Jason74 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Someone from another site recommended this one, so hopefully you all can help: There are two women I used to work with. I've been trying to get with Anne for years. Mary apparently has a thing for me but I'm not interested. We still work for the same company but now I work across town from them in the regional office. I've checked and rechecked company policy, and I'm free to date Anne. It's not even unusual in my company. Anne told me about Mary's crush on me a while back, thinking that I already knew. (It was a complicated situation but the short version is that Anne thought I being mean to Mary.) Well, Anne came to me yesterday and told me that Mary's getting weird with her. Mary knows that Anne and I sometimes go places together, and she's been grilling Anne about where she's going after work and who with. (She's just hanging out with her female friends.) Anne also says that Mary gets mad when I call Anne at work (same company but we work across town from each other) to ask her something and don't ask to speak to Mary. Mary also told Anne that Mary and I "hang out sometimes" but that's always been with coworkers. Anne seems pretty freaked out since Mary's her manager. What should I do?
Sarita12385 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 That situation is way too sticky at this point in my opinion. Drop both of 'em and find someone new. Girls are drama magnets
Author Jason74 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hey, I'm not holding Anne yet to drop her. I don't want to hold Mary at all. I really like Anne though, she's a special girl, and none of this is her fault (or mine.) I didn't mean to encourage Mary to think there was anything between us by asking her to go to to lunch to discuss work or out with our other coworkers. Was that over the line? Would most women think this meant that a guy had a thing for them?
jcster Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Anne seems pretty freaked out since Mary's her manager. What should I do? Take it out of work! Don't call Anne at her work extension to set up dates, don't go to lunch with her alone, don't leave or come in together. It's unfortunate that Mary is so unprofessional as to let this influence her work, but sadly it's all to common. Hopefully, if you guys stop waving it in front of her face, she might chill.
Author Jason74 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Don't call Anne at her work extension to set up dates, don't go to lunch with her alone, don't leave or come in together. It's unfortunate that Mary is so unprofessional as to let this influence her work, but sadly it's all to common. Hopefully, if you guys stop waving it in front of her face, she might chill. I haven't done any of those things. I'm just calling to talk to Anne, and usually I have an work-related excuse to call. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get to the point where Anne and I are going to lunch and I'm calling to set up dates, but we're nowhere near that point yet.
jcster Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I haven't done any of those things. I'm just calling to talk to Anne, and usually I have an work-related excuse to call. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get to the point where Anne and I are going to lunch and I'm calling to set up dates, but we're nowhere near that point yet. Oh! Wow...Mary is really flipping out then! Unfortunately, I don't think that there is anything YOU can do about it. If Mary is really being inappropriate (and not just snippy), then Anne will need to resolve it herself - most likely going to a higher-up supervisor.
Kamille Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I haven't done any of those things. I'm just calling to talk to Anne, and usually I have an work-related excuse to call. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to get to the point where Anne and I are going to lunch and I'm calling to set up dates, but we're nowhere near that point yet. Does Anne have any idea how you feel? You know what I would do in your shoes? I would make my intentions clear to Anne. Let her know you would love nothing more then to take her out on a romantic dinner. Don't mention Mary's name. This way, Anne has all the cards in her hands and she can make her own mind as to how she wants to handle the situation. Worst case scenario : She might feel that there is too much at stake to go out with you, but then you will be free to disentangle yourself from the situation. Best case scenario : you have a romantic dinner with Anne and the two of you can figure out how to handle the Mary situation together.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Mary can easily mess up Anne and you. But mostly Anne has a lot to lose. Can't you keep your calls away from work? Email, IM or cell phone her instead on using the company phone. Better yet, since you are only across town, meet Anne for lunch. It's none of Mary's business what Anne does for lunch and if Mary asks, Anne should lie to her. It's no-one's business. If you care for Anne then you will do everything in your power to allow this to continue in a quite fashion. I'm sure you are great, but no one is worth losing their job over. Please be careful.
Author Jason74 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Thanks all. It looks like that person gave me great advice in directing me here. Another question, should I cut Mary off entirely? As in not accept invitations from her and not ask her if she wants to come with groups I'm hanging out with? Also, should I tell Anne not to tell/admit to Mary when we've hung out? What about me if Mary asks? Is silence like admitting it and making her even more jealous?
Theresa Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Ok so I read your thread because you said your story sounded like mine. It is kinda like mine except that the you like the employee instead of the other manager. It sounds like this Anne girl is quite the little schemer. (Oh help Jason you're my only hope. My big evil manager's going to do something awful unless you help me! ) Are you sure you want to go out with her?
WaterTiger Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Ok so I read your thread because you said your story sounded like mine. I was just going to say the same thing! Look at the similarities... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1378893&posted=1#post1378893
Author Jason74 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 She's crazier than Mary. I think.
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