Deanster Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 OK, so I'm the 350th person this month to start a 'sexless marriage' thread. Sorry. But I was out with a bunch of other married people a couple weeks back, and we were discussing infidelity, and I shared my honest thoughts, and was a little amazed at the amount of pushback I received. We're in a relatively happy and comfortable marriage, with lame, lackluster sex perhaps once a month, in part due to some medical issues my wife has. I do a ton of flirting and hugging with other women, with my wife's knowledge and encouragement. I'd actually encourage her to do more of the same, if she wanted to. In fact, (and as I told my shocked bar companions), I'd be happy if she were out doing some random OM, as long as she came home happier than when she left, and wasn't looking to leave our relationship. In fact, I'd be happy to watch our kids while she went off (probably his kids too, for that matter), and send a beer or two along to smooth the path. The one condition is that my wife comes home happy, satisfied, and content. I realize that this is a somewhat unusual point of view, but it's honestly how I feel. For the record, my wife's position is that i can do anything I want with anyone I want, as long as I have enough spare time and money that it doesn't impact our home life, and my 'Honey-do' list is 100% complete... somehow, we never quite hit that point.
shadowofman Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I'm with you. Anything that makes her happy. Sounds like a very healthy outlook. No possession! Strong self-esteems! As long as everyone stays safe. Sorry to hear about her medical issues.
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I don't know whether to call this an ideal situation or to tell you that you're living an illusion. Or maybe I'm just not in the same place you are with regards to yourself and your wife ? I am not sure whether every relationship can survive this kind of situation and while you may think that way, it may not work out so nicely if things were ever to happen. Sometimes the reality is not as nice as the fantasy. Just step cautiously on the road you say you want to take. Just my two bits .. Bobby
Author Deanster Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, I'm a bit of two minds myself. The first is that it's easy to talk a big game - the reality is that other than flirting, there's no 'there' there at the moment, so it's easy for me to be 'enlightened'. The other is that I'd love to find out what REALLY happens when I finish my 'to-do' list... not that there's any immediate risk on that front. 8^)
Lyssa Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 It's a good thing that have this understanding between the both of you. Who are we - well, me at least - to judge you on what you both have decide to do in your M. As long as both of you keep it clean, you know. Think you should finish up your 'to-do' list - soon! Then you can come back and tell us what happened....
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, I'm a bit of two minds myself. The first is that it's easy to talk a big game - the reality is that other than flirting, there's no 'there' there at the moment, so it's easy for me to be 'enlightened'. The other is that I'd love to find out what REALLY happens when I finish my 'to-do' list... not that there's any immediate risk on that front. 8^) I think what I'd be more interested in finding out is what happens when YOU would invest the same amount of time and energy that this mythical OM would in making her smile and stay home content and satisfied. You said she had medical issues that prevent her from being that way with you. What's the OM going to do that you haven't or aren't willing to do?
Author Deanster Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 I think what I'd be more interested in finding out is what happens when YOU would invest the same amount of time and energy that this mythical OM would in making her smile and stay home content and satisfied. You said she had medical issues that prevent her from being that way with you. What's the OM going to do that you haven't or aren't willing to do? My post was made in a light-hearted mode - there's plenty of threads on unhappy men and women who justify, rationalize, and explain everything they've done to make their sexless marriage work at painful length. I could do that too, and explain the time and energy invested, etc. However, I find that approach boring and self-indulgent, so I'm just making more of an 'announcement' for discussion. If there's an OM who's interested, go to town, big fella! Naturally, I'm doing this on an anonymous-ish internet forum, rather than on, say, our local Craigslist, because I'm more interested in the idea, and where it fits in the 'troubled' marriage pantheon that is LS, than in courting the reality, which would be, after all, my wife's choice and privelege, should she ever choose to go that route. Naturally, I'm also projecting my desired outcome onto my wife - what I'd really like is for her to have those same feelings of 'Wish you well, just come home happy!', but that doesn't really seem to be the case. Like I said up front, this is really just a minor variation on the normal 'sexless marriage' thread - but I do find it's a point of view that gets a surprising amount of resistance from random passerby.
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