SadHatter Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 My ex-gf broke up with me a month ago and we've been talking since. She sent me what appears to be a final farewell letter last night. She doesn't want any contact with me until the new year and hopes then we'll have healed and can be friends. Letter is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133838/ I'm having an awful day. I've literally cried non-stop. I just feel like this is consuming me so much. I cannot concentrate on any work, I feel sick constantly, I feel like my heart and stomach have been ripped out. Nothing anyone says is making me feel any better. Its day one of no contact now and I cannot imagine my life without her now. But she's gone and it hurts she is moving on so easily. And it hurts so much I cannot put it into words. I am dreaming about her every night, even when I wake up and turn over, I am conscious of it and my stomach hurts. I opened my eyes at 7am today and burst into tears. The thought of her with other guys makes me feel so sick to the stomach - she's only ever been with me. I've just gone through my phone and deleted all of the texts that she'd sent me over the last 2 years, it was so hard, some of them saying she loves me so much. I cried and cried. Everyday normal things are meaning nothing, people talking about work and going out and what's on TV and football etc. - and I've got no interest in any of it. I feel like I can't see past this. I've split from girls before, I've been dumped 2/3 times before and of course it hurt, but I've never in my life felt pain like this. She was the most amazing girl and my best friend and I miss her so much and I miss her company so much. I want her back so much it hurts. Crying again now! We broke up a month ago now, but we've been talking. Its hit me now that she's said no contact anymore. It's like the first day of the rest of my life without her. I'm a 25-year-old guy and I should be strong. I'm normally so happy-go-lucky, but I feel so low and sad and upset now. I can't see how I am going to get through this. All I want to do is to talk to her and knowing that I'm staying away from her and letting her go out and meet guys and probably get a new bf....I just feel like I can't do this. I'm so weak. I wish I wasn't. I wish someone could help me cos I don't feel like I can stand this pain any longer. I just wish someone could help me, but the only person that could is her and she doesn't want me. I don't think I can take much more of this.
Heartbrokenprincess Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I wish I could say something to make allo of your pain go away, but I can't. I am going through a similar situation with my ex. The only difference is that after he cheated on me, he ended things because he says he is confused and doesn't want to hurt me again. Also, I am the one who initiated no contact, so it's a bit different. I just hope to offer some words of wisdom that others have told me. We broke up on October first, and I was feeling exactly like you. Every morning for the first week straight, I would wake up with a heavy pain in my chest and couldn't wait for the day to be over. I'm definitely not healed yet, but I can promise you that every day, it will get a little bit easier. He and I were together for almost 2 years, and it also hurts me that it seems as though he has already moved on. What we both need to realise is that we don't have control over the way others feel for us. If it is meant to be, then it will be. Just give it some time and know that you are not alone in this. Hope you feel better...
Sanslatete Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Don't expect it to be a quick fix, I'm in my fourth month of the break up from my ex and it's still hard going for me. It's not the same for everyone I know, some get through these things better than others. But I'm still in my bubble of hurt. It's not as bad as it has been, but she's still the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing at night. Six and a half years is a hell of a lot of memories to erase in a short time. I've had break ups before, but this one is by far the worst I've gone through. It's been misery from day one and I don't expect to see her again. I hope you can find peace Sadhatter and things go for you the way you'd like them to. Good luck.
alwayshurt Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I am sorry man. What she wrote is very sad and unless she's playing some sort of games with you I am afraid she won't come back. You have to realize that nothing is forever.....neither are her feelings. She probably told you the truth. The passion and love she had have faded. I know is painful but at least you got a few words of closure...many people here have been left without even knowing the apparent reason. Reality is there is only reason and that is that people leave because their feeling have left. You feel desperate right now and that is normal. You need to go through the pain and deal with it as a man. Remember YOU ARE A MAN...but althoguh you don't see it now this is an experience that will reward you in the future becuase it will make you stronger and grow up. You need to really move on and don't wait for her....she won't come back (and if she does it will happen far from now). So you must get back to your feet and do things just for yourself. Start loving yourself and you'll feel better. Remember YOU ARE A MAN.
JosieMcCoy Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Turn that frown UPSIDE DOWN!!!! Come on! A new day is tomorrow!! Cheers!
