JustBreathe Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 70 lovers by age 30??? She's probably a true sex addict. An addict doesn't stop using until they get help. Even then, the best they can do is try to keep their desire for the drug at bay. Even with help, they sometimes fall into periods where they lapse and take up the addiction again. She needs some intense therapy. Personally, since you have no children, I would not sit around and wait for her to get help since she might not ever do that. She will take you down with her if you stay with her. I think there are cheaters honestly addicted to sex, however, more often than not, they are plain garden variety philanderers. Look up some sites on sexual addiction and see if she fits the profile.
Author bligh Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 I have checked up on sex-love addiction and my wife certainly seems to fit the pattern. She has told me before that when she is unhappy, sex made her feel better. She does not seem to have had any boundaries as to who she had sex with - married men, much older men, group sex ect. I am also beginning to think that she has borderline personality disorder. I have been blown away by the sheer volume of lovers, when she has only had 4 that would qualify as any type of relationship. Does anyone know about sex-addiction and borderline? I feel like it is a "sleeping dragon" that might awake, particularly now that she says she is unhappy again. Thanks
Bryanp Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 Hello Bligh, It is amazing that she has not contacted some type of STD. My ex had borderline personality disorder. It is almost impossible to deal with and cannot really be cured. It gets progressively worse. You need to think of your daughter and yourself. Based on what you have written I think there is a very chance that she has cheated since this is her mode of behavior. When she is feeling down she cheats. I would assume she would be an expert on not being caught.
Author bligh Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Thanks for your posts. My wife won't go to therapy as she says that she has "dealt with my issues". She also says that I should be happy as I am the beneficiary of "all my experience". Funny, we seldom have sex anymore and I don't feel like a beneficiary. My problem comes from marrying her thinking that she had a normal romantic life up until I met her. I also can't reconcile the sweet looking, pretty woman, who is always talking about others bad morals to what I have discovered about her past. I have become hyper vigilant, which I hate. She insists that "most girls have histories like mine" (children from 4 different men, lesbian affairs, group sex, 40 plus lovers while still a teen, 80 plus by 30, cheating on husbands) and that she is "just more honest" She doesn't know that I know the real story. When we fight, I feel like saying something about it - particularly when she is criticizing me about things in my past- but I don't. Should I let slip that I know most of the true story and not just what she wants me to know? Still feel like I am living on borrowed time. thanks
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 She insists that "most girls have histories like mine" That's bullcrap! Yeah, tell her all that you know, but before you do that, make sure you know which side of the fence you're on. Meaning, if you want to save this marriage or let it go..Still not too sure where you sit on that.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Thanks for your posts. My wife won't go to therapy as she says that she has "dealt with my issues". She also says that I should be happy as I am the beneficiary of "all my experience". Funny, we seldom have sex anymore and I don't feel like a beneficiary. My problem comes from marrying her thinking that she had a normal romantic life up until I met her. I also can't reconcile the sweet looking, pretty woman, who is always talking about others bad morals to what I have discovered about her past. I have become hyper vigilant, which I hate. She insists that "most girls have histories like mine" (children from 4 different men, lesbian affairs, group sex, 40 plus lovers while still a teen, 80 plus by 30, cheating on husbands) and that she is "just more honest" She doesn't know that I know the real story. When we fight, I feel like saying something about it - particularly when she is criticizing me about things in my past- but I don't. Should I let slip that I know most of the true story and not just what she wants me to know? Still feel like I am living on borrowed time. thanks Dude, dump her before she dumps you!!! She clearly has a serious sex addict /love addict problem and she covers it up! Confront her with the truth and tell her either she goes to counceling or you walk! Pride be damned!!! The power is in your hands she isnt the one to make demands you are. You dont need to be with a woman like this! Who's to say she aint cheating on you right this moment. She has a boatload of history of doing things behind her husbands backs what's to say she wont do it to you. She's guilty!!! Leave!!!! It's only a matter of time before some young kid goes up and offers her a wild night. Do you think she's gonna be faithful then??? Trust me, she's gonna start cheating again. I wouldnt stay for one more second. If you knew what type of woman she was before you married her? Without seeing any of the red flags? Would you still have married her? My answer would probably be no. right?
JustBreathe Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Just went back to your initial post and saw that you have one child with your wife, maybe stepchildren and older kids living with you also? Despite the fact that you do love her, lots of us fall in love with bent and twisted people, you have to think about the kids as well. What kind of environment is this they are growing up in? Think of your own children. They are victims of her behavior as well. If she refuses counseling, then what can you do? Continue on as your are? She has no problem with cheating on you. If you do, then you have to act. Sorry to be preaching at you. I know this is so hard because you do love her. But you have to consider the overall picture and think with your mind and not your heart. Peace and all good wishes for recovery from this horror. JB
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