Capricciosa Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Here I sit, playing it brave and unaffected with my friends, but I've been quite bummed out since my ex sent me an email last Thursday. He left the country 6 months ago after the relationship had devolved into something very ugly and hurtful. I actually bought him the ticket so he could go because I couldn't stand the lies and disrespect anymore. And except for one business-type email, I decided it was best to cut things off entirely, for my own sake. He really broke my heart and I felt absolutely humiliated by his behavior and also the distance I went to try and keep him. While he was here we started a cultural event together. It was based on an idea he had seen elsewhere, and with my help, my work, my contacts it was brought to life here. When he left, he left me holding the bag, as they say, and I continued this event to meet our commitments, and after a few months break, I decided not only could I handle it on my own, but that I liked it, so I started up a new season. I found other people to work with, some good support, and there is a chance the event, in time, will become a success. His email began with a threat of legal action if I don't cut him into all future profits (there aren't any right now, though there may be in the future if I keep working hard). He then criticized how I was running it, my taste in who is selected. Then, for good measure, threw all sorts of emotional things into the mix, like how he suffered after he left, and some of the things he missed about us. He also timed it so I received it 2 hours before the event. The event went well anyway, but I was clearly disturbed by his action and couldn't fully enjoy it. Part of me clearly sees the egotism, manipulation, the self-servingness of all of this. He was always on the make, trying to get things out of whomever, including me. It's good to have the distance, to see so clearly that what he is doing now, he was doing when we were together. To not have to live under the same roof with the threats, the criticism, followed up by the caress. I've now blocked him from all my email accounts, and sent a brief note telling him in the future he can contact my lawyer with any queries. I decided (and was advised) not to get into anything personal. But part of me is still hurt a lot by this, and another wants to lash out, tell him what an a$$ he is, give him a piece of my mind. But I fear any further involvement with him will just poison me further (I already feel poisoned by his email). And some really stupid part of me still wishes none of the bad stuff had happened at all and that he could have been the guy I thought I fell in love with. Mostly I just want all of this to go away, including my lingering feelings of loss, sadness, anger, disappointment, so that maybe I can feel positive about relationships again. It feels like I will never have one again because I won't be able to trust anyone, or myself for that matter since I chose so poorly. I feel his contact has set me back again. It makes everything in my life seem doomed to failure and hardship. And here I am pretending with my friends that I can handle it, that I'm not that bothered--because that is the way I wish I felt, and that is how they want me to feel. So I thought I would just write it here. I'm a lot more bothered than I seem. Even though I am trying to be strong.
carrotgirl Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 His email began with a threat of legal action if I don't cut him into all future profits (there aren't any right now, though there may be in the future if I keep working hard). He then criticized how I was running it, my taste in who is selected. Then, for good measure, threw all sorts of emotional things into the mix, like how he suffered after he left, and some of the things he missed about us. He also timed it so I received it 2 hours before the event. The event went well anyway, but I was clearly disturbed by his action and couldn't fully enjoy it. This is classic abuse. You did an awesome job taking care of yourself and taking part in your event! That's more courage than I would have been able to manage I'm sure. You're really doing great! And try to remember, you didn't choose poorly. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. It is NOT your fault if your ex lied to you and misrepresented himself. That's his problem of being a lying, abusive dick! Be good to yourself. Do something nice for yourself this weekend. Something just for you! {{{HUG}} Carrot
Author Capricciosa Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thanks Carrot--for the kind words and the hug. Yeah, the writing is really on the wall with this guy. He was abusive in that same manner then, and 6 months later he's still pulling the same crap. Sometimes I just don't pay enough attention to red flags in the beginning though, and I guess that's a lesson I learned once and for all this time around. I do wonder how certain people can behave this way, how they can live with themselves. And he's not a kid, he's 41. Guess I'm lucky I got out without too much major damage. That he's still trying it on for size flabbergasts me...
carrotgirl Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Truly, when I hear of people triumphing over this kind of abuse I like to say you're lucky you escaped with YOUR LIFE! You're lucky you escaped with your functioning body. This is no exaggeration. There is no knowing when an abuser will lose it. You should be feeling lucky and very proud of yourself. You don't always have to be the brave and strong one. You just have to recognize that you are wonderful and powerful beyond belief! Carrot
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