I cant figure it out.

[ImLost07]

So my bf and I have been long distance since day 1. He had me at hello... really, he did. But I’ve never gotten that spark where you can feel your heart beating out of your chest and are head over heels for the person.

 

I’m starting to wonder if that’s a problem. He is sweet to me and very caring and is always there when I need him. We have the same upbringing, goals, and we get along with each other’s family. He’s pretty positive and I can trust him to be there. He isn’t controlling or jealous. And I adore him the way he is now. It’s pretty much perfect. Sometimes I think I love him, and then other times I don’t.

 

The relationship is great, sexual life is great but that "feeling" isn’t there. You know, the thrill and rush we all crave. Maybe it’s because he is the first guy I have ever dated that isn’t a bird with a broken wing and something I’m trying to fix. Our relationship is stable and we communicate well. He has a stable personality (aka not crazy) but sometimes I think he’s not animated enough for me. He’s mature. Haha.

 

And I think a healthy relationship bothers me. Sounds messed up huh?

 

Maybe it’s because we are LDR and haven’t gotten to have that opportunity to fall in love. But the LDR doesn’t really bother either of us. I can get my school work done and when I see him, it’s all the more better.

 

He asked me the other day why I keep pushing him away. Like I’m purposely sabotaging it. Maybe I am... I have no idea. But I have heard that from a previous relationship before. So maybe it’s a self preservation thing.

 

I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t had enough of my bull**** ways of pushing him away and being up and down with my personality (I’m working on it). I mean, he will stand up for himself if I’m going overboard, but he is always willing to work on something and figure it out. He has never left my side.

 

Going back in time:

In the beginning he was a jerk to me and I dumped him because I didn’t think he would ever respect me if I didn’t. And he apologized, admitted he was wrong and sincerely was sorry. I’ve never had anybody apologize to me the way he did. So I felt “closure” in what happened and was willing to give him an opportunity to prove himself. And he has been. A lot.

 

Now:

But since that “thing”, I’m wary of another problem like that happening again. But what’s weird, is that he did a total 180 after I dumped him. He is the boyfriend he should have been and it’s wonderful. So I know he is trying to be a good person to me. It’s actually pretty cute some of the things he has done. And it keeps reassuring me that he cares for me.

 

He is so good for me, and yet... I can’t accept it. Maybe I haven’t had my college spurt and dated enough people. He would be a perfect husband for when I’m 26 or something. But since I’m young, maybe that’s too much for me. I can’t figure it out. He’s tall, cute, has a nice build, and loves the same things I do. He’s amazing. And yet… if we were to break up, I wouldn’t be devastated.

 

I feel like he deserves more than what I can give him.

 

Why do I have that “something is missing” feeling? Why do I want that thrill of dating a “bad guy” that is full of problems and treats me like ****? Why do I feel this way?

[dancinggal]

I completely get where you are coming from. I'm dating the most perfect guy in the world for me. And I'm young, I'm 21 years old. He's the type of guy I wish I could have met five or six year later, when I start thinking of settling down, but he's here, and I'm never letting him go.

 

Like you, I kind of went for bad guys, I wasn't really after a relationship, just hanging out and having a good time and learning as much as I could about life. But this is the first guy to make my heart flutter, and my knees weak, and he still does that to me while still managing to make me feel comfortable. He's truly special.

 

I have the same thing with the sex as you do; the sex is the best of my life, but at the same time, there isn't that rush of excitement. I used to worry about it, because he never threw me onto the bed to have his way with me, but I've learnt now its because he has too much respect to just go for it like that, even though sometimes its what I want. As a result, sometimes I don't feel particularly sexual or sexy around him, even though he assures me this is the most he's ever been into a girl. So I'm trying to break him out of that, I love that he respects me and likes taking it slow, but I want him to let himself go with me as well. It's taking a little time (he's shy) but we are getting there.

 

He's 26, so sometimes I feel he's too mature for me, he doesn't have as much energy as me, and that sometimes annoys me, but we're learning to work around it, he tries hard to be what I need when I need it, and I try to calm down enough sometimes to relax with him, because he likes doing that too. Sometimes, you need to learn if that aspect is a deal breaker, or if you can find a middle ground to make you both happy.

 

I think at the end of the day, you feel like this because its stable, and that's cool, but I guess you're like me and need some excitement too. Its perfectly healthy to feel like that, and what you need to do is find a way to get around it, or decide whether you'd prefer to go back to what you were doing. With us, I'm pretty independent, and if my boyfriend is tired, I'll go out by myself, or go for a walk in the morning, or do something. I love talking and meeting new people, and I've made that my substitute for excitement, instead of sleeping with guys I used to find exciting.

 

Talk to him, see what you think. I have to admit, I put my boy through a bit of bull as well, I'd get frustrated when I saw people my age having a great time being out and doing their thing, and I'd be with my boyfriend and sometimes he'd be like, let's just hang out. But I've started to grow out of that phase of my life, and I like the fact that I'll still go out and have a great time, and then get to go home to my wonderful boyfriend. But if he's willing to put up with that from you, he's obviously a good guy, and I wouldn't let it go so easily, particularly as he changed himself to be with you.

 

Also, I was lucky in that we fell desperately in love before we were seperated, so at least I had that to hang on to, and I kept comparing our love to getting with some random guys which would only be fun for a bit, and probably still wouldn't end up being as good as what I had. Perhaps you should look at spending some weekends together to work out your feelings towards each other. Though it sounds like you've already been bitten by the love bug!