship...our schools are very close), he began to change. He always continued to tell me how much he loves me, but he became really flirtatious with the new girls at his new school. They were showing him tons of attention and he seemed to be loving it. They were even calling his phone as late as 2am! He claimed they were only friends and I had nothing to worry about. I asked on several occasions if he wanted to date others, and he always told me no.

 

Long story short, I found out 3 weeks ago that he kissed this girl at his school. I was heart broken and immediately broke up with him. A week and a half later, we reconciled, said we loved one another and wanted to try to make it work. The next day we speak and he tells me he loves me immensely, but he feels confused about what he wants and doesnt know if he's ready for a committed relationship right now. He says he wants to give me the world bc that's what I deserve, but he doesn't know what he wants. He says he never wants to hurt me like that again. He says he loves me and always will...nothing can ever change that. He wants to be friends and doens't want me out of his life, but I don't think I can because I still want him.

 

How can I go from being the best thing that ever happened to him (his words, not mine) to just being one of his options. I love him so much. If he really loved me, then wouldn't he just be with me?

[jamie2002]

I read your post and really felt your pain.. I was also in that same position as you a couple of years back. I was with someone I truely loved and thought he loved me as much. He started law school and he completely changed..He said that it was to much to deal with the relationship with all he had on his plate.. In my eyes it was him saying that he was wanting to be free and single to skirt chase and to do his thing..so i let him..I didn't want a guy one foot in and one out.. but he never let me go..always kept me in his life in someway and always telling me that he still loves me misses me but has to finish school and then wanted to start over again.. So apart of me trusted that because he pursued me for over two years ..so i continued to have my life and date who i wanted and kept a small window open for this person because i thought maybe he just needed to grow up some.. and maybe our chance for love would come later again.. well he finished school this last march it was 2 1/2 years he has been saying all the i love yous..etc.. i gave him in my head until may which was two months after school.. and guess what ..he never stepped up so i told him goodbye..that was 5 months ago and he is still texing me but at least i dont respond anymore.. So everyone has there own timeline when it is enough.. your ex might really need to grow up a lot also and might later really step up and realize what he is missing..or he may continue to do nothing.. you are at different stages in your life as we were.. he wants to be free and single and probably sew his oats and you just want your relationship back.. well from my experience.. chances are it just might not happen.. I would live your life not concentrate on him at all.. if he contacts you keep it short..but honest it might be best to just cut all contact now and save yourself from all the pain you might be in for.. the roller coaster ride of emotions of the ex playing with your head and heart because he is a confused mess... i would say go NC and move on... your paths are just not the same and you might find someone that really wants what you want and not be put on a shelf for later... I hope some of my story helped you and let you know that you are not the only one that has had this happen.. hang in there and just take it one day at a time and be in the drivers seat of your life at all times until you feel you can let someone have a little bit of control.....

[Unseenchange]

It is possible to love a woman yet not want to be committed. How do I know? Because I lived it.

The only problem is.. he may love you so much he can't fathom the thought of losing you. So he may not be strong enough to cut the relationship in fear of regretting it and/or having to deal with the pain of you dating other men. So he will more then likely be to scared to tell you upfront that he wants to date other women.

 

Why is he different now... well unfortunately us men (most of us atleast) are very simple creatures. We want the unattainable.. especially when we are in a committed relationship and we are young. When we are young our heads are so cluttered with garbage we can't see what is truly pure and real in our lives. Your boyfriend is probably experiencing a whole bunch of new distractions the majority being from women. So what does he do? He gets confused. Honestly, I was once in his same position, new college bunch of attention from new women... and I made a mistake. I tried to keep my girlfriend of 5 years at the time in the dark. I am not saying he will cheat... but I know I did. It was a mistake to not have the courage and let her go... because at the time she would have understood. I don't believe your boyfriend loves you any less.. but he certainly is being distracted.

 

I would honestly in your best interest give yourself the benefit of the doubt. If he is uncertain about how he feels when you are around.. he is much more uncertain when you aren't. Which could lead to more mistakes..

 

I think you should really consider your position and take the choice for what you believe is best for you. If you choose to give him space.. then do so. People who truly love each other disconnect at times. But one way or another they reunite if the bond is strong enough. But its best to break up loving each other, then one loving and the other not loving..