Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Who says I'm having difficulty???? They want to date me. Is that difficulty. I dont think so. Well you're certainly not enjoying dating.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Well, I went to edit my post but didn't get in before another one was posted so..... Stargazer, if having guys want to go out with me ...repeatedly....including those who send me flowers.....is "having difficulty dating" then that's a new one on me.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 I'm sorry, but my friends and I call each other hun, honey and sweetheart all the time. So, I actually meant it because, and you're likely going to hate this, I actually find you endearing. I know, how awful that a 30 something women's studies phD student from the middle of nowhere dares find you, Uniqueone, endearing. Who the hell does this Kamille think she is, anyway? I guess in your circles hun is a condescending word. Please accept my sincere apology for what is nothing but a cultural misunderstanding. Is there any chance in the future that you might want to read my post without wanting to shred me to pieces? Perhaps try and take into account a little bit of what I have to say? (Despite the bad grammar and choice of words because English is my second language.) Yes, I did read what you said.......this forty something, double masters degreed, minor in Psych woman DID in fact read it all, despite the "hun" and another similar word you used.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Well you're certainly not enjoying dating. I think enjoying dating involves finding those that you click with. That aspect of it cannot be manufactured unfortunately. That is something it seems that you are failing to understand.
The Joker Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Your heart will always lose this race. When you cut off your nose, To spite your face.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Who says I'm having difficulty???? They want to date me. Is that difficulty. I dont think so. Stargazer, if having guys want to go out with me ...repeatedly....including those who send me flowers.....is "having difficulty dating" then that's a new one on me. Simply because you have men asking you out and sending you flowers does not mean you're successful when it comes to dating and finding a loving relationship and enjoying yourself while doing it. You're obviously having trouble in that regard, aren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be here to b*tch and moan about all of these purportedly lousy men and lousy dates... Well you're certainly not enjoying dating. Exactly. Nevertheless, I'm still waiting on the day that you respond to the words we write to you and not the tone you infer into our messages (projection?).
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Yes, I did read what you said.......this forty something, double masters degreed, minor in Psych woman DID in fact read it all, despite the "hun" and another similar word you used. If you can't even be kind to Kamille after the great lengths she's gone to in the efforts to assure you of her best intentions, well then... God help you.
Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I think enjoying dating involves finding those that you click with. That aspect of it cannot be manufactured unfortunately. That is something it seems that you are failing to understand. What I think you fail to understand is that it takes two to tango. I have a double masters too, one of them in sociolinguistics, where I learned that communication is always a co-construction. People constantly adjust their attitudes and behavior according to what they want to acheive in an interaction, also according to their goals in the interaction. It seems to me that you choose to not be interested in these men as a way to maintain control of the situation. It puts you in a position of power in the interaction. They have to meet your goals, with you putting a minimum amount of effort into actually giving them a hand in making the date go well. Imagine the reverse scenario. You actually have a date, show up and realize within seconds that the person standing in front of you is someone you most definitely want to get to know better. This man, however, questions your intentions immediately (or perhaps before even meeting you), twists a compliment around so that it sounds insulting and ignores your attempts at humor. Would you think he is giving you a fair chance?
The Joker Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Simply because you have men asking you out and sending you flowers does not mean you're successful when it comes to dating and finding a loving relationship and enjoying yourself while doing it. You're obviously having trouble in that regard, aren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be here to b*tch and moan about all of these purportedly lousy men and lousy dates... Good point. If all that dating = playing 52 pick up without the jokers, hmmmm. Where's all the success stories then?
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 If you can't even be kind to Kamille after the great lengths she's gone to in the efforts to assure you of her best intentions, well then... God help you. Thanks Jesus. Btw, I wasn't being mean to Kamille at all. Note the smiley next time, SG.
Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 People constantly adjust their attitudes and behavior according to what they want to acheive in an interaction, also according to their goals in the interaction. What I meant to say is that : People constantly adjust their attitudes and behavior according to what they want to acheive in an interaction, also according to their perception of their partner's responses.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 What I think you fail to understand is that it takes two to tango. I have a double masters too, one of them in sociolinguistics, where I learned that communication is always a co-construction. People constantly adjust their attitudes and behavior according to what they want to acheive in an interaction, also according to their goals in the interaction. It seems to me that you choose to not be interested in these men as a way to maintain control of the situation. It puts you in a position of power in the interaction. They have to meet your goals, with you putting a minimum amount of effort into actually giving them a hand in making the date go well. Imagine the reverse scenario. You actually have a date, show up and realize within seconds that the person standing in front of you is someone you most definitely want to get to know better. This man, however, questions your intentions immediately (or perhaps before even meeting you), twists a compliment around so that it sounds insulting and ignores your attempts at humor. Would you think he is giving you a fair chance? Ok...I meet a guy....I'm not attracted. I don't want him to touch me. I'm sure you've had that feeling, haven't you? It's called physical attraction. There have been guys that I've met that I like. I DO have dates go well. I DO have guys tell me what a delight I am to be with. There's no sex involved. They don't try to get me into bed. They're not just telling me that. I'm sorry to disappoint you but there ARE plenty of guys who like me and we've had a good time.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Ok...I meet a guy....I'm not attracted. I don't want him to touch me. I'm sure you've had that feeling, haven't you? It's called physical attraction. There have been guys that I've met that I like. I DO have dates go well. I DO have guys tell me what a delight I am to be with. There's no sex involved. They don't try to get me into bed. They're not just telling me that. I'm sorry to disappoint you but there ARE plenty of guys who like me and we've had a good time. You're missing her entire point. Say you meet a guy YOU really like, and he treats you the way YOU treated "Mr. Gwen Stefani" (i.e., had a wall up and refused to give you a fair chance)... wouldn't that SUCK?
Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Ok...I meet a guy....I'm not attracted. I don't want him to touch me. I'm sure you've had that feeling, haven't you? It's called physical attraction. There have been guys that I've met that I like. I DO have dates go well. I DO have guys tell me what a delight I am to be with. There's no sex involved. They don't try to get me into bed. They're not just telling me that. I'm sorry to disappoint you but there ARE plenty of guys who like me and we've had a good time. Why would you think that would disapoint me? I'm happy to hear it! It is, however, the first time that I do hear it. And you have been posting regularly about bad dates and men who annoy you. But it does make sense. It would explain why you keep dating in spite of the bad dates which is a connundrum I haven't been ready to solve. So the situation is not so dire then. There are some quality men out there.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Thanks Jesus. Btw, I wasn't being mean to Kamille at all. Note the smiley next time, SG. You're being a smart a$$ and refusing to listen to her constructive, and very thoughtful, advice. You're just shooting it down without giving it a fair chance, just like you do with everyone else - on LS or romantically IRL. Forget the question, "Why are you dating?" How about "Why are you posting about this on LS? What is your objective?"
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 You're missing her entire point. Say you meet a guy YOU really like, and he treats you the way YOU treated "Mr. Gwen Stefani" (i.e., had a wall up and refused to give you a fair chance)... wouldn't that SUCK? If he wasn't physically attracted to me the minute he saw me, I wouldn't expect him to like me further. And I didn't treat Mr Gwen Stefani badly at all. That is silly to say that I should have acted like I liked him when I wasn't attracted to him. That is just so ridiculous. I'm sensing a double standard.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I'm sensing a double standard. You throw that at everyone with whom you disagree. Why is that? And what double standard could you possibly be referring to???
Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 If he wasn't physically attracted to me the minute he saw me, I wouldn't expect him to like me further. And I didn't treat Mr Gwen Stefani badly at all. That is silly to say that I should have acted like I liked him when I wasn't attracted to him. That is just so ridiculous. I'm sensing a double standard. This is where we differ. I went out on a date with a man I wasn't attracted to and I still had a great time on the date and really liked him as a friend. Why would not being attracted to someone equal not liking them? Or do you just mean, not liking them that way?
