Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 You sound perfect to me -faultless. Your self-promotion says (mostly indirectly) " I am charrning, witty, successful ,intelligent ,attractive and a great catch " I cannot imagine why you have not been snapped up . Hmmmm ! Where are the buyers ? That phrase reminded me of something.....a guy the other day told me that he can't believe I haven't been "snatched up" already. I told him that's because it takes two. In other words, no one can just "snatch" me up. I have my own mind and I am part of that decision process. I'm not some girl waiting around to be "taken". I make part of the decision of whether or not to partake in a relationship. So, when you made that comment like you just did JA, it tells me a lot about how you think about women...that they're just sitting ducks waiting to be plucked by the first man that notices them. Weel, not THIS woman. I think maybe you ought to rethink that "snatched up" mentality because it's as out of date as the dowry. Oh...and btw.....for the record...I had another "taker" (as you put it) tonight......
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 you know I don't know why everyone is jumping all over uniqueone. she's allowed to be picky. she's jokingly making fun of the guys who are emailing her. she's had some lame suitors. WHATEVER! i don't think she's bitter, she is making fun of these guys. just my 2 cents. Thank you....thank you....thank you....... It is sooooo nice when I come across someone who understands. And as a segueway, this is similar to how I feel about the guys I meet.....what I mean by that, is how nice it is to meet someone that I click with. This is the same exact feeling. Let's say most of the guys I meet are like several of the posters on this thread...I'm not exactly clicking with them. And then I meet a guy who "gets" me such as a poster who "gets" me (such as you LF) and it is such an incredible feeling. So whether it's dating or just posting on LS, being understood or having someone who "gets" me is really what I look for. by the way uniqueone there are trails near where i live too and i love going after work. but there are no cyclists (thank goodness) and it's mostly people with dogs, and i hardly ever see anyone on them. i love it. but i do have some activities/hobbies where i get to meet people, so i like the trails - they are my alone time. Wow...that is so cool that you go too. Are you a walker, runner, or what?
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 So does anyone want to hear about my **** date?
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 He was coming from pretty far away and got stuck in traffic so the time kept getting later but that was ok because I drove around and did some errands while he was stuck. He kept calling me with updates on where he was though. So he shows up at the restaurant bar and I knew right away I wasnt attracted. I really hate that feeling because then I just feel like leaving. It's different if you've had a lot of rappoire with the person beforehand and you know you at least click otherwise but he was not the type to really call or write so this was more blind date-ish. So we talked with me getting the conversation going. I asked about his personals experiences and he told me some and I told him some. Stuff like that. He told me that I looked just like my pictures online. He wondered though why I put on my ad that my hair was brown when it's blonde. I said that I recently changed it on my ad from "blonde" to "light brown" because I'd darkened my hair a little bit. He said it was blonde to him then joked that maybe it wasn't platinum blonde like Gwen Stefani's though...but that I looked like her. "I look like Gwen Stefani", I asked??? "I don't look like Gwen Stefani!" (and don't want to, btw) He said: "Yes you do.". I said "She's got a big mouth and I don't." I said: "Maybe her eyes are similar to mine but that's about it." He said "Her eyes and nose then." I said "She's got a big nose!" Then he said "Well so do you." Ok....here's where I'm saying to myself (while still smiling btw)....."Why did you go out Uniquone? WHY?" I sort of gave him this joking look like "Whatever" and he said "Turn to the side" and so I did and he said "No your's is smaller than hers." Now, mind you, I'm being very calm and cool throughout all of this but inside I'm looking for the door. I excused myself to the restroom and I noticed I'd been talking to him for an hour. After I got back to the table, I said that since we met later than I thought we would be, I had to get going because I needed to be somewhere (in other words, I had to cut it short due to the fact that we got started so late and i had planned something at this other time....and oops..it was already that time.....) He asked me if I played tennis and I answered those questions. Then he said that he thinks we should do something again sometime. I just muttered: "Uh-huh". Then we left and I was parked in an entirely different area than he was so we just left each other at the door. He looked like he was going to attempt a hug but I had my hands in my coat pockets and I think my feet were already walking themselves to the car by that point..... Gee....now I remembered why I stopped going out. Oh yeah....you end up feeling WORSE afterwards! And now I'm missing the guy that Ive been trying to forget even more. :-( (btw, why do we have a frickin bunny "smiley" but no "sad" smiley???? )