Author SadHatter Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Thank you so much for the replies everyone. I feel it helps me so much, which I guess is the purpose of this forum! I came home from the pub last night pretty late, at like 12.30am, my dad took me for a few beers to try to take my mind off it. I came online to read the posts on here and went downstairs and made myself a sandwich. I came back upstairs and the ex-gf had messaged me on MSN and then gone offline as I hadn't replied - a day after saying no contact until the new year - I couldn't believe it. She said, "Hi...hello??...I'm really drunk...Sorry I shouldn't have messaged you, I'm going now." This morning she sent me a text and said, "sorry for messaging you last night, I was drunk and it was stupid. Back to no contact again... x take care, look after yourself" What the heck?! Why would she do that?!
Diplok Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Don't reply to her. She's playing games. Keep away from her at a costs.
baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 my ex boyfriend did exactly the same thing. he finished me, asked for no contact - i kept to the deal, but he rang me (drunk) saying he missed me etc... then he would ring again the morning after, say that he had been drunk, and ask for no contact again.. I really feel for you, and although nothing no one says can make you feel better, if its any consolation, i know just how much it hurts, it crushes you. It does get better though, its been 3 weeks since we broke up, and at 1st i never thought it would get better, but slowly its improving... i hav gone days without crying! hope it helps... x x x
Spinderella Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Although it doesnt seem like it now, you will get through this pain. Within a few weeks, this unbearable pain, will turn into something more bearable, and it will keep easing off after that. Dont prolong this pain though, by continuing contact just yet. Another thing, is go with the pain, dont fight it. One way of trying to fight it is to try to maintain contact which lots of peope do, in other words, deny or resist the break up. Allow it to happen, and you will come through it sooner.
Author SadHatter Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I just don't understand why the day after she's said no contact for three months and has written me a final farewell letter, she messages me drunk on MSN. It confuses me. You start thinking maybe she does want to be with you. Then in the morning she texts you and says, "It was a mistake for me to do it, back to no contact..." Why did she message me in the first place?!?
baby-boo Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 it will be hard for her too, she will have got drunk, and rang you in a mintue of stupidity - not thinking about your feelings. My personal opinion, it isnt becasue she wants you back... i thought wen my ex did it it was becasue he wanted me back... i was rong, he even went as far as askng me back out, then finishing me again the next day.
Spinderella Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 True. It is confusing for the dumper too. Another good reason for the dumpee to have no contact, or the dumpers confusion will just mess you up. The best thing to do is not take anything else seriously from her, until three months is up, and have no contact between that time. Dont forget also, she was drunk, dont take anything seriously from a drunk person.
thrustrebel Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 B'ah! Fancy contacting you like that... I have the same girl that I go in and out of contact with (because we fall in love, she decides she wants to date others, she misses me and contacts me, I give in to my weakness and say ok, I'll see her and it repeats). I love her but if she's not willing to be with me properly full time then she should leave me alone. It's like a fire... if you want it to go out, don't go stoking it. You'll just get it going again. She shouldn't have MSN-ed you. It's unfair and rude. Grrrr... So sorry for your pain mate, try and think of who you are and what aspects of yourself your proud of. And read the bit in that letter she sent you again where she went on about how some other girl would be really lucky to be in your arms, and think "Damn Straight"! J
NotAgain Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Thank you so much for the replies everyone. I feel it helps me so much, which I guess is the purpose of this forum! I came home from the pub last night pretty late, at like 12.30am, my dad took me for a few beers to try to take my mind off it. I came online to read the posts on here and went downstairs and made myself a sandwich. I came back upstairs and the ex-gf had messaged me on MSN and then gone offline as I hadn't replied - a day after saying no contact until the new year - I couldn't believe it. She said, "Hi...hello??...I'm really drunk...Sorry I shouldn't have messaged you, I'm going now." This morning she sent me a text and said, "sorry for messaging you last night, I was drunk and it was stupid. Back to no contact again... x take care, look after yourself" What the heck?! Why would she do that?! That's just cruel. She is just playing games. I bet you she wasn't even drunk either. Sorry to be harsh, but it's true. You need to stay well away from this one. I know it's hard - it's like giving up an addiction going NC. But really she's being nothing but a bitch. Leave her. Let her send you "drunk messages" and what not, but jdon't respond to them. You'll look better for it Sorry you are hurting. I don't want to be another one to say "it'll get better" but truth is it will. Take care of yourself and don't expect her back. NC NC NC NC NC! REPEAT AFTER ME.
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