Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I am a strong woman. I have never let a guy decide anything for me. I stand up for myself and I have my opinions and stick to them. I don't let people walk all over me. So why does this army man get to me so bad? I had planned on talking to him last night, but forgot I had other plans. So i text him just to say hi and nothing. So I call him once, and no response. I did NOT do anything more than that, but I started to freak out inside. I felt like ****. I drank a whole bottle of wine and a couple beers just because of some stupid call that never came from some stupid guy. What is wrong with me?
tanbark813 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Since you have to qualify yourself as a "strong woman" and you freaked out about not getting a response, my guess is you're a bit of a control freak. It's not that big a deal. We all get irrational over love interests at one time or another.
Author Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thats the thing though, I'm not a control freak at all. I'm strong in the sense that I can deal with things and my emotions in a healthy way. I just don't understand why this one person can make such a big impact on me like this.
Author Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 lol. yeah thats GOTTA be it. Now I know, I'll just get a hysterectomy and be cured.Praise to the pumkin king....lol.
reelwoman Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 maybe it's just the rejection thing---when someone doesn't call or ignores you, it adds that feeling of rejection to the mix of whatever else you're feeling, and that often will sort of trigger all the emotions we all feel when we feel rejected---memories of other rejections get sort of layered on top of this rejection, and self-doubt and self-criticism starts taking over....if you do like to be in control, it's very hard to accept that you can NOT control what another person thinks or feels. But you CAN control yourself, to the extent that you can say to yourself: this person is behaving this way but it has nothing to do with my own self-worth. I know I get fixated on rejection because I always want to undo it----if the guy does call, then that will somehow undo your feeling of having been rejected, by him or by others in the past. But the thing is that then you are making him responsible for validating your feeling of self-worth, which just never works. It's almost never about the actual person that you fixate on. It's usually about you and your patterns ( I mean all of us, not just you, Ali!). Desire ultimately just becomes desire for itself the desired object or person is ultimately pretty irrelevant, but we invest it with a lifetime of significance so that it will feel worth it if we can win it...... sorry, can you tell I"m feeling cynical?
Author Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 No, that actually makes a lot of sense. I have actually thought about that and about whether or not I can trust my feelings or not. I guess my problem lies in how to figure out how I really feel. Do I love him, or do I just need ANYONE to want me. I just don't know.
torranceshipman Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 woah ReelWoman, now THAT made a lot of sense!! Great post!!
Author Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, It does, but how do I really know if it applies to me? Urg. Well, I've decided to incur NC until he contacts me first. I'm not gonna be some needy woman who can't be alone.
reelwoman Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 well, glad I was helpful a little, at least.....the thing is, if you are REALLY needy, you ARE whether or not you ACT needy----so maybe take some time to figure out what you really do need, and whether this guy, or any guy, can give that to you, or if it's something you have to do for yourself....you have to honor what you actually feel and need, not just play the role of someone who doesn't feel or need so that you won't be called "needy." Most people ARE needy! and in my experience, that's true for men as much if not more than for women.
Saxis Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 lol. yeah thats GOTTA be it. Now I know, I'll just get a hysterectomy and be cured.Praise to the pumkin king....lol. OK Tan, I'm gonna use a phrase that you got me with the other day.... pwned! And for Ali, I agree, it's a rejection thing. At least you didn't call/txt him 20 times wondering why he wasn't responding! THAT will kill it outright.
Author Ali4134 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah I agree, but there are new developements now...urg.
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah I agree, but there are new developements now...urg. A development?? Sounds full of drama and exciting.... Grabbing the popcorn
Author Ali4134 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Yeah a little bit. Would you like an update?
Timberlane Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I feel for ya, Ali. I've been bent out of shape all week by this woman I know who is ignoring me for some reason. It would be nice just to know what is going on. Too busy? What? A short e-mail saying, "Sorry, too busy to talk." If you know your calls aren't wanted it's so much easier than the twilight zone of not knowing if your calls are appreciated or not. Hope the bottle of wine was good at least.
Author Ali4134 Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Of course the wine was good, it always is...hehe. I'm gonna write what I wrote in the other thread to catch everyone up. I wasn't on this weekend, well because I was with him. I'm stupid. Update time. Friday I spent the night at his place. After everything that happened, when we saw each other it was as if nothing happened. So for then I let it go, keeping in the back of my mind that at the very least we would HAVE to talk when I moved the following weekend. So Friday and Saturday were ok, we spent time together and went to a party saturday night. He didn't seem to really enjoy the party that much, but I don't think that had anything to do with me. So then Sunday, we helped our friend move. He seemed stand offish all day, except a little in the car during the move we listen to some funny music and we laughed. Later that night him, his roommate, the new roommate(that we just helped move), and I were all just hanging out and the our friend wanted to go out for beer and wings and I had already promised to go. I went and called him afterwards to see if he wanted me to come back over. He said it was up to me. (Not the answer I wanted, even a no would have been better). He had been acting wierd, but I said I'd come back. I went over and got there at about 10ish. When I got there he was playing a computer game, so I hung out with the roommates. I did that for about 2-3 hours and went in his room to say hi a few times. He was still REALLY stand offish and even his roommates who are his close friends noticed and thought it was wierd. I asked him if he wanted me to go home so I didn't wake him up early when I had to get up for work. He said with a little irritation that he already said I could stay. Well, thats all well and fine, but I wanted to know what he wanted, not what was "ok". So I decided that I was going home. It was late and if I was going to sleep alone, I was going to sleep alone by myself. I told him I would just feel bad about waking him up early and I would see him later. He kissed me and hugged me for a while too long, which makes me think there is a whole lot more going on in that head than he lets on. But you know what, I'm not playing these games. If he feels something or has something he needs to tell me, then he needs to do it or lose any chance at all that he has. I can't play these stupid games. Not only that, but if he can't be open and honest with me now, what makes me think he's ever going to be. I'm not calling or writing him at all. He is the one that has something to say, so he needs to say it on his own like an adult. So there.
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