latefragment Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 uniqueone ... yeah, i walk the trails (used to run but they are too rocky and i don't want to re-sprain my ankle) but enjoy running on paved roads. i do a variety of outdoor sports, though, but running/walking is my staple (easy to do after work, and so relaxing). i'm sorry about your crappy date. i know the feeling - the moment you lay eyes on the guy (who looked cute int he picture) you're like, oh no. i did that once, we had pleasant conversation for 2 hours (he was really a pleasant guy, i just didn't feel the attraction) and then i had my hands in my pockets, and blocked him off by getting into my car while he was standing on the other side of my car (that way he couldn't give me a hug) and said goodbye in a warm but not misleading way. i felt bad for him. but i didn't want to hug him. actually he suggested getting dinner and drinks and because i didn't want him to feel like he wasted money on me (i was going to insist on paying my share but didn't want to risk it in case he got to the waiter before me or somethign like that) i suggested we grab a slice of pizza and soda instead and just have a casual chat. that way, even though i tried to pay for my slice and he wouldn't let me, he didn't feel that bad when i eventually turned him down for a second date. i can't believe this guy commented on your nose like that, but maybe he was nervous and/or trying to be funny. still lame, but... (usually i'm just happy if the guy doesn't hurt my feelings, like MOST guys i've met and liked have done).
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 uniqueone ... yeah, i walk the trails (used to run but they are too rocky and i don't want to re-sprain my ankle) but enjoy running on paved roads. i do a variety of outdoor sports, though, but running/walking is my staple (easy to do after work, and so relaxing). i'm sorry about your crappy date. i know the feeling - the moment you lay eyes on the guy (who looked cute int he picture) you're like, oh no. i did that once, we had pleasant conversation for 2 hours (he was really a pleasant guy, i just didn't feel the attraction) and then i had my hands in my pockets, and blocked him off by getting into my car while he was standing on the other side of my car (that way he couldn't give me a hug) and said goodbye in a warm but not misleading way. i felt bad for him. but i didn't want to hug him. actually he suggested getting dinner and drinks and because i didn't want him to feel like he wasted money on me (i was going to insist on paying my share but didn't want to risk it in case he got to the waiter before me or somethign like that) i suggested we grab a slice of pizza and soda instead and just have a casual chat. that way, even though i tried to pay for my slice and he wouldn't let me, he didn't feel that bad when i eventually turned him down for a second date. i can't believe this guy commented on your nose like that, but maybe he was nervous and/or trying to be funny. still lame, but... (usually i'm just happy if the guy doesn't hurt my feelings, like MOST guys i've met and liked have done). Since he was interested, I'm sure he didn't mean anything from the nose comment but it just wasn't what I needed to hear and after he said it, my thoughts were "I want to get out of here." Btw, he mentioned to me last night that one of his pictures on his ad was recent, one was a few years old and one was 10 years old. He said the one that was 10 years old was the one that was far away (he was on his bike) but still...why would you bother to put it then? And yet he said (in our conversation about the personals) how a lot of women don't use recent pictures on their ads.
Kamille Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm sorry your date didn't go so well - and yet I fail to see the drama in it. So you want out and he wasn't your type! So what? In those situations I usually relax more, go with the flow and refuse another date with them. Unique, I apologize for my next comment because I know it puts you in position where defending yourself is nearly inconceivable. Here it is: It seems to me that you get defensive very rapidly, here on your threads and out on your dates. I read the description of your date, your immediate decision that it wasn't go anywhere, you cornering him on the Gwen Stefani comment (how was he supposed to know you didn't like her??) and thought to myself: she's a fortress! You keep people out. You keep us out, you won't allow yourself to relax on what is but a coffee date with a guy you have no obligation to ever see ever again, you seem to distrust men. Please, for a few moments, allow for the possibility that my comment about defensiveness it true and tell me - if we were to admit to the possibility that you do get rather defensive, what do you think could be causing it?
