ARDriver01 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 My wife and I are seperated. We weren't doing too well because she wouldn't stop drinking. Drinking made her talk about uncomfortable issues from the past, get angry and abusive. So we've been seperated for about four months now. She lives at her grandparents and I live in the apartment. She's stopped drinking and has started starving herself. She eats nothing. If she does happen to eat like 200 cal for dinner, she'll throw it up. She's 5'7, 110lbs and losing more weight. She's cold all the time, has pains and aches in her joints, can't consentrate on anything or anyone, locked up in herself completely unaware of her loved ones, or maybe I should say the ones that love her. There is nothing I can do or say to help her. Like your typical ana, she's in complete denile. "Nothing is wrong, everything is fine." I don't talk to her about it anymore. I swear to God, if its not one thing its something else with her. I'm so angry. She's going to die and none of us can do anything for her. Does anyone have any answers?
blind_otter Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 You can Baker Act people in my state (FL) and force them to be evaluated for mental illness. They get locked up in a mental hospital for 72 hours, I believe. That's the only thing I can think of. Anyone else have answers?
lost4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Well I would get blasted if I told you what I really think, so I will tell you this: It sounds to me like you have other issues with the way she is acting (i.e. comment you made about "well the ones that love her") and you are trying to find something to blame the behavior on, is the not eating thing new or did she always struggle with it? You can do what my stbx does, complain about it non-stop and buy food and force me to eat it, but I am warning you now, he is my stbx. It is just like anyother addiction, she has to want to change, you can't make her. Unless you are willing to commit her and have her hate you (for at least a little while) Again, I know this is not what you wanted to hear, and I know I will get some comments, but it's good to hear what you will be up against too, right?
blind_otter Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I thought of something else. You can stage an intervention and have all her loved ones present to tell her how her self destructive behaivor is hurting them.
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, I've had her admitted twice for behavioral issues (not taking meds and loosing it). She'll get mad for a day and then tells me that this where she needs to be realizing she has problems, but thats when starts working the system and being sneaky and not eating, lying to doctors starving, they take blood samples and review the results with her and blah, blah, blah, blah.... What I'm saying is hospitalization makes it worse. They wont keep her if she's recalsitrant (I hope that's spelled rite). They send her home because she wont make the effort. I've done this before. There's got to be another way.
Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Try the intervention. If that still doesn't work, well I hate to say it but at this point you should really be worrying about yourself. If you've done all you can for her and she still won't help herself, then she probably has to hit rock bottom to come back up and part of that is losing you. Leave her and find a life that makes YOU happy. Do what you can, but at some point you have to do what's best for you.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I think you yourself need to seek out and start seeing a therapist. You cannot do this on your own.. Your wife is mentally ill and that will take it's toll on you. Please seek a therapist.. you are caught up in the drama that a BPD creates and your world is upside down right now. The BPD has the ability to make you believe the you are the sick one..that you are the cause for the drama. There is a good book out there called " Stop Walking on Eggshells" it is a book written for the person who is involved with the BPD.. You need real help from a qualified therapist in order to either deal with this or get out of this relationship.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Your wife is creating drama. or Chaos.. that is what a person who has BPD does.. They thrive on the chaos.. the instability.. if they are ever in a situation where they have no chaos then they manufacture it.. hence the anorexia.. Please seek a therapist to help you deal with her..
Kasan Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 AR-- I don't think that there is much we can say on this board to help you. Your wife cuts herself Has BPD She is an alcoholic Has affairs Has been hospitalized several time (once for a month) during the past 4 months Is starving herself--but looks like a model You have left her You need to be talking to her doctors...you need to be in counseling (which you admitted that you haven't done) This is a serious ongoing problem with your wife--she is out to destroy herself, and I doubt that there is anything you can do to stop her at this point. These problems are not going to go away--they will only become worse. Frankly, I am very afraid for your wife. Get her the help that she so desperately needs--whatever it takes. Once again, you need to be in counseling...I can't imagine the toll that this is taking on you. Please-don't wait another minute--get her the help that she needs!
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 she probably has to hit rock bottom to come back up and part of that is losing you. Leave her and find a life that makes YOU happy. Do what you can, but at some point you have to do what's best for you. Terry Shaivo hit rock bottom (the floor). They say she died before she hit the floor. This is really scary sh**. And I can't leave her. Leaving her wont erase her from my mind. I'm a husband and I have responsibilities. I'm taking pretty good care of myself. I'm working during the day, and school at night. I could probably use some exersice however. I handle finances and juggle accounts. I think I'm alright. I am very worried about my wife and I don't want to loose her. Many of the effects of anorexia or, having been anorexic are long lasting. They can damage your heart and the frontal lobe or 'executive' section of the brain. I'm pretty freaked out about this.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 You are caught up in the effects of her drama.. the fog... You have accepted that her mental well being is your fault/responsibility to fix.. it isn't Up is down and down is up.. you just don't know it yet.. She has your head and thoughts all muttled up because that is what they do.. You are focused on the Anorexia.. you shouldn't be.. you should be focused on her BPD. The anorexia is a result of the BPD...
Author ARDriver01 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 AR-- I don't think that there is much we can say on this board to help you. That's pretty heavy. Do you think it's really that bad? No... wait. It is that bad isn't it... Sh**
Kasan Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 That's pretty heavy. Do you think it's really that bad? No... wait. It is that bad isn't it... Sh** This information was taken off your prior posts--maybe you should go back and read them. To me it is pretty scary stuff--and you are caught up in the surviving day by day moment so it's easy to forget. I am really afraid for both of you. You are blinded by your love for her and trying to make her well. You don't have the tools to fix her. GET THEM FOR HER!!!
marlena Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I am so sorry to hear about this. I too am scared like Kasan said for your wife. You and all her loved ones need take immediate action. As true as it is that people with addictions can not be helped unless they want to help themselves, perhaps, one/some of you can cut through her clouded thinking. It goes without saying that you need to seek out professional help IMMEDIATELY. This must be very hard on you. You sound like you care a lot about your wife and are adamant about sticking by her through this. This is very admirable but like Art said. look after yourself as well. It won't do her or yourself any good if you break down under the pressure. What in your opinion is causing this? There must be underlying reasons? Why is she so self - destructive? What is it that is so overwhelming that she can't cope with? What is her family doing about this? Wish I had an answer and an instant cure for you!
Trialbyfire Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I agree with, you personally getting individual therapy. She maybe acting self-destructive to keep you with her. It's similar to what people do by threatening suicide or causing self-injury, if you leave them. You need to get her grandparents more actively involved, since she's living with them. They also need to participate in actively getting her hospitalized. I thought she handled the finances, where she's obsessing about your spending.
SarahBeth04 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 IF you would like to talk to a fully functioning, medicated, BPD sufferer. I might can help you in regards to your wife. She will have to hit rock bottom before she realizes she needs help and will have to be medicated the rest of her life.
Kasan Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Sweetie-- I know that you are trying to help, but never give out any personal information, for your own safety. When you reach a certain amount of posts and have been here I think a month, you can PM each other. You can check this out under the Loveshack Questions and Answers section.
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