Heartbrokenprincess Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I'd like to apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but I would like to provide as many details as I can, so that you can fully understand my situation...Please read and help me out...I don't know what to do anymore. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. (He is 21 and I am 20). We were each others first loves. We met through a mutual friend in January of 2006, and were inseparable ever since. We had alot in common, became best friends, and always had so much fun together. In time, we both fell deeply in love, and even talked about marrying each other and starting a family. I met everyone in his family (he met everyone in mine as well), and they accepted me from the start. (I would also like to point out that he was the first to say that he loved me, and he was also the one who initiated discussions of marriage). Things couldn't have been more perfect. Of course we had arguments here and there, but what couple doesn't? About 8 months into our relationship, he and I transferred to different schools. (Our schools were still close to each other, so this was not a long distance relationship). Pretty soon, I began to notice subtle changes in him. He became extremely flirtatious with several girls at his school, which made me feel uncomfortable. There were even a few instances where girls were calling his phone as late as 1 or 2am! I told him about how this was making me feel, and he assured me that I had nothing to worry about. According to him, they were his friends, and he would tell them to stop calling so late. As time went by, I began to trust him less and less. I never believed that he cheated on me, but the late night phone calls and the lack of time that we started to spend together really did not sit right with me. He even confessed that he didn't think that we should talk about marriage right now, and that we should just "cross that bridge when we get to it". Despite what my gut feeling was telling me, I knew that I loved him and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. About a year and 8 months into the relationship, I really started to feel that he didn't want to be with me anymore. When we were together everything seemed wonderful, but he wasn't making time for me like he used to, and he always wanted to be out at the clubs every weekend with his friends. When he went out, I never even complained or anything. I didn't want to get in the way of his fun. One day I confronted him and I told him that I had a feeling that he wanted to date other people. He appeared shocked that I would even suggest this, and told me that is definitely not the case. He told me that he loved me to death and would never want to lose me. After several conversations, he began to behave like the guy I had fallen in love with in the beginning. Things seemed promising, and I began to have hope that we would make it. Then one day while we were spending time at his house, I felt an urge to look in his cell phone. I had never done that before, and I don't know what came over me that day...but I did it. I guess I wanted to see if he had kept up his end of the bargain by eliminating the late night phone chat with his new "friends". In his phone, I found the name of a girl that I had never heard of before popping up just as frequently in his call list as mine did. I questioned him about who she was, and he looked puzzled as he replied, "Just a friend from school." I began to interrogate some more, and he kept on asking where all of this was coming from. Finally, I asked him if there was anything else that I needed to know about this girl. He looked extremely guilty, and replied, "no". I knew he was lying, so I asked him again, and then he admitted that they had kissed once. My body went numb...I have never been so crushed in my entire life. He tried to explain that it was a mistake, but I just needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. Needless to say, I ended up breaking up with him. About a week and a half later, we met up to talk to each other in person. We told each other how much we loved one another, and despite his "wandering eye", I was willing to give him another chance. BIG MISTAKE! The very next day, I felt like a fool for forgiving him just like that. That evening, we had a discussion on the phone, where he basically tells me that he loves me immensely and wants to give me the world because that's what I deserve, but right now he is very confused about what he wants and doesn't want to take a chance at ever hurting me like that again. He basically feels like there is another chance that he would cheat on me again. He says that there is no "other woman" in particular, and that he just isn't ready for a relationship. I guess he wants to keep his options open. He says he doesn't think that he is ready for a serious commitment at the moment. He kept on telling me that he loves me and always will, and he kept asking if we could please be friends because he doens't want me out of his life, but I told him I'm not sure if that is possible right now because of how hurt I am...we haven't spoken since. Can he really love me and not want to be with me right now? I am just so lost and confused right now because I don't understand how one moment i can be the best thing that ever happened to him and a blessing (his words, not mine), to just being one of his options. He has even told me that he's never had a connection with anyone like the one that he and I shared. I am in so much pain that I don't know what to do with myself. I would also like to add that throughout the entire relationship, I gave him 110% of me. I was loyal, very generous, supportive, and loving. According to him, I was his everything and he was satisfied in every aspect of our relationship. I don't understand. I want to believe that we are still meant to be together, but I feel like I'm holding on to lost hope. I feel like I lost my soul mate :'-(. Does anyone have a similar experience or any words of wisdom that can aid me in getting through this rough time? Any responses will be greatly appreciated.
Recommended Posts