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 I'm sorry your date didn't go so well - and yet I fail to see the drama in it. So you want out and he wasn't your type! So what? In those situations I usually relax more, go with the flow and refuse another date with them. There was no drama Kamille. Unique, I apologize for my next comment because I know it puts you in position where defending yourself is nearly inconceivable. Here it is: It seems to me that you get defensive very rapidly, here on your threads and out on your dates. I read the description of your date, your immediate decision that it wasn't go anywhere, you cornering him on the Gwen Stefani comment (how was he supposed to know you didn't like her??) It has nothing to do with whether on not I like her. She has a largish nose. How would you like if a guy said you looked just like Bette Midler? Rosy O'Donnell? and thought to myself: she's a fortress! You keep people out. You keep us out, you won't allow yourself to relax on what is but a coffee date with a guy you have no obligation to ever see ever again, you seem to distrust men. I was pretty relaxed. Did you not see the 'calm and cool' comment that I made in my post? Please, for a few moments, allow for the possibility that my comment about defensiveness it true and tell me - if we were to admit to the possibility that you do get rather defensive, what do you think could be causing it? I don't think that stating my opinion is being defensive. Just because I might have an opposing opinion, doesn't make it defensiveness. If YOU interpret that as defensiveness, however, then that tells me that YOU cannot handle opposing views from your own.
Kamille Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 There was no drama Kamille. No drama, really? Yet you just couldn't say, ah it was just a date: and I quote. Gee....now I remembered why I stopped going out. Oh yeah....you end up feeling WORSE afterwards! And now I'm missing the guy that Ive been trying to forget even more. :-( It has nothing to do with whether on not I like her. She has a largish nose. How would you like if a guy said you looked just like Bette Midler? Rosy O'Donnell? Bahahaha. Yeah, Gwen Stefani and Bette Midler, one and the same. I was pretty relaxed. Did you not see the 'calm and cool' comment that I made in my post? My relax comment has to do with the fact that it sounds like from the minute you decided you weren't interested, you put him in the impossible position of having to prove himself. That is not relaxing and enjoying the moment. I don't think that stating my opinion is being defensive. Just because I might have an opposing opinion, doesn't make it defensiveness. If YOU interpret that as defensiveness, however, then that tells me that YOU cannot handle opposing views from your own. Ah Honey, enough with the "this tell me this about you" crap you've been trying to get away with. Seriously. I have no issues with conflict and I state my opinion whenever I want to. You, darling, get defensive and try to bring the people who try to help you down. You are strongheaded, a quality I admire, but I am not here to win an argument. I am here because I see some patterns in your threads and I am trying to help. Every time I read your threads I wonder what the hell you're afraid of. It sounds to me like an issue about strenght. You invest a lot in being a strong independant woman, which might mean that you're afraid to show weakness and vulnerability. I won't pull psycho babble and tell you it also likely means that if you spend so much time trying to be strong it's because a side of you feels very vulnerable. oops, I guess I just psychobabbled.
Author uniqueone Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 No drama, really? Yet you just couldn't say, ah it was just a date: and I quote. Gee....now I remembered why I stopped going out. Oh yeah....you end up feeling WORSE afterwards! And now I'm missing the guy that Ive been trying to forget even more. :-( So it made me miss the other guy even more and that's drama to you? I could show you plenty of other threads where this has occurred to others who have been trying to get over someone, Kamille. This is news to you? This happens to a lot of people but I see you choose to call it "drama" when I talk about it happening to me. That's "interesting"........ Bahahaha. Yeah, Gwen Stefani and Bette Midler, one and the same. That didn't answer the question. My relax comment has to do with the fact that it sounds like from the minute you decided you weren't interested, you put him in the impossible position of having to prove himself. That is not relaxing and enjoying the moment. As others here have said, people can tell right away if they arent' attracted to someone. I don't see how he had to prove anything to me after that. I really didn't care what he proved or didn't. I just wasn't interested. Does everyone actually interest you? Ah Honey, enough with the "this tell me this about you" crap you've been trying to get away with. Seriously. I have no issues with conflict and I state my opinion whenever I want to. You, darling, get defensive and try to bring the people who try to help you down. You are strongheaded, a quality I admire, but I am not here to win an argument. I am here because I see some patterns in your threads and I am trying to help. So you don't like the comments when they're directed towards you then. Every time I read your threads I wonder what the hell you're afraid of. It sounds to me like an issue about strenght. You invest a lot in being a strong independant woman, which might mean that you're afraid to show weakness and vulnerability. I won't pull psycho babble and tell you it also likely means that if you spend so much time trying to be strong it's because a side of you feels very vulnerable. oops, I guess I just psychobabbled. Hey hun....I can out-psycho-babble you if you want to go that route.......and I can start diagnosing too, even quoting the DSM-IV, if you'd like, so you might not want to go in that direction. Aside from that, I have no clue where you're getting that I'm "afraid". I didn't like a guy and that makes me afraid? Wow.
