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Can't seem to turn the corner


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Posted

I just can't seem to get over the ending of my relationship with MM.

 

I know that I should be moving on by now but I have this constant and overwhelming feeling of emptiness and pointlessness. Like my whole world has fallen apart. All I want is my life back but I have no clue how to get there. I see no way of changing how I feel and even if there were a way I seem to lack the will to try.

 

It's just constant. It's coming up to 5 months and yet this week seems worse than ever. I go to bed at night and cry, wake up through the night and cry, get up in the morning and cry whilst i'm getting ready for work, cry most of the way to work... manage to hold it together at work and then just go home and repeat cycle. I feel like I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

 

I constantly search this site for answers to the thousands of questions in my head. I keep hearing stories of how people have taken control and moved on and put it all behind them but I can't see myself ever getting there. It's just a break up right? whats wrong with me???

Posted

Shades

 

Everyone moves on and recovers from losses in their own way, at their own pace. There is nothing wrong with your pace unless it is bothering you.

 

I am concerned that if you are doing a lot of crying and such, that maybe you have slipped into a clinical depression of sorts. Grieving can do that. Have you considered talk therapy to help you feel more in control of the process?

 

You may never find "the answers", but you will be able to reach a place of acceptance of what was and now is.

 

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Posted

It's hard, I know.

In my case it seems that I miss him more now then when it ended. You just have to keep telling yourself, he wasn't worth it, sounds silly but everyday look in the mirror and tell yourself, I am better than him, I deserve better than him, and I will find better than him.

 

I think it hurts because they said and did things to make us think, it wasn't the "same" as most affairs, he really did care, and then when push comes to shove we discover, it was the same (In my case anyways)- and I think that hurts more then the missing him...

Posted
I just can't seem to get over the ending of my relationship with MM.

 

I know that I should be moving on by now but I have this constant and overwhelming feeling of emptiness and pointlessness. Like my whole world has fallen apart. All I want is my life back but I have no clue how to get there. I see no way of changing how I feel and even if there were a way I seem to lack the will to try.

 

It's just constant. It's coming up to 5 months and yet this week seems worse than ever. I go to bed at night and cry, wake up through the night and cry, get up in the morning and cry whilst i'm getting ready for work, cry most of the way to work... manage to hold it together at work and then just go home and repeat cycle. I feel like I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

 

I constantly search this site for answers to the thousands of questions in my head. I keep hearing stories of how people have taken control and moved on and put it all behind them but I can't see myself ever getting there. It's just a break up right? whats wrong with me???

 

Shades, These thing's take time. I think the hardest thing for one to recover from is a "broken heart":love:, it hurt's like H***! You do sound very depressed and with good reason you have lost someone who was and is still very important to you, I know the feeling all to well.

 

I used to cry myself to sleep, cry when I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of mm, and break down and cry during the middle of the day for NO reason. That all lasted for me for many month's. I don't cry any more, now I get mad, I have moved on to the next satge of my recovery process. I do believe there are stage's and we all reach them at our own pace. I guess the final stage is the total feeling of indiffernce and that's when I think it all end's and we are able to let go of that person who had wrapped up our heart so to speak. Cry it out, Read and post here, and do something just for YOU! Hug's!!!!

 

AP:)

Posted

It is hard. Imagine seeing 2 people at one time. A married man and a married wife.

Posted

I feel your pain, You may need a medication like Lexapro, I know it sucks to take medication, I have been on and off the stuff all year. When all you do is cry, have no energy to do aything but lay in bed, you need something to bring your energy level back up, you need something to dry your tears. This medicaton will help you with that. It will give you the strenghth you need to deal with all of this, you need strength, lost of it to heal. You cannot heal from where you are at. Good luck, (( hugs))

Posted

I'm in the same place you are and it's gonna take a while. Took me a YEAR to get over and to finally move on from my xH, we'd been married 10 years! This time around, I'm trying to get over a MM and a year almost.....so hey, if it was possible to get over 10 years with the H, it's possible with him, that is what keeps me going anyway....knowing I will get over it eventually.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you for your responses. I tried medication in the first few months but felt it wasn't having any effect at all. I also had a few sessions of counselling with the same result.

 

The last conversation we had he said to me I wish i could make you understand how every single thing I told you was true and yet I couldn't go through with it.

 

I understand and yet I never will.....

Posted

I have heard that same statement about 8 times, i dont understand it either, I really dont

Posted
Thank you for your responses. I tried medication in the first few months but felt it wasn't having any effect at all. I also had a few sessions of counselling with the same result.

 

The last conversation we had he said to me I wish i could make you understand how every single thing I told you was true and yet I couldn't go through with it.

 

I understand and yet I never will.....

I heard the same thing last week, and he was vehement about it. Saying i hate when you and I do not talk. I need you in my life and I care about you. You just have to believe me. I am in love with you, but can't leave because it is bigger than you and I.

 

At then end of the day that means nothing because they are just words, what are his actions. In my case-absolutely nada- so if this is any consolation I am in the same boat as you and it sucks big time. What is the alternative to be strung indefinately for him to decide absolutely nothing. Our xmm are just plain and simple cake eaters.

