Just Made a Date

[The Joker]

LOL...I mentioned the double masters because she mentioned the Phd...see the connection? Did you point out that she mentioned the Phd? I see a bias here and I don't think it's fair and I don't think this is worth continuing because there's a bias.

 

Kamille writes like a kitten, with a big cat avatar. She does not go on offensives like you have been, education aside she offered her advice politely at first. You flipped it like you did all the others, that's why i say treat others as you wish to be. You made people turn on you, because they stated a point of view to try to analyze and help matters that did not agree with yours. You insult them in dubious ways.

 

I am not biased, i see the cards as they were played out. If you wanted to be intelligent. Why did you not post you relationship background, meaning history. There is a reason you are like this. To ante up, people would have understood. Possibly been able to help better. Either way, there's a reason behind why you wanted this attention.

 

Help has been offered, [now how could you not possibly compliment that?]

[uniqueone]

Of course...I'm not successful at dating....that's why he just sent me this......

 

 

Hi UO,

 

I enjoyed meeting you.

 

Okay, so maybe we don't make the ideal couple -- since neither of us are

married, I'm playing the odds here. :-) But I do kinda like you.

 

I think you're smart, fun, good looking and in VERY good shape. And take my word for it -- I'm also smart, fun and in good shape. You be the judge of the good-looking part ... I mean, maybe you think I look like a ferret.

 

Since I make films, you also have to assume I'm a lunatic -- it's very un-[my city].

 

If I'm not your thing, or If you think I look like a ferret -- now that you

mention it, I do kind of look like one ;-) -- that's cool, you won't bruise my male ego. It's titanium.

 

Otherwise, let's grab dinner sometime. :-) I'll give you a call.

 

X

[Krytie TV]

Of course...I'm not successful at dating....that's why he just sent me this......

 

Being successful at dating isn't just about attracting others. It's about having the ability to actually connect with others. That seems to be where you're having trouble.

[AriaIncognito]

I think the problem here might just be a difference in writing style/expression. UO knows she means one thing, and types it how she thinks it'll be conceived as fine, then gets bashed. Then someone will reply and think it's ok and get bashed back.

 

I think maybe we need to step back and realize that we are from all different parts of the world. Some might find how she phrases things as abrasive, and some might think it's fine. I admit i've read some things and thought "wow that was harsh" but when i reread it, I try to do it thinking ok if this same sentence was said in a different way, would it bother me, and actually it made more sense to me what was going on.

 

Maybe it's not and I'm insane, who knows, but it seems we could very well have a communication thing going on here :-)

 

Group hug! Smile at the bunny!

[oppath]

Maybe it's not and I'm insane, who knows, but it seems we could very well have a communication thing going on here :-)

 

Group hug! Smile at the bunny!

 

Agreed. Let's hug it out like an oatmeal addicted diabetic at a Wilfred Brimley bukkake party. Uniqueone, will you be my date? Because I'm willing to bet that would be a story that every one on LS would agree was awesome because let's face it, the best dates, even the bad ones, are ones where the story behind it can be aptly described as boss.

 

Every date I go on, I want there to be a story. As a result, no date is classified as bad. No date is disappointing. No date is boring. Every date I have: I own the entire social interaction. What Kamille says is valid...if you conclude "no way" before the date begins, you will certainly behave in subtle ways that turn off the most affable person. If someone says something with good intentions, and you feel he was just clueless and insulting, you'll probably say something that makes him backtrack and put his foot in his mouth by trying to actually be viscious schmoove.

[uniqueone]

Being successful at dating isn't just about attracting others. It's about having the ability to actually connect with others. That seems to be where you're having trouble.

 

I don't click with many of the locals due to their interests vs. my interests and their types of sense of humor. I also don't click with their body types as I prefer thinner guys.

[uniqueone]

I think the problem here might just be a difference in writing style/expression. UO knows she means one thing, and types it how she thinks it'll be conceived as fine, then gets bashed. Then someone will reply and think it's ok and get bashed back.

 

I think maybe we need to step back and realize that we are from all different parts of the world. Some might find how she phrases things as abrasive, and some might think it's fine. I admit i've read some things and thought "wow that was harsh" but when i reread it, I try to do it thinking ok if this same sentence was said in a different way, would it bother me, and actually it made more sense to me what was going on.

 

Maybe it's not and I'm insane, who knows, but it seems we could very well have a communication thing going on here :-)

 

Group hug! Smile at the bunny!