shadowplay Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Gwen Stefani is very attractive...I don't understand why you'd be offended by the comparison. This just tells the guy that you're insecure.
Ariadne Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Well, I've known uniqueone for 4 years. Talk about "difficult," handle with care. Let's see this: ------------ ~ He wondered though why I put on my ad that my hair was brown when it's blonde. (she "is" blonde, according to the pic she posted here. Yes, yes, she has naturally brown hair but she's changed the style) ~ I said that I recently changed it on my ad from "blonde" to "light brown" because I'd darkened my hair a little bit. (ok, now the guy is all confused, he can't really tell the difference) ~ He said it was blonde to him then joked that maybe it wasn't platinum blonde like Gwen Stefani's though... (notices he is getting in some deep trouble waters and desperately attemps at salvaging it by explaining he meant) ~ but that I looked like her. (meant as a compliment, calm down please) ~ "I look like Gwen Stefani", I asked??? "I don't look like Gwen Stefani!" (and don't want to, btw) (drama, drama, drama, the same drama of the past 4 years) ~ He said: "Yes you do.". (guys is like, what do I say now?! well, I'll tell her it's my opinion or some) ~ I said "She's got a big mouth and I don't." I said: "Maybe her eyes are similar to mine but that's about it." (now uniqueone goes into analyzing every feature of the singer which was not the intent of the guy, it was just a compliment) ~ He said "Her eyes and nose then." (guy tries to salvage it by finding some "other" face stuff that wasn't mentioned, at this point he has no idea what to say) ~ I said "She's got a big nose!" (uniqueone is very insulted because she had a nose job, at the same time the guy has no idea of what Gwen Stefani's nose looks like) ~ Then he said "Well so do you." (he is getting upset and becoming defensive himself at this point) ~ Ok....here's where I'm saying to myself (while still smiling btw)....."Why did you go out Uniquone? WHY?" (she gives the fake smile and wonders why she's there, at the same time guy wonders why on earth he made that drive to be with this...lady) ~ I sort of gave him this joking look like "Whatever" (yeah, she's terribly "offended" and giving the attitude about some stupid junk) ~ and he said "Turn to the side" and so I did and he said "No your's is smaller than hers." (poor guy, just poor guy) ---------- On the other hand, besides the pain in the as problem... there actually "are" some good things about uniqueone, not all is lost. She is pretty funny when she wants to, and she's not completely stupid. I'd say she go for some older guy that appreciates some trophy wife (she's good looking, too) and that knows how to "handle with care." Not sure uniqueone will go for that though. Ariadne
AriaIncognito Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Uniqueone, I really think you need to let go of your "list" and meet these men. Seriously. I read an article in O Magazine I think about how a woman had actually passed over the love of her life on a dating site. Basically, she met this man in real life under non-online dating circumstances (I believe they were members of the same running group or something), and they quickly fell in love. In person, she found him charming, funny, attractive, intelligent, etc. Months later, he mentioned to her that he found it weird that she was interested in him as a member of the running group, but never responded to his initial email. She was shocked. She thought, "There's no way I wouldn't have responded to YOU!!!" He assured her that she had in fact read his message to her, but never responded. He then went to the computer and showed her his now-private profile to remind her. What she saw online was NOT what she saw in person. In his profile he appeared dorky, had grammar problems, she didn't like his job, seemed boring, etc. But he was anything but those things in person. She remembered his dorky email to her, and remembered quickly dismissing him. Had she not had a twist-of-fate situation to bring them together otherwise, she would have missed out on the love of her life. What I'm saying is, in the same way that soooooo many people appear awesome online and fail the in-person test, many people are soooooo much better IN PERSON than on the computer. My new BF is the same way. We met through a mutual friend, but I had seen his MySpace page before. His online persona is completely different from the loveable, charming, intelligent, kind man that he is in REAL LIFE. Dating really is a numbers game, and you really can't know a damn thing about a person from a profile. Give them a shot. Wow Star Gazer, thanks for sharing that story. It just goes to show you that you can't judge a book by it's cover. I guess the problem here is, first impressions do indeed mean something, whether they are online or in real life. If you happen to have 2 differing "first impressions" you get to see the dilemna. However given that so many people are meeting "online" that online first impression does mean something. You do have to wonder why people dont put more thought into the profiles that are giving their "first impressions" but on the other hand, you have a point that you shouldn't necessarily just discount them off the bat from it because online and real life have proven time and time again to be two VERY different animals. I've had men who I get along with famously online who in person turns out there's nothing.