 

They will miss us when we are gone because who in their right mind would put up with all that crap. I am pretending mine moved and he is gone in my mind. If he comes around I will not even give him the time of day. Hang in there.

Posted
I feel your pain, You may need a medication like Lexapro, I know it sucks to take medication, I have been on and off the stuff all year. When all you do is cry, have no energy to do aything but lay in bed, you need something to bring your energy level back up, you need something to dry your tears. This medicaton will help you with that. It will give you the strenghth you need to deal with all of this, you need strength, lost of it to heal. You cannot heal from where you are at. Good luck, (( hugs))

 

My best friend had a breakup with a single guy...it took her 2 years and she's still not over it...Lexapro helped to take the edge off and she's doing 1000% better...You might want to check into it...

 

(((HUGS)))

Posted
I just can't seem to get over the ending of my relationship with MM.

 

Shades, I've been there too. It took me 2 years to get over mine... but I had to face him every day at work. I would have bounced back much earlier if I had just GOTTEN AWAY FROM HIM. Do you have to face yours often? Are there any reminders of him in your environment? Maybe a move to another place might help.

 

When it's all gone to pot, and you have no idea what to do about it,... just shake it up. Make some changes. What the h*ll do you have to lose?

Posted
Shades, I've been there too. It took me 2 years to get over mine... but I had to face him every day at work. I would have bounced back much earlier if I had just GOTTEN AWAY FROM HIM. Do you have to face yours often? Are there any reminders of him in your environment? Maybe a move to another place might help.

 

When it's all gone to pot, and you have no idea what to do about it,... just shake it up. Make some changes. What the h*ll do you have to lose?

2 years? oh my god your scaring me,

  • Author
Posted
Shades, I've been there too. It took me 2 years to get over mine... but I had to face him every day at work. I would have bounced back much earlier if I had just GOTTEN AWAY FROM HIM. Do you have to face yours often? Are there any reminders of him in your environment? Maybe a move to another place might help.

 

When it's all gone to pot, and you have no idea what to do about it,... just shake it up. Make some changes. What the h*ll do you have to lose?

 

There are reminders of him every single step I take but we no longer work together so I don't have to face him every day. I also just moved house so thats kind of like a fresh start but it doesn't matter where I go the feelings follow.

 

I think some of you are probably right and I might try and go back to my doctor. Going it alone clearly isn't working.

 

Thanks everyone

 

SOG X

Posted

Dear Shades, While everyone takes their own time to grieve a loss, it can be said that for some, at about 5-6 months postloss, grief can peak but then acceptance will gradually take over and it will get much easier to deal with.

 

In my experience when I went to the doctor when I was feeling rather bleak and wanting to be given something to take the edge off, she said it was perfectly normal to be experiencing the feelings that were overwhelming me but said if I really wanted a prescription she would write one out for me. She gave me a script and all it had on it were the words ‘it’s ok’. I was so very grateful for this and once I had accepted that it was ok to still be grieving, the overwhelming feelings began to subside quite quickly. I have used that skill of acceptance to overcome other difficult losses in my life.

 

For some people medication is certainly a help, but for me, it helps me to feel stronger knowing that I haven’t needed to reach for some pills. Know that it’s ok to grieve in your own way, in your own time and you will be ok. If you feel like it’s peaking for you, know that you will be ok much sooner than you may think. I wish you all the very best and send lots of hugs.

  • Author
Posted
Dear Shades, While everyone takes their own time to grieve a loss, it can be said that for some, at about 5-6 months postloss, grief can peak but then acceptance will gradually take over and it will get much easier to deal with.

 

In my experience when I went to the doctor when I was feeling rather bleak and wanting to be given something to take the edge off, she said it was perfectly normal to be experiencing the feelings that were overwhelming me but said if I really wanted a prescription she would write one out for me. She gave me a script and all it had on it were the words ‘it’s ok’. I was so very grateful for this and once I had accepted that it was ok to still be grieving, the overwhelming feelings began to subside quite quickly. I have used that skill of acceptance to overcome other difficult losses in my life.

 

For some people medication is certainly a help, but for me, it helps me to feel stronger knowing that I haven’t needed to reach for some pills. Know that it’s ok to grieve in your own way, in your own time and you will be ok. If you feel like it’s peaking for you, know that you will be ok much sooner than you may think. I wish you all the very best and send lots of hugs.

 

Thank you so much.

 

I hope so x

Posted

Dear Shades,

I hope you are feeling somewhat better this week. I hope you are closer to seeing your way around the corner. best wishes

Posted

{{hugs}} I wish I could give you some guidance because I, too, have searched these forums hoping some answer would hit me in the head and "right" all the wrongs - They say time heals everything but there are some wounds that scar -- they don't disappear - On my strong days, I say there is a lesson to be learned and you have to follow the road you are on; a bad day, I still hurt like hell but I am learning that finding others (like here) who understand can make a world of difference...

Posted
Thank you for your responses. I tried medication in the first few months but felt it wasn't having any effect at all. I also had a few sessions of counselling with the same result.