 

Thank you! You've hit the nail on the head, Ariawoman! :bunny:

[uniqueone]

Agreed. Let's hug it out like an oatmeal addicted diabetic at a Wilfred Brimley bukkake party. Uniqueone, will you be my date? Because I'm willing to bet that would be a story that every one on LS would agree was awesome because let's face it, the best dates, even the bad ones, are ones where the story behind it can be aptly described as boss.

 

Every date I go on, I want there to be a story. As a result, no date is classified as bad. No date is disappointing. No date is boring. Every date I have: I own the entire social interaction. What Kamille says is valid...if you conclude "no way" before the date begins, you will certainly behave in subtle ways that turn off the most affable person. If someone says something with good intentions, and you feel he was just clueless and insulting, you'll probably say something that makes him backtrack and put his foot in his mouth by trying to actually be viscious schmoove.

 

 

I'm well versed in the psychology behind our behavior and know it backwards, forwards and even upside down. There's nothing I'm doing subconsciously here...I'm all above surface. What you see is what you get with me.....there is no hidden meaning or falsely preconceived expectations or disappointments.

 

I've got years of experience encountering life's situations. I've got years of experience studying this, analyzing this and working on this. I am no novice fresh off the truck. You'll not find someone less unassuming than I. But you don't know me and you're going to keep assuming and I can't control that so I can only just let it go and bypass those comments.

[uniqueone]

A male friend of mine does the personals and asked me how my date went and I told him. Btw, when I laughed and mentioned the nose comment his reaction was along the lines of "what a loser!".

 

His advice was just to ignore the guy's email he sent me asking me out. He also said that if the guy called to just not answer the phone. I don't believe in that though. Sooo....I emailed the guy back and explained my reason why I'm not interested. More people should do that I think. Too many people do the brush-off (not answering the email or phone call)

 

Disclaimer: This is just a comment. This does not necessarily constitute a newsworthy post on this already non-newsworthy thread.

[latefragment]

it was good that you let the guy know instead of leaving him hanging. not enough people do that these days - they prefer to give people the ol' slip and hope nothing happens.

[uniqueone]

it was good that you let the guy know instead of leaving him hanging. not enough people do that these days - they prefer to give people the ol' slip and hope nothing happens.

 

I hate that people do that and I think there's no excuse for it especially when there's email. On the other hand, he's responded back already and I've been too chicken to read it.

[latefragment]

well, at this point you're not obligated to respond, you've already given him the answer. if you feel like clarifying with him would help, then that's ok too. he would've emailed you a second time, and/or called, regardless.

[Kamille]

I hate that people do that and I think there's no excuse for it especially when there's email. On the other hand, he's responded back already and I've been too chicken to read it.

 

 

Too chicken? I don't understand why. After all, you already know things aren't going anywhere with this guy, so how could this email distress you.

 

ps: tone is inquisitive

 

pps: oh and I would really like to understand why because I think this is another spot where our different approaches to dating might come into play.

[uniqueone]

Too chicken? I don't understand why. After all, you already know things aren't going anywhere with this guy, so how could this email distress you.

 

ps: tone is inquisitive

 

pps: oh and I would really like to understand why because I think this is another spot where our different approaches to dating might come into play.

 

 

The reason I'm too chicken is because I don't like to make anyone feel bad. I think that a lot of times that's why people just ignore the person instead of responding (only it makes the other person feel worse).

 

So I told him--- because I think that's what you SHOULD do-- but I don't want to see the effects it had. I'm not saying he's crushed or anything like that. I just think it was an awkward moment ---which is why people usually just do the disappearing act.

[oppath]

Well, it's quite possible he is just saying "thanks for letting me know. I'm disappointed, but enjoyed meeting you, and I wish you the best of luck."

[uniqueone]

Well, it's quite possible he is just saying "thanks for letting me know. I'm disappointed, but enjoyed meeting you, and I wish you the best of luck."

I'm sure he is....but it still is awkward to me.

[oppath]

What reason did you give him?

 

The only reason you should give in that situation -- because you do not know him and it is true, that his behavior will be influened by yours -- is "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't feel we are a match. I had fun though and I wish you the best; I hope you find someone."

[uniqueone]

What reason did you give him?

 

The only reason you should give in that situation -- because you do not know him and it is true, that his behavior will be influened by yours -- is "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't feel we are a match. I had fun though and I wish you the best; I hope you find someone."