AriaIncognito Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm sorry your date didn't go so well - and yet I fail to see the drama in it. So you want out and he wasn't your type! So what? In those situations I usually relax more, go with the flow and refuse another date with them. Unique, I apologize for my next comment because I know it puts you in position where defending yourself is nearly inconceivable. Here it is: It seems to me that you get defensive very rapidly, here on your threads and out on your dates. I read the description of your date, your immediate decision that it wasn't go anywhere, you cornering him on the Gwen Stefani comment (how was he supposed to know you didn't like her??) and thought to myself: she's a fortress! You keep people out. You keep us out, you won't allow yourself to relax on what is but a coffee date with a guy you have no obligation to ever see ever again, you seem to distrust men. Please, for a few moments, allow for the possibility that my comment about defensiveness it true and tell me - if we were to admit to the possibility that you do get rather defensive, what do you think could be causing it? I have to say I'm in agreement with you Kamille. When I read about her getting so defensive about the Gwen thing I thought to myself, wow, why get so bent out of shape over something so trivial? Maybe he thinks Gwen is gorgeous and was likening you to her because to him, that was a good thing. It seems like he tried hard and you just kept shooting him down. I understand that you didn't feel the attraction, but why not just use the date as practice for future dates instead of just seemingly attacking the guy for something so trivial? I dont know, maybe I'm missing the point here, but it seems to me maybe you're just not ready to date, if a comment about Gwen Stefani threw you over the edge. Personally, I'd take it as a compliment and move on, regardless of whether or not i find her attractive. I highly doubt he was saying it to mean "wow, i find you as unattractive as i find gwen!"
Ariadne Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Hey, "wow, i find you as unattractive as i find gwen!" Yes, I find you as unattractive as Gwen Stefani and you have a big nose. Ariadne
Jack Africa Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 . You invest a lot in being a strong independant woman, which might mean that you're afraid to show weakness and vulnerability. I won't pull psycho babble and tell you it also likely means that if you spend so much time trying to be strong it's because a side of you feels very vulnerable. Bingo ! THis whole thread is also flagrant ATTENTION SEEKING by UO but masquerading as 'difficulties dating men'..
AriaIncognito Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Hey, "wow, i find you as unattractive as i find gwen!" Yes, I find you as unattractive as Gwen Stefani and you have a big nose. Ariadne You're referring to me here? Not sure I get it.
Ariadne Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Hi, You're referring to me here? Not sure I get it. No. Ariadne
oppath Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I want Gwen Stefani to have my babies!!!! I mean, I wouldn't tell an Asian woman she looked like Lucy Lu, I can see an insult there due to the model minority and other Asian American stereotypes, but Gwen Stefani? If he mentioned it, he was saying "I think you are pretty, you remind me of this woman who I feel is pretty." He was saying he found you physically attractive. The way I see it, you were ambivalent about this date to begin with. Why make a date if your attitude is going to be "eeek, why am I dating? Why did I accept this?" If that is your attitude, of course the date is going to be meh for you. It sounds like you were ambivalent about the date to begin with, and as soon as you met him your were trying to justify that ambivalence. You were trying to find reasons why this guy was a waste of your time. I see nothing about this date for it to be a negative experience. If you weren't a match, you weren't a match, but why can't you walk away saying "he's not the one for me, but all in all, it was a positive experience." Almost all dates I go on are POSITIVE experiences because I go on them with the attitude...it's fun meeting new people and having conversation, and tonight is going to be enjoyable. I am going to enjoy this experience and look for enjoyable things about this person. You went into this date thinking "EEEK, a date. I don't think I want to go. I'm sure it is going to be disappointing." It's no surprise your dates are disappointing if you prophecize they may not go well and if you take a NEUTRAL evening and spin it so it was a horrible waste of your time.
