heartbroken31 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 My story is below, I posted on another thread. Well I am still no closer to knowing what to do. I just dont know what to believe or what to do and to top it all off his phone bill came the other day and there was 7 texts in a day sent to her and others on different days as well. I was devastated all over again. Judging by his mobile bill he has had no contact with her since I confronted him, using his mobile anyway. He has been away the last 2 weeks and due back tomorrow and I just dont want to argue again but at the same time I want the truth. He seems genuinly devastated and has been crying a lot on the phone and said he will never contact her again but still wont admit to anything more than friendship. In my eyes he has cheated regardless if he slept with her, all the secrecy and lies, he is hiding something and how do I get the truth? He expects me to believe him and get past it!!! I am still too angry... (My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years. Since I was 18 and he 22. We have 2 children. I have always felt that he and I are meant to be and he feels the same. We have had our ups and downs over the years but nothing like this. He is in the navy and travels a bit. Recently he was away for 3 weeks and it was fine, we have adjusted too being without him when he is away. Their was a group of them that went away to a town with a small population. When he got home he mentioned that he was drunk one night and got a lift to another pub with a girl that works at the club he was at, via her house so she could get some money...I thought that's what ATM'S are for... Anyway he said he stayed in the car and then they went on to this other pub... I was not happy at all about this, warning bells were ringing. I asked him if he had her number and he flatly denied it. I was not coping with this because my gut feeling was telling me different. It was driving me nuts and we started argueing a lot. So I went and seen a social worker (i'm one as well) and had a good session and felt so much better. He already said to me that my gut feeling was wrong, which was hard because I always go by my gut feeling. The next night we were in bed after making love and he sent a text to a guy he met at this small town he had been at, something about footy (I checked it). But I still had that feeling that he was keeping something for me so the next day I wrote this guy's number down and rang it and a female answered and I was livid but also trying to be positive and think it could be this guys wife.. I confronted my hubby that night and he was pissed that I went through his phone and yes it was the girls number that he said he didnt have put under a guys name so I wouldn't find it! He must think I'm an idiot... He said that they were just friends and he hid her number so I wouldn't get upset. I was so close to leaving, my heart shattered. The next Saturday night she phoned him and he sat there next to me talking to her for 20 minutes, I could feel my heart breaking and just wanted to grab the kids and walk out. He said she was drunk and just wanted to chat! I asked him if he planned on keeping in touch with her and he said I dont know? I told him to delete the number and that it wasn't in our best interests for that friendship to continue. So anyway, all this could be innocent, it may not and I cant deal with not knowing if something happened. Not just that he lied, again and again and the betrayal I feel is sometimes overwhelming. He just wants to put it behind us but I am having difficulty doing that. I love him with all my heart but my trust has been broken and I dont know if I will ever trust him again. My head is telling me to leave because it has really gotten me down and I keep thinking even though I love him he lied to me about her and will I ever get past that? Wow that was good to get out. Help, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place!!!)
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 it's really hard to say. the fact that he was talking to this woman in front of you makes it look non-threatening. but the girl who he rode in a car with to her house sounds suspicious although im surprised he even let out that much info. i just think some solid proof is needed. im not going to jump the gun like usual. call that last woman back with star 67 and state you are conducting a survey for whatever and need to speak to the head male of the household.. or whatever terms telemarketers use and such.. if he's lying about that, then i would probably think he's lying about much more as well.. good luck. sorry if i mentally misconstrued your story tonight.. just tired ..
Author heartbroken31 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hi, There is only 1 (same one as in my story) woman and I talked to her already. She acted like she didn't know what is going on and that they were just friends and she said she didn't know that he had her number under a guys name. In saying that I know that he texted her before I spoke to her! So who knows. Covering his ass maybe. Her fiance broke up with her because she spent time with my husband, so maybe he knows more than I do but I don't even know his name or where he lives so know way of contacting him. I have no way to really get proof unless he confesses and I just cant see that happening. I'm not from the USA.
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Hi, There is only 1 (same one as in my story) woman and I talked to her already. She acted like she didn't know what is going on and that they were just friends and she said she didn't know that he had her number under a guys name. In saying that I know that he texted her before I spoke to her! So who knows. Covering his ass maybe. Her fiance broke up with her because she spent time with my husband, so maybe he knows more than I do but I don't even know his name or where he lives so know way of contacting him. I have no way to really get proof unless he confesses and I just cant see that happening. I'm not from the USA. maybe you can someone break into his voicemail by watching him when he checks it and glance at what he's dialing. some people here install GPS devices and voice-activated recording systems in their partner's car. others wire-tap the phone im sure by hooking one of those recorders on there but how would you make it inconspicuous enough for your hubby to not find out? days he is "late" check if he really is still at work or whatnot. does he hide certain things like his cell phone from you? do you know where this woman lives? driving by to check if he's parked at her house on those "late" days etc. plus her ex-fiance's name my still be on the mailbox. also do a reverse check on the phone number to see if it's still listed in ex-fiances name and to at least find the address to do your investigation. if it's a cell she has, i believe there are ways to pay money to get that info too, but make sure it isn't a scam site. maybe someone could refer you on here. how did you find out that her fiance broke up with her for that reason?
Author heartbroken31 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 He told me about her fiance breaking up with her. The only good thing out of all of this is that she lives in a different state. They met when he was doing some work in the town she lives. The chances of him ever seeing her again are slim. I just want to know what happened while he was there and why they were sending text messages and continuing to keep in touch with each other behind my back ig they were "just friends"
abeliever Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Yes without a doubt- he is cheating!!!!!!! Take it from me I have been going thru this same thing for last 2-3 years. Please read the thread of When H/W cheats why don't come clean. Look I have asked and yelled and screamed til I'm blue in the face. They H/W whoever cheated to be honest. Well guess what they never do!! Read these threads they have the common thing said they only wanted the truth. It is a long hard road to get courage to leave your M, but you can do it and come out better in many ways than before you went into M. But don't blame yourself because in all cases its them and has NOTHING to do with you. If it was you then YOU would have cheated also. Be strong, I say this to each new person who comes in here. Start hiding money as much as you can get copies of tax returns, house notes, copies of his phone bill etc anything that you will need. Once this $hit hits the fan you will need to be prepared. If you work it out, then just know its ok and people here won't judge well maybe a few. ha But it is your decision. I wish you the best as it is a hard road. Keep in touch. abeliever
Author heartbroken31 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Why is it that the truth is staring me in the face and yet I am still trying to believe him? I am a strong capable woman and I am a counsellor, I work with victims of domestic violence. But all my training has gone out the bloody window! Dont get me wrong he is not abusive just a cheater, is that abuse? To knowingly cause another person unwanted pain? Maybe, it and abuse have a lot in common! Anyway he gets home today after being away for 2 weeks and I just feel horrible, sick even. I am sick of going around in circles. I just want him to own up. I have succumbed to depression. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything. The kids have picked up on my unhappiness, I am trying to put on a brave face for them.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Well, since he's such a paragon of virtue and swears he's telling the truth, I would imagine he'd have NO PROBLEM taking a lie detector test - just to give you peace of mind and all. Right?
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