 

 

I disagree with you that that's the only reason I should give.

[MR2Aaron]

I hate that people do that and I think there's no excuse for it especially when there's email. On the other hand, he's responded back already and I've been too chicken to read it.

I applaud your willingness to do that. I've only ever had that happen to me once before, and I replied to her to thank her for her honesty and wish her the best.

 

It's really [expletive deleted] obnoxious when they just randomly disappear completely - especially without even bothering to call to cancel the date you had planned.

[uniqueone]

I applaud your willingness to do that. I've only ever had that happen to me once before, and I replied to her to thank her for her honesty and wish her the best.

 

It's really [expletive deleted] obnoxious when they just randomly disappear completely - especially without even bothering to call to cancel the date you had planned.

 

Anyone who doesn't call to cancel a date planned....well....you can be thankful that you never went out with them. That is beyond rude.

 

 

One of my male friends was recently dated a woman 3x and then he apparently changed his mind about her and just stopped calling. I'm not sure what I think about that. I know his advice to me was to ignore this guys calls or emails so I'm guessing he does that to the women he meets.

 

It's a good sign that a person can't deal with confrontation and that's a indicator about how they'd be in a relationship as well. In other words, in a relationship, they'd probably avoid or run away whenever there was any type of problem or tension.

[oppath]

I disagree with you that that's the only reason I should give.

Really? You only met this man once. It seems to me the mature thing to conclude is that you just aren't right for each other as long as he didn't treat you with disrespect, because no matter what your reasons are, they are really just excuses, aren't they, to rationalize the fact that you don't really click. The only thing I can think of is the nose comment -- unless you told him "I think you are boring" which is quite mean -- and he surely did not mean to insult you by his comment. As numerous posters have said, his intentions were to compliment you. I've had women backhandedly insult me before on dates, and I haven't wanted to see them again, but I suppose I don't see the point in mudslinging their social behavior back at them for something they found unintentional, when we did not have a relationship.

 

But you handled it well telling him, as long as you didn't say anything that he could contrue as hurtful.

[uniqueone]

Really? You only met this man once. It seems to me the mature thing to conclude is that you just aren't right for each other as long as he didn't treat you with disrespect, because no matter what your reasons are, they are really just excuses, aren't they, to rationalize the fact that you don't really click. The only thing I can think of is the nose comment -- unless you told him "I think you are boring" which is quite mean -- and he surely did not mean to insult you by his comment. As numerous posters have said, his intentions were to compliment you. I've had women backhandedly insult me before on dates, and I haven't wanted to see them again, but I suppose I don't see the point in mudslinging their social behavior back at them for something they found unintentional, when we did not have a relationship.

 

But you handled it well telling him, as long as you didn't say anything that he could contrue as hurtful.

 

I just thought that the type of reply you suggested was too generic "one-size-fits-all". In my opinion, if you're going to respond with something generic, why bother to respond at all? I just told him that I didn't think the conversation went too smoothly and that he hadn't really wanted to talk much beforehand which I am used to and it didn't give the opportunity to build up any rapport. (something to this effect...worded much better, however)

 

 

As for his intentions being to compliment me....hmmmm.....he's got a lot to learn on that one. I don't know too many people who think of the phrase "you have a big nose too" as very complimentary.

[Timberlane]

 

One of my male friends was recently dated a woman 3x and then he apparently changed his mind about her and just stopped calling. I'm not sure what I think about that.

 

There is obviously a little girl, a dog, a scarecrow, and a tin man wandering around without their missing friend. That recently happened to me twice. The first girl I forgave, since her life is rather chaotic now and we did have a good time together. The second was from a woman who is ambitious, with it, and I had hoped would have had more backbone. Apparently not.

[uniqueone]

There is obviously a little girl, a dog, a scarecrow, and a tin man wandering around without their missing friend. That recently happened to me twice. The first girl I forgave, since her life is rather chaotic now and we did have a good time together. The second was from a woman who is ambitious, with it, and I had hoped would have had more backbone. Apparently not.

 

 

I told him today that I responded to the guy and he was surprised. He said 'good for you' though. Maybe he wishes he had the guts to do it himself. [shrugs]

[Kamille]

Ah ok! I understand about the awkwardness. Telling someone you don't like them as much as they like you is always awkward.

 

I thought you were afraid of what he could be saying in the email, which in no way could ever take away that feeling of awkwardness. So what does he say?