Author uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 Well, I've known uniqueone for 4 years. Talk about "difficult," handle with care. Let's see this: ------------ ~ He wondered though why I put on my ad that my hair was brown when it's blonde. (she "is" blonde, according to the pic she posted here. Yes, yes, she has naturally brown hair but she's changed the style) ~ I said that I recently changed it on my ad from "blonde" to "light brown" because I'd darkened my hair a little bit. (ok, now the guy is all confused, he can't really tell the difference) ~ He said it was blonde to him then joked that maybe it wasn't platinum blonde like Gwen Stefani's though... (notices he is getting in some deep trouble waters and desperately attemps at salvaging it by explaining he meant) ~ but that I looked like her. (meant as a compliment, calm down please) ~ "I look like Gwen Stefani", I asked??? "I don't look like Gwen Stefani!" (and don't want to, btw) (drama, drama, drama, the same drama of the past 4 years) ~ He said: "Yes you do.". (guys is like, what do I say now?! well, I'll tell her it's my opinion or some) ~ I said "She's got a big mouth and I don't." I said: "Maybe her eyes are similar to mine but that's about it." (now uniqueone goes into analyzing every feature of the singer which was not the intent of the guy, it was just a compliment) ~ He said "Her eyes and nose then." (guy tries to salvage it by finding some "other" face stuff that wasn't mentioned, at this point he has no idea what to say) ~ I said "She's got a big nose!" (uniqueone is very insulted because she had a nose job, at the same time the guy has no idea of what Gwen Stefani's nose looks like) ~ Then he said "Well so do you." (he is getting upset and becoming defensive himself at this point) ~ Ok....here's where I'm saying to myself (while still smiling btw)....."Why did you go out Uniquone? WHY?" (she gives the fake smile and wonders why she's there, at the same time guy wonders why on earth he made that drive to be with this...lady) ~ I sort of gave him this joking look like "Whatever" (yeah, she's terribly "offended" and giving the attitude about some stupid junk) ~ and he said "Turn to the side" and so I did and he said "No your's is smaller than hers." (poor guy, just poor guy) ---------- On the other hand, besides the pain in the as problem... there actually "are" some good things about uniqueone, not all is lost. She is pretty funny when she wants to, and she's not completely stupid. I'd say she go for some older guy that appreciates some trophy wife (she's good looking, too) and that knows how to "handle with care." Not sure uniqueone will go for that though. Ariadne I'm really going to ignore this Ariadne. First, you've never known me. Secondly, I've seen a LOT of your behavior here and on other forums to not take anything you say seriously. And I've discussed you with the guy that you stalked and I know more about you than you think. So your opinion of me doesn't mean that much. I was being nice to you recently because I felt sorry about you because you still felt hung up over that guy and I was being compassionate but to be bit back like this for no reason......I have nothing more to say to you....ever. And I will NEVER tell you what "he" said to me about you either.
Author uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 I have to say I'm in agreement with you Kamille. When I read about her getting so defensive about the Gwen thing I thought to myself, wow, why get so bent out of shape over something so trivial? Maybe he thinks Gwen is gorgeous and was likening you to her because to him, that was a good thing. It seems like he tried hard and you just kept shooting him down. I understand that you didn't feel the attraction, but why not just use the date as practice for future dates instead of just seemingly attacking the guy for something so trivial? I dont know, maybe I'm missing the point here, but it seems to me maybe you're just not ready to date, if a comment about Gwen Stefani threw you over the edge. Personally, I'd take it as a compliment and move on, regardless of whether or not i find her attractive. I highly doubt he was saying it to mean "wow, i find you as unattractive as i find gwen!" I didn't really take it as insulting...because I knew he liked me. I took it as a bit oafish...... I mean the fact that he said "well you have a big nose." Decent guys don't say that....not even jokingly. And yes, I had a nosejob and yes, I'm feeling a bit shaky lately as far as wanting to date so his "big nose" comment didn't help. I appreciate the way you wrote your comments on this btw. You were very polite about it which others have not been.