 

The last conversation we had he said to me I wish i could make you understand how every single thing I told you was true and yet I couldn't go through with it.

 

I understand and yet I never will.....

 

I had a five year relationship with a SM and the first man I fell for after it was over was a MM (2 month dating). It took me 6 months to get over the relationship with SM and I'm still dealing with getting over MM 4months later. I think part of it is that the relationship with MM never really was official so its tough for me to validate my sadness. Just give yourself a break, feel the pain, don't feel like you shouldn't feel this way.

Posted
I just can't seem to get over the ending of my relationship with MM.

 

I know that I should be moving on by now but I have this constant and overwhelming feeling of emptiness and pointlessness. Like my whole world has fallen apart. All I want is my life back but I have no clue how to get there. I see no way of changing how I feel and even if there were a way I seem to lack the will to try.

 

It's just constant. It's coming up to 5 months and yet this week seems worse than ever. I go to bed at night and cry, wake up through the night and cry, get up in the morning and cry whilst i'm getting ready for work, cry most of the way to work... manage to hold it together at work and then just go home and repeat cycle. I feel like I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

 

I constantly search this site for answers to the thousands of questions in my head. I keep hearing stories of how people have taken control and moved on and put it all behind them but I can't see myself ever getting there. It's just a break up right? whats wrong with me???

 

Shades, Sincerely hope your okay now. I have searched this site for several months now quite and like you, its really hard to find answers. One thing ive come to realize is that everybody here will share their experiences in life, and it is with those readings that you may or may not put yourself into. Some have good truly good intentions in giving advice some may just agree or disagree with you. Everybody has a different case and there really is no one pill to all the sickness in the world. I'll pray for you to be better.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your support everyone.

 

I can't really add anything to the thread right now. No real change in the way i'm feeling.

 

I wish you all well on your own paths. x

Posted

I'm there right now too. If you lived in the northern virginia area I'd ask to have coffee with you sometime to share the misery...:) No serviously, it more than sucks. I can't say I cry every night, but some nights I do wake up constantly with a pain..or maybe a panic. Anyway, its a pain that makes me feel like I'm going to die. Maybe that's anxiety or something. I've never experience it in my 33 years. Anyway my OW is still a part of my life and that makes it impossible to move on, at least since all I can feel is love for her. You at least have the opportunity to try things away from your OM, a fresh start. I need that. I've just been too paralized to do it yet. I'm going to have to because I feel like I'm turning into pond scum just continuing to go around in cirlces. My affair was mostly an emotional one, but there was (is) still a lot of passion too. That rocks, but sucks. I hate her one moment and adore her the next.

 

Anyway I have no advise. Just wanted to let you know I think it just generally SUCKS. Which way am I going. Who knows. I may just end up becoming pond scum. At least I would know my purpose in life.

 

Best of luck.

Posted

In the past, I healed very quickly from past failed relationships. But, with my xMM, I felt like I had gotten hit by a truck and it took me a year to get my bearings back.

 

I think it is because I was so sideswiped by him. I don't know.

 

But, almost two years post D-day, I am better. I still have the scars, but I am no longer grieving.

 

Thank God.

 

Peace to you...

 

FN

Posted
I just can't seem to get over the ending of my relationship with MM.

 

I know that I should be moving on by now but I have this constant and overwhelming feeling of emptiness and pointlessness. Like my whole world has fallen apart. All I want is my life back but I have no clue how to get there. I see no way of changing how I feel and even if there were a way I seem to lack the will to try.

 

It's just constant. It's coming up to 5 months and yet this week seems worse than ever. I go to bed at night and cry, wake up through the night and cry, get up in the morning and cry whilst i'm getting ready for work, cry most of the way to work... manage to hold it together at work and then just go home and repeat cycle. I feel like I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

 

I constantly search this site for answers to the thousands of questions in my head. I keep hearing stories of how people have taken control and moved on and put it all behind them but I can't see myself ever getting there. It's just a break up right? whats wrong with me???

 

 

I am soooo right there with you and feel your pain-im so sorry you are having to deal with this. My ending with MM was about 5 months ago as well, and i never had any closure. Its like i cant help but feel like he was "the one", like im missing out on something wonderful. Even though he treated me like crap for dissapearing on me, i still love him and think about him constantly. I was on myspace the other day and cruising profiles and lo and behold, he now has a myspace! (he would never get one before because his wife wouldnt let him. Yeah, i know-he needs to grow a pair). After days of deliberating, i finally sent him a message that simply said, "remember me?". Of course i didnt get a response, although in my fantasyland of dreams, i somehow thought he would actually respond.

 

A few more days went by and just for the hell of it, i went to send him a message and he now has it set to where you have to be his myspace friend to send him a message. I was crushed, but in a way it helped me to get over him, i realized in that moment what a coward he was, and how he left me out to dry. He could make his profile private, but i think in a way he wants to torture me by allowing me to see it and how he has move on. His headline is "what goes around comes around", which really makes me wonder. I miss him everyday, and it kills me that i cant stop thinking about him. Im sorry for your pain, hugs....

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