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 You're being a smart a$$ and refusing to listen to her constructive, and very thoughtful, advice. You're just shooting it down without giving it a fair chance, just like you do with everyone else - on LS or romantically IRL. Forget the question, "Why are you dating?" How about "Why are you posting about this on LS? What is your objective?" I'm actually not shooting down Kamille at all. She sounds reasonable and l answer her posts fittingly. I don't find yours of late that way and I don't won't respond to them.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 This is where we differ. I went out on a date with a man I wasn't attracted to and I still had a great time on the date and really liked him as a friend. Why would not being attracted to someone equal not liking them? Or do you just mean, not liking them that way? First it meant not liking them THAT way. That was definate. I knew I didn't like him THAT way. Now usually I could be friends with a guy I meet whom I am not attracted to, BUT if you recall, with him I said that the conversation was EXTREMELY lacking. Very dull and I kept having to find things to say. We don't find everyone to be a good friend fit, do we? I HAVE met several male friends through personals. That's because we clicked personality wise. He and I did not. Does that make sense to you? Why is this so difficult to understand? Why am I having to argue this point? Also, here's another thing to keep in mind....some people like another person just to have company. They make friends with people because they don't like to be alone. Then there are other people....and I'm one of them. I would rather be alone.....or with someone I really click with...one or the other. If you're the former, you won't understand my type. You just won't.
The Joker Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 The OP is like a child whom has suffered abuse for years, just because you have suffered the same abuse in your relationships and project that in the future. You poison your own future. Double masters or not, you are not above everyone else here. If so, show me the wings on your back or your blackened heart. Either way you will be getting further by learning to accept constructive criticism from all these people, and come clean with the ghosts of your past. Either way, these people from the get go helped you. Should you choose to believe it or not. I suggest learning some tolerance and empathy, judge others as you wish to be. Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 Also, here's another thing to keep in mind....some people like another person just to have company. They make friends with people because they don't like to be alone. Then there are other people....and I'm one of them. I would rather be alone.....or with someone I really click with...one or the other. If you're the former, you won't understand my type. You just won't. I tend to be the same way. I have a few good, close friends and tons of friends I will do certain activities with. Those friends I rarely spend a lot of time around socializing. The warmth, intimacy, and vitality of the conversations we have just ultimately isn't satisfying. I would rather just go see a close friend and have a full plate of options for the conversation instead of a limited choice of fairly innocuous small talk.
Kamille Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 First it meant not liking them THAT way. That was definate. I knew I didn't like him THAT way. Now usually I could be friends with a guy I meet whom I am not attracted to, BUT if you recall, with him I said that the conversation was EXTREMELY lacking. Very dull and I kept having to find things to say. We don't find everyone to be a good friend fit, do we? I HAVE met several male friends through personals. That's because we clicked personality wise. He and I did not. Does that make sense to you? Why is this so difficult to understand? Why am I having to argue this point? Also, here's another thing to keep in mind....some people like another person just to have company. They make friends with people because they don't like to be alone. Then there are other people....and I'm one of them. I would rather be alone.....or with someone I really click with...one or the other. If you're the former, you won't understand my type. You just won't. I wasn't arguing. I was just pointing out a difference on how we approach dating. What you say does make sense. I have a lot of friends and therefore never really feel alone, even while I often feel the need to be alone. But perhaps you are right, and our types are simply incommensurable.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 The OP is like a child whom has suffered abuse for years, just because you have suffered the same abuse in your relationships and project that in the future. You poison your own future. Double masters or not, you are not above everyone else here. If so, show me the wings on your back or your blackened heart. Either way you will be getting further by learning to accept constructive criticism from all these people, and come clean with the ghosts of your past. Either way, these people from the get go helped you. Should you choose to believe it or not. I suggest learning some tolerance and empathy, judge others as you wish to be. Treat others as you wish to be treated. LOL...I mentioned the double masters because she mentioned the Phd...see the connection? Did you point out that she mentioned the Phd? I see a bias here and I don't think it's fair and I don't think this is worth continuing because there's a bias.
Author uniqueone Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 I wasn't arguing. I was just pointing out a difference on how we approach dating. What you say does make sense. I have a lot of friends and therefore never really feel alone, even while I often feel the need to be alone. But perhaps you are right, and our types are simply incommensurable. I'm glad you see it. I'm done with this. I'm tired of the judgements of others and the attacking nature of it.
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