Author uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 I want Gwen Stefani to have my babies!!!! I mean, I wouldn't tell an Asian woman she looked like Lucy Lu, I can see an insult there due to the model minority and other Asian American stereotypes, but Gwen Stefani? If he mentioned it, he was saying "I think you are pretty, you remind me of this woman who I feel is pretty." He was saying he found you physically attractive. The way I see it, you were ambivalent about this date to begin with. Why make a date if your attitude is going to be "eeek, why am I dating? Why did I accept this?" If that is your attitude, of course the date is going to be meh for you. It sounds like you were ambivalent about the date to begin with, and as soon as you met him your were trying to justify that ambivalence. You were trying to find reasons why this guy was a waste of your time. I see nothing about this date for it to be a negative experience. If you weren't a match, you weren't a match, but why can't you walk away saying "he's not the one for me, but all in all, it was a positive experience." Almost all dates I go on are POSITIVE experiences because I go on them with the attitude...it's fun meeting new people and having conversation, and tonight is going to be enjoyable. I am going to enjoy this experience and look for enjoyable things about this person. You went into this date thinking "EEEK, a date. I don't think I want to go. I'm sure it is going to be disappointing." It's no surprise your dates are disappointing if you prophecize they may not go well and if you take a NEUTRAL evening and spin it so it was a horrible waste of your time. Nope...didn't prophesize it not going well. Actually I look at them positively and hope that they go well. I also don't look at them as hoping to find "the one". I just go hoping to meet someone interesting. Oh and just for the record here.....I don't thin Gwen Stefani is attrative at all. I think of beauty as more along the lines of Jessica Alba or Halle Berry.
oppath Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Nope...didn't prophesize it not going well. Actually I look at them positively and hope that they go well. I also don't look at them as hoping to find "the one". I just go hoping to meet someone interesting. Oh and just for the record here.....I don't thin Gwen Stefani is attrative at all. I think of beauty as more along the lines of Jessica Alba or Halle Berry. I'm calling you out. Reread your first post! Ick...why did I just make a date? I haven't met anyone in what...months? I've had plenty contact me but none I've had enough interest in. Then there were two I had some interest in recently and one disappeared after one email. The second one I've talked to and he wanted to meet me earlier this week and I told him I couldn't but that maybe another time would work. So he called tonight and asked when would be a good time to meet. I said I couldn't tomorrow but maybe Friday but not straight after work or maybe Saturday late afternoon or early evening. He said Saturday wouldn't work so how about Friday. (UGH...why did I say Saturday? Or even Friday for that matter? I think I just made myself look like a loser who has no weekend plans). I hate this whole stupid image thing....you know....how I'm supposed to make them think I have this busy calendar and all..... I DO have a busy calendar, but it doesnt' involve other people so it's pretty flexible and doesn't involve commitments for weekends...which is why I'm available. Then towards the end of the conversation, when we were planning where to meet and stuff, my phone dies...twice. My cell phone signal sucks inside my house lately. I think someone moved a sattelite. So now I'm thinking...what in the **** did I just do? If I go meet this guy and he's not interested, I'm going to end up feeling like **** which I don't need right now. Why am I even on the personals.....? This thread is prefaced on the fact that you weren't expecting this to be enjoyable or go well. Your first words are "ick...why did I just make a date." That is hardly a positive outlook. If you accept a date thinking that way, then the date is going to suck.
Author uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 I'm calling you out. Reread your first post! This thread is prefaced on the fact that you weren't expecting this to be enjoyable or go well. Your first words are "ick...why did I just make a date." That is hardly a positive outlook. If you accept a date thinking that way, then the date is going to suck. Sure Oppath...you win..... I'm not playing this anymore. Look, I tried to end this bickering but you just want to continue it obviously, and I'm not going to be a part of it. I know how I felt. I know what I meant. I know what I'm saying is true. You can argue it all night if you want to but you're going to have to argue it alone. I'm done with this childish